I have felt the exact same way, at times. Having lost and regained weight before, I can also say that it isn't limited to the opposite sex; it can be really upsetting when people suddenly want to befriend you just because of your weight loss. It's a big emotional block for me, whenever I think about trying to change my eating habits again. Losing weight can be just as emotionally damaging as being fat, only worse, because no matter what you look like, once a fat kid, always a fat kid. So now you're a fat kid with all the issues that implies, and you have this new issue where people are your friends but don't like the "real" you.

Maybe it has more to do with the fact that you treat people like shit and less to do with how you look. It's easy enough to like someone who is heavy but it's impossible to like someone who's heavy and an asshole. You pass judgement on everyone; you talk about everyone behind their backs, you hold things against people and you won't let go of anything! Has anyone ever really loved you?

Ms. Graypure,
Thanks for understanding. I'm glad I'm not the only person out there who feels this way.

Mr. Male,
I'll ignore the various grammatical errors in your comment and address the substance of your criticisms.

Could I be a nicer guy? Sure. But that's not me. Am I an asshole? Sure, but only if you deserve it. Do I judge people? No more than anyone else. The difference is that I'm honest about my opinions. Do I talk about people behind their backs? In a manner of speaking, I supposed that's true. But I find it difficult, if not impossible, to believe that you or anyone else in the law school community (as you clearly are) is innocent of that particular sin. Moreover, I think that characterizing it as "talking about people behind their backs" is misleading. It's more the fact that I don't like certain people, and I'm not afraid to be upfront about that.

Do I hold things against people? Now, you've got me there. I can be terrible about holding grudges. Honestly, that's something I fully admit I could stand to improve about myself. But, no one's perfect, and I've never claimed that I am.

As for whether or not anyone's ever really loved me--yes, lots of people have. Lots of people do. You can post here all you want, but you're never going to undermine my self esteem or the fact that I know who my friends are and I know I can count on my friends.

And, by the way, if you're going to criticize me for holding a grudge, I suggest you either identify yourself or let the grudge you're holding against me go.

Good for you for realizing that a girl that doesn't like you because of your weight isn't a girl you should want to date anyway. It takes some people a long time to get to that point. But it's frustrating anyway, isn't it? But I have to say, when people tell you that you'll find a girl that likes you just fine no matter what you weigh, it's true. I've dated several heavy guys, and when we broke up, the weight was never ever one of the issues that contributed to it. Who cared how much they weighed? Not me - it's not like I'm perfect myself. So yeah, it will happen one day, and as much as it sucks in the meantime, don't give up hope.:) Good for you for sticking by yourself!

PS - Uh, I tagged this at first, whatever that is. Feel free to erase that!

I'm not 'His Male' but give me a break. You're upfront about it? You're saying you don't talk badly about Emily or Rachel behind their backs or a lot of other people for that matter. For the small amount of respect I may have had for you tell me that you're honestly not going to lie about something everyone knows about. It's quite clear the love question wasn't a question about WHO has to love you. They clearly meant someone of the opposite sex who isn't of relation or one of your "pals"

Mr. Anonymous,
Let me see if I understand: In order to not "talk about someone behind their back," you have to, when around other people, say only positive things about the people you know? That's an absolutely absurd construction.

So, under your standard, if someone were to say to their friend "You know, our mutual friend has really been getting on my nerves lately," that would be talking about someone behind their back? Or if they were to say "Have you noticed that [some person] has a really terrible temper?," that would be talking behind someone's back?

The prohibition on talking about someone behind that person's back is, frankly, stupid. Everyone does it to one degree or another. And if you're claiming that you're the exception, you're also clearly lying. I can think of specific examples where pretty much everyone I know has said something negative about someone else I know in the absence of the second person.

And where people I don't know well or don't like are concerned, yeah, I talk smack about them when they're not around. I don't see anything wrong with that at all. What, exactly, is the moral foundation for the principle?

As for your second point (about whether anyone has ever been in love with me, I honestly don't know, but that's the whole point of the post, isn't it?

Seems like posting on someone's blog about being up front with people is pretty chicken shit coming from people who won't even say who they are.

Exactly. Here, I'm going to present my sincere and supposedly reasonable criticism of your character -- the fact that you criticize other people when they're not around -- then withhold my name. Hypocracy has a name, and it is "Anonymous."

Sigh.

Unless you have really changed as a person, I can only laugh at people who actually think you are saying worse things about them behind their backs than you do when they are right there (most likely drinking with you).

anyway, this post had an original post before the vagina sandstorm took place, and i would like to address it. as someone who loves you, i think your principle here is right. BUT please don't drop your New Year's resolution (which i know was not to lose weight, but rather to slow the gain) in spite of some theoretical shallow bitches. the next year will probably be the most stressful one of your life, and staying healthy is in your best interest.

You are right that you should not lose weight so you can get a date with some superficial idiot. However, as someone who would like to see you stick around for as long as possible, I have to agree with Dee. It would be healthy for you to lose some weight for yourself - not to look better, but to feel better and be healthier.

Incidently, I saw your Asian doppelganger the other day eating at Potbelly's. It was awesome.

wait, you have an asian doppelganger!?? I wish I had an asian doppelganger!