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Thanks

November 22, 2007 3:25 AM

ome times it's easier to find something to be thankful for than others. I'm having a hard time coming up with things to be thankful for right now.

I mean, I'm thankful for my family. I owe them everything. They've always been there for me and supported me. And forgiven me. Even when I really, really didn't deserve it. So if you're reading this and you're someone I'm related to, thank you very much for everything. I probably don't say it often enough, but I love you.

And I'm thankful for my friends. Sometimes, it takes realizing that someone wasn't the best friend in order to truly appreciate how amazing your real friends are. I've let my friends down way too often, but I'm hard pressed right now to come up with even a single time that they've let me down. Goddamn, I've got some awesome friends.

And, of course, I'm thankful for the roof over my head and the food in my stomach. I'm thankful for my cats, who never fail to cheer me up. I'm thankful for all of the things that have made my life an overwhelmingly positive thing.

But I'm really sad about a lot of things, too. For one, I really thought I'd have a job right now. The possiblity that I still wouldn't have a job six months after graduation never even occurred to me. And now that that is my reality, I'm starting to get extremely depressed about it. A lot of it is out of my control, but that doesn't make it any better at all. I feel more and more worthless every day that goes by and every dollar I spend. And I'm faced with a terrible decision: I can't possibly stay alive without earning money, so how the hell am I going to do that? The Architect told Neo that there were levels of survival the Machines were willing to accept. I guess I have to admit to myself that survival is more important than pride, and that's a truly depressing and demoralizing thought. I'm a fucking lawyer, goddamnit. But I need money. Ugh.

I'm kinda sad that I won't be home for Thanksgiving. Not that I have been in the past three years, but it still sucks. I'll hopefully get to see my family over Christmas, but this is the longest span I've ever gone without seeing my mom, and I miss her.

And there's a bunch of other stuff going on that's not really blogable. I don't know. It's just been a hard week, and there's no end in sight. Things are going to get better before they get worse.

But I'm still excited to get up every morning. And that's due to my friends and family. So thanks again, guys.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

7 Comments

TheExpat said:

Happy Thanksgiving, Ismael! Hope you can scrape up some turkey despite the distance from mom's house. You should know that we are thankful for your weblog, which is constantly updated with links to hentai anal sex and other holiday-appropriate viewing.

Seriously though, we are thankful for you. You keep us entertained half a world away.

You know what the best away from the family Thanksgiving for me was? Two words: The House

Three more words: Deep.Fried.Turkey.

November 22, 2007 8:56 AM

Dee said:

hang in there Ismael!

i always think of you as having been a really great friend. remember when you kept barging in on me and that gross guy i was making out with, to tell me you were going to buy me a jaguar? i really should have sat down and talked specs with you. what a tool on wheels that guy was.

November 22, 2007 7:49 PM

Anonymouse said:

Hey Bro,

Happy thanksgiving! Don't get down on yourself. The job market it tough, but you're a smart, hard working guy and something will come up. Also, if you need to get out of Madison some time to clear your head, you know you are welcome to crash at my place.

- Da Mouse

November 22, 2007 9:39 PM

TheExpat said:

I would also like to express thanks here for clearing that whole mess up for me, Ismael.

November 22, 2007 10:26 PM

NT Is All In said:

Cuz, things will get better for you, surely. Finding that first real job is always a bitch. However, until you find that first real job, you gotta do what you gotta do to make things work for you, to pick up your spirits and to feel good about yourself. I'll share a story with you regarding a job I had before I got my first real job. When I graduated from law school, I had to find a job. My 2nd year summer job sucked so that didn't work out for me. Before I got my bar results, my dad got me a job with a landscape architect. The landscape architect was this extremely nice woman. She told my dad that she would give me a job to hold me over. Her office was in San Francisco. I drove 20 miles each way every day to her office where she paid me $10 an hour to do odd jobs. The first assignment was to organize her library. That took me about a month or so. Then she had me picking up packages around the city. One day she had me ride this motarized scooter all over the city. I guess she didn't really have anything for me to do that day. There were many days when I was thinking, "fuck, I just graduated from one of the top ten law schools in the country and here I am driving 40 miles a day to a job where I get paid $10 an hour to do odd jobs. Fuck!!" As soon as my results came back, I got a job in LA and the rest is history. But I look back at that time in my life and I recognize that life is full of tests, not exams. The way we respond to these tests dictates how much we enjoy our lives and how people judge us. Had I stayed home and not made that daily trip to San Francisco, I think I would have been depressed locked up in my room. I was feeling shitty as it was. I think that $10 job made me really appreciate that first real job I got. In hindsight, that first real job sucked, but it sure beat the "odd jobs" job that I had. Life is what you make of it. You control your destiny. You don't control the offers that you receive, but you control how you are going to react and conduct yourself. You are being tested right now. Hopefully this experience will serve as a foundation for you to appreciate the many future jobs that you will get. You will hate these jobs at different times, but you can always look back and appreciate the fact that you actually have a job. Like you state in yoru entry, you will be thankful for the food in your belly and the roof over your head. You will be thankful for the support that your mom has given you unconditionally. You will be thankful for your friends, cats, etc. For now, be patient, take control of your happiness and do what you gotta do to lift up your spirits. During this time, be nice to folks. I know that should go without saying, but people will always respect you more when you are able to treat people well when things aren't going that well for you. Its much easier to be nice when you are on top of the world, but its not so easy when you're not. Trust me, I know how you feel. Things could be worse, but they will soon get better and this will all be a distant memory. Stay cool, not the Fonz cool, warm cool. Peace.

November 23, 2007 2:42 AM

Ismael Tapia II said:

NT,
Thanks for that comment. It really made me feel better. The thing that's really frustrating about it is that I'm pretty sure things will work out in the long run. It's the next year or so that I'm worried about. Eventually I'll find a pretty cool job (I hope), but it's frustrating to have put all this work into a degree that so far hasn't gained me anything.

I definitely agree that this experience is going to help me appreciate whatever success I manage to attain later.

I'm not like super depressed right now, although I've been getting pretty close these past few days. Mostly, I just want to get my life started, you know? I feel like I'm in a holding pattern, and I just want to get through that and start, well, being an adult.

Anyway, thanks for all the stuff you said. It was really nice.

November 24, 2007 5:54 PM

Vice said:

I agree with the thought that making money and staying alive (insert witty/terrible Bee Gees reference here) is the most important thing. Plus, it's always easier to find a job when you've got a job, for some reason.

Also, come this Saturday, we shall throw all of our cares into the deep fryer and devour them. Plus some turkey. And anything else we feel like it.

November 26, 2007 12:47 PM