I Don't Like This Trend . . .

August 6, 2006 9:46 PM

lright. Up until last weekend, I had gone my whole life - roughly 24 11/12 years - without getting spat upon a single time. Now, in the course of about a week, I've been spat on twice. What the fuck is going on here?

The most recent one happened Friday night. I had been out with some people, but decided that I was tired and I wanted to go home. We were up on the square, but my car was parked at the State Street ramp, so I had to walk around the square and down State Street. No big deal. It was a really nice walk, actually.

Then, I ran into Rachel, who, I swear, has been dead for the whole summer. Anyway, there she was, and she was on her way to the CIty, so I decided to join her.

So, we were there with a bunch of people, none of which I knew very well. I was just standing around, spacing out. Then, all of a sudden, I feel someone pushing me from behind. So I resist because, fuck you, you're not going to just push me aside - not when I'm standing here minding my own business. But this person keeps pushing and pushing. I turn around and realize that this girl is trying to push her way between me and the couch I'm leaning on. That's sort of a stupid way to get where you're going, I thought.

So, I said to her "Hey, have you ever heard of saying 'excuse me'?" I meant to say it in a sorta joking kind of a way. Well, she evidently did not take it that way, because she said "I said excuse me, you fat fuck!" Now, I admit, I am overweight. But, seriously, where does this girl get off. So I said something back to her. Granted, it was not polite. Or mature. I admit that, and I apologize.

She responded in kind, again calling me a fat fuck. I sorta got pissed off and told her that it's conceivable that I could lose weight but that, unfortunately for her, intelligence is more of a "you're stuck with what you've got" sort of a thing and she clearly did not win that raffle. Then we traded some more unkind words.

Then she said "Oh yeah?" and paused. I thought she was going to hit me. But, no. Instead, she spat on me - right in my face. I had no idea what to fucking do. I sort of stood there staring at her. Clearly insulting her wasn't going to accomplish anything. If this had been a guy, I would have had one choice: fight. But it was a girl, and I wouldn't in a million years hit a girl under any circumstances. So I just took off my glasses and walked away.

I was beaten, I had to admit.

Later, one of the 1Ls who I had been a small-group leader for showed up, and we got to talking. After a while, I started talking to someone else and the 1L got lost in the bar. Then, I felt someone grab my arm from behind, and when I looked around, there was the girl who spat on me standing with the 1L. She was like "He told me you're cool. I was out of line. And I spat on you. Sorry." I had no idea how to respond. On the one hand, I hadn't been particularly cool, either. On the other hand, she spat on me. I decided just to let it go, apologize for what I had said, clinked with the girl, and went on drinking my beer.

Man. I don't even know what to say in terms of a conclusion. Just some wacky, wild shit.

8 Comments

jbob said:

I'm sensing a trend. Do all the new law review members get one free spit on you or must we resort to more civilized methods of argument?

August 7, 2006 8:40 AM

Utah said:

I actually think there was a viable solution: You could have gone outside, gotten in your truck, and done a roostertail on her face.

August 7, 2006 8:51 AM

Ismael Tapia II said:

Congratulations on Law Review, jbob. You do not, however, get to spit on my face. I swear, non-Law Review consequences would follow.

And, Mr. Utah, I'm almost afraid to ask - but what's a roostertail?

August 7, 2006 8:54 AM

Vice said:

Also, a nice stern headbutt to the ovaries would have done the trick.

August 7, 2006 9:46 AM

Chrystal said:

How insulting. Its too bad its not ok for guys to hit girls. Hey, I know I'ma girl but if some guy spit in my face I would have no problem kicking them in the balls. She was way out of line. An argument is one thing but you don't need to result to putting your body fluids all over someone else's face. (haha that sounds gross) It's awesome you walked away. I don't think many people would have done that. Most poeple would have freaked.

August 7, 2006 5:15 PM

Utah said:

I thought I had already explained the art of the roostertail when we were discussing ninjas.

Roostertail (Roo-ster-tale):

The act of getting in one's truck and spinning your wheels on the face of your enemy in such manner that blood flies in a pattern mimicking the tail of a rooster.

See also: "Chuck Norris in Chevy"

August 7, 2006 8:30 PM

Rachel said:

Who the fuck did this, and let her know she is BLACKLISTED from the MBE campaign...I am OUTRAGED!!!!!

August 9, 2006 1:36 AM

Ismael Tapia II said:

She's not a law student. She's a hairdresser, apparently.

August 9, 2006 8:33 AM

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