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The Clothes Make the Man

March 4, 2008 1:53 AM

'm not really sure why, but pretty much as soon as I started caring what I wore, I wore almost exclusively black. In high school, I had so many black Smashing Pumpkins t-shirts that I could--and often did--wear a different black SP shirt every day for two weeks without repeats. It was pretty awesome. Eventually, I expanded to include Marilyn Manson shirts, too. Black ones.

That whole "wear a lot of black" thing persisted through my early college years. My friend Morenononsense likes telling the story about the first time he saw me: I had a green mohawk and was wearing black from head to toe, including a t-shirt that said "Everything I ever needed to know I learned from porn." I just thought it was a funny shirt. And that reminds me--lots of people commented on my "I hate this town" shirt in high school. Man, that shirt was awesome. And so was Hot Topic. Fuck you.

In any event, I eventually lightened up on the all-black dress, but only a little. My first real suit was black. And I wore it with a black shirt and a black tie and a black vest. And black pants or--sometimes--a black floor-length skirt. With ridiculously impractical black boots. And then, of course, there's the black top hat, which is still the most awesome clothing accessory I own.

In the past few years, I've lightened up on the whole thing a lot more. I mean, you can hardly be both a respectable lawyer and a goth light. So I've expanded my color palette significantly. Most shockingly, I wear a lot of pastels. In fact, almost all of my dress shirts are pastel shades. And I wear purple with shocking regularity. And I think I look pretty spiffy in it.

Still, I prefer my black suits, be they plain or pin-stripped. Imagine how hard it was, then, for me to buy a gray suit this weekend. I mean, I have a black suit. And I refuse to buy a navy blue suit because I refuse to wear brown shoes. So what other options were there? None. So, when I tried on that gray suit--with just two buttons!--and my friends all insisted that I looked good, I didn't really have a choice.

So what's next? I really don't know. But I do know this: I'm not caving on the brown shoes.



10 Comments


estefanita said:

why no brown shoes?

March 4, 2008 2:42 AM



Who? said:

I wear black shoes with my Navy suit all the time. Don't worry about it.

As for being pimped out in the top hat, I think for the legal world you need to switch to a black cowboy hat. I imagine you in a few years filming a variation of the commercial you see on TV with the cowboy lawyer standing with his partner outside his mansion yelling yahoo at the end.

March 4, 2008 10:01 AM



morenonesense said:

I also wear black shoes w/dark blue pants; i think its ok, and better than regular brown shoes with dark blue pants (but dark brown shoes are groovy). in any event, you failed to mention that time i saw you was the 1st day of previews; good job doin the "dress to impress." i believe my initial reaction was something in the neighborhood of 'who the fuck is this freakin shmoe'

March 4, 2008 3:35 PM



Vice said:

Swear to God, I actually saw an attorney walking out of the court house this afternoon wearing a black cowboy hat.

He looked like a complete tool.

March 4, 2008 8:38 PM



pH said:

I think the black cowboy hat would be a better match with the lawrus that I am determined to liberate from the enemy stronghold.

March 4, 2008 8:50 PM



Lauren said:

I like your skirt. I think you should wear it more often.

On a completely off-topic note, my roommate is watching "Return of the Jedi" tonight for the first time. She thinks ewoks are adorable. But then, don't we all?

March 4, 2008 9:48 PM



Anonymouse said:

Not only do most people wear black shoes with navy pants/suits, you should wear black shoes. Brown shoes and navy is not acceptable--at least according to what little I've ever read about men's fashion. I'm not sure how this came about, since black and blue supposedly clash, but this is the proper color combo. So, go forth and buy a navy suit.

March 4, 2008 10:25 PM



Anonymouse said:

Of course, if you're really going to go all out with a suit you should have a tailor remove the belt loops and prepare the pants for braces. If you go with braces, the big thing to remember is that people aren't supposed to see the braces, so you have to keep the jacket on. [That whole Inherit the Wind thumbs stretching the braces thing is a no no.]

March 4, 2008 10:28 PM



Ismael Tapia II said:

estefanita,
I just think I look really bad in anything brown.

Who?,
Dude, I don't know. I know very little about fashion, but it's been beaten into me by several sources that black and navy blue are like matter and antimatter. And if I picture it, it doesn't look right. But then, I don't know anything.

Morenononsense,
Hey, I made an impression of some sort.

Mr. Vice,
What is someone doing wearing a fucking cowboy hat in winter in Wisconsin? And to court, no less. I wonder if it was his "formal" cowboy hat.

pH,
We gotta get that fucking thing. I'm thinking some sort of late-night raid.

Lauren,
Thanks! I haven't worn it in a while, actually, mostly because there hasn't been occasion to. And I can't actually think of anything I'll go to anytime soon that would require me to dress up but where it would still be cool for me to wear something that ridiculous.

The Ewoks are adorable. That part where the two little Ewoks are running and the one Ewok gets shot and his little friend is like "Dude, c'mon, we gotta go!" and then he realizes that he's dead gets me every time.

Anonymouse,
You're the first person who's mentioned this new rule. Like I said, I've been told the exact opposite. A quick Google search reveals authorities on both sides--by which I mean I found a comments section where some people say that only black are acceptable and others say that only brown are acceptable. Then I got really pissed at what a completely asinine conversation that was, so I left and didn't look any further.

As far as "braces," I assume you mean suspenders. And I've actually wanted a suit with suspenders for a long time. But I'd like to wear a vest with it, which is something people laughed at me for when I was shopping, which is crazy because vested suits look fucking awesome.

March 5, 2008 12:48 AM



estefanita said:

i think something like brown shoes isn't going to look bad on you. it's not like a brown shirt right next to your face. and brown can be fun because it is unexpected and you can't deny that you enjoy wearing things unexpected....just try to find a really unique special pair of brown shoes and then you'll enjoy them for their uniqueness not loath them for their color. but i think black works with navy as well, and navy can be really fun with pastels....sorry for rambling, i don't know law but i do have a degree and had a career in making clothes.

March 5, 2008 1:32 PM



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