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Apology to the Guy With the Scooter

November 1, 2007 3:11 AM

eeing as how I generally offend the vast majority of the people around me and, in some cases--as we're about to see--people who have never had any direct interaction with me, I've decided that I need to start apologizing to people. Seeing as how I rarely know the people I piss off, I think this is an appropriate forum.

Now, here's the thing. L-Dawg and X-tina live downtown. There's not a lot of parking around there. Sometimes, I have to drive around their neighborhood for a good twenty minutes before I can find somewhere to park. And even when I do, it's sometimes several blocks away, which means I have to walk--and I hate walking. Sometimes--like on Badger game days--the parking is so tight that there's literally no legal place to park and my illegal spot leads to my car getting stolen. There are about three or four spaces right in front of L-Dawg and X-tina's apartment building. I fucking love those spots, Guy With the Scooter. Really, they're just so convenient. But you've just gotta fuck it up, don't you?

See, I've seen you drive your fucking scooter on that block. I watched you drive up and, instead of taking the space at the end of the block just before the driveway that was just big enough for your scooter, take the spot between two cars which could have easily accommodated the seXterra--or any other actual fucking car. I've seen the way you park it right between the two other cars so that you can taunt all the people driving by, desperately looking for a spot--even when you're not actually there. What I'm trying to say here is that I fucking hate you and I hope you die.

None of that, however, justifies urinating on your scooter's seat, which I apparently did the last time I was really drunk. You deserve an apology. And here it is: I'm sorry.



5 Comments


TheExpat said:

I applaud your sense of justice and fair play. As a scooter owner, I can testify that wishes of death upon my very soul are preferrable to urine soaked upholstery.

Also, you need to tell your friends to stop being so trendy. They live in Wisconsin for crying out loud. What benefit could a city central locale have in the land of mini malls? Tell them that they need to rent a duplex, preferably one with mint green aluminum siding with enough space for you to park on their lawn.

November 1, 2007 3:14 AM



frank x. said:

Wow. I am really shocked that you did that. It's like that scene when Anakin kills the Sand people, including the children. You've taken the first step towards the dark side. Also, what would Paul say? (The mod, not the apostle).

November 1, 2007 10:38 AM



New Guy said:

Wow! Just wow!

This is mighty big of you to come out and apologize for such an act. But I also admire your courage in standing up to bastards such as these...

November 1, 2007 2:42 PM



Jorge said:

Make sure you put that all in an amendment for character and fitness...

November 1, 2007 2:56 PM



Elise said:

wow, that's the second awesome drunken urination event I've witnessed or heard about this week. the first being when one of my Chicago friends insisted we pull over so he could throw up, then proceeded to urinate on a church instead. must be the weather...

November 6, 2007 8:08 AM



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