<-What the Fuck Are We Paying Attention To? |Main|In My Line of Work . . .->

I Did Nothing

May 4, 2008 11:06 PM

spent this weekend doing nothing. I played video games, I watched TV, I cooked, I played guitar, I sat around. I did nothing. And, for the first time in a long time, I didn't feel guilty about it.

See, law school filled me with this sense that every single second could be better spent doing something other than what I wanted to do. If I wasn't reading, outlining, reviewing, or stressing, I was behind the curve. That's how it felt, at least. Even though my personal life--what little there was of it--wasn't particularly stressful during law school, those three years were definitely the most stressful time of my life. I'm not necessarily saying that that's a bad thing, I'm just saying that's the way it is. And, after three years of having nonstop stress permeate your entire existence, it's very strange to wake up one morning and have almost exactly no demands on your time.

The problem was compounded for me by the fact that the end of law school and the end of my stress didn't coincide. I didn't have a high-paying job to look forward to and, for far longer than I would have liked, I didn't have any job to look forward to at all. So for months, even my "free" time was tainted by the fact that I should have been looking and applying for jobs every single second. So of course I felt guilty every second I wasn't doing that. But all that nonsense is behind me. It's all fucking over. I woke up Saturday morning with the knowledge that the day was completely mine. I woke up this morning with the knowledge that, while there were some things I had to do and others I should do, the majority of the day was mine to do with as I pleased. I simply cannot explain what an awesome feeling that is.

Knowing what I know now, I still would have chosen, four years ago at that intersection, to go to law school. But it's still awesome to be done with it all. And I think it says something about law school that it's taken me almost a whole year to really, truly be done with it.


Leave a comment