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Goddammit, I Just Want Sleep!

March 24, 2008 2:16 AM

have these vague memories of some conversation I had, probably in college, possibly with a hippie. Anyway, the hippie or whoever told me that he often meditated and asked if I did. "What the fuck are you fucking talking about, you smelly fucking piece of shit?" was probably my response. And the hippie went on to explain that mediation was awesome or some such. And I asked him what the hell he meant, exactly, by meditation--"Like, sitting there saying 'ohm' over and over again?" And he said that he just tried to clear his mind. And I was like "You stupid fuck, that's not hard." And he said "Really, you can clear your mind of all thought at will?" "Fuck you, of course I can. I do it all the time." And I walked away. And the hippie probably laughed at me.

I'm thinking about this because it's nearly 2:30am and I have to be up in less than five hours, but I can't fucking fall asleep. It's not that I'm sick--I'm feeling much better, thank you. No, it's that my mind is racing at a thousand miles an hour from topic to topic. First, it's thinking about people I knew when I was a little kid that I haven't seen in over a decade. Then it's on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Then it skips to World of Warcraft. Then sushi. Then the story behind "Layla." Then all the work I have to do tomorrow after slacking last week because I felt like shit the whole time. Then about how it sucks that it snowed on the first full day of spring. And, of course, that fucking hippie fuck from college.

So I finally decided "Fuck this, it is imperative that I go to sleep right now. I'm going to close my eyes and shut my mind. No more thinking or stressing or worrying or anything." Then my mind flashed to that scene from the beginning of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon where Li Mu-bai explains that he thought he had reached enlightenment but actually hadn't. And then I remembered watching that scene with some of my friends and X-tina saying "Oh, so he's enlightened?" and me saying "No, keep watching."

And while all of this is going on in my head, I keep hearing the hook from The Rolling Stones song "Happy."

And I couldn't shake that fucking little piece of music.

So I decided that the best thing to do was blog about it because if it's going to all be rattling around up there, I might as well share it, right?

Fuck me, tomorrow morning is going to suck hard.

3 Comments

estefanita said:

thanks for the help...it was exactly what i wanted to know...
when i can't sleep, which is often, i lay on my back and take really deep long breaths. it's like meditation but i focus more and relaxing than clearing my mind. i stay like that until i yawn a few times and then roll over to regular sleeping position. usually it works, but maybe it's still too hippy for you?

March 24, 2008 3:53 AM

tRJ said:

Meditation is awesome. I don't go in for the seated "Ohm" style, but instead focus my mind on one impossibly complex task--usually drawing an ever-increasing forest, one tree at a time--until my mind is cleared of all thought. Works like a charm.

March 24, 2008 9:25 PM

JLee said:

Oh I hate that when my mind won't shut off!! It sucks. That's when I dose myself with Benadryl! ha

I like the post about acoustic music. I totally agree!! It always (or usually) sounds much better than "overproduced"

March 25, 2008 8:47 AM