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Things that Made Me Angry Today

September 10, 2007 5:35 AM

went and watched Shoot 'Em Up with Mr. Vice, pH, and New Guy today. God, that movie sucked a whole fucking lot. I don't know if Mr. Vice is planning on posting a review, so I'll just say this: I thought about asking for my money back after the movie was over, but decided that getting my $5.75 back wouldn't be sufficient. In fact, if they had given me the fucking movie theatre itself, I still would have considered the day a loss. It was fucking terrible.

But, strangely enough, the movie wasn't the thing that made me angriest about the movie-going experience. I have to admit that I'm one of those people who loves watching movie trailers. I don't really know what it is, but it's exciting to see two minutes from some upcoming movie. Sometimes, I like the trailers more than I like the movie. So, I'm not at all put off when a movie theatre says the show will start at 3 but the feature doesn't actually start until 3:10 because of the trailers. What I will not abide, however, is the fact that now they're putting actual fucking commercials in front of the feature. Not commercials for movies--or even commercials for TV shows, which is bad enough--but commercials for actual fucking products like Pepsi or Axe body spray. And, by the way, anyone who uses Axe body spray deserves to have their head stepped on by an elephant. But, I digress. Seriously, showing me commercials before the movie means that I'm actually paying the theatre for the privilege of watching advertising. It's fucking absurd.

Still, that's not what made me angriest today. What made me angriest was the stupid fuck in the row ahead of us who told me to shut up during the fucking pre-preview commercials. If I'm talking during the actual movie, you should tell me to shut up. In fact, I deserve to be hung from a pole by my balls. Hell, I'll even admit that you have a right to be pissed if I'm talking during the trailers. But you can suck my well-toned Mexican ass if you think you can tell me to be quiet during a fucking commercial for fucking Axe body spray! I hate that product, I hate that commercial, and now I hate you because you seem to be having trouble understanding the plot to the fucking commercial. It's not that hard: Axe makes girls rape you. That's the big twist ending. I'm sorry I fucking ruined it for you. I hope you fucking die. You and that stupid Morgan Freeman lookalike.

I didn't say all of that. But I definitely told him to fuck off or something. And I remember actually thinking "I'd better just let this one go before I get kicked out of the theatre."



4 Comments


Lauren said:

There's nothing like a good 'ol Ismael-rant to start the morning.

September 10, 2007 9:53 AM



TheExpat said:

I posit that there is indeed nothing like one in the evenining either, Lauren. Greetings from 15 hours in the future!

September 11, 2007 7:58 AM



Vice said:

Getting us kicked out of the theater may have been the most merciful thing you could have done at that point.

September 11, 2007 8:47 PM



Ismael Tapia II said:

Yeah, that's probably true, but we didn't know that at the time. Besides, don't you think I've gotten us kicked out of way too many places at this point?

September 11, 2007 10:55 PM



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