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I Don't Like This Trend . . .

August 6, 2006 9:46 PM

lright. Up until last weekend, I had gone my whole life - roughly 24 11/12 years - without getting spat upon a single time. Now, in the course of about a week, I've been spat on twice. What the fuck is going on here?

The most recent one happened Friday night. I had been out with some people, but decided that I was tired and I wanted to go home. We were up on the square, but my car was parked at the State Street ramp, so I had to walk around the square and down State Street. No big deal. It was a really nice walk, actually.

Then, I ran into Rachel, who, I swear, has been dead for the whole summer. Anyway, there she was, and she was on her way to the CIty, so I decided to join her.

So, we were there with a bunch of people, none of which I knew very well. I was just standing around, spacing out. Then, all of a sudden, I feel someone pushing me from behind. So I resist because, fuck you, you're not going to just push me aside - not when I'm standing here minding my own business. But this person keeps pushing and pushing. I turn around and realize that this girl is trying to push her way between me and the couch I'm leaning on. That's sort of a stupid way to get where you're going, I thought.

So, I said to her "Hey, have you ever heard of saying 'excuse me'?" I meant to say it in a sorta joking kind of a way. Well, she evidently did not take it that way, because she said "I said excuse me, you fat fuck!" Now, I admit, I am overweight. But, seriously, where does this girl get off. So I said something back to her. Granted, it was not polite. Or mature. I admit that, and I apologize.

She responded in kind, again calling me a fat fuck. I sorta got pissed off and told her that it's conceivable that I could lose weight but that, unfortunately for her, intelligence is more of a "you're stuck with what you've got" sort of a thing and she clearly did not win that raffle. Then we traded some more unkind words.

Then she said "Oh yeah?" and paused. I thought she was going to hit me. But, no. Instead, she spat on me - right in my face. I had no idea what to fucking do. I sort of stood there staring at her. Clearly insulting her wasn't going to accomplish anything. If this had been a guy, I would have had one choice: fight. But it was a girl, and I wouldn't in a million years hit a girl under any circumstances. So I just took off my glasses and walked away.

I was beaten, I had to admit.

Later, one of the 1Ls who I had been a small-group leader for showed up, and we got to talking. After a while, I started talking to someone else and the 1L got lost in the bar. Then, I felt someone grab my arm from behind, and when I looked around, there was the girl who spat on me standing with the 1L. She was like "He told me you're cool. I was out of line. And I spat on you. Sorry." I had no idea how to respond. On the one hand, I hadn't been particularly cool, either. On the other hand, she spat on me. I decided just to let it go, apologize for what I had said, clinked with the girl, and went on drinking my beer.

Man. I don't even know what to say in terms of a conclusion. Just some wacky, wild shit.



10 Comments


jbob said:

I'm sensing a trend. Do all the new law review members get one free spit on you or must we resort to more civilized methods of argument?

August 7, 2006 8:40 AM



Utah said:

I actually think there was a viable solution: You could have gone outside, gotten in your truck, and done a roostertail on her face.

August 7, 2006 8:51 AM



Ismael Tapia II said:

Congratulations on Law Review, jbob. You do not, however, get to spit on my face. I swear, non-Law Review consequences would follow.

And, Mr. Utah, I'm almost afraid to ask - but what's a roostertail?

August 7, 2006 8:54 AM



Vice said:

Also, a nice stern headbutt to the ovaries would have done the trick.

August 7, 2006 9:46 AM



Utah said:

I thought I had already explained the art of the roostertail when we were discussing ninjas.

Roostertail (Roo-ster-tale):

The act of getting in one's truck and spinning your wheels on the face of your enemy in such manner that blood flies in a pattern mimicking the tail of a rooster.

See also: "Chuck Norris in Chevy"

August 7, 2006 8:30 PM



Rachel said:

Who the fuck did this, and let her know she is BLACKLISTED from the MBE campaign...I am OUTRAGED!!!!!

August 9, 2006 1:36 AM



Ismael Tapia II said:

She's not a law student. She's a hairdresser, apparently.

August 9, 2006 8:33 AM



Chasmine said:

A mniute saved is a minute earned, and this saved hours!

July 10, 2011 2:00 PM









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