Here is No Why

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New Poll! and a Rant About Those Young Whipper Snappers

April 26, 2007 1:39 AM

k, it's been a while but, at the request of TheExpat, I've posted a new poll. But first, the results from the previous poll. It turns out that the thing the that you're most looking forward to about the summer is . . . warmth, which got 36 percent of the votes. That's not really surprising--even I, an admitted winter lover, was getting tired of the sub-thirty-degree weather. Second place, with 32 percent, was the new Harry Potter book.

Neither of those is surprising, but what's mildly surprising is how heavily you guys favored those two: the next closest vote getter, grilling, only got 10 percent. Free time was next with 8 percent, Spider-man 3 and, surprisingly, the new Smashing Pumpkins album each came in at 6 percent (go SP fans!). Bringing up the rear was the new Harry Potter film, with a mere 2 percent. Very interesting.

The new poll asks you to identify the politician you'd most like to see beaten to death with a sea bass. I've left certain people off the list, just to keep things fair.

And now, the promised rant . . .
I was at the pet store the other day buying some food for Smash and Lily. I go to this pet store kinda by my house. It's decent and the prices are fine. The only problem is that they seem to have a hiring policy that prohibits them from employing anyone over the age of sixteen. Maybe that wouldn't have been an issue when I was sixteen, but it's problematic nowadays. Why, you ask? Because everyone in that age group is a moron.

I came up to the counter with my little bag of cat food and, to my great frustration, some old lady was standing in frot of me in line with a bunch of small, individual items. Then she asked some question, and the little kid behind the counter (seriously, he looked like he was 13) took her over and helped her with whatever she needed. He was nice, I've gotta give him that. But there was this other guy behind the counter. And there was another register. So, I'm thinking "maybe you should go to the register and ring me up while your compatriot is doing whatever it is he's doing." So I make eye contact with this hooligan. He sees me, but then immediately returns to what he was doing before: standing with his hands in his pockets, stairing at his shoes. "What the fuck are they paying you for?" I think.

Because I've never worked retail, I have no idea how these things work. So, as I'm standing there, I think about the various things I've heard about how retail stores work, trying to remember something that might explain why this kid won't just step up to the register and take my money. Maybe he's not authorized to handle money? Maybe that's not his "drawer," so helping me would fuck up the whole system? Maybe only the one cash register is set up right now and the other one doesn't have any change in it or something?

The first kid and the woman eventually return, and the kid starts ringing her up. She's buying crickets and a bunch of small plastic cages. As I'm trying to think of what kind of pet she's got, I'm getting increasingly frustrated because she's got all these worthless individual items and the kid that's ringing her up clearly doesn't have any idea how to do things quickly or efficiently. Just as I'm getting more and more frustrated (I just want to buy my $10 bag of cat food, goddamnit!), the other kid--the kid that looked me right in the eye while I telepathically implored him to attend to me at the other register, walked up to the other register and said "I can help you over here." Just then, the first kid finished his transaction with the old woman and I had two lines to choose from.

That's when it all came together for me: teenagers are lazy, obnoxious, stupid people.

I know I wasn't like that when I was their age.

And that reminds me of another thing--what are the kids even listening to these days? I was reading something in the Isthmus the other day about top-forty radio. It was this article about some guy forcing himself to listen to all forty of the top forty songs. He named some of them, and I was shocked to realize that I had never heard of these artists or songs. So what the hell kind of music is popular right now? Let's say that you're a sixteen-year-old kid and you want to rebel against your parents, the principal, and life in general. What are you listening to? This question was easy when I was that age--you put on some grunge and you look pissed. And if you really wanted to piss off your parents, you put up some Marilyn Manson posters. But what are they doing nowadays? All the music is lame, and there's absolutely no good guitar-based music on modern radio.

It's a dark day for America's youth.