Not the Best Day

August 5, 2006 2:04 AM

irst and foremost, I want to congratulate someone on something. The person who is being congratulated knows who they are.

My happiness for my friend notwithstanding, I'm feeling kinda shitty tonight. The worst part about it is that I can't really put my finger on why. Or maybe I can and I'm scared to admit it.

The fact of the matter is that I don't know where I'm going. No, that's not true. I know exactly where I want to go, I just don't know if I can get there. The "where I want to be" part is simple: a mid-sized litigation firm in Chicago. That's the ideal. But, the big question is whether I can get there.

I don't know how I appeared to the outside world last year during OCI, but I was freaked out and incredibly sad about it. I don't know why I didn't get an OCI job. And the job I did get, while mind-numbingly awesome, may or may not have come as a result of my own talents. This year I'm on my own, and it freaks me out. It's make-or-break time, for real. I've never been in that position.

It would be easy to say that I'm bummed because I'm not making shit-tons of money. The truth is that I'd love to make $140,000 at graduation. But, while I love the law, and I love the idea of being a lawyer, I don't love the idea of being expected to work on weekends or not having a life in general. That trade-off just isn't worth it to me.

So, no, my mood doesn't stem from the thought that I'm not going to make an absurd amount of money. My mood stems from the thought that I won't have a job at all.

Blah.

Some really interesting things happened to me today. I'll post about them tomorrow, when I can explain them a little better and hopefully do it in an appropriately funny way. For now, here are some really awesome depressing songs. They all have five stars on my iTunes "Depressing" playlist:

The Boxer - Simon & Garfunkel
I maintain that this is the best song ever. No arguments to the contrary will be considered.

Nobody's Fault But My Own - Beck
This song is simply amazing. The sitar. The lyrics. The general feel. Just amazing. I bought this cd (Mutations) based solely on the strength of this song. The album is ok, but this song is one of my all-time favorites.

A Long December - The Counting Crows
"It's been a long time since I've seen the ocean, I guess I should." Man, for some reason, this song really gets to me.

Tiny Dancer - Elton John
This is one of those rare songs, for me, that is immediately nostalgic for no particular reason. Listening to this song, regardless of my mood, makes me feel like I've lost something very important, and I think that's the mark of a good depressing song.

Worry Wort and Street Spirit [Fade Out] - Radiohead
Worry Wort is nostalgic for an entirely different reason - it sounds like one of the underwater levels in the old Mario games. More importantly, I remember the first time I heard it - on the way to Las Vegas with PJ and Laurie ("Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo . . . Guardrail!").

Moonlight Mile - The Rolling Stones
My all-time favorite Stones song.

Stumbleine - The Smashing Pumpkins
One of my favorite Pumpkins songs. A really mellow, intimate song about who knows what. Still, it's awesome.

Smells Like Teen Spirit - Tori Amos
This is one of the best covers I've ever heard. Ms. Amos brings an incredible amount of depth and emotion to what is already an awesome song. I love the way she inverts Kurt Cobain's raucous anger and turns it into a heart-wrenching exercise in restraint.

1 Comments

Anonymous said:

dude, speaking of OCI, when are we finding out about law review? seriously, talk about not knowing where you're going in life...

August 5, 2006 1:04 PM

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