So, yesterday was the second annual trip to Noah's Ark, America's largest water park. It turns out that I continued another tradition: getting massively drunk the night before the trip and then not getting enough sleep.

Last year, my friend Laurie was in town, so me, Ryan and Laurie went out to Paul's Club. I got a little bit wasted and somehow managed to get only two hours of sleep before it was time to leave for Noah's Ark. At the park, I was horribly hung over and incredibly tired. But I still had a good time.

This year, Zachar and Ryan came into town after being gone all summer, so we all congregated in Cristina and Laurence's apartment, and I got incredibly drunk. I got so drunk that I really have no idea how I got home or anything that happened for the last hour or so that I was over there. Man, Laurence is one hell of an enabler.

Anyway, I woke up at some point in the morning, feeling like absolute shit. I knew I had thrown up the night before, but apparently not enough, because I still felt queasy and just plain bad. Kristin and Cole came and picked me up, and I was feeling just horrible. So bad, in fact, that I had to open the car door and throw up at a stop light. And then I had to ask Cole to pull over so I could throw up a few feet later. This is a completely new phenomenon: I had never had to throw up the morning after drinking before. I must have been drunker than I've ever been before, which would mean I was pretty fucking drunk.

Anyway, we all met up at one of the Milio's downtown. I threw up a little bit more, we got some food, and we were on our way. I was in a car with Cole and Kristin, with Cole driving. I was in the backseat, trying my best not to die. I got down to the serious work of trying to catch up on sleep. I was just in the middle of some sort of hangover induced day dream when there was a lot of commotion, cursing, and horn honking. I came to just in time to see that we were almost completely on the shoulder of the road. I looked to our immediate left and saw a semi-truck in the changing lanes into our lane, as if we weren't there. It was literally running us off the road. Apparently, what had happened was that the semi had been following us pretty closely for ten minutes when it decided to pass us. So, there was no way that the driver didn't know we were in that lane. Anyway, as the cab of the truck pulled past Cole's car, the truck started changing lanes. Cole had to slam on the brakes and pull all the way over onto the shoulder in an attempt to avoid being sideswipped by the multi-ton monstrosity. Fucking shit, man.

We all survived our respective drives to the Dells and got to Noah's Ark in one piece. We got our wristbands, and the waterpark fun was on its way. The incident with the truck had a positive effect on me: after that happened, I started feeling a lot better. By the time we got to the park, I was feeling pretty fucking good, in fact.

We immediately rode some of the less-spectacular water slides, opting to get ourselves wet before waiting in massive lines. Our plan all along was to kill some time during the middle portion of the day so that, as the closing of the park drew nearer and the crowds grew thinner, we'd be able to ride the more popular rides without having to wait 3 hours. So we rode some of the older, less-popular rides. We went on the Flash Flood, which actually ended up being one of my favorite rides. That's the one where you're on this sled-type thing that gets hauled this track and then goes down a steep incline, making a huge splash, soaking the people on the overlooking bridge. it was awesome to see the wall of water from the sled.

Anyway, then we had some fun at one of the best places in Noah's Ark - the Adventure River. Oh, yeah. It might just be an endless lazy river, but it's awesome. It's one of the most relaxing things. More importantly, they had these new four-seater tubes this year. I eventually got one all to myself and nearly fell asleep, I was so relaxed.

We decided to leave the lazy river after about an hour and half of being lazy, and went over to some of the nearby slides. Those were pretty fun, although my hangover and nausea were making a bit of a comeback. Still, I pressed on.

We made our way to the other end of the park, to where the Point of no Return is. That's the one where it's just you and an 85 degree incline. First, though, we decided to do the Kowabunga, which is a raft slide with some pretty steep inclines. That's when things got ugly.

As we were waiting in line, a bunch of kids came up behind us. They were all being loud and obnoxious. This is what I thought, so imagine how bad they must have been. Anyway, eventually, some of them cut in front of us and a bunch of other people in line! This is a fucking travesty! Our entire society is based on the line! What was most shocking to me was that no one said anything. They just sort of let it happen. They, like me, were so shocked by the blatant disregard for other people that they couldn't speak. Eventually, I said something to the little punks, the apparent leader of which responded with some sort of garbled slang speach so indecipherable that I have no idea what he said. He definitely cursed at me. This fucking little prick had the gravitas to not only cut in line ahead of a bunch of people, but to then proceed to get angry at someone for having the audacity to disrespect him by calling him on his shit.

After I spoke up, some other people did, too. Mostly a woman with her little kid. The line-cutter responded by screaming at her, threatening her, and cursing at her, right in front of that child and about four other small children. it was one of the most disrespectful, out of line things I've ever seen. This guy refused to listen to reason, or anything else for that matter, and simply insisted that it was his right to cut in line.

The line worked its way to the raft station and no one said anything to these kids, but I swore to myself: there was no way these guys were going to ride. Maybe it's not the most macho thing to do, but I swore I'd rat them out at the top. When they got to the top, I waited for the woman with the child to say something, since she was much more pissed than I was. She seemed to hesitate, so I went ahead and screamed at the lifeguard guys. I was mocked by the fucking kids. But eventually the woman and I got their attention, told them what happened, and the lifeguards told the kids, who were already in the raft, that they had to get off and would not be allowed to ride.

The leader argued, cursed, and insisted that he hadn't cut. The little fucker thought he was so far above authority. It was awesome for him to come to the realization that there was nothing he could do. That he was beaten. He got out of the raft, clearly pissed. He looked right at me and said he'd kick my ass at the bottom of the stairs. Then it happened. Something so shocking that I couldn't even get angry about it for several seconds.

As he was walking towards me, he looked me right in the eyes. And he did something. I didn't even realized it had happened. Then someone said "he spit on him!" Yeah, he had fucking spit on me. It didn't even register in my mind for several seconds. Laurence looked ready to kick his ass, he might have been more angry than me. But the kid ran down the stairs before anyone could stop him. The other kids were also kicked off the ride.

I refused to let being spat on ruin the day, and we got on the ride and went down as if nothing had happened. And it was a good ride. At the bottom, we saw the kid and his friends being surrounded by security guards. I thought about going over and telling them what had happened, but I didn't feel like dwelling on the situation any longer. There was no way they'd be allowed to stay in the park, I thought. I overheard the kid talking to the security guards. He had clearly had years of practice in sweet talking stupid authority figures. He played the respectful victim, done wrong by those accusing him of misbehaving. It was dispicable.

In the end, I guess he wasn't kicked out. But it didn't matter, we didn't see him again and our day still kicked ass.

We did some more rides. I steadfastly refused to ride the Point of no Return. Then we decided it was time to wait for the two biggest and newest rides. The Time Warp and the Black Anaconda.

The wait for Time Warp, new this year, was about 40 minutes. It's a "bowl ride." You go down this steep incline and then into a large, enclosed bowl, where you swirl around for a while and then go down into the end pool. I liked it a lot, but that may not have been the consensus.

Then we got in line for the Black Anaconda, last year's new ride. It's the world's longest water coaster, and universally considered the best ride at the park. And it was awesome, yet again.

Then, sadly, it was time to leave Noah's Ark. That's not necessarily a bad thing, though: everyone was incredibly tired.

We drove back to Madison and finished out the night with the continuation of another tradition: KFC. We each got shit loads of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and potato wedges. And then went home. We were simply too tired to continue.

I got home at around 11, and slept until about 1. It was awesome. Now it's time to face a Sunday afternoon that promises to be both awesome and busy. But I'm up for it.

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 12:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)| Filed under Existential Nonsense , Fun Shit I've Done , General Awesomeness , Hanging Out With My Friends

Oh man. I fucking love seeing those I hate fail. And there's literally nothing I hate more than UPS. Fucking nothing. So, when I heard that their stock price tumbled, I was gleeful. My glee was mitigated somewhat by the fact that they still eared a shitload of money, but, you know, whatever.

So, why do I hate UPS so much? I'll fucking tell you.

It all started when I placed an order on Amazon.com. The fastest delivery option was UPS. Being impatient as I am, I decided to have my order shipped via UPS. A few days later, I come home from school and see that the UPS guy has come and, instead of leaving my package on my doorstep like I requested, has left one of those little notes. Well, that's fine, I thought: I'd rather have to go to the UPS place than risk having my package stolen, anyway. So I get in my car and drive way the fuck out to the UPS place, which is literally about a 20 minute drive from my place in traffic. It's a fucking pain in the ass.

Anyway, I get there and showed the douchebag behind the counter my slip of paper. Now, this guy is all nervous and shifty, almost exactly like the UPS guy from MadTV, only white. So, anyway, I show him the slip and ask for my package. He says that they're closed. "Funny," I think, "the door opened for me, and I swear it's 7 right now and the door says you're open until 8." I tell him they're clearly open. He says that they're only open to make pre-arranged pickups. He asks me if I called ahead. I said something like "No, I have this slip of paper. It has the tracking number. Can you please give me my package?" The guy says something like "Well, if I can find the package just by looking, yes. But I can't do any 'research' on where it is, I can't touch the computers." I was like "what the fuck are you fucking talking about you worthless piece of shit?" That's what I thought, anyway. My face must hav showed some sort of disgusted look, because the guy got all pissy. Anyway, long story short, I got my package, but only after this guy talked about what a hassle it was for him to go back there and find the goddamned thing. I signed and left.

Flash forward a few weeks. I've ordered something from Amazon again. I come home and find one of those goddamned slips on my door. Ok. I take a piece of paper and write on it "Mr. UPS Man, Please leave my package on the doorstep." And I sign the piece of paper. The UPS slips are kind of like big post-it notes. So, when I leave the next morning, I put the first slip back on my door, but also put the note I wrote underneath the slip so the UPS guy could not possibly miss it.

I come back that day and guess what? The UPS guy has stuck a second slip on top of my note! This isn't just blindly following procedure, this is being a downright asshole! So I drive to the fucking UPS place again. I get there, and it's the same guy as before. He asks me if I've called ahead. I say "No, get me my package." The guy makes some huge fuss and the reaches behind him and pulls my package off of a shelf. He asks me to sign. At this point, I'm so fucking angry. So, instead of signing my name, I sign "Fuck you" and leave. God, I hate that guy.

Maybe I was out of line. In fact I definitely was. But, man, the guy was a douche.

Anyway, this happens a few more times. Finally, one time, after the UPS guy tried to deliver my package on Tuesday at 2pm, failed, tried to deliver it on Wednesday at 2pm, failed, and then tried to deliver it on Thursday at 2pm and - surprise - failed, I decided to just have UPS return the thing to Amazon and go buy the thing myself at a local shop. That went off flawlessly. I got my item (a comic book, if you must know) and my money back from Amazon, and I hadn't had to deal with the UPS guy.

Flash foward again. Same thing's going on with the UPS guy, so I again decide to just go buy it myself and not deal with the hassle. I come home one day, pretty late, and I'm wearing a suit. A full-out suit. Anyway. I'm lounging around my apartment when there's a knock on my door. I look through the peephole. It's the UPS guy. He's got a package. I know what's in the package. It's a duplicate of something I now already own. If I take the package, I'll just have to deal with UPS again in order to have the thing returned. More likely, though, I'll forget about it, be lazy, and find myself with two of the same comic books for no good reason. So I turned off my lights and pretended I wasn't home. This was a stupid strategy because the UPS guy would clearly have seen that my lights were on as he approached my apartment.

So he knows I'm home, but I refuse to answer. I watch through the peephole as he gets more and more angry and frustrated. He's out there for, literally, ten minutes, pounding on my door. I don't budge. Finally, he leaves. I watch through my sliding glass door (while hiding in the shadows of my apartment) and see him walk down the path to my door and climb into his truck. And wait. He sits there for a few seconds, he looks through the sliding glass door. I know he saw me. But I don't budge. Finally, he moves to get into the driver's seat, and I think the ordeal is over.

But then my land lady walks up, and I see them start talking. I see him hand her the package, and I see her sign for it. I see my landlord walk up my path. She knocks on my door. I have no option. I have to open it. I turn on the lights (the UPS guy is still out front) and open the door, wearing a full suit with perfectly (for me) combed hair. She hands me the package and says the UPS guy said he was out there knocking for ten minutes. "Oh, really?" I say, "I was . . . asleep . . . so that's probably why I didn't answer the door. . . ."

So, basically, UPS is responsible for putting me in one of the stupidest, most Seinfeld-ian positions of my life. And that's why I hate them.

On another note:
Exxon reported the second highest quarterly profit of any business in the history of civilization today. The all-time record is held by . . . Exxon! It reported the all-time highest profit last quarter.

Let me see if I understand this. I was under the impression that I was paying $3.25 a gallon at the pump because the price of crude oil was at record highs, meaning that the oil companies had to increase the price of the product to compensate for the increased cost of raw materials. But what's really going on is that, not only are they compensating for the increased cost of materials, they're fucking me up the ass, too? On purpose? And then shoving their record profits in my face? It's time for a motherfucking oil boycott. I'm fucking serious!

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 9:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)| Filed under Funny Shit , Rants About Things That Make Me Irrationally Angry , Rants on the News , Reviews

You scored as Average. You are an Average in the sexual arena. In better words: Bland. You are like a robot and follow the norm in moral standards. Count yourself lucky if you have sex at all. Lubricate those joints and get out there and live a little, try new stuff. Very Kinky 70% Average 70% A WUSS !! 40% A Sicko 10% How sexual are you created with QuizFarm.com

How the fuck is it that I'm insultingly boring, but my runner up is "Very Kinky." What the fuck is that? Somehow, I'm so fucking boring that I'm a fucking robot, but I'm this close to being ridiculously kinky? There's a problem with this fucking test.

And by the way, I got this thing from oysters and beer.

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 12:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)| Filed under Funny Shit , Quiz Things

Alright. Whatever Michael Jackson may or may not have done later in his life, his music (at least his music from his time with the Jackson 5 up to and including Dangerous kicks ass).

Ever since Cole, Kristin and I watched Clerks II (which was funny and did not ruin the View Askewniverse), I've had ABC by the Jackson 5 stuck in my head. It's a fucking awesome song. I downloaded it from iTunes the other day and have been listening it almost non-stop. It's a great mix of funky R&B-type stuff and pure, unadulterated 70s pop.

Having started listening to that song, I went on iTunes and realized that Michael Jackson has a bunch of great songs. Among them:

1. Smooth Criminal. I've said this before: it was my idea to do a rock-style cover of that song way before those ass clowns Alien Ant Farm came along. Fuck them in their alien asses. And my version would have kicked ass, rather than sucked donkey cock like theirs did.


2. Beat It. Man, this is an awesome song. That guitar solo from Eddie Van Halen rocks. While I don't usually enjoy Mr. Van Halen's work, some hard-core guitar wankery every now and then is just fine by me. And, of course, Michael's kick-ass vocals. And who's thought of a better lyric than "show them hot funky?" I don't know if that's what he actually says, but who cares?


3. Thriller. This song is fucking incomparable. And it's got motherfuckin' Vincent Price! No more need be said.


4. Bad. Not my favorite, but still good.


5. DIrty Diana. Yeah, not one of the more popular ones. But I still think it's fucking awesome.


6. Man in the Mirror. It may be sappy, but it's also fucking great! And true - Maybe I should start with the man in the mirror. . . Nah, fuck it.


7. Black or White. Who doesn't want racial harmony? And what better way to do it than to go from being black to white, and then writing a song about how it doesn't matter? And then having a video including a panther, cars getting smashed, and McCaulay Culkin? Yeah, this song rocks, even if it's just on the cusp of MJ's descent into complete and total badness.

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 8:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)| Filed under Movie Reviews , Music Reviews

One time, in college, my friend Frank tried to make some sort of gang symbol with his hands. It was a huge failure. So, I took a shot, and thus was born the International Douchebag Symbol.

Let's say you're sitting around at a bar, surrounded by your best friends, when, all of a sudden, you see a giant douchebag walk past. You want to point the douchebag out to your friends, but you can't say "douchebag" because the the guy would hear you and get hurt and shit. Or let's say you're at a bar with your female friend, and she's getting hit on by someone she loathes. But you don't know that, so how can you know to intervene?

The fact of the matter is that there are a million different situations in which a secret way to alert those in the know that there are douchebags afoot. But how can you do that, without letting on to the douchebags that you are on to their douchebaggery?

The International Douchebag Symbol is your answer!

When I first invented the IDS, I was committed to spreading it across the country and, eventually, the world. But, somehow, when I started this blog, I completely forgot about it. Not anymore! A conversation at a bar tonight, sparked by the immediately preceding post, brought to the fore my continuing need to spread the International Douchebag Symbol. Here, now, for your enjoyment, the IDS:

First, take your right hand and make a classic gun shame with it, with two fingers comprising the barrel of the gun and the other two fingers touching your palm, with your thum at a right angle to the barrel of your gun, as in this picture:

Next, take your left hand and spread the fingers out naturally, again with your thumbs at a right angle to your fingers, as in this picture:

Then, interlock the two hands with the webbing between your thumbs touching and the left hand on top, as in this picture:

Voila! The International Douchebag Symbol. Tell your friends!

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 2:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)| Filed under Funny Shit , General Awesomeness

Ok, so "fuck" is the best curse word. No surprises. Let's move on.

Ok, first, consider this picture (which I got from the cool and funny blog Confessions of a Litigious Mind):

Now, if you're anything like me, you're thinking "Holy motherfucking shit! There are a lot of douchebags in that picture!" I know, I was blown away by it at first, too. But here's the thing. Using the picture below to identify each specific douchebag, vote on which one you think is the biggest. I know -- it's hard to pick just one, but I have faith in you!

And, PJ, my sincere apologies if any of your relatives are in the picture.

For your further consideration: Kristin informed me (see the comments) that this photo actually sparked one of those crazy internet-wide fads, like the Star Wars Kid. So, I guess that one of the douchebags in the picture (#4) is called Lee Hotti and, as Kristin links, there is a webpage dedicated to him. There, you can find additional pictures of him and his douchebag comrades. This is just amazing! Observing douchebags in their own environment. Now I understand why Jane Goodall spent so much time with the fucking chimpanzees - to get the fuck away from these guys.

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 9:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)| Filed under Funny Shit , Polls

I have a very specific memory of the last day of third grade. I was walking, by myself, across the playground away from the school, about to start my walk home. Everyone was all excited about the impending summer. I was, too, frankly, but I was also not excited. School was the only place I could really see my friends, the few of them I had. Summer relegated me to spending time with the kids from my neighborhood who, frankly, were a bunch of tools and idiots. I really, really didn't like them. They were destructive and mean. But who the hell else did I have to hang out with? No one, that's who.

This summer's been pretty fucking awesome, I must say. And now I'm facing the shocking reality that there are only 7 more weeks left before school starts up again. This is my last summer, really. This is the last time that I'll be able to look at summer as a break from anything. After this summer, summer won't be really special - it'll be business as usual. Man, that's a mind-numbing thought.

The point is, though, that it's winding up. There are things to look forward to (the impending return of my missing friends, Law Review, Friday night poker, graduation) but there are also things to be sad about (no more summers, the fact that I'm finally, really, truly on the threshhold of being an adult (although I'm not sure that's really a bad thing)).

Mostly, though, I'm starting to seriously wonder about where I'll be a year from now. And, more importantly, where and with who.

When I came to law school, I literally knew no one in Wisconsin, but it didn't matter because I was about to be thrust into a highly stressful environment with 300 people who, for the most part, felt the same way. So, friends were easy to make. Not to mention that I'm a generally awesome person.

But I wonder if it'll be as easy once I'm not in school. I've heard people talk about this. It's not as easy to meet people once you're just working. Where do you meet people, other than work? And what if you don't get along with them?

But all that stuff is on the horizon. Right now, I've got lots of awesome shit to do, most importantly hanging out with my friends, grilling, and seeing my family. And I've got a birthday coming up, too.

Oh man, do I love summer.

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 9:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)| Filed under Existential Nonsense

So, lately, I've been going through phases where i"m irrationally attached to a song for a few days/weeks at a time. Just ask anyone who had to drive around with me during the few weeks when I couldn't listen to any song other than Alice in Chains' "Rain When I Die." I burned a CD with just that song on it. It was awesome.

Then, I went through a brief "River Euphrates" period. That was a rather short period, though.

Now, I've moved on to two other songs. The first is "Born in the U.S.A." by Bruce Springsteen. Listen, that song kicks ass. I don't know why, but it had never really appealed to me before. But now I can't stop listening to it.

The second is "Superstition" by Stevie Wonder. That, also, is an awesome fucking song.

If things follow their usual course, I should be totally burned out on these songs by sometime in the middle of next week. Then the process will start all over again with another kick-ass song.

One problem I'm having, though, is that I haven't made a significant addition to my music collection in some time. I don't have enough time to scour through the crap that's out there to find some non-crap. It's literally been months since I found an awesome band I hadn't previously heard of. That band was the Arcade Fire. Now, I'm desperate for something new. Any suggestions?

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 12:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)| Filed under Music Reviews

So, I woke up this morning after not getting nearly enough sleep last night. I needed something on the order of 14 or so hours and got only 7. Oh well. I immediately had the feeling that it was going to be a shitty day. I took a shower, put my suit on, headed out the door. GodDAMN, it was humid today. Not super-hot, just humid. And this is at, like, 8:45am. So god knows where it's going to go from there.

I got in my car and drove to work. I love my job, but dreaded it today for some reason. Mondays, man. I got there, and realized I had some work to finish up from Friday. I got right on that, got a few new assignments, took care of them and - next thing you know - it's lunch time. I once again braved the humidity, this time with added 90-degree heat, to go across the street to get some food. I got a sandwhich, which was extremely satisfying.

Then I came back to the office, did some more work, and the day was over.

All in all, it was an awesome day, not a horrible one. Except for that fucking heat/humidity combination. Being from the Southern Arizona desert, heat isn't something that scares me. What scares me is this humidity shit, with which I have no prior experience.

So, Monday's over, but the rest of the week still looms, unfortunately.

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 6:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)| Filed under Existential Nonsense

So, the President got really fired up about a fucking pig roast in Germany. How fired up? So fired up that even when a reporter politely implied that he should shut the fuck up about the goddamned pig, George Bush responded that he hadn't yet seen the pig, but would be happy to talk about the pig the next day.

I'm all for talking about food. Especially exciting, awesome food like a whole roast pig. But when you're the leader of the free world and you're getting asked questions about Hezbollah, Israel, and a growing conflict where thousands of innocent lives are at stake, don't you think, maybe, you could keep the mood somber?

There are some times, I'll admit, whe breaking the ice with a joke is great. But the fact of the matter is that if I'm in a group of friends, and one friend has just learned a loved one has died, I'm not likely to crack a joke. Moreover, I wonder how many jokes were told in the White House say, during the Bay of Pigs, or after Pearl Harbor. Maybe the events in the Middle East aren't so end-of-the-world-ish, but the fact of the matter is that they're serious, people are dying, and it's escalating.

Listen up, Georgie Boy, as a diplomat, you should know when this kind of shit is appropriate and when it's not. And you were so fucking out of touch this time that you embarrassed your whole country. Thanks a lot!

Update!: I was trolling around the internet, as I an wont to do, and I found this. It's an even better example of what an idiot this guy is. My god.

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 11:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)| Filed under Funny Shit , Political Rants , Rants on the News

You know, for all the talk about how the will of the American people is what steers this country, that's not a realistic portrayal of how the Founders wanted things to be run. For example, Senators were originally appointed by state legislatures rather than elected directly by the people. When you vote for president, of course, you're not voting directly for the president but, rather, for electors who then go and cast their votes for president. And the members of the Supreme Court are appointed, not elected. This means that, according to the way this country was set up at its inception, only one federal governmental body - the House of Representatives - was elected directly. The Seventeenth Amendment changed this and added the Senate. But that still means that only one branch of the government is removed from the people by only one step. The other two have increased layers of isulation.

Personally, I think this is a good compromise. The only debatable part, I think, is the electoral college, and that's only because of Fourteenth Amendment one-man-one-vote stuff. But,ost you know, you've gotta compromise when you're writing a constitution. But, of course, the Supreme Court should be accountable to nothing other than the Constitution. Those nine men and women should make decisions based on their honest interpretations of the Constitution and the law, not on what will ensure reelection. In reality, of course, the Justices make decisions based on their own idealogies, but that's ok. The Constitution is a "living document," after all. And the voice of the people is still heard in the Supreme Court, it's just not as direct: the president picks the candidate and then the Senate confirms the candidate. The votes you cast at the ballot box still have an effect, just a more attenuated one.

So why am I rehashing stuff we all learned in 4th grade civics? Just because I'm sick and tired of hearing about "activist judges." Listen up, man. The Supreme Court, along with the rest of the fucking courts, are not supposed to whatever the fuck it is that the people want them to do. Oh, sure, sometimes what the courts should do matches up with what the people want. Maybe even most of the time. But not all of the time.

The courts are flawed and undoubtedly give in to pressures. Sometimes courts overstep their bounds. And, as I've already acknowledged, judges decide based on idealogies probably more often than they should. But this post isn't about the courts - it's about the idiots out there who forget that, ideally, the courts would do the thing the law demands and not the popular thing.

The fact of the matter is that the people, through their representatives and directly, can do some pretty stupid shit. Look at how many states overwhelmingly passed the anti-gay marriage amendments. I don't know if I've made my stance on this clear before: prohibiting two people from getting married just because they're the same sex is aggresively stupid and wrong - not to mention discriminatory. Plus, what the fuck is the government, an entity that is prohibited from establishing religion, doing protecting the sanctity of anything? But I digress . . .

The anti-gay marriage stuff is just the most recent example. Poll taxes, Jim Crow laws, segregation - all terrible, discriminatory abuses of power, were directly attributable to the will of the people. Ultimately, it was the courts that started the process that got rid of these racist institutions (although it took them way too long to do it).

So that's why I hate it when people like George W. Bush, James Dobson, and Bill O'Reilly, talk about how the activist judges are circumventing the will of the people.

I'm sorry, man, but sometimes the will of the people should be circumvented.

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 9:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)| Filed under Legal Rants , Political Rants , Rants on the News

I've changed the poll. The new poll asks what your favorite curse word is. You will have to discern what the options are yourself. To sum up the results from the previous poll, "What's Your Favorite 80's Movie?,":

Tied for last were Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, Masters of the Universe (the He-Man movie), and Rocky III, each of which, deservedly, got no votes.

Second to last was a tie between one of those goddamned Molly Ringwald movies and, surprisingly, The Blues Brothers, each with just under 11%. I'm really surprised Blues Brothers did so poorly - it's one of my all-time favorites.

Next up, with 13.5% of the votes, The Empire Strikes Back. Frankly, I was again surprised at how this movie did. I suspected it would rank slightly higher.

Tied for second were two movies that kicked off awesome trilogies: Back to the Future and Raiders of the Lost Ark, each with just under 19% of the votes. Both awesome movies and awesome trilogies, although I have to say I prefer Back to the Future.

And, finally, the undisputed king of 80s movies? Ferris Beuler's Day Off! A movie which, by the way, I still have never seen. I'll have to get on that, apparently.

I've made two more additions/changes to the blog. The first is that I've added what's called a "favicon." If you look i your IE or Firefox address bar (or the tab for this blog in FIrefox), you'll see a very small version of my profile picture. I think that's pretty cool. It should show up in your favorites, too.

The other change was prompted by several comments I got in response to the previous poll. A few people were upset that I didn't list a specific Molly Ringwald movie, such as Breakfast Club or some such shit. So, taking an idea from Chrystal, I've added a tag board. Anyone can write in it and on any topic, but it's mainly there to provide a place to discuss the poll and argue about which poll option is the best. Like I said, though, please feel free to write about anything.

To write on it, just click on "Write Something . . ." and the rest is self-explanatory.

Alright, enjoy everyone. I promise a substantive post soon!

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 1:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)| Filed under General Remarks

Alright, everyone! I've updated my profile. By "updated," I, of course, mean "created." It still needs more work, which I'll get to. But, for the time being, that's what it is. Check it out.

Also, I've placed a link to the Living on a Prayer song in the sidebar so that you can download it whenver. Please don't forget to listen and tell me what you think. The file that's available for download now is slightly different: I removed the harmony vocals and took out the long silence at the end.

Further, there are still a few quotes that need to be identified in the music quiz. Take a stab at it!

I'll write more tomorrow.

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 11:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)| Filed under Existential Nonsense , General Remarks

Alright, this is (finally) the second of the two "big" projects I've been promising you, the first being the Big Move.

Ladies and gentlement, it is with great enthusiasm that I am proud to unveil the latest work by The Lovers of Sight and Sound (i.e., me). I hope you'll recognize it.

Download the .mp3 (8.5mb) here. (Right click and select "Save Target As" or equivalent.) Let me know what you think.

For some reason, there's a lot of silence at the end. I'll fix it and upload a new version without that silence, but I don't have time to do that right now.

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 8:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)| Filed under Fun Shit I've Done , General Awesomeness

Update: There are still 6 remaining quotes to be identified. Come on, guys, you can do better than that!

So, I don't have much to actually write about today. Still, I liked that last quiz, so I'm putting up another one, although this one is about music. I'm stealing it from LawNut.

Bascally, these are lyrics from each of my top 25 played songs in iTunes. See if you can identify each.

1. "I can't believe it's true that there are roads left in both of our shoes. And if the silence takes you, well, I hope it takes me, too."
Nidhi! Yay. "Soul Meets Body" by Death Cab for Cutie.

2. "Must be a devil between us, or whores in my head, whores at the door, whore in my bed."
Chrystal correctly identified this as being "Hey" by The Pixies.

3. "Dead Sea make you float. One sip from that salty wine, Dead Sea make you choke."
Kristin is correct. This is "River Euphrates" by the Pixies.

4. "You're so pretty when you're unfaithful to me."
Ryan steps up to the plate, and he's correct. This is "Bone Machine" by the Pixies.

5. "Sleeping is giving in, no matter what the time is. Sleeping is giving in, so lift those heavy eyelids."

6. "On the night you left you came over, and we peeled the freckles from our shoulders."
Maggie's correct: this is "Summer Skin" by Death Cab for Cutie.

7. "Another head aches, another heart breaks, I am so much older than I can take."
tRJ was correct: This is "All These Things That I've Done" by the Killers.

8. "Wherever I meet with a deck of cards I lay my money down."
Chrystal was correct about this one: it's "Roving Gambler" by Simon and Garfunkel.

9. "Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole, just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound."
dicta and cella both correctly identify this as "Marching Bands of Mahattan" by Death Cab for Cutie.

10. "Sleeping on your belly, you break my arms, you spoon my eyes. Been rubbing a bad charm with holy fingers."

11. "I was swimming in the Caribbean. Animals were hiding behind the rocks."
Out of left field, L-Dawg and X-Tina identify this as "Where is My Mind" by the Pixies.

12. "And I must say, I was stupid. Selfishly, she consumed me."

13. "Oh, the great almighty dollar leaves you lonely, lost and hollow. You can't fool yourself forever, you've got to work to get to heaven."
Again demonstrating their prowess, L-Dawg and X-Tina correctly identify this as "Stairway to Heaven." They didn't identify the artist of this version - Dolly Parton - but I know they knew it, so they still get credit.

14. "Shut my mouth and strike the demons, cursed you and your reasons."
Santi, you didn't let me down. This is "Mayonaise" by The Smashing Pumpkins.

15. "Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives and I decline."
tRJ strikes again. This is "It's the End of the World as we Know it (And I Feel Fine)" by R.E.M.

16. "You ask me to enter, but then you make me crawl." (not the original version, by the way)
tRJ correctly identifies the song as "One." The artist who did the version of the song on my top 25, by the way, is Johnny Cash. Mary J. Blige? That's not good for anything . . . .

17. "This human form, where I was born, I now repent."

18. "My angel wings were bruised and restrained."
tRJ, leave some for everyone else! (ok, that was lame. sorry). Anyway, you were correct. This is "Today" by The Smashing Pumpkins.

19. "Catch a boat to England, baby, maybe to Spain."

20. "Freak out, give in, doesn't matter what you believe in."
Chrystal was incorrect about this one.
tRJ scores another one! This is "Cherub Rock" by The Smashing Pumpkins.

21. "Chased the charmed, but I don't want them anymore."
tRJ again. "Hummer" by The Smashing Pumpkins.

22. "I'm a riddle so strong, you can't break me."
tRJ's on a roll: "Rain When I Die" by Alice in Chains.

23. "Studyin' about that good ol' way and who shall wear the starry crown, good Lord, show me the way."
tRJ hits it out of the park! "Down in the River to Pray" by Allison Krauss.

24. "Hey, your old man should know, if you see a shadow, there's something there."
Ryan again: "Une Annee Sans Lumiere" by the Arcade Fire. I still hate the French, though.

25. "Freude, schoner gotterfunken, tochter aus Elysium, wir betreten feuertrunken himmlische, dein heiligtum."

Well, there you go. I think some of you might be surprised to see what songs are on my top 25 played list. Although, number 24 on this list is actually my 25th most-played song because number 24 was "Flim" by Aphex Twin, which has no lyrics.

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 1:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)| Filed under Quiz Things

The Rules:
A. Pick 11 of your favorite movies.
B. Then pick one of your favorite quotes from each movie.
C. Post the quotes on your blog.
D. Have commenters guess what the movie is.
E. Place the guesser's user ame directly after the quote.
F. Extra points for knowing the actor and/or character's name.

The quotes:
1. "I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the flame of Anor. Go back to the shadow. The dark fire will not avail you, flame of Udun! You shall not pass!"
Santi correctly identified this as being said by Gandalf (Ian McKellan) in The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring.

2. "Obviously, you are not a golfer."
Anonymous correctly identified this as being from The Big Lebowski, although he failed to state that it was said by The Dude (Jeff Bridges).

3. "Look what God just did to us!"
Kristin steps up and identifies the final quote: Dr. Gonzo (Benicio del Toro) in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Nice.

4. "But why is the rum gone?"
As I was updating, Mr. Vice correctly identified this one: Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) from Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl.

5. "I can teach you to fight with the Green Destiny, but first you must learn to hold it in stillness."
Anonymous correctly identified this one as being from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, but didn't state that it was said by Li Mu Bai (Chow Yun Fat).

6. "Of course it's dark. It's a suicide note."
Anonymous correctly identified this as being from The Royal Tenenbaums, although he didn't mention that it was spoken by Richie Tenenbaum (Luke Wilson).

7. "Take car. Go to mum's. Kill Phil - "Sorry." - grab Liz, go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all of this to blow over. How's that for a slice of fried gold?"
Anonymous correctly identified this as being from Shaun of the Dead, although he didn't identify the character: Shaun (Simon Pegg).

8. "It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses."
Anonymous is correct again, this is from the Blues Brothers. It's said by Elwood Blues (Dan Aykroyd) and the response from Jake Blues is "Hit it."

9. "Never underestimate the power of denial."
Anonymous guessed, but he was off the mark. I will say that this is not from a Kevin Smith movie.
Santi correctly identified this as being said by Ricky (Wes Bentley) in American Beauty. I'm surprised you didn't get it sooner, Santi - we saw that movie together!

10. "Who's scruffy-looking?"
Santi correctly identified this as being said by Han Solo (Harrison Ford) in The Empire Strikes Back.

11. "There is fate, but it only takes you so far, because once you're there its up to you to make it happen." Chrystal was correct, this is from Can't Hardly Wait, spoken by the Angel (Jenna Elfman).

I've tried to come up with a nice mix of sci-fi/fantasy and more mainstream quotes/movies. Also, I think most of these are pretty easy, but some might be a little tougher. I'm also disappointed that I couldn't come up with more of these quotes off the top of my head. Anyway, enjoy.

Update: Way to go Anonymous. Santi also has had a respectable showing. Still, there are three more that need to be identified. Let's see who can get them. I think at least one of them is pretty easy.

Update again: Alright, Vice scooped up what I thought was the final easy one. Who can get the final two? 4 and 9 still need to be identified.

Final update: Finally, every single one of the quotes has been correctly identified. Very nicely done, everone!

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 11:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)| Filed under Quiz Things

For as long as I've had good friends, Frank has been one of the best. Frank and I met when we were in middle school, but we didn't become friends until high school. When we graduated from high school, we went on to NAU together. Although many of my friends from Nogales went to NAU, Frank was one of the few that I kept consistently in touch with, and was one of only two that I got closer to (the other being Chris). Over the four years we spent at NAU together, Frank and I became part of a close-knit group of friends that, I discovered this weekend, endures to this day. When Frank graduated from NAU after four years and went to Michigan, I stayed at NAU because I was a slacker and it took me 5 years to graduate. That was the first time in eight years that Frank and I hadn't gone to the same school. It just wasn't the same, and Frank was missed by everyone.

But things must change, of course. And change they did. Although the essence of Frank remains the same (he's still the same incorrigible, fun-loving Frank he always was), he's grown and matured. And, of course, he's found a girl he loves and who loves him.

So it was with great respect and honor that I stood with Frank, PJ and Santi on Saturday as Frank and Anne exchanged their vows.

Frank had been justifiably nervous for a few days. It didn't help that PJ, Karen, Chris, Roxanna and I were a little late in getting to the hotel before the rehearsal dinner on Friday. Still, it was fun to watch Frank squirm. In the end, the rehearsal dinner went off well.

The next morning, we woke up at about 11 in order to have enough time to get ready for the 3 o'clock wedding. By this time, more and more people from Flagstaff and Nogales were afoot. Santi and his wife Adelina. Evil Evy. Mark. All good people.

We got to the church a few minutes late, but things went ok. Soon enough, the music was playing and Anne was walking down the aisle. I'll spare you the details of the wedding, other than to say it was a beautiful service.

PJ's one goofy bastard.

Groomsmen at attention.

Evy after the ceremony.

Then, we boarded our limos and were driven to the mansion where the reception would take place. The mansion was gorgeous. The wedding party (consisting of PJ, Santi, Frank's two sisters, the maid of honor and myself (plus the bride and groom, of course)), were whisked away to a part of the grounds that were secluded from everything else and many, many, many wedding photos were taken. We all talked and laughed and generally had a good time, although PJ was getting thirsty and hungry.

Right sexy bastards.

Eventually, we were lead back to the mansion, to the second floor. From there, we were announced and descended the stairs. After the bride and groom shared their first dance, we were all free to mingle at will.

It was the first time in at least three years that I was surrounded by so many Flagstaff people.

From right to left: Me, PJ, Karen, Hannis, Roxanna, Chris, Frank, Mark, Dee, Mike.

Just an awesome picture of PJ and Karen.

It really was an awesome reunion, and it was great to see everyone again. But there weren't just Flagstaff folks; Nogales was represented, as well. The most notable Nogales people were Santi and Adelina and Evy. It really was an awesome coming together of every previous stage of my life.

From right to left: Evy, me, Anne, Frank, Adelina, Santi.

The meal, too, was great. The best wedding meal I've had, hands down. It consisted of four courses, the main course being filet mignon and lobster tail. Now, that's how you make wedding guests happy.

After dinner, there was a lot of dancing. Notable moments include the electric slide, Adelina single-handedly attempting to lead some line-dancing, several conga lines, and Chris and Frank sharing one last man-on-man grind.

One last grind for old times' sake.

Frank and I.

Frank and PJ.

The reception went on until 11. After that, a bunch of us (including several members of Frank's family) headed to Mark's suite, where we exchanged some of our favorite Frank stories and had a generally awesome time. People started to go to bed, and Roxanna made a particularly memorable exit.

Best. Drunk person. Ever.

Eventually, everyone went to bed except for PJ, Mark, Evy and I. We stayed up for a very, very long time discussing pretty much everything, and, unfortunately, finding solutions to nothing.

Still, the conversations were amazingly stimulating and thought-provoking.

The weekend was awesome, and it reminded me of something that I shouldn't have forgotten: even though I don't see these people every day, or even talk to them every week, they are still some of my best friends because they know me better than pretty much anyone. They were there for years, through all the good shit and through all of the bad shit. It was an awesome feeling to see everyone!

And, Frank, just remember: The Force will be with you. Always.

Stay tuned: pictures will be uploaded soon!

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 10:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)| Filed under Existential Nonsense , Hanging Out With My Friends

It seems that everyone I know is part of a couple. I just spent the night being a fifth wheel to two very awesome couples. This after spending the weekend being a fifth wheel to two other very awesome couples. And, of course, attending the wedding of one of my very best friends. Not fun, man. Not fun.

For years, for as far back as I can remember, my only real unfulfilled desire has been evidenced by the complete and utter lack of a significant other. And this feeling has never been more pronounced than this Fourth of July weekend.

But it's also been a while since I've had such a good weekend - not since Memorial Day. What does that say? I don't know. I guess that I'm alright, despire the lack of a girlfriend. And I've never realized how many friends I have scattered across the country. I'm reminded of a quote from The Simpsons. I'll paraphrase: "I know I have a lot of money, Smithers, but I'd trade it all for a little bit more."

Maybe I'm just selfish. But it's hard to remember that when I'm surrounded by friends I haven't seen in years or friends I see every day and I can still only think about what I'm missing.

More on the wedding tomorrow.

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 2:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)| Filed under Existential Nonsense , Life Sucks Sometimes