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Concerning People I Miss and People I Don't

April 17, 2008 12:40 AM

ne of the things that I hate about getting older is that, inevitably, people that were once integral parts of your life start to become less so. Inevitably, you find yourself spending what seems like all your free time with someone one minute and barely calling each other a few times a year the next. I hate that. Some people are really comfortable having friends that they talk to really infrequently, but I can't stand it. I hate hearing that someone is having a kid or getting married or graduating or whatever rather than being there to see the whole thing take shape and happen.

I used to think that this was all because I hated the fact that nothing exciting was going on with me. But that's not so much the case. For the first time in my life, I can look around at my friends and be comfortable with where I am compared to them. That's a huge feeling, but it also made me realize why I hate hearing about all these big events in peoples' lives. In the days when we were always around each other, I would have been an important part in these huge events. But now that we only see each other infrequently, hearing about those things just reminds me of how much I miss certain people. There are some people--and I'm actually not just talking about girls, either--that meant (and mean) the world to me. And I hate that we only get to talk every now and then. Or that I haven't returned their phone call but they still find the time to leave a comment on my blog.

I guess this is just one of the things that invariably happens in life that everyone has to deal with. But it still sucks. I wish that, someday, everyone I care about will move to Madison. Is that too much to ask?

Anyway, thinking about all of that got me started thinking about something else. When I was just going through all the hugely important people in my life that I want to talk to more frequently, I was kind of surprised by the people that weren't on the list.

I guess the most notable people--and the people I don't miss who had the biggest impact on my life--are my two best friends from high school. I haven't spoken to one of them in four years, and I can't even remember the last time I spoke to the other. And that's ok with me. I don't even know what I'd say to them if I spoke to them again. Probably a hearty "fuck you." But, failing that, I really don't know. it's sort of stupid because they influenced me a whole hell of a lot--I owe them a huge part of my personality. But when I think back on them, I just can't get over what selfish, uncaring, apathetic jackasses they were.

But there are other people I don't miss, too. And as I was thinking about it, I realized that me not missing those people doesn't invalidate whatever relationship we had at the time. It just means that, for whatever reason, we aren't life-long friends. But, being the self-defeating person that I am, that only depresses me because it makes me appreciate--and therefore miss--the people I do miss even more.

Anyway, if you're out there, and I haven't said hello in a while: Hi.



2 Comments


JLee said:

I know what you mean. Just because you don't think about someone often or keep in close touch, doesn't mean you don't care about them. When and if you do speak, I'm sure it's a good experience. That's just life getting in the way.

April 17, 2008 3:49 PM



Dee said:

doesn't it suck? i'm barely in touch with some of the friends i miss the most. and then i'm sort of wierd about getting in touch with them--what if they don't respond? so i let it go even longer....gah. who's on teleporter development?

April 20, 2008 11:00 PM



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