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Patterns

June 17, 2007 4:44 AM

t's often said that the clinical definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I'm actually fairly certain that that is not the clinical definition of anything, but I guess the point is still valid.

I'm pretty quick to point out the things other people are doing wrong--they're really obvious most of the time. Of course, they're not obvious to the person who's doing them. So I had an interesting thought the other day: what if I'm doing things wrong, but I don't know it because, like everyone else, I can't recognize my own flaws?

I initially dismissed this notion: I'm smarter and more perceptive than anyone in the universe, so of course I'd be able to see what's wrong with me. Clearly, the reason I'm not seeing any faults in my choices, decisions, and character is that there aren't any faults to be seen. Once I came down from my dellusion, however, I realized that it's almost certainly the case that I make the same kinds of mistakes everyone else makes.

Lately, I've been afraid that I'm making one of the all-time classic mistakes--failing to learn from the past. It's not exactly that I'm repeating some past mistake, though. It's more like I'm setting myself up to allow something bad to happen to me again. There are warning signs, of course, but maybe I'm ignoring too many of them. Or--perhaps worse--I'm overthinking and overreacting.

Ultimately, the question is whether the current state of affairs is acceptable to me. The answer, for better or worse, is that it is. I've made my bed. Now let's see what happens when I try to lay in it.



5 Comments


TheExpat said:

I can understand the need to clear the air on whatever it is your problem could be today (fitness jitters?). In fact, it's one of the highlights of your blog. It is evident here that you are a human being. So many people try to make us feel like their lives are one snappy/snarky observation to the next without the slightest difficulty (myself for instance).


Next time though, and I say this as your friend, I wouldn't air your vulnerable side on your blog so much. Needless to explain at this point, there are trolls who love nothing more than to get their kicks taking the piss out of you (that is when they're not looking at horse-on-midget porn), and threads like these are like solid gold. I hope your problems settle themselves smoothly and without excessive drama from the attention whore that is the internet troll.

June 17, 2007 6:31 PM



Ismael Tapia II said:

Thanks for the encouragement, the kind words, and the advice, Expat.

Honestly, I've thought about closing the blog off to strangers a few times, but that wouldn't be nearly as fun. Perhaps it's strange, but I really enjoy the randomness of the blogosphere--I like the fact that someone can wander randomly onto here and read what I think about upcoming movies or current events. The other side of the coin, of course, is that my detractors are free to come here and post mean things. It might have been hurtful the first time it happened, but that was mostly because it was unexpected. Now I'm ready for it, and I can deal with it.

I am who I am, and being me means that I rub some people--a lot of people (most people?)--the wrong way. Just last night, actually, I met a new person and apparently said two or three things that offended her. I didn't mean to be offensive, and I wasn't being consciously extra offensive--it just sort of happened.

And I like being able to share my vulnerabilities here. I originally started the blog so that I could rant about various things. But I've kept it going for this long because I've found that it's often theraputic to write about how I'm depressed.

So I'm going to keep writing about sad things when the mood strikes me. And anyone out there who wants to take cheap shots at me can do so. I'm fine with that.

June 17, 2007 7:00 PM



dicta said:

i've thought about this before myself. i definitely think i miss things about myself that i (or others) would consider flaws.

but i also know that i recognize things in myself that i would like to change. maybe it's a question of willpower, or maybe i have to convince myself of it, but there are certainly things i'm dissatisfied about. maybe these are the same as my flaws, maybe not, or maybe they overlap, i dont know, but i hear you on this one and can attest to the fact that it can be hard to change. keep at it, i'm working on one or 2 myself. think how awesome it'll feel when we accomplish what we want.

June 17, 2007 11:16 PM



jbob said:

Dude. Dude.

Sure you offend people. You probably offend me. Your friends, including I, simply don't care. People who aren't perpetually offended crybaby losers don't care.

Outside of being aware of surroundings and not being a dick about things, don't go changing just because some asshat got offended. You can never please an asshat.

June 18, 2007 10:26 PM



TheExpat said:

Way to be.

June 19, 2007 7:56 PM



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