<-From My Cold, Dead, Overweight Hands |Main|Infinite Sadness->

Don't Do It, Claire!

December 6, 2006 11:59 PM

ou know how they used to say that marijuana was a "gateway drug" and that, if you smoked so much as one puff of pot, it was only a matter of months before you would find yourself making shit porn on the internet so that you could buy black-tar heroine? Well, I think that Paris Hilton is pretty much a "gateway trainwreck." If you start hanging out with Ms. HIlton, I think it's only a matter of days before your vagina makes its world debut. Put another way, there's no faster way to know that your life is a trainwreck than finding a picture of you and Paris Hilton after a night of heavy drinking on thesuperficial.com.

That's why I was so shocked by the fact that there is a mention of Hayden Panattiere's (the girl that plays Claire Bennet on Heroes) friendship with Ms. Hilton on Ms. Panattiere's Wikipedia page. Ms. Panattiere's only 17, so I think it's just kind of sad that her life is already headed towards trainwreck. I just hope she doesn't pull a Lindsay Lohan, as that would greatly diminish my enjoyment of a great show.

So, let me pass on a warning to one of my favorite Heroes cast members.

For the sweet love of god, Hayden, stay the sweet fuck away from Paris Hilton. She represents pretty much everything that's wrong with America. She's stupid, vapid, too skinny for her own good, has no interest in public service or education, and does nothing more than leach off of society. She contributes nothing more than second-rate sex tapes. Which her parents are proud of her for, apparently.



2 Comments


TheExpat said:

Look on the bright side, Ismael, she could just be doing it for the show's publicity, though why a fan of Paris Hilton would want to watch your beloved Heroes is beyond me.

December 7, 2006 12:33 AM



Dee said:

your pleas have come too late, ismael. i read that Panattiere was spotted buying the Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset last week. it's all downhill from here!

December 7, 2006 8:47 AM



Leave a comment