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Why Can't I be a Kid Now?

September 20, 2006 12:55 AM

was looking around the internet, completely at random, when I saw the new version of Tickle Me Elmo, the T.M.X. Elmo. Now, I don't know how much I would have liked this toy as a kid, but it got me thinking: toys nowadays are so much more awesome than the toys that were available when I was a kid - and nevermind the toys I actually had as a kid. I mean, look at the multitude of new Transformers toys that are available. These are scale models of real-world cars that turn into foot-tall robots! That's fucking awesome. The Transformers toys of my generation weren't nearly as cool - they had maybe four moving parts and didn't look like anything you'd see on the streets. On a side note, I remember I once saw this awesome Optimus Prime at the flea market. I was maybe 11 at the time. The price was $20, and it had not been opened. I totally wanted it. I almost had my mom convinced but then, at the last moment, she decided that it was not to be. Man, that sucked.

Moving on, I agree with the oft-repeated complaint that modern Legos have way too many specialized parts. Once, as a child, I saved up more than $100 to buy this HUGE pirate ship. That thing must have had several thousand pieces (or maybe not . . . I can't remember, and I was small). It came with, like, a dozen little Lego men. I was so excited. You can get a similar ship now, but it's lame. In order to build it, you just have to snap the "hull" Lego piece to the "mast and sails" Lego piece and you're done. The Harry Potter Legos are the worst. Look at Hogwarts Castle, for example. It's not a challenge to build! There are probably fifty pieces in the whole thing. That's bullshit. It all represents a shift in the way the company wants you to play with Legos. It used to be that the main attraction was building things, being creative - what could be better than a limitless supply of Legos, including all the special pieces like wheels and hinges? But now, the company intends for these things to be playsets, with the added benefit that you can build other "scenes." It's bullshit.

But, while regular Legos kinda suck now, more advanced Legos have improved by leaps and bounds. Look at the new Technic line, for example. You can build a motorcycle, a tow truck, and even an awesome crane. And that's only the beginning! Did you know that you can build a radio controlled car out of Legos? You can! When I saved up for the Lego pirate ship, we went to the store to buy it, but it was gone! I was so fucking sad. My mom drove to a bunch of different stores, including one 45 minutes away, trying to find one that had the pirate ship. But none did. In the end, I had to settle for an RC car. The car ended up kicking ass, but I would have loved something Lego. If this had been available then, I could have gotten both. And, that's not even the best. Lego Mindstorms allows you to create Lego-based robots that can react to light, sound, and pressure! That's fucking amazing!

Two of the things I was most obsessed with as a child - and continue to be obsessed with to this day - were Superman and things that could fly. I loved balsa wood gliders. I loved the ones with the wind-up propellers. Such a simple toy, but so much fun. I also loved building and launching model rockets. But, in any event, they've come up with what might be the coolest toy ever. It's basically a radio controlled airplane, only it's shaped like Superman.

Man, if only I was a kid again. Or, the next best thing - an adult with lots of free time and an unlimited toy budget.



4 Comments


maggie said:

When the batteries on a Tickle Me Elmo get low, it randomly starts laughing...at 3:30 in the morning. I'm not ashamed to say that I had to take a screwdriver to him to shut that bastard up.

September 20, 2006 8:41 AM



Ismael Tapia II said:

I never really got why Tickle Me Elmo was so popular. In fact, it seemed kind of creepy to me.

September 20, 2006 10:17 AM



anon said:

You could totally fly that Superman all over the atrium, or even in the HaBUSH reading room of the lawbrary. Then tell 1L's that flying Superman planes is how you study during your third year...

September 20, 2006 11:39 AM



Emigrant said:

Yes.

Transformers.

Movie next Summer.

So.Fucking.Cool.

Fuck Elmo.

September 23, 2006 6:48 AM



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