Fascists Come in All Shapes and Sizes

March 7, 2008 12:57 AM

s some of you may or may not have noticed, I love curse words. Although I have lately attempted to cultivate the ability to curb my use of swearing in certain circumstances, I nonetheless talk like a sailor in normal circumstances. It should come as no surprise, then, that I find South Pasadena's attempt to ban cursing to be, well, fucktarded.

South Pasadena's City Council passed a proclamation making the first week in March "No Cussing Week." It's a largely symbolic gesture aimed at increasing civility and "elevat[ing] the level of discourse." Because there's no better way to elevate discourse than to reduce the number of words we can use. Right.

Ordinarily, I'd be up in arms about the blatant First Amendment issues--you can't outlaw certain words regardless of context. But I don't think the First Amendment applies since the council's proclamation seems to be the equivalent of a nonbinding resolution--it doesn't appear to have any legal effect. While that might serve to make it constitutionally cool, it only makes me angrier: doesn't the fucking City Council have better shit to worry about than voting on a piece of legislation that everyone's going to ignore and that no one's going to enforce? Why not just pass a law saying that elephants must use turn signals before changing lanes? And if the council doesn't have anything better to worry about, then why the fuck does it exist? Everyone on that body should be fired or recalled or whatever. Asshats.

But the thing that pisses me off the most about this story is that the whole No Cussing Week thing got started because of some self-righteous fourteen-year-old boy. Here's what McKay Hatch has to say:

I finally told my friends, 'I don't cuss.' And I said, 'If you want to hang out with me, you don't cuss.'

Young Mr. Hatch, apparently not content with having regulated the behavior of people stupid enough to want to be friends with him, started a little club: the No Cussing Club. And that ridiculous idea grew, and now we've got this No Cussing Week thing.

If you don't want to curse, that's absolutely your right. If you don't want to associate with people who do curse, that's cool--you can pick your friends on whatever criteria you want. But that doesn't give you the right to impose your beliefs on other people, regardless of how well intentioned or young you might be. Perhaps I'm expecting too much of Mr. Hatch, but it seems to me that this should be fairly obvious.

So I guess I've only got one thing to say to this little fascist in training: Fuck you, you motherfucking assclown.

3 Comments

TheExpat said:

I for one am absolutely JAZZED that I get the opportunity to comment first on this, arguably the first mass-public instance of Ismael cursing out a minor. You're makin' me prouder every day, big guy.

Also, can we call him Master Hatch, like he's a fancy lad from some nineteenth century sea adventure novel? Avast, Master Hatch! Get ye below decks!

Seriously though, what's with the No Cursing Club? Sounds like something we could have made up in 3rd grade Bible Camp, then dropped faster than lead balloons the minute somebody popped in a copy of The Goonies, Rambo II or one of the other fine kick-ass/age-appropriate '80s flicks we grew up with. Cory Feldman was such a first-class little bastard in the first movie, it's a damn shame he ever had to grow up.

March 8, 2008 8:19 AM

tRJ said:

In high school, I ran track with a guy who tried to get us all to go for a no-cursing policy. In his case, it's because he was a squeamish religious type, and was appalled at how vulgar a bunch of teen-aged boys could be.

Needless to say, his request was met with a chorus of, "Fuck you, Jeff."

March 8, 2008 10:55 AM

Utah said:

Needless to say, this makes me angrier than a herd of fucked up rhinosceri. Yes, i too went through a phase when I didn't use profanity...when I was two and still shitting my diapers. I guarantee this little dickfuck gets his ass kicked in school. No cursing club...who the hell would start such a gay ass fad?

Have I covered every major term of profanity? Bitch! Cock! Popozao!

In all seriousness, I still find these resolutions troubling in both a political and constitutional sense. Encouragement by a government to use certain speech is no different constitutionally from a government encouraging people to convert to Christianity. I find it offensive and a poor use of government time, resources, and inspiration.

Fuckwads. Heath Ledger.

March 10, 2008 6:38 PM

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