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Stupid Poser Fucks

June 27, 2007 12:03 AM

t used to be that, in order to have a mohawk, you had to be a badass punk motherfucker. Mohawks also used to be relatively rare, and with good reason: what self-respecting individual would shave their head like that and make their hair stand straight up? Alas, those were simpler times.

In the past few days, I've seen no fewer than five to ten mohawks. And, in case you're wondering, it's not like I've been frequenting the Club Inferno or anything like that. No, I've seen these mohawks on the sidewalk, at the Terrace, and even at the most god-awful place in the universe, the Nitty Gritty.

The most disturbing thing, though, is the kind of people who've been sporting the mohawks. I've seen everyone from hippy motherfuckers (god, I hate hippies) to preppy-looking frat boys sporting the mohawk. What the fuck is that? Listen, if you've got a mohawk and you're wearing a button-down shirt, the shirt had goddamned well better be made out of flannel and it had goddamned well better be 1992. Otherwise accept the fact that you're a tool, pop your pink collar, and move on.

Seriously. It's not that I care too much about punk culture, but I hate to see such a ridiculously "fuck you" hairstyle get co-opted by frat boys. God, I hate frat boys.

And this is all ignoring the fauxhawk. As bad as nonpunks who wear mohawks are, at least they have the balls to actually commit to the damned hairstyle. If all you're willing to do is a fauxhawk, then you should be shot. Seriously.



2 Comments


tRJ said:

Tsk, tsk, wishing violence on your friends.

June 27, 2007 10:51 AM



TheExpat said:

There's plenty to be thankful for in this life, and one of the things I'm most thankful for is this well-reasoned dictation on the propriety of mohawks, fauxhawks, and the like (namely that there isn't any, with the maginal exception of a real punk).

Dictator for life Ismael, your thrall stands ready to eliminate the inappropriate ones at your command.

June 29, 2007 2:48 AM



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