<-"The Line" or "It's Deja Vu All Over Again" |Main|Apology to the Guy With the Scooter->

Bigfoot?

October 31, 2007 5:19 AM

hat do you think this is a picture of:

According to the accompanying article, it's a picture a hunter's automatic forest camera took. The hunter, one Rick Jacobs, having never seen anything like the pictured object, immediately reported the pictures to--who else--the Bigfoot Research Organization. And the BRO, in an entirely unexpected move, concluded that the picture is, indeed, of a bigfoot or, more accurately, "a juvenile Sasquatch." The Pennsylvania Game Commission, however, believes that the picture is of nothing more than "a bear with a severe case of mange."

Let's carefully parse each part of what's going on here. First, some asshole hunter decided that he was going to set up a camera in the forest. "Why the fuck would he do that?" I asked myself. Well, so that he could take pictures of deer, says the article. Yeah, that's credible. Second, after finding these strange pictures, the guy goes to a fucking organization that I bet has about as much scientific credibility as the Flat Earth Society. So far so good. Third, the fucking wacked out organization identifies the pictures as that of a Bigfoot. We're almost in the clear here. Finally, some asshat at the Game Commission publicly claims that it's a bear with mange. Mange? It's a skin infection that caused this bear to have elongated hind legs and walk upright? That's some pretty weak sauce. Why isn't anyone calling it what it really is--A GUY IN A FUCKING MONKEY SUIT!

This whole thing is clearly a conspiracy by the reptilians, George H.W. Bush, Bono, some antisemitic Jewish werewolves, and that fucking beef jerkey company to rid the Wisconsin Law Review of it's beloved Pepsi machine.. Connect the dots, man.



6 Comments


jbob said:

Actually, looks more like an orangutan than a juvenile sasquatch.

Hunters set up those cameras all the time. They are triggered by movement and are used to see what sort of traffic an area is getting before setting up a deer stand.

October 31, 2007 8:25 AM



jbob said:

Actually, looks more like an orangutan than a juvenile sasquatch.

Hunters set up those cameras all the time. They are triggered by movement and are used to see what sort of traffic an area is getting before setting up a deer stand.

October 31, 2007 8:28 AM



kristin said:

It would be amazing if this whole thing was a prank on the guy who sent in the picture.

Say this Joe Blow's friend knows that he believes in Bigfoot and knows where he is setting the camera up. Like jbob said, these cameras are set up all the time prior to hunting and people ususually set them out with their hunting buddies. So the friend goes out to the camera in the middle of the night wearing some mangy monkey suit and prances around. The next morning Joe Blow goes out to get his camera and flips his shit, believing that he somehow took a picture of a "juvenile Sasquatch" instead of a "juvenile Pennsylvanian."

So now Joe Blow believes that Bigfoot exists. The friend gets to laugh at him about sending the picture in AND every time Joe Blow brings this up for the rest of time. Awesome.

October 31, 2007 11:28 AM



Vice said:

Don't these people know anything?

That's not a Bigfoot. It is way too small to be a Bigfoot. And there is no such thing as a "juvenile" Bigfoot. Bigfoots (or Bigfeet, if you will) are born as adults - they are always the same size. The mother Bigfoot lays an egg, the male Bigfoot fertilizes the egg with his Bigsauce, and the egg grows exponentially in size until a new Bigfoot is hatched as an adult. The Bigfoot family then roams the countryside in search of beef jerkey, until occasionally they are adopted by nice families into nice American homes.

The animal in the picture was clearly a centaur, with a severe case of mange.

October 31, 2007 12:36 PM



jbob said:

Bigsauce? I think you meant SpecialSauce.

October 31, 2007 9:28 PM



TheExpat said:

hehheh Bigsauce.

What can I say? I'm a juvenile Arizonian.

November 1, 2007 2:13 AM



Leave a comment