<-Fascists Come in All Shapes and Sizes |Main|Harbingers of Doom->

There Will Be Blood, but it's OK--I'm Going to Graceland

March 9, 2008 12:36 AM

y friends and I watched There Will Be Blood tonight. I'm going to discuss the plot, so if you haven't seen it and don't want it ruined, skip down.

Actually, nothing I could tell you about the movie could ruin it. See, the entire concept of ruining a movie stems from the assumption that there's, well, a plot. Like, if you hadn't seen The Sixth Sense or The Empire Strikes Back and I told you that Bruce Willis was a ghost all along or that Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's father, then you could say that I ruined the movie for you. By telling you some of the crucial plot points in those films, I've robbed you of the opportunity to watch the plot unfold on your own. So if there's no plot, you can't ruin a movie. And There Will Be Blood came as close to having no plot at all as possible. I can sum the whole thing up in one sentence and still leave almost nothing out: A man goes from being bad to being monstrous, then he kills a priest with a bowling pin.

I suppose that the fun is supposed to be in watching the man devolve. But I wouldn't really call that "fun." I had the same problem with this as I did with Scarface: the main character is an unabashedly bad person for no particular reason. In the end, both characters end up seeming childish and stupid, which means that I neither sympathize or loathe them--I just wish I hadn't wasted my time on them.

In any event, the movie confirmed something I had suspected for a long time: I hate Paul Thomas Anderson. I've seen three of his movies: Magnolia, Boogie Nights, and There Will Be Blood. Boogie Nights was bad and stupid, not to mention ludicrous. Magnolia is one of the worst movies I've ever seen. I'm not exaggerating here. That movie was excruciating to watch. I mean, it fucking rained frogs. What the fuck is that? And now There Will Be Blood was an unentertaining exercise in nihilism that I'm not eager to relive. So, yeah, Paul Thomas Anderson sucks.

On a more cheerful note, I find myself unable to stop listening to "Graceland" by Paul Simon. This song is fucking amazing. I really like the melody and the lyrics: "But I've reason to believe we all will be received in Graceland." Awesome. Still, although Paul Simon apparently thinks this is the best song he's ever written, he's wrong. The best song he--or anyone else, for that matter--has ever written is "The Boxer." That song is just about perfect.



4 Comments


Santi said:

I, drink, your, MILKSHAKE!!!

Seriously though, I'm very sorry you feel that way. "There Will Be Blood" is, in my opinion, the best movie of the decade so far -- a true masterpiece indeed.

March 9, 2008 1:09 AM



Ismael Tapia II said:

Dude, what? How is it even possible that you would think that? What did you like about it? I mean, yeah, Daniel Day-Lewis was pretty awesome, but I think the movie was pretty lame. As an exploration of a deeply flawed man, it failed because it didn't explore anything, it just sort of happened. I frankly have no idea what the point of the movie was.

In a decade that has given us mov.iies like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, the Lord of the Rings trilogy, The Royal Tennenbaums, and High Fidelity, just to name a few, saying that There Will Be Blood is the best movie of the decade is, well, kind of absurd, as far as I'm concerned.

March 9, 2008 1:49 AM



some guy said:

You are wrong. "The Boxer" is second. "Bridge Over Troubled Water" is first.

March 9, 2008 7:54 AM



Santi said:

What about "Raging Bull"? That film also does not have much a plot, and has an extremely unsympathetic protagonist, yet is certainly one of the best films ever made. I predict that in 10 years or so, "There Will Be Blood" will be held in the same regard.

By the way, my dad is SO excited to hear about your law firm.

March 9, 2008 12:23 PM



Leave a comment