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Quid Pro Quo

March 14, 2008 1:50 AM

don't know why, but I've been thinking of something I did when I was a kid a lot lately.

I think it was around Christmas, back before having Christmas parties at public schools was evil. I think it was early elementary school, maybe third grade. Anyway, I think it was Christmas, and we were doing this class-wide Secret Santa thing. Only you knew ahead of time who you were exchanging gifts with.

Anyway, my mom bought the present I was supposed to exchange, obviously. And I can't remember what the hell it was, but I vaguely recall that it was something I sort of wanted. And I remember thinking that I had damn well better get something extremely cool in exchange. Well, when this other kid and I exchanged gifts, I saw that I had been shafted: his gift to me was a really, really, really cheap chess and checkers board with flimsy plastic pieces. It was the type of thing that you could get at a dollar store. The thing I gave him was not expensive, but it wasn't as cheap as a cardboard square and some stupid pieces of molded plastic.

This kid's parents were pretty poor, I think. I don't know that for sure, but I'm pretty sure that was the case. I think the kid realized that, and I think he felt bad. When I think about it now, I'm sure that this kid's parents could have opted out of the whole thing if they had wanted to, but they didn't. Instead, they spent some money on a gift for a stranger's kid. But I didn't realize any of that then. All I thought about at that moment was that, but for these people, I would have gotten the cool toy I had just given them instead of an incredibly cheap game board. I took the whole thing as a personal affront. I don't remember exactly what I did or what happened, but I know that I wasn't nice to the kid. In fact, I know I was fucking horrible to him.

I've done a lot of things that could be considered mean in my life. And I've been selfish on numerous occasions. And, although I hate it in other people, there have been plenty of times when I've been blindingly self-centered. But, of all the terrible, selfish, mean, fucked-up things I've done in my life, this is one of the things I most wish I could take back.



1 Comments


Dee said:

awwwww what a sad story. look, you were a kid. i think 2% of people are born generous. even people who grow up and LOVE giving things to people can remember being a little kid and feeling really covetous at birthday parties and things like that.


still, i know how bad you must feel now. at least you've outgrown it!

March 15, 2008 6:36 AM



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