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Of Bars and Friends

February 16, 2007 2:31 AM

he first one of my good friends to turn twenty-one was Frank. He loved the bars more than anything in the world. It didn't matter what was going on at The House, he wouldn't be hanging out there until after the bars closed. Frank loved the bars so much that he did something I would never even consider doing: he would go to the bars by himself. It's not that he wanted to drink by himself, or that he wanted to be by himself, it's just that he knew he could always find someone to hang out with at the bars. He knew that if he went down there, he'd find someone to hang out with for a few hours, have a few drinks, have a good time, then go home. It didn't matter who he found: his friends (of which there were many); his acquaintances (of which there were many more); strangers (of which there is always an infinite number).

Frank didn't go to the bars just for the drinking. Hell, that might not have even been his primary motivation. Frank loved the bars for their own sake. They were an end in themselves.

In this way, Frank and I are not at all similar. I don't really care for bars, although I sometimes like the things that go on inside of bars. I mean, I'll go to bars, but only if my friends are there. I'll have a good time at bars, but only when my good friends are around. And if I'm going to be hanging out with my good friends, anyway, I'd much rather be playing poker, watching a movie, or just sitting on someone's couch talking about whatever happens to be on our minds. To me, friendship is being able to spend an afternoon with a group of people doing nothing in particular, yet having an awesome time. Friendship is enjoying peoples' company. Like Dave Matthews said, it's not where but who you're with that really matters. That's always been one of my favorite lyrics because I think it's very true.

Another thing that makes me dislike bars is that I'm extremely uncomfortable around acquaintances--if I know your name but I can't call you a friend, I feel strange. I feel this almost oppressive pressure. With acquaintances, as opposed to friends, you have to be more guarded. I never feel like I can be myself around acquaintances. If an acquaintance asks you how you're doing, and you're doing shitty, you have to lie. I can't make certain jokes around acquaintances, I can't tell certain stories. In other words, to a certain degree, I can't be myself around acquaintances.

And I hate meeting new people. I never know how to act when I meet someone new. How much of myself do I expose them to right away? What level do I set myself at? Should I be myself or should I be some diluted version of myself? Of course, any of you that know me know what I almost do: I turn it up to eleven. And, if you know me, you know that that doesn't always work out in my favor.

So why's all this on my mind? I just got back from the bar. I had a good time out there, I suppose. Some of my friends were there, some of my best friends were there, some acquaintances were there, and I met some new people. But, at the end of the night, I just felt lonely and disappointed. Which is another reason I hate the bars--they always make me feel lonely and disappointed.

Oh well. I'm going to go watch some Mythbusters.



9 Comments


11 said:

Would you say that 11 is a mask for the social discomfort?

February 16, 2007 8:48 AM



Vice said:

You know, I have the opposite instinct around people I don't know. If I feel uncomfortable, I retreat into anonymity as best I can, and let others carry the conversation. I dial it down to about 1. Which makes for some interesting contrasts - such as, I have never, upon hearing the name of our waitress, stated "No, I don't like that name." I don't mean this to sound like I'm judging your behavior, because my response isn't necessarily any healthier. At the very least, it's not nearly as entertaining.

February 16, 2007 2:50 PM



dicta said:

i'm kind of the same way. i only like the bars if my friends are going, and still i only like chill bars like sports bars or pubs. i hate (and wont go to) clubs, and i'm not a huge fan of the hybrids either. i enjoy bars because i like going with friends and talking over some beers. i dont go to meet people or to dance.

February 18, 2007 1:02 PM



frank X. said:

Speaking of going to bars by yourself, tonight I will be going to a bar called Grizzly Peak where I am a member of their Mug Club (I paid a one time fee of $60 for this, and gives great beer specials.) This is not too interesting except that it is their annual polar bear club night. You get 0.25$ beer, half priced appetizers, but you have to sit outside in the Michigan winter. My wife doesn't drink beer, and she doesn't want to sit in the cold, so I will living up to my past legends. "I would kill everyone in this room for a sweet drop of beer."-Homer Simpson.

February 19, 2007 9:51 AM



Ismael Tapia II said:

See, that's crazy. And I wouldn't do that. Especially on a Monday night--that's just crazy. Although, I guess it's better that it's happening today, when it looks like it'll be in the twenties (minus wind chill) rather than a few weeks ago, when the beer would probably literally have frozen over in a few minutes.

My friend D-Will did something vaguely similar to this a few weekends ago. He picked what is statistically the coldest weekend of the year. He and his friends then went out and stood on the frozen lake from about one in the afternoon until sundown, drinking the whole time. He called it "The First Annual Ice Bender," although I don't know how he's going to convince people to do the Second Annual Ice Bender, but that's just me. wI was out with them for about an hour, and it was fucking cold.

I guess the upshot for you is that you're not going to be paying full price for the beer. Still, that's ridiculous.

February 19, 2007 10:50 AM



Indian said:

Great hammer of Thor, that is poweruflly helpful!

November 23, 2011 12:41 PM



Bardo said:

It's about time seomone wrote about this.

November 25, 2011 7:11 PM









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