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The Fourth Thing to Love About Madison: Bucky Badger

January 31, 2007 1:28 AM

ow, I have to admit that the first time I ever saw Bucky, I thought he was the gayest mascot in the land. But that's because I saw the wood carving statute at State Street Brats, which, it must be admitted, is rather gay looking.

But, since those first naive days of my 1L years, I've come to love Mr. Buckingham U. Badger. Bucky is the best mix of manly aggression and adorable cuteness. Yeah, he's technically part of the cheerleading squad, but he's also able to do something like sixty push ups when we're beating second-rate football teams like Minnesota.

Once, sometime last semester, Bucky was down on State Street doing his thing (that is, getting people pumped/pissed about the UW) and, I have to admit, I wanted to get my picture taken with him. I didn't ask him, though, because that would have been totally uncool. But, even if I had done it, I'm sure Bucky would have obliged. He's a very polite and accomodating badger.

But don't let his unassuming demeanor fool you: he'd disembowel you in a second if you had the audacity to wear a Michigan sweater on game day. God help you then, my friend.

Let's do a quick review of other Big Ten mascots, shall we?

First of all, Michigan State's Sparty is a laughing stock. I mean, look at him:

That's the most pathetic mascot I've ever seen. And Bucky's definitely better than the other anthropomorphized animals.

Here's Goldy the Gopher, for example:

The first thing you notice about Mr. Gopher is that he bears a striking similarity to Bucky. Look at that sweater. Even the stance is an exaggerated version of Bucky's classic "do you feel lucky, punk?" stance. Some research on Wikipedia reveals that Bucky was invented in 1940 but Goldie wasn't invented until the 50s. I doubt this is a coincidence. (Also, on the Bucky Badger page, note that an actual badger was used at first, until the animal proved to be "too fierce." No one's ever said that about a fucking gopher.)

Let us briefly consider Herky the Hawkeye:

Whoever decided that mustard yellow and baby-puke green were the best colors for a mascot should be shot, assuming that person is not already dead. That's just a disgrace.

Then you've got Willie the Wildcat:

Northwestern should be ashamed of itself. It takes more than a purple t-shirt and some grey sweats to make an awesome mascot.

There's the Nittany Lion:

But what the fuck is a nittany lion? And how does it explain this:

Purdue Pete is just creepy looking:

Worst of all, though, is Brutus Buckeye:

He's a fucking nut! He's just about the least intimidating Big Ten mascot. In fact, the only mascots he's more intimidating than are the mascots that aren't even mascots. What the fuck is an Illini, anyway?

It's obvious, after careful study, that Bucky Badger is one of the best mascots throughout the land. I mean, look at him:

He even comes in a law-specific flavor. Witness Blind Bucky:

Look at him! Defending justice and supporting his team, all at the same time.

Tough. Sensitive. Mischievous. Lovable. That's Bucky Badger.



15 Comments


The infamous frank said:

Your mascot is ok, if your school needs that kind of thing to feel better. We don't need a mascot. We are the wolverines. There is a dignified statue at the stadium, and that's it. No silly bastard in a second rate Disney costume. Fact is, Michigan does not need some "cheerleader" to bring up spirit before the games. Also, on a side note, being sick sucks.

January 31, 2007 8:28 AM



tRJ said:

The best thing about Bucky is his sweater. Totally old school.

January 31, 2007 8:47 AM



Vice said:

I wouldn't say we need a cool mascot to feel better about our teams. I mean, it's nice, certainly, but all we need to feel good about our team is to look for Wisconsin's position in the national rankings for football and basketball. Sure, we might have to strain a bit to see that high up, but that's a small price to pay for success.

I suppose if Michigan fans really wanted to feel good about their team, they could just watch highlights from this year's Rose Bowl. ...Oh, that's right, Michigan didn't have any highlights from the Rose Bowl. They pretty much got eaten alive. Huh. Well, I guess there's always next year...

January 31, 2007 9:05 AM



Utah said:

I didn't know that Brats had a wooden "STATUTE" of Bucky Badger.

I'm also disappointed that you didn't mention Goldie the Gopher. With the untimely departure of Glen Mason, Goldie represents the only thing good about the University of Minnesota.

January 31, 2007 9:26 AM



Dee said:

Bucky looks really unhappy in his role of blind justice, though. maybe the blindfold is a little too S&M for his midwestern sexual values.


also, on a side note, frank: i know about as much about chemistry as you do about sports fandom. a dignified statute, indeed. where's the fun in chucking beer at a statue?

January 31, 2007 9:26 AM



tc said:

Nice post, but I think you have too much time on your hands. Why don't you work on the symposium issue instead?

January 31, 2007 10:11 AM



RPM said:

Bucky is great, but pales in comparison to the real deal.

I yearn for the good old days when Wisconsin used live badgers and Michigan used live wolverines.

Compare that ferocity with a live gopher or a live person, whether Hoosier, boilermaker/engineer, Spartan or native American "Illini" or "Hawkeye." Ooh, scary. At least the last three are slightly warrior-like. There are too many human mascots in the Big Ten.

Other live mascots would be vicious, like the cats, either wildcat or mountain lion roaming Pennsylvania's Mount Nittany.

By far the worst mascot would be the humble buckeye tree and its pathetic nuts.

Vice, sure, Michigan blew it in the Rose Bowl. But this is about mascots. What about a live wolverine against a live badger. Wouldn't that be an awesome fight? Like a lion against a tiger.

January 31, 2007 11:29 AM



Utah said:

I do agree that Purdue Pete looks alot like a sex offender.

January 31, 2007 8:41 PM



Ismael Tapia II said:

Frank,
Mr. Vice schooled you. Sorry, but Michigan, though not sucky in some ways, is sucky in terms of mascot. Whether your statue is dignified is up for debate, but not having a tangible embodiment of school spirit is a shortcoming.

tRJ,
I agree. I think Bucky's sweater ties him to a classic, some would say more dignified, era. It really adds something, I think.

Mr. Utah,
I guess I should have taken Mr. Vice's recent post more to heart. Since starting law school, I've had a problem typing "statue." I always type "statute."

tc,
I'll be working on symposium soon enough. Believe me, I can't wait.

Mr. RPM,
In a fight between a tiger and a lion, my money's on the tiger. In a fight between a badger and a wolverine, I have to admit that my money would be on the wolverine. However, there is nothing dignified about a wolverine, and surely not of a statue thereof.

January 31, 2007 10:47 PM



Santi said:

I present to you quite possibly the most pathetic mascot ever (after the Stanford Tree of course): Oski. Wilbur, on the other hand, is quite possibly one of the best mascots ever. He'd tear Oski up and play "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" on his ribs.

February 1, 2007 1:07 AM



TheExpat said:

If not having any school spirit is a shortcoming, I wonder what Ismael's feelings are about his first alma mater, NAU. I personally have no pride in the football team, but the basketball team's nothing to sneeze at. Hey look, it ain't the Big Ten, but they rock their division, and when I was there they went to the Big Dance and lost in overtime play. Hard chargers for a tiny school, I'd say.

What say you, oh fellow transplant Lumberjack?

February 1, 2007 1:26 AM



jbob said:

"Why don't you work on the symposium issue instead?"

I like your style.

"By far the worst mascot would be the humble buckeye tree and its pathetic nuts."

Now here is where you've lost me. The nuts of the buckeye tree are far from pathetic. They are nuts of steel my friend, nuts of steel. And if you should dare try to eat a buckeye, you may choke. And if no one was around to heimlich you, well you'd die. Just as dangerous as a wolverine my friend.

February 1, 2007 6:41 AM



morenonesense said:

A Badger? No, my friend. Not nearly as intimidating as a Great Dane. Thats right. So far, I am an alumni of a Lumberjack and a big dog. I rule.

February 1, 2007 8:42 AM



Dee said:

i am taking my ball and going home. Ismael replied to EVERY commenter except me. BOYS SMELL!

February 1, 2007 8:43 AM



Badger in Georgia said:

I am of course biased toward Buckey Badger. Buckeye fans should acknowledge that the buckeye is terrible mascot and move on. Attempting to defend it makes you look...well...just plain nuts.

Some other good mascots from around the country that I like are the Auburn Tiger - GA Bulldog - Texas Longhorn - Colorado Buffalo. Some mascots look great on t-shirts like the GT Yellowjacket...but not so good in a costume at the game.

March 23, 2008 7:13 PM



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