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"I Can't Promise I'll Try, but I'll Try to Try."
December 11, 2007 4:58 AM
hate a lot of people. I don't want them to die or really to suffer or anything, but I don't want to be in the same room as them and, if pushed, will be a huge asshole to them. And sometimes I'll do that even when I'm not pushed. I was thinking recently that maybe I should try to stop hating people so much or so easily. Then I started thinking about some of the reasons that I hate certain people. For example, I hate people for all of the following reasons:
- Because the person is a date rapist.
- Because the person insisted that, if the instructions on a vegetarian Hot Pocket say that you have to stop the microwave halfway through and rotate the Hot Pocket, you should do that, even though the microwave already automatically rotates the food and then, when I point out that what you're saying is ridiculous, you tell me that I don't know anything because I was a philosophy major and that you're right because of "the angular momentum of water."
- Because the person weighs one-quarter as much as I do, is a girl, cannot hold her liquor, and still thinks she can drink me under the table.
- Because the person had batteries in his fucking ears.
- Because the person always--aways, always--had headphones on. Always.
- Because, after listening to him talk about his stupid summer job for literally ten minutes, he asked me whether I wanted to hear more about his job and I literally said "No, I don't. Please, let's talk about something--anything--else" and he literally said "Ok, well, here's more about my job" and then talked about his job for another ten minutes.
- Because the person, on the first day of law school, came up to me and, upon hearing my Hispanic last name, said "Oh, so you're Latino, too?" and then was completely baffled when I responded in Spanish.
- Because the person told me what words I can and cannot use in my own fucking car.
- Because the person brags on their Facebook profile about how awesome he is at going out to bars and lying to eighteen-or-under girls about being rich, or a doctor, or a fucking prince to get them in bed.
- Because the only thing I was ever able to say to the person that she didn't immediately make about herself was "premature ejaculation."
- Because the person forced me to stand behind his fucking car for hours because he was drunk out of his mind and nonetheless insisted that he was going to drive home, which was over forty-five minutes away.
So, ok, some of those are ridiculous. But at least some of them are justified. So I don't see myself changing in this respect very soon, but I'm going to try to be more rational about who I despise. Or, well, try to try.
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Dee, at "I Can't Promise I'll Try, but I'll Try to Try.", said
you get a trans-pacific, intercontinetal high five for Mr Magical. i am reliving the memory of janine asking me, "you know who i saw today?" and you said, "jesus?" and she answered, "sure. JESUS is really sad you haven't called." best janine related memory of my life! funny how one person could be the link between us and so many people on our lists, without being on there herself.
oh, and if you are truly on the fence about seeing that show in madison, this is a guy who told me gay marriage isn't a civil rights issue because you can't see the difference between a gay couple and a straight couple. ask him about that, why don't you?
Dee,
You know, I sometimes wonder what happened to, say, Battery Ear Boy or that crazy Native American guy that used to demand to see Hannis at, like, 4am. Also, what about the guy that thought that Amelie was "magical"?
In any event, I like your list, too--especially the one about Flagstaff's own troubadour. He definitely wasn't one of my favorites--I almost included him on the list, actually. You're totally right about him. Not to mention that it was also pretty annoying that he always had a guitar with him no matter where he went. He also had really stupid opinions. He once said that no song had ever truly expressed love or some crap like that.
Still, his band is coming to Madison early next year, and I kind of want to go.
As for the others, I don't think I can identify any of them...
Dee, at "I Can't Promise I'll Try, but I'll Try to Try.", saidit was exciting to recognize some of your bullets--battery ear boy, where are you now? i bet this felt good! i want to try it:
--because you can't let people have an interesting conversation for more than ten minutes before pulling out your guitar and playing your extremely derivative music. and said you've never heard a good nick drake song, because he is too unoriginal.
--because you try to make talking incessantly about yourself cute by punctuating it with thumbs up and saying "yeah" over and over again.
--because any person of normal intelligence has a mini brain hemorrage listening to the way you turn all of your "s" into a long, stupid hiss.
--because you have no fucking manners. you are one of thousands of foreign workers, not the fucking emperor.
RPM, at "I Can't Promise I'll Try, but I'll Try to Try.", saidYeah I think I can name seven people, eight bullets with one overlap, and I remember stories about at least two others. It's the Tapia Encyclopedia of Often Instant Hatred.
Ismail, the fact you have described the hatred may be cathartic. However, short of naming names, you have probably spread your hatred here rather than releasing it or "trying" to get over it. Boy, you still are nursing those grudges.
Ismael Tapia II, at "I Can't Promise I'll Try, but I'll Try to Try.", saidWade,
All of the people exist, and I'm surprised you can only identify two. TO be fair, there may be some overlap...
I can identify two of the people you just referred to. How many more actually exist?
Ismael Tapia II, at "I Can't Promise I'll Try, but I'll Try to Try.", saidtRJ,
Yeah, the fucking angular momentum of water. What the fuck is that shit?
Mr. X.,
See, that's what I said. I said "does it mean flip it over? Because that makes complete sense." "No," he said, "it means rotate it." "Well then you're just a fucking asshole and I hope you die. And you can't tell a fucking lawyer joke to save your life."
Lily,
I don't even know where to begin. I'll just say that that girl set your people--by which I mean "women"--back several decades at least.
"Because the person weighs one-quarter as much as I do, is a girl, cannot hold her liquor, and still thinks she can drink me under the table."
The point, silly boy, is that it's fun to try.
frank x., at "I Can't Promise I'll Try, but I'll Try to Try.", saidI always thought the package meant to flip the hot pocket over, which I do. The reason I do that is because I am a scientist, so I know all about following instructions no matter what.
tRJ, at "I Can't Promise I'll Try, but I'll Try to Try.", saidThe angular momentum of water? Are you kidding me?
And if I may add:
• Because after living in Madison her entire life, she declared that there were no rural, family cemeteries in Wisconsin.
• Because he decided to get angry about things I said about my friend, once he became her boyfriend.
• Because after I refused to attend yet another party with her snotty friends, she called me "ill-bred."
• Because he always smelled like meat products.
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The angular momentum of water? Are you kidding me?
And if I may add:
• Because after living in Madison her entire life, she declared that there were no rural, family cemeteries in Wisconsin.
• Because he decided to get angry about things I said about my friend, once he became her boyfriend.
• Because after I refused to attend yet another party with her snotty friends, she called me "ill-bred."
• Because he always smelled like meat products.
I always thought the package meant to flip the hot pocket over, which I do. The reason I do that is because I am a scientist, so I know all about following instructions no matter what.
"Because the person weighs one-quarter as much as I do, is a girl, cannot hold her liquor, and still thinks she can drink me under the table."
The point, silly boy, is that it's fun to try.
tRJ,
Yeah, the fucking angular momentum of water. What the fuck is that shit?
Mr. X.,
See, that's what I said. I said "does it mean flip it over? Because that makes complete sense." "No," he said, "it means rotate it." "Well then you're just a fucking asshole and I hope you die. And you can't tell a fucking lawyer joke to save your life."
Lily,
I don't even know where to begin. I'll just say that that girl set your people--by which I mean "women"--back several decades at least.
I can identify two of the people you just referred to. How many more actually exist?
Wade,
All of the people exist, and I'm surprised you can only identify two. TO be fair, there may be some overlap...
Yeah I think I can name seven people, eight bullets with one overlap, and I remember stories about at least two others. It's the Tapia Encyclopedia of Often Instant Hatred.
Ismail, the fact you have described the hatred may be cathartic. However, short of naming names, you have probably spread your hatred here rather than releasing it or "trying" to get over it. Boy, you still are nursing those grudges.
it was exciting to recognize some of your bullets--battery ear boy, where are you now? i bet this felt good! i want to try it:
--because you can't let people have an interesting conversation for more than ten minutes before pulling out your guitar and playing your extremely derivative music. and said you've never heard a good nick drake song, because he is too unoriginal.
--because you try to make talking incessantly about yourself cute by punctuating it with thumbs up and saying "yeah" over and over again.
--because any person of normal intelligence has a mini brain hemorrage listening to the way you turn all of your "s" into a long, stupid hiss.
--because you have no fucking manners. you are one of thousands of foreign workers, not the fucking emperor.
Dee,
You know, I sometimes wonder what happened to, say, Battery Ear Boy or that crazy Native American guy that used to demand to see Hannis at, like, 4am. Also, what about the guy that thought that Amelie was "magical"?
In any event, I like your list, too--especially the one about Flagstaff's own troubadour. He definitely wasn't one of my favorites--I almost included him on the list, actually. You're totally right about him. Not to mention that it was also pretty annoying that he always had a guitar with him no matter where he went. He also had really stupid opinions. He once said that no song had ever truly expressed love or some crap like that.
Still, his band is coming to Madison early next year, and I kind of want to go.
As for the others, I don't think I can identify any of them...
you get a trans-pacific, intercontinetal high five for Mr Magical. i am reliving the memory of janine asking me, "you know who i saw today?" and you said, "jesus?" and she answered, "sure. JESUS is really sad you haven't called." best janine related memory of my life! funny how one person could be the link between us and so many people on our lists, without being on there herself.
oh, and if you are truly on the fence about seeing that show in madison, this is a guy who told me gay marriage isn't a civil rights issue because you can't see the difference between a gay couple and a straight couple. ask him about that, why don't you?