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"They Look Like Big, Good, Strong Hands, Don't They?"

June 21, 2007 1:37 AM

ne of my favorite movies when I was a kid was The Neverending Story. Anyway, remember at the end, when Atreyu meets with the Rock-Biter, who tells him that the Nothing has taken all his friends and that it will soon consume all of Fantasia? And the Rock-Biter sits there and he's looking at his hands, and he's saying that, even though he's big and strong, he couldn't stop the Nothing? That scene always resonated with me. And it did so especially today, which ended up being one of the worst days I've had in a long time.

For various reasons, I can't really go into why I was upset today. It will suffice to say that several things were involved. First, there was an e-mail that represented an extreme betrayal. Second, and related to the e-mail, was an overwhelming feeling of helplessness and futility; regardless of any strengths or abilities I might have, there are some things I can't prevent, no matter how wrong those things are. And I hate that.

Third, there was an issue related to my post of a few days ago. It's hard to explain, so I'm not going to try. The fact of the matter is that I'm too tired to come up with an oblique way of explaining all of these things. So--and I'm sure you're all crushed--no potentially entirely unhelpful analogies tonight.

In any event, there's not really any need to focus on the negative.

At some point, I was running on very little soul--I felt totally crushed. Even going to the terrace with Co-SME didn't help much. In fact, it kinda made things worse (no offense, man). So I left.

I ended up at RPM and Bluebunny's (and by the way--I forgot to thank RPM for lending me the guitar I used to record Tiny Dancer. So, thanks, man). We watched this movie called The Wrong Guy, which I had watched in college and remember thinking was pretty funny. And I still really liked it, and I think they did, too. Then we watched some TV and, eventually, I got up to leave.

Right around then, everything started getting better, and I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

Then we took this stray we found to the shelter or whatever.

Then I checked my blog and found that two people had left some nice comments on the tag board. I really appreciate them.

So I'm actually feeling way better than I was, say, ten hours ago.



4 Comments


Dee said:

well, i'm glad to hear you are feeling better--but i am worried about you Ismael! i really hope things look up for the long term soon.

on a side note, i wondered if you were going to post about this AutoAdmit lawsuit? i would be interested to hear your take on this weird, weird situation.

June 21, 2007 9:42 AM



JLee said:

I'm sorry you had a bad day! You did the right thing by watching a funny movie and doing something good. Those kinds of things will lift your spirits in no time. :)

June 21, 2007 5:42 PM



Joe Tom Faust said:

I've got a thing or two that I'd like to say to some letter writers, but perhaps I'll lead by example and let it go. Maybe one day these letter writers can learn to let previously held positions go. Maybe.

June 22, 2007 12:07 AM



Ismael Tapia II said:

Dee,
You shouldn't worry about me. My life pretty much kicks ass, it's just that some days are harder than others. Yesterday was particularly difficult, but part of it was in my head, as it turns out, and the other part of it was . . . well, the other part was still really shitty.

JLee,
Yeah, funny movies and good friends always turn the day around.

Mr. Faust,
Maybe, one day, they will. I wouldn't hold my breathe, though.

June 22, 2007 12:41 AM



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