Here is No Why

<-Concerning Sudan, Horses, and Sailing Ships |Main|Fuck You, Universe! You Can't Beat Me!->

Up, Up, and Away!

May 31, 2007 1:30 AM

ou know what I really, really liked about Superman? His ability to fly. I mean, obviously, it would be awesome to be able to fly around between buildings and above the clouds and stuff. But there's something even cooler about it. Sometimes, when I need to clear my head, I like to go for a drive. And if I really need to get away from things, a road trip is the only way to go. There's just something about driving your car away and leaving everything behind that's always appealed to me.

Now imagine that you could fly. Instead of having to worry about whether you need to change your oil or whether you have enough gas money, you're just standing there one minute and floating through the air the next. It would be awesome.

Days like today make me wish I could fly straight up into the air and never come back.

First off, Bar/Bri sucks. For those of you who are unaware, Bar/Bri is a bar exam prep course that pretty much everyone takes because, well, failing the bar exam sucks. This morning, I woke up at 8:30 so that I could go sit in a room for four hours and watch a videotaped lecture about torts. Tomorrow, there's another four-hour, videotaped lecture about torts. Then on Friday it's something like commercial paper or something.

Lest you think that Bar/Bri--which costs almost $3,000--is a huge rip off, you don't just get the privilege of sitting in the room with the TV monitor. No, you also get forty-two pounds worth of books. I'm not making this up--they don't give you a page count, they tell you how many pounds the package weighs. Anyway, I don't have my books yet, but they did provide me with a copy of today's handouts, which consisted of a bunch of sentences with fill-in-the-blank spots. Like, the sentence would say "The reasonable-person test is an _______________ standard." And then the guy in the video would say "The reasonable-person test is an objective standard," and you're supposed to write "objective" on the blank like. Because that's how you learn. In third grade. And my J.D. apparently means I learn like a third grader.

The point is, from 9am to 1pm on weekdays for the next seven weeks, I will be sitting in a little room watching a fucking videotaped lecture filling out "worksheets" with stupid little blanks I have to fill in. That's just annoying.

But what's even worse is the character and fitness stuff I have to do. See, lawyers apparently have to be good people, which will come as news to pretty much everyone. At the very least, lawyers cannot be felons. Or have bad credit. Or never have been employed. Or something. So I spent my entire afternoon tracking down every address I've ever had, every job I've ever had (including the time period during which I worked at a certain place, the place's address, my supervisor's name and contact info, and the reason I left), my credit history, and--oh yeah--every motherfucking traffic ticket I've ever gotten. Which I need to have faxed to me. By tomorrow. At the absolute latest.

So I basically spent the afternoon doing two things I hate a lot: calling strangers and asking stupid questions ("Does Mary Johnson still work there? No? Hmmm.... Well, how about Bob Jones? Damn. Who are you? Do you remember me? Wait, I'm sorry, is this the Domino's on 7th Avenue? This is Pizza Hut? Ok, is Jeff there? Jeff Smith--he's the manager. Or, well, he was in 2001. Sweet, Jeff still works there? You're Jeff? Ok, cool--this is Ismael, do you remember me? I worked there in 2001. It might be hard for you to remember me because I only worked there for one day. But I flooded the back room, remember that? Anyway, so you're still manager, huh? Hello? Hello?"); and filling out forms. God, I hate filling out forms.

And the whole thing stressed me out because if I fuck something up, then I don't get to be a lawyer, which would suck because, you know, I just graduated from law school. I'm sure that I won't screw anything up that badly, and I hope that nothing I've done in my life means I'm not fit to be a lawyer (I mean, seriously--they had some guy who went to jail for having kilos upon kilos of cocaine in his car come and talk to us, and he's a lawyer. So, obviously, my eighty-six traffic tickets can't mean I don't have the requisite character and fitness, right?) but I just hate having to do all of this.

So, anyway, today was one of those days. If I could, I would have jumped into the air, my red cape fluttering in the wind, never to return. Or, well, at least not until the weekend.

3 Comments

BoilerHorn said:

Ismael, I stumbled across your blog in a very unusual way. I enjoy your commentary, writing style, etc. Good luck w/ your law career!

May 31, 2007 1:25 PM

TheExpat said:

Ismael, they can't possibly care about your foray at Pizza Hut. If there's something glaring them in the face (like a felony or other matter of public record), I'm sure they'll react, but the blunders we make in the course of becoming adults cannot be held against us. Still, I respect your dilligence in tracking down your old employers. You can be my lawyer.

June 1, 2007 1:00 AM

Vice said:

I'd be more concerned with your work at Dominos. (I believe it was Dominos - if not, feel free to correct me) I'm referring to the one where, on your first day, you flooded their kitchen and then took off, never to return again. That's the type of move the Bar could be concerned about. I mean, it would be totally awesome (if unethical) to be arguing in court, then to have something go wrong and be like "I'll be right back," then walk out, hop in your car, and take off. Not that you would do that.

June 1, 2007 9:42 AM