Some motherfucking piece of shit stole my fucking car!

Because there was a Badger game today, parking downtown was scarce. So I parked my car in a bus stop, following the example of several other drivers. Later, while on a Q run, I noticed that my car wasn't where I parked it. Figuring that it had been towed, I called up the police department, who told me who was doing the towing for the city. I called them, they told me where my car was, and I continued with my evening. Later, when Mr. Vice was driving me to my car, we found that it wasn't where the tow company had promised it would be. I called them up, they screamed at me that that's where they had put it. We wondered why the would tow cars to a place that is frequented by all manner of unsavory people.

I called the cops, and, after for-fucking-ever, they showed up. And the officer wondered why the tow company would be towing cars to such a dangerous place.

In any event, my car's fucking gone. No one knows where it is. God-fucking-damnit.

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 3:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)| Filed under Existential Nonsense , Goddamnit

Even though I graduated several months ago, I have yet to actually get licensed to practice law. The reason for this is that I put off the character and fitness application until pretty much the last day and, since then, Wisconsin has sent me on a scavenger hunt for various documents that would make even that guy from The Da Vinci Code dizzy. Still, after narrowly avoiding committing a felony, I'm finally at the point where I only need to collect one more document before I've given them everything they want. I only need to get a copy of my driving record from Arizona. That shouldn't be a problem, right? Wrong.

First, Arizona apparently requires that drivers records be requested at a DMV in person. That's a problem, obviously, because I live in Wisconsin. So, fine, Lauren, being the awesome friend that she is, agreed to go to the DMV and get the thing for me. I just had to fill out some forms giving her the authority to do so. As an aside, I should not that I asked the woman from the Arizona DMV if, when they gave Lauren my records, they would be able to put them in a sealed envelope so that the Wisconsin Board of Bar Examiners would know that I hadn't tampered with the records. The woman told me that no, they would not do that. Jesus.

Anyway, there were three forms I needed to fill out, so I printed them and filled them out. One of them seemed to make a distinction between the person who's records were being requested (that's me) and the person who was actually doing the requesting (that would be Lauren). That form used the term "requester" to mean the latter. When another form used the same word, I thought it meant the same thing, so I didn't fill that part out or get it notarized. As it turns out, Arizona likes to play fast and loose with definitions, so when it said "requester" on the second form, it actually meant me. So, when Lauren went to the DMV to get my fucking record, they couldn't give it to her. Fine. Fuck them. So, now I've gotta print out that form again. Which I did. And I have to get it notarized. Fine.

There's a bank right on the corner by my apartment, so I figured I could just have it done there. I'm not a customer of that bank, but I figured that they'd do it for me anyway. Here's the conversation I had with the woman who did the notarizing.

Me: Hi, I was wondering if you'd be able to notarize this for me?
Her: Sure, are you a customer here?
Me: Yes. [I'm not. But I figured that they'd just take my word for it and not charge me for notarizing this thing]
Her: Do you know your account number?
Me: No.
Her: Ok, do you have your card?
Me: No.
Her: Ok, can I have your name, please?
Me: Sure. [Fuck. Why the hell did I just lie? Goddamnit, how do I get myself out of this?]
Her: Your first name?
Me: Right. Tapia. [I figured that the only way to get out of this is to commit to it.]
Her: And your first name?
Me: Ismael.
Her: Hmm... And you're sure you're a customer here?
Me: Umm, yeah. [Watch and learn, watch and learn.] Wait, what bank is this?
Her: Park Bank.
Me: Oh, really? Wow, I thought it was a U.S. Bank. Wow, yeah, no, I guess I'm not a customer here, sorry. [This was about one of the dumbest moments of my life. She knew I was lying, I knew she knew I was lying, it was just terrible. It was like that time with the hotel pool in San Diego.]
Her: Ok. There's a fifty cent notary fee.
Me: Right. Ok.
Her: What do you need notarized?
Me: This. [I hand her the form]
Her: Ok. And do you have some ID?
Me: Yeah. [I hand her my Arizona drivers license--I've never gotten a Wisconsin one.]
Her: Hmm... do you have anything that says you live in Wisconsin?
Me: I have my UW student ID. [I hand her my student ID, which doesn't have my address or anything on it.]
Her: Ok. And what is this form?
Me: It's a form for the Arizona DMV. It's kind of a long story.
Her: Ok. [Studies the form intently.] What's the MVD?
Me: That's the DMV in Arizona--the Motor Vehicle Division rather than Department of Motor Vehicles.
Her: Right. I've never seen a form like this--is there more to it?
Me: Yeah. But, see, I had to mail it to someone. And this is the only thing that was wrong with what I mailed her, so I just printed off this part of the form. So it doesn't make any sense on its own, but, yeah, this is what I need.
Her: Hmmm... alright. Well, go ahead and sign it.
[I sign it.]
Her:Can you make your signature so that it looks like the one on your drivers license?
Me: Did I not do that?
Her: No. [She looks really confused. I compare them. They look the exact fucking same--I have no idea what she wants. She compares the signatures again and comares the pictures on my IDs to me.]
Her: Ok, I guess it's you. Now, can I get your address, please?
Me: Sure. [I give her my address. I live on the same road as the bank, just down a few blocks. She knows that now. She looks at me. I know that she's thinking that I knew along what bank I was in. Goddamnit.]

So, as if Arizona hadn't already made me jump through enough hoops, I get the one notary public in the universe who takes her job seriously. Goddamnit.

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 2:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)| Filed under Existential Nonsense , Funny Shit

You know that stereotype about how all high-school kids dissect frogs in biology class? That's one high-school stereotype I definitely did not experience. My biology class dissected fetal pigs. And it was awesome. My teacher even helped me pry the pig's brain out of its skull for extra credit. How that warrants extra credit, I don't know. But I did it, I got extra credit, and it was awesome.

Anyway, as I was looking around for interesting things to read, I found this article. Apparently, Japanese scientists have found a way to create frogs with transparent skin, which allows the scientists to study the frogs in new ways. They can, for example, track the grown and development of cancer in an animal without having to, you know, kill it. So, aside from the fact that transparent frogs are just plain creepy, I think the whole thing's pretty cool. Then I read this:

Dissections have become increasingly controversial in much of the world, particularly in schools where animal rights activists have pressed for humane alternatives such as using computer simulations.

To be honest, there was probably very little educational value to my dissecting a fetal pig. Seeing how all the organs fit together and stuff was interesting, but it probably wasn't the most enlightening thing. Still, I don't think that it was a completely worthless exercise, and I would hate to see it be replaced with some computer simulation for the sake of protecting some fucking reptiles.

And that got me started thinking about how much I hate PETA.

Animals are essentially biological machines, to borrow a phrase from Mr. X. They respond to external stimulus and react on instinct. Some can even learn. Certainly, some are much more intelligent than others. But none of them deserve the extensive protections that people deserve--regardless of what a bunch of idiot lawyers in Austria think. Sure, people are animals in a sense, but we're beyond that. Humans have hard-wired instincts and impulses just like all other animals, but we can override almost all of our preprogrammed instructions. We have free will in a way that animals do not. Show me a lion that decides, for moral reasons, that it wants to be a vegetarian and I'll reconsider. Put another way, humans are the only species for which moral culpability makes any sense. When a human kills another human, we say that the person is culpable--that they've chosen to do something wrong. When an animal kills a human being, it would be absurd to say that the animal is morally liable. Therefore, it would be equally absurd to say that a human who kills an animal is somehow morally deficient. I don't have a problem with hunting, I don't have a problem with factory farms, and I sure as fuck don't have a problem eating meat.

A human life is worth infinitely more than that of an animal. In fact, human comfort is worth more than the life of an animal--I'm sitting in a leather chair right now, and it's great. Whether human entertainment is worth the lives of animals is a slightly more complicated question. I've seen--and thoroughly enjoyed--both bull and cock fights. And I don't have any moral issues with either. But reading about Michael Vick's dogfights makes me slightly uneasy. Ultimately, though, I have to conclude that this is because I've owned and loved dogs. Like cats, dogs are our companions. My cats definitely have what could be called personalities. And I'd hate to see them suffer. And I'll admit that I generalize my affection for Smash and Lily to pretty much all cats. But that says more about me than it does about their inherent worth.

Certainly, there are limits--the phrase "animal cruelty" is not a contradiction in terms. We should not be cruel for the sake of being cruel. But neither should we elevate animals to some level that they don't deserve.

So I say dissect away.

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 8:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)| Filed under Existential Nonsense , Fun Shit I've Done , Philosophical Rants , Rants on the News

I have absolutely no idea why, but I hate going to a store and knowing that the clerk knows exactly what's going on in my life or what I'm about to do based on what I'm buying. I hate going into a grocery store and buying just the ingredients for lasagna because the clerk knows that I'm going to make lasagna that night (and yes, I do know how to make lasagna). I hate going into a hardware store and buying just lightbulbs because the clerk knows that, somewhere in my apartment, a lightbulb is out.

I don't know why I'm crazy like that, but I'm thankful that technology has allowed me to avoid having to deal with this issue. See, my grocery store just put in self-checkout lanes. it's awesome! I can gather whatever purpose-betraying items I need without fearing that I will be revealing something about myself to a strange. And, almost as importantly, it saves me the trouble of having to deal with the fucking clerk people. Let's face it, those people are either so stupid or so zoned out that it's sometimes almost painful to deal with them. And I hate making small talk.

Now if only my local pornography dealer would install a similar device . . . .

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 4:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)| Filed under Existential Nonsense , Funny Shit , Rants About Things That Make Me Irrationally Angry

Needless to say, I was a little apprehensive as tonight's Heroes episode started. But--perhaps because my expecations were extremely low--I liked the episode. It wasn't groundbreaking or excellent, but it was a decent way of showing where the characters have gone since the debacle at Kirby Plaza, and I think that most of the characters are set up to have really interesting story arcs this season.

We start with Mohinder giving a lecture about a plague that's killing only those that have special abilities. Again, Heroes is ripping off storylines from the X-Men comics. The first time they did this--when Hiro traveled into a dystopian future where special people are persecuted, mirroring the classic Days of Future Past X-Men story--I thought it was a nice little homage to Heroes' comic-book heritage. Now I think it's just kind of lazy. Still, I'm sure that Heroes will take it in a different direction, so I'm willing to take a wait-and-see approach. Anyway, Mohinder gets recruited by the Company (now officially called that in the show, apparently) and we find out that he, Parkman (who's still alive) and Mr. Bennett are all working together to bring it down. This storyline will be fun to see develop, I think.

Parkman, Mohinder, and Molly Walker are all living together in New York City in some sort of "I have two daddies" scenario. And Molly's having some nightmares about that guy she talked about before--the one that's worse than Sylar. Also, Parkman divorced his wife, which was a great move on his part and which will really free up his character, but hadn't he and Janice reconciled? And wasn't she pregnant? Is that still going to figure into this year's story? I mean, it's called "Generations," right? Or are they just gone?

Nathan apparently survived his heroic--though perhaps unnecessary--flight with Peter, but he's not doing that great. His wife and kids left him, and he's apparently not a Congressman. Maybe the plan to rig the election was discovered and Nathan lost his seat. In any event, he's looking pretty scruffy and hittin' the bottle pretty hard. But at least he's got the balls--or the liquid courage--to tell his mom that she's evil. And he's looking after Peter's stuff. I liked seeing that.

Hiro's still kicking it in Japan's Edo period--and he's discovered that the famous Japanese hero Takezo Kensei is actually a cowardly British con man. It'll be interesting to see how this plays out. Is it going to turn out that Hiro is actually Kensei? Is Hiro going to do the swordsmith's daughter? What about Charlie? And why doesn't Hiro just go back to the future?

Claire's having trouble adjusting to her secret identity. And she's got a new boy--who has super powers. In fact, he's the first person we've seen who has a duplicate ability that I can remember. How strange is that--both your dad and your boyfriend have the ability to fly. In any event, I didn't really like the new guy until he used his flying ability to creepily watch Claire through her window--a scene lifted directly out of Superman Returns.

Then there's all the stuff with Angela Petrelli, Mr. Nakamura, and Linderman's other associates. That whole thing, I think, is going to be really interesting.

I'm not sure how I feel about the new characters, Alejandro and Maya. I was actually wondering when they were going to get around to introducing some Latin-American charcters. But, seriously, what is their deal? Maya said "God" just a few too many times for it to come off as not stereotypical--I mean, really, a devoutly religious Latin-American? There's something original. And what's her power? She can kill tons of Mexicans in a single blow? Great. I just don't think that they should make a character's power the mystery. Remember what happened when they tried that with Niki? Yeah, that sucked.

Peter's alive and... I'm not going to say "well," but he's alive, in a shiping container in Ireland, and apparently without memory. This could either suck or be cool. Let's see how it plays out.

But, best of all, no Niki, DL, or Micah. Awesome move, writers!

So, all in all, a solid start. I'm excited for next week's episode, so that's a good sign.

Other new shows I watched tonight:

• Chuck. Eh. It was mildly entertaining. The premise is... stupid. The girl is hot, but that's hardly enough to keep this thing on. I'll probably watch next week, but mostly because it's on before Heroes.


• Journeyman. I liked this one a little better. It was pretty good, I thought. The only problem is that, even though the premise is kind of out there, this exact kind of show has been done before. The whole "unwitting time traveler jumping around jumping through time trying to put right what once went wrong" thing is exactly like Quantum Leap, only instead of Al and Ziggy, the main character's got an iPhone. Still, I'll watch this one again next weekend.

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 9:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)| Filed under Existential Nonsense , Heroes , Superman , Television Reviews

Number five was the biggest douche. Awesome.

Now, by request, the new poll asks who you think the best Simpsons voice actor is. I omitted both Yeardley Smith and Nancy Cartwright because they each only do one character (if you count Marge and all of her relatives as one character, which, vocally, I do).

Anyway, my vote goes to Hank Azaria, mostly because of Bumblebee Man.

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 2:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)| Filed under Polls , Things I'm Irrationally Attached To

Mr. Kring,
I have to say that I am extremely frustrated and disappointed.

Before the last TV season started, Heroes was one of the few new series I was excited for. In fact, I was extremely excited about it, but I feared that it would get cancelled relatively on. While the show's premise--ordinary people learning that they have extraordinary abilities--appealed to me, an old-school comic-book geek. Still, I was afraid that the public at large wouldn't understand or, more likely, that the creative staff would fail to take their characters seriously. Needless to say that I was pleasantly surprised.

In fact, I was astonished. It seemed as though every single episode was better than the last. I would go into the office on Tuesday mornings and declare the previous night's episode the best yet, only to have the next week's episode blow the last one out of the water. The characters were real; who couldn't identify with Hiro or Claire or Peter or even Nathan? The writing was perfect; the characters were believable, the plots were coherent, there was great tension and suspense, and there were even great humorous moments. And, of course, the villain was first rate; Sylar was both frightening and sympathetic to a certain degree. In other words, it was an amazing television show--definitely my favorite.

Imagine my surprise, then, when the whole thing started to come undone. After "Company Man"--which is still my favorite episode--the quality started to drop off severely. The finale was just around the corner. This was when you needed all hands on deck to bring us, your adoring, faithful audience, the finale we deserved--the finale that, based on the excellence we'd come to expect, we knew you could deliver. But as "How to Stop an Exploding Man" unfolded before us, we realized that you had not delivered.

In fact, not only had you not delivered, you had outright half-assed the thing. Part of what made Heroes so special was the fact that you took your characters, their situations, and their powers seriously. Despite the fact that your characters could fly, regenerate, and stop time, you always put them in challenging situations and then had them escape in ways that were, within the universe's logic, perfectly believable. And the characters' motivations and actions were always consistent with the character. It was as if you completely abandoned these principals during the finale. Why did Nathan have to fly away with Peter? In fact, why did he risk his life at all? Your statement that "real explanation is that we wanted Nathan to show up and [save the day]" only adds insult to injury. If you wanted Nathan to save the day, you should have expended the effort to have that resolution be both believable and compelling. Instead the episode that we had been looking forward to all season was the year's worst.

The second season starts tomorrow night. I'll be watching, Mr. Kring, but not with as much joy as I should be. Over the summer, repeats of last season's episodes have sat on my Tivo unwatched. I haven't gone to the forums I frequented, and discussions of your show with my friends have been less than enthusiastic. "How to Stop an Exploding Man" left a bad taste in my mouth, and I think that, although you and your writing staff deserves a great deal of credit, the blame for the disappointment falls squarely on your shoulders.

Please, Mr. Kring, don't let us down again.

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 10:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)| Filed under Existential Nonsense , Heroes , Rants , Television Reviews

One of my favorite books is Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card. Although it's ostensively a science-fiction book, it's one of the few pieces of writing that I think truly transcends that genre. Anyone--sci-fi geek or otherwise--would enjoy that book.

Although I've known that Mr. Card is a member of the Chuch of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints for some time, I hadn't really cared too much. Then today, for some reason, I wandered over to his Wikipedia page, and found a link to an article he wrote called "The Hypocrites of Homosexuality." In it, Mr. Card discusses his--and the Mormon Church's--belief that homosexuality is a sin. But, while Mr. Card is free to have these beliefs, and while the Mormon Church is free to determine what conduct is and is not appropriate under its own moral rubric, Mr. Card goes further:

Laws against homosexual behavior should remain on the books, not to be indiscriminately enforced against anyone who happens to be caught violating them, but to be used when necessary to send a clear message that those who flagrantly violate society's regulation of sexual behavior cannot be permitted to remain as acceptable, equal citizens within that society.

This statement seriously calls into question Mr. Card's claim that he is neither a homophobe nor a bigot.

There is a distinction, I think, between believing in a religion that considers certain activities or beliefs sinful and advocating for the criminalization of those activities or beliefs. One can believe, as Mr. Card claims to, that the sinful nature of homosexuality does not justify violence and not be a bigot. Such a belief essentially means that, while an individual is in some way marked by a certain religious group, that mark does not justify negative treatment by people outside the group like, for example, the government. Although the merits of such an opinion might be debated, the holder of the opinion is not clearly a bigot.

But Mr. Card goes further: he claims that the government--an entity outside of the Mormon Church--should regulate homosexual conduct with the aim of imposing his moral views on those that behave inappropriately. In fact, he claims that such individuals should not be accepted as equal citizens. In other words, Mr. Card believes that, because of his personal moral views, some segment of society should be devalued not only by his own religion, but by society at large. This is--in addition to logically unsupportable--bigotry.

Mr. Card continues:

The goal of the polity is not to put homosexuals in jail. The goal is to discourage people from engaging in homosexual practices in the first place, and, when they nevertheless proceed in their homosexual behavior, to encourage them to do so discreetly, so as not to shake the confidence of the community in the polity's ability to provide rules for safe, stable, dependable marriage and family relationships.

Mr. Card therefore supports nothing less than the complete subjugation of gay people. He would have them deny themselves in public so that children might not be scarred by seeing a family with two fathers or two mothers.

In a word, Mr. Card's beliefs, regardless of how intelligently he articulates them or how frequently he claims they are not intolerant, are repugnant.

I've never been one to stop enjoying an artist's work because of the artist's flaws, but it's just sad to think that the same man who brought us Ender, Valentine, Bean, and Petra could bring us such filth.

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 4:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)| Filed under Book Reviews , Philosophical Rants , Rants , Rants About Things That Make Me Irrationally Angry , Things I'm Irrationally Attached To

My sleeping schedule tends to get all fucked up anytime that I have a period of over a week where I don't have a consistent wake-up time. As I haven't had a consistent wake-up time for months, my sleep schedule is seriously fucked up. And I think I may be an insomniac now.

For example, I got about eight hours of sleep total this weekend. Then I stayed up from about 11:30 Sunday morning until about 6:30 Monday morning. But I couldn't sleep, so I got back out of bed and didn't actually get to sleep until about 8:30 or 9 on Monday morning. Then I woke up at about 1 and couldn't get back to sleep, so I just stayed up. Which explains why I was passed out in bed by 10:30 on Monday night. And now it's 5:36 on Tuesday morning and I'm up again. I'm going to try to go back to sleep, but I don't think there's much chance of that happening.

God, this sucks.

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 5:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)| Filed under Existential Nonsense , Funny Shit , Life Sucks Sometimes

One of the worst feelings I can think of is the feeling that I've let someone down. I hate doing that. I hate it when people count on me and I can't--or just don't--come through.

Some conversations are hard. It's hard enough to listen to people criticize you. It's even harder when you know they're right. And it's probably hardest when it's someone you love--someone you hate letting down more than anyone.

Sometimes, when I look out at the accumulated accomplishments of my life, I'm really happy with what I see. Sometimes, though, I only see wasted potential and unkept promises.

There's no choice, really: I have to try harder to be a good person and to not let down the few people that still have faith in me.

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 4:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)| Filed under Existential Nonsense , Life Sucks Sometimes , Potentially Entirely Unhelpful Analogies

So, although I've lived in Madison for over three years now, I had never made it down to the famed farmer's market around the capital. This was partly due to the fact that I hate getting up early on weekends--or at all, really--and the fact that I don't really buy a lot of produce, anyway. But I finally went this weekend, and it was pretty good.

First of all, there's not just produce, although there's certainly lots of that. But there's also a shitload of a really good baked goods (I had an awesome cheese danish), lots of meat products (some of the beef jerkey and beef sticks were awesome), and, of course, lots and lots of cheese. As it turns out, the cheese was my favorite part. I've recently decided that I actually love bleu cheese, and there was some damned good bleu cheese there. My favorite, by far, was this bleu cheddar stuff. It was fucking amazing.

Second, Saturday was the perfect fall day. The air was just a little chilly, there was a little breeze, and the whole day suggested that winter's just around the corner, but it's not ready to snow just yet. There really wasn't a better way to start the day than at the farmer's market. And there was certainly no better way to continue it than a trip to the Fitchburg Dane for lunch and the Badger game. Although the Badgers looked pretty weak in the first half, it was nice to see them really start kicking ass in the fourth quarter.

After the bar, we went back to L-Dawg and X-tina's, where we took turns napping. God, I was exhausted--I had gone to bed at about 1am and gotten up at about 6 for some reason. Still, we kind of watched the Michigan game and, despite all my prayers to the contrary, they annihalated Notre Dame.

Eventually, we went bowling, which was a lot of fun, but which also spelled the end of the evening because, frankly, L-Dawg, X-tina, Utah, and I were all about to pass out.

All in all, it was an almost perfect autumn day.

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 6:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)| Filed under 150 Things to Love About Madison , Existential Nonsense , Hanging Out With My Friends , Reviews

That girl I went on that date with is back in the States, as it turns out. Not that that does me any good.

While she was away, there was very minimal Facebook messaging contact. I didn't really get a good feeling about it. Then, I knew that she'd be back sometime this week, so I waited to see if she'd call. She didn't. So I messaged her on Facebook. She finally responded today, saying that she had a good time but that, right now, she's "involved" with someone, which struck me as rather odd.

The way I see it, she wouldn't have gone on some date with me if she was involved with someone before she left. And she's been back for about four days or something, so how the fuck is she now involved? Frankly, I'm pretty sure it's one of those "let him down easy" lies, which just makes me angry. If you're not attracted to me, that's cool, it happens. But don't fucking lie about it!

And if you're not lying, then what was that date all about? Seriously, what the fuck?

So, anyway, today was sort of a shitty day, but not just because of this thing. I'm just stressed about the future. Really, really stressed.

One general comment. I put up individual pictures for each of the category pages, so that each page gets its own customized page. I haven't finished making them all yet, and some of them suck right now, so bear with me. But check it out if you have a minute. Some of you might find that I included a picture of you. If you'd like me to take your picture down, let me know.

Also, are you all taking a "if you don't have something nice to say don't say anything at all" approach to my version of "Maps"?

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 5:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)| Filed under Existential Nonsense , General Remarks , Life Sucks Sometimes , Rants About Things That Make Me Irrationally Angry

I started working on a cover of "Maps" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs a while ago, then abandoned it because I got distracted by some other stuff. I found it today as I was looking around my harddrive and decided to give it another go.

I usually go overdub crazy, so I originally wanted to buck that trend and include only one guitar and one vocal track on this one. Ultimately, there are five tracks: two guitars and three voices. Still, I think it's pretty sparse.

Also, I took tRJ's comments from my "Tiny Dancer" attempt to heart and sang this in a more comfortable octave. I think it works. Let me know what you think.

The Lovers of Sight and Sound - Maps

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 2:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)| Filed under Existential Nonsense , The Lovers of Sight and Sound

I went and watched Shoot 'Em Up with Mr. Vice, pH, and New Guy today. God, that movie sucked a whole fucking lot. I don't know if Mr. Vice is planning on posting a review, so I'll just say this: I thought about asking for my money back after the movie was over, but decided that getting my $5.75 back wouldn't be sufficient. In fact, if they had given me the fucking movie theatre itself, I still would have considered the day a loss. It was fucking terrible.

But, strangely enough, the movie wasn't the thing that made me angriest about the movie-going experience. I have to admit that I'm one of those people who loves watching movie trailers. I don't really know what it is, but it's exciting to see two minutes from some upcoming movie. Sometimes, I like the trailers more than I like the movie. So, I'm not at all put off when a movie theatre says the show will start at 3 but the feature doesn't actually start until 3:10 because of the trailers. What I will not abide, however, is the fact that now they're putting actual fucking commercials in front of the feature. Not commercials for movies--or even commercials for TV shows, which is bad enough--but commercials for actual fucking products like Pepsi or Axe body spray. And, by the way, anyone who uses Axe body spray deserves to have their head stepped on by an elephant. But, I digress. Seriously, showing me commercials before the movie means that I'm actually paying the theatre for the privilege of watching advertising. It's fucking absurd.

Still, that's not what made me angriest today. What made me angriest was the stupid fuck in the row ahead of us who told me to shut up during the fucking pre-preview commercials. If I'm talking during the actual movie, you should tell me to shut up. In fact, I deserve to be hung from a pole by my balls. Hell, I'll even admit that you have a right to be pissed if I'm talking during the trailers. But you can suck my well-toned Mexican ass if you think you can tell me to be quiet during a fucking commercial for fucking Axe body spray! I hate that product, I hate that commercial, and now I hate you because you seem to be having trouble understanding the plot to the fucking commercial. It's not that hard: Axe makes girls rape you. That's the big twist ending. I'm sorry I fucking ruined it for you. I hope you fucking die. You and that stupid Morgan Freeman lookalike.

I didn't say all of that. But I definitely told him to fuck off or something. And I remember actually thinking "I'd better just let this one go before I get kicked out of the theatre."

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 5:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)| Filed under Existential Nonsense , Hanging Out With My Friends , Horribly Inappropriate Things I've Said , Movie Reviews , Rants About Things That Make Me Irrationally Angry

If you guys aren't doing anything, some frenchmen, Mrs. Bennison's first grade class, some actual ducks, and I are going to play the Michigan Wolverines. One of the little kids knows how to fold ninja stars out of paper, so I think we've got a pretty good chance. Anyone wanna come?

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 8:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)| Filed under Funny Shit , Rants on the News

Rushmore is one of my all-time favorite movies. I hadn't seen it for a while, though, but we remedied that tonight. And I have to say that it just gets better every time I watch it.

I don't really know why I like the movie so much. The humor can be pretty subtle--like when Mr. Blume lights up a second cigarette even though his last one is still in his mouth--but that's part of what makes the movie so good. You notice something new each time you watch it. And let's not forget the famous "Oh, are they?" line. But, although the movie has parts that I can't help but laugh out loud at, I wouldn't call it a comedy. Some parts are really very touching. I love all of the scenes with Max's dad--he's such a genuinely nice guy, and he just sort of lets his son do whatever he needs to do to figure things out for himself. I really love the scene at the end when Max dedicates his play to his mother, and you see his dad, and you can tell that he's really touched. I love that.

The characters and their interaction are also pretty much perfect. Between Max, Mr. Blume, and Miss Cross, you've got just about the strangest friendship-love triangle ever. The fact that Max's two best friends are over twice his age says a lot about who he is, as does the fact that he actually thinks he's got a shot with his teacher. He's simultaneously way too mature and way too naive. It doesn't help that, although he's fifteen, he's got the emotional maturity of a four-year-old. Mr. Blume is a man that, despite his financial success, pretty much hates everything about his life. His wife's cheating on him and his kids are pretty much evil. There's nothing left of him but an empty shell. Until he meets Max and, of course, Miss Cross. Miss Cross is probably the most normal of the three, but that's not saying a lot. She's still hung up on her dead husband, going so far as to sleep in his childhood bedroom. But that doesn't stop her from having an affair with Mr. Blume. Perhaps the clearest evidence of the completely fucked-up nature of the characters and their relationships is that, at the end, they all seem to have forgiven each other for the completely ridiculous things they've done to each other. I don't know that I'd forgive someone who cut my brake lines that quickly.

What's perhaps most unique about Wes Anderson's movies is that, while the characters develop and change, they don't go from deeply flawed to well-adjusted--they go from deeply flawed to slightly less deeply flawed. That's what contributes to the feeling of melancholy that permeates Rushmore. Although Max has turned the tide of his steady decline by the end, he's still got a long way to go. And, although Mr. Blume and Miss Cross are speaking again, we don't know that they're back together. It's all left hanging.

The movie might be far too crazy for some people. It's certainly unconventional in some respects. I, however, found it to be a perfect fit. If you haven't watched it, watch it right now! And if you have watched it, watch it again--I guarantee you'll like it more after you do.

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 5:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)| Filed under Existential Nonsense , Hanging Out With My Friends , Movie Reviews , Things I'm Irrationally Attached To

I recognize that this may be controversial, but I would put "Yellow Submarine" in my personal top-five Beatles songs. In no particular order, I think the other four would be "While My Guitar Gently Weeps," "Love You To," "Yesterday," and maybe "All You Need Is Love." The last three are definitely up for discussion, but I won't budge on "Yellow Submarine" or While My Guitar Gently Weeps."

In the past, when I've told people about how much I like "Yellow Submarine," I've been laughed at and mocked. I don't really understand why. The song is awesome. In the dark days of high school, when I was interested only in music that rocked--and rocked hard--I didn't like The Beatles very much at all. In fact, I actively hated them. One day, having grown tired of being mocked for my musical ignorance, I asked my friend Santi to lend me a Beatles album. He leant me Revolver. Althought he album's been named one of the best of all time, and I have since come to appreciate it, I didn't like it as a whole very much at the time. But I loved "Love You To" and "Yellow Submarine." And "Eleanor Rigby," of course. But I can honestly say that my latter-day appreciation for The Beatles stems from my friend Santi and, more specifically, "Love You To" and "Yellow Submarine."

But let's get back to defending the song. It's mellow and happy. I know I don't usually go for that kind of stuff, but how could you not smile and sway when you hear "In the town where I was born . . . ." The chorus is awesome, too, with some vocal harmony and a nice little groove to it. And then there's all the other stuff: the random nautical sounds, the people talking, the glasses clinking. It's just so soothing. It may not be the pinnacle of artistic achievement--it's certainly no Beethoven's Ninth. But it's catchy and whimsical. And, for that, it will always be one of my all-time favorite Beatles songs.

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 5:18 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)| Filed under Existential Nonsense , Music Reviews , Things I'm Irrationally Attached To

Senator Larry Craig is one hell of a practical joker. In the past few months, he's successfully punk'd America no fewer than three times. First, according to the police report, Senator Craig--obviously seeking to bring some entertainment into the life of an undercover agent relegated to airport toilet duty (what the fuck do you have to do to end up assigned to sit in an airport toilet stall waiting for someone to proposition you for anal sex, anyway?)--decided to humor the poor schmuck and, through the use of Bond-like signals such as "tapping your right foot" and "sticking your fingers in the other guy's stall," indicate that he was up for pretty much anything as long as it involved penises and lube. The undercover officer, no doubt both flattered and amused, proceeded to identify himself to Senator Craig. "Psych!" screamed the Senator. But the police officer, who apparently has the sense of humor of a dead goldfish, arrested him anyway.

That was just fine as far as Senator Craig was concerned--it just allowed him to set up his next awesome prank. See, having been previously accused of being gay and of engaging in various inappropriate sexual relationships with men, the Senator knew that what would really kill the guys back in the Senate was if he plead guilty to the charges of lewd conduct and whatnot. He no doubt thought that what would make the whole thing perfect was that pleading guilty to something means admitting that you did exactly what you're accused of. "This is going to be better than the time I put that whoopee cushion in Strom Thurmond's chair," he thought. Sure enough, the media ate that shit up, and Senator Craig got us good when he got up there and said "psych!" Yeah, he plead guilty, he admitted he did it, but he hadn't really done it! Hilarious!

But his next move was nothing short of pure comic gold. Those fuckers in the Republican Party wanted to get him back for burning them so bad, so they insisted that he resign. "Fuck it," he thought, "if they want me to resign, I'll fucking resign." His staffers probably wondered why he used air quotes when he said "resign," but, after working for him for years, they knew better than to try and stop him when he was in the middle of one of his crazy schemes. They were shocked when, a few days later, he actually did resign. They had never expected that.

America had already started to forget about old Larry and his resignation when--out of nowhere--he got in front of a microphone and screamed, at the top of his lungs, "Psych! I'm not fucking resigning! I got all of you! God, you guys should have seen the looks on your faces--priceless!"

Yeah, the man's a comic genius. Either that or he's one of the most monumentally stupid public servants we've ever had. He'd have to be not to understand the no-takeback nature of fucking guilty pleas and resignations.

God, I hope he's laughing really hard somewhere.

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 3:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)| Filed under Funny Shit , Legal Rants , Political Rants , Rants on the News

I know I'm a few years late on this, but, seriously, why did Coldplay decide to call off being a good band?

After some initial waffling following the release of A Rush of Blood to the Head, I have since concluded that Parachutes is definitely their best album. The first five songs off of Parachutes are all excellent--they each earn at least four stars on my iTunes list. "Don't Panic" is a great opener that really sets the tone for the album; "Shiver" is a really good follow-up to the first track; "Spies" is one of my favorite tracks on the album (and the little sound at the beginning reminds me of the Lord of the Rings for some reason); "Sparks" is a great mellow and depressing song; and I've always really loved "Yellow," even if it got really played out. The rest of the album is pretty decent, as well, and I really like "Everything's Not Lost"--I think it's a great way to close out the album.

Don't get me wrong--the second album's good, too. But I don't think it's as good as the first anymore. While "Politik" is a good opener, it's just not as intimate and appealing as "Don't Panic," and that's the way the rest of the thing proceeds. Although "Green Eyes" is a beautiful song, "The Scientist" is decent, and "Clocks" is pretty good, the album fails to connect on the same level as the first one. I don't know what it is, really. The songs just aren't as . . . thoughtful, I guess.

And then there's X&Y. I pretty much stopped listening to Coldplay altogether after that album came out. It left a really bad taste in my mouth. Instead of the intimate, close-quarters feel of the first album, this album is overblown and overproduced but underwhelming. I think that a lot of the appeal of Parachutes was that the songs were raw to some degree. The band wore its heart on its sleeve. But, on X&Y, it's as if the feelings and the actual songs were separated by the Cone of Silence or something. It's as if the feelings have a sort of shiny covering. I don't know, it just comes across as incredibly inauthentic to me.

So, yeah, like most bands, Coldplay's early work is definitely better than their later work. In fact, I can't think of a single band--other than the Beatles--that did their best work later in their career. The Smashing Pumpkins definitely fit that generalization. So do Weezer, the Pixies, U2, Pearl Jam, Dave Matthews Band, the Foo Fighters, and even younger bands like the Shins.

Ultimately, I guess it's not Coldplay's fault--you become less creative as you get older. Pain breeds creativity, and, hopefully, age lessens the sorts of pain that makes for good rock songs. But I still hate it when a band starts to suck.

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 3:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)| Filed under Existential Nonsense , Music Reviews , Rants About Things That Make Me Irrationally Angry , The Smashing Pumpkins , Things I'm Irrationally Attached To

As anyone who has met me at any time between elementary school and the present can attest, I hate sports. I'm not sure if my inability to succeed at sports lead to my disdain for watching sports or if the complete lack of interest in following sports lead to my total lack of motivation on any of a number of sports fields. I've tried, but it just doesn't stick.

I played little league baseball when I was really young. Our team, if I remember correctly, actually won the championship for our league. But I could be making that up, I can't really remember. All I do remember is being completely inept at the game. I couldn't hit, couldn't run, couldn't catch, and couldn't throw. And I also lacked any sort of competative spirit. Win or lose, it was all the same to me. And I hated practice. It totally robbed me of valuable TV-watching time.

In late elementary school and early middle school, I discovered the only sport--if you can call it that--that I was ever any good at: bowling. I was decent for my age, but still nothing special. Still, I was better at it than at anything else. I actually had a bunch of bowling trophies from all of the leagues. It was kind of cool. It was during that phase that I set my long-standing all-time record of 176. I didn't beat that score until this year, actually.

In middle school, while other kids were actually playing sports and trading baseball cards and whatnot, I concentrated my efforts on collecting the entire set of X-Men trading cards--a goal I was very near accomplishing when my binder was stolen.

Having read all of the foregoing, it might come as a surprise to some of you that I was actually a varsity athlete in high school. I had a letter and everything, although I never got the jacket because I thought it was way too expensive and kind of stupid. I also knew I'd get beaten up for wearing it. You see, I lettered in chess. An amazing accomplishment, I know. Our team was actually state champions during my tenure, although, again, I played no role in that victory. You see, I was never really good at chess. Oh well.

I went to a college that, I think, had sports teams. But they all sucked, and there wasn't any sort of sports culture. No one gave a shit about our teams--who would openly root for a team called the Lumberjacks? So, for five years, I was completely removed from any sort of sports culture, except for my friend Mr. Morenononsense who would sometimes try to explain various sports-related news items to me. But, really, I didn't care and didn't really understand.

It's surprising, then, that I got up this morning and immediately headed over to L-dawg and X-tina's to watch the Badgers. Wisconsin is unlike NAU in many ways, but perhaps most notably in that people here not only care about sports, they go crazy for it. And certainly no sport gets more attention than football. While absolutely nothing can top seeing a game from the student section at Camp Randall (jump around, anyone?), seeing the Badgers' new quarterback's rocket-guided lasers consistently find their marks against Washington was pretty satisfying.

If going to law school at Wisconsin has taught me anything, however, it's that I hate med students and that I hate Michigan football. So the awesomeness of watching the Badgers beat a team they were clearly going to beat pales in comparision to the awesomeness of knowing that the Michigan Wolverines, in what's being called the biggest upset in college-sports history, lost to the Appalachian State Mountaineers today. And what's even better is knowing that Mr. X. was there, at the Big House, watching them lose.

Posted by Ismael Tapia II at 4:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)| Filed under Existential Nonsense , General Awesomeness , Hanging Out With My Friends , Law School , Things I'm Irrationally Attached To