<-Stuff That's on My Mind |Main|Concerning Birthdays and Friends->

Because It's Who I Am

October 20, 2006 12:48 AM

t seems that I'm both too much of an asshole and too much of a nice guy at the same time.

I'm too much of an asshole in the sense that I come off as way too much of an asshole. I'm really not an asshole. I'm just honest. I don't go out of my way to hurt peoples' feelings or whatever. But, at the same time, I have very strong, and often negative, opinions about people. I don't see what's wrong with that. If you add me as a friend on facebook.com and I fucking hate you, you're getting declined. Why the hell would I do anything else?

I don't go out of my way to be mean to people. Not very often. Rarely while sober.

But what people first notice about me is the fact that I'm loud and opinionated. And that I strongly dislike a lot of people. That's fine - it's an image I cultivate, to a certain degree. And if you're not willing to take the time to get to know me better, then it's your loss and I'm fine with that.

And that brings us to the other side of my problem. Once people do get to know me, they realize that I'm a pretty nice guy. I'm too nice in some ways. I'm thinking specifically about my interaction with women here. Girls don't like guys who are good listeners (which I am), or who call when they say they will (which I would, given someone to call). And they don't like boys that could stand to lose a few pounds (which I could).

I like talking to people. I like talking to girls. I like talking about important things, be it politics, life, books, music, whatever. I have tons of female friends because of that. Because I'm a good listener, a good friend. Lots of friends that are girls, but very few girlfriends. I love all my female friends, and I'm fine with being their friend, but, goddamnit, just once - one time - just one fucking time - I want one of them to talk to me about liking me rather than asking me what I think, as a guy, about some situation they're in with some douchebag. I hate that question. What the fuck am I supposed to say? "He's a fucking douchebag. I am not a douchebag. Get your head out of your ass."? I doubt that would work, either, though.

What brings this all on? Just a generally shitty day. A day during which I felt tired, detached, bored, and just generally sad. For no particular reason. Tomorrow will be better, I'm sure, but today sucked, and I'm eager to put it behind me.



8 Comments


maggie said:

girls are dumb. and so are boys. what to do? what to do?

October 20, 2006 2:00 AM



TheExpat said:

Maggie summed it up. I was thinking about the exact same thing today while talking with one of my female friends. What is it about a group of just boys or a group of just girls that makes them so competitive with each other? While this is generally not the case with most of my male friends, the going situation in most intergender friendships is one of mistrust, competition, and backhandedness.

I think its the hormones, personally; that or the goofballs these damned kids today are always so hepped up on.

*shakes his cane defiantly at the damned kids*

October 20, 2006 4:08 AM



RPM said:

I'm sorry if I contributed to the shitty day. That said:

Pull the trigger.

I have felt the same way many times. Plain frustrated, just friends, or sick of trying. I think that part of being a good friend and being nice towards the opposite sex is restraint.

Restraint doesn't lead to benefits. On the other hand, going for it can be awkward or lethal for the friendship.

The key is to not let attraction be awkward. It is natural. You are a great judge of character, but you have a tendency to overreact. Don't let it bring you down when you pull the trigger and miss. I'll be your wingman any time.

October 20, 2006 11:58 AM



Vice said:

I know where you're coming from man, and believe me, I sympathize. Prior to meeting my incredible birthday girl/Goddess I had pretty much the same issues -- extremely nice guy, a lot going for me, non-douchebag, etc., but I had only had 1 girlfriend my whole life. I suppose I'm not as abrasive as you can be sometimes, but I'm also not nearly as outgoing and instantly exciting as you. I had so many good female friends who naturally gravitated toward assholes, and then bemoaned the lack of decent guys out there. It's incredibly frustrating, and as time goes on, it gets exponentially worse because it looks like it will never change.

I know we never put much stock in the phrase "Things are gonna change, I can feel it." But they will. Maybe not now, maybe not soon, but inevitably, they will. You're too nice a guy to not meet someone who will appreciate that. I guess I'd second what Ryan said, just don't take things too hard right now. If you obsess over it, it will never happen. The only times I ever found someone were when I had completely given up looking. So I would suggest that you enjoy and cultivate the female friendships that you have, and continue to be a nice guy. And maybe work on your computer hacking skillz.

(Side note: I also apologize if I contributed in any way to last night's problems. I was down to hang out and watch a movie, but I figured it would be earlier rather than later.)

October 20, 2006 1:08 PM



morenonesense said:

Tend of overreact? yeah, and the pope tends to be catholic. but that aside, good luck with whatever you're talking about this time.

October 20, 2006 1:09 PM



Lauren said:

If we were in Flag and it was 2:00 am and we both had a paper due in six hours, I'd say lets go to Denny's, eat some french fries and talk quantum mechanics...but since its not, I'll just say I hope you feel better.

October 20, 2006 1:29 PM



morenonesense said:

Also, here is a thought. When you're feeling down, think about John Lennon. He was doin ok, he had his highs and lows, etc. Then he happen to meet one of those women you can talk to: her name was Yoko Ono. Then he died. *I say this cause I'm listening to a Lennon cd, and im really into this one song, and then a voice hits my ears that literally made my face squeeze into a look that is similar to the look you get when your face is rubbed in cat piss. Yoko Ono was doin her vocal solo during the song.

October 20, 2006 4:47 PM



Ismael Tapia II said:

Wow. That's really deep, man.

October 20, 2006 5:02 PM



Leave a comment