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My Only Weakness: Prime Rib

August 13, 2006 10:07 PM

'm writing this now instead of later because I sort of want to get this down, mostly for myself. I'll post about my weekend generally, which was awesome, tomorrow.

I went to dinner tonight at Outback with Cristina, laurence, Kristin and Cole. I ordered a gigantic prime rib. It came out, and it was fucking awesome. I got really excited about it. Maybe a little bit too excited. I don't know how or why, but I didn't chew one of the pieces of meat enough before I swallowed. It immediately hurt like shit. I swallowed a few more times, or tried to. But I could feel this thing stuck in my throat, and it wouldn't go away. It started to hurt more, and I realized that I was having trouble breathing. The people at my table started asking if I was ok, but I couldn't respond. I got up and bent over and started coughing, I think. I think right around then, people started getting really worried about me.

I think someone said that I was choking. Or asked if I was. I don't really know. I couldn't breathe well, I was coughing, and I was trying to make myself throw up. I was bent over, and things were getting really strange. I could hear people screaming and talking and telling people not to hit me on the back. Someone reached around me. I had been waiting for someone to do the Heimlich maneuver, but no one had. I wondered if anyone knew how. Someone finally did. Several times. But it didn't work. I still couldn't breathe. I was drooling all over myself. It fucking hurt.

Someone else tried, but it still didn't work. Someone asked if I could breathe through my nose. I couldn't. At all. I could breathe through my mouth, but it hurt, and I don't think I was getting enough air. I coughed and coughed and coughed. My head hurt. My throat hurt. I could hear people on the phone wth 911. Then the EMTs showed up, and they performed the Heimlich. But, again, it didn't help.

They told me to sit down, so I sat down on the floor. Then, somehow, the piece of meat was gone, and I could breathe normally. I was dizzy, tired, in pain. I couldn't see. My face was swollen, it felt like it was much heavier than normal. I took deep breaths. It felt good.

I was very dizzy, and my eyesight was all fucked up. I couldn't open my eyes all the way because of the swelling, and I couldn't focus. The EMTs asked if I wanted to go to the hospital. I told them that I didn't.

Our meals were free, and we left, with Laurence driving because I couldn't.

I don't know how I felt through the whole thing. At first I was just embarrassed - stupid. What kind of a glutton am I, that I can't even chew my food before swallowing. Then I was annoyed - annoyed that I was ruining my friends' dinner, annoyed that I was being a burden on the other customers. Then I got kind of scared. Not that I was going to die, but that I was going to have to go to the hospital and that it would be this big ordeal and that everyone's night was going to be ruined even more. Then, after I still couldn't breathe, I began to panic a little, I think.

Mostly, I felt pathetic. I hated the fact that this little piece of food had so incapacitated me, especially after claiming to be invulnerable all weekend. I was never worried for my life, but I hated the fact that my friends had worried about me. While I can't really remember much about while the whole thing was happening, I remember looking up and seeing them. And they were all scared. And I hated the fact that I had put them through that.

Later, I found out that it had been other customers that had tried to help me out. In my disorientation, I didn't think to thank anyone after I was ok. I felt really bad about that. So, if anyone out there helped me, thanks a lot. And to my friends who were there: thanks for the support during and after the thing.

I honestly don't think I was in much danger. Still, it was scary and unpleasant. Now, I'm sure I'm going to have black eyes tomorrow because of the swelling in my face.

Anyway, it was important for me to get that down.



5 Comments


Donnie said:

Yikes, that sounds unnerving. I'm glad you are alright, except for the black eyes. You should at least try to think up a good story to tell everyone as to why you got the black eyes. I would suggest a story that harkens back to a year ago when you received the lifetime ban from the vintage. Perhaps you went back and kicked that bouncer's ass.

August 13, 2006 10:58 PM



Dee said:

yikes Ismael! i have had that happen, except for the swollen eyes. how TF did THAT happen?
also, it is the fucking worst when you choke on food that you love. if you're me, it makes you a little scared of that food for awhile.

August 14, 2006 6:37 AM



Anonymous said:

Hey man, I'm glad to hear you're doing alright now. That was some freaky shit though. I think the order of the day will be to find the bastard who slipped the kryptonite in your prime rib.

August 14, 2006 2:53 PM



Maggie said:

ohhh man! that is scary! At least the prime rib was good...I mean, I'd rather have a delicious piece of steak stuck in my throat than, say, broccoli or something haha. Glad you're ok :)

August 14, 2006 7:42 PM



Vice said:

Sorry. Again, anonymous was me.

August 15, 2006 10:03 AM



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