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Grammar for Idiots, Part II

June 5, 2008 12:02 AM

n English, we use the apostrophe for several purposes. Two of these uses are most common: we use the apostrophe to indicate that some noun possesses something ("This is John's book" or "That is my cat's favorite toy") and to indicate contractions ("I'll be back" or "He's more machine, now, than man"). We do not use the apostrophe to indicate plurality--ever. So all those fucking signs out there that advertise "CD's" are not only wrong, they are offensive.

That's all fairly simple, I think, but now it's going to get complicated--if you're an idiot.

See, people seem to have trouble understanding how the apostrophe interacts with one of the most common words in English: it. The confusion seems to arise from the fact that "it" can be both possessive and part of a contraction. And it's also confusing, apparently, because, unlike almost all other possessive forms, the possessive form of "it"--its--does not require an apostrophe. That's a fairly simple exception to understand, though, and the contraction follows the same rule as every other contraction: "it is" turns into "it's," with the apostrophe taking the place of the space and missing letter or letters. My point here is that while these quirks might be tricky for someone new to English or language in general, they're not particularly complicated. So you're an idiot if you use "it's" with an apostrophe when what you mean is "its" without an apostrophe and vice versa. Still, I'm sure I've made that mistake myself on numerous occasions, so I guess it's not the end of the world.

Still, there is absolutely no excuse for this abomination:
IMG00058.jpgWhat the fuck is going on here? While there is sometimes an apostrophe after the "t," there is never--NEVER!!--an apostrophe after the "s"! That's just fucking insane. And it's baffling to me that the message on the inscription made it through as many people as it must have made it through without someone saying "Whoa, hey, we should probably get rid of this apostrophe" and someone else going "Hey, nice catch, Bob, we almost made ourselves look like unmitigated idiots."

Good god, people, come on!



7 Comments





tRJ said:

I guarantee you the original copy read "...and it's quality" and some self-proclaimed grammar guy said, "No, no, community is a group of people, so it's plural. The apostrophe should go after the S." And then the room went, "Nice catch, Bob, we almost made ourselves look like unmitigated idiots."

June 5, 2008 8:53 AM



Dee said:

that is hilariously awful. and double snort at tRJ. Bob is probably a self satisfied dick.

in two years of teaching ESL to taiwanese children, i haven't seen them make even the usual it's/its screwup. it must be a native speaker problem. that, and using an aprostrophe for plural nouns and 3rd person singular verbs.

June 5, 2008 10:42 AM



TheExpat said:

I was thinking about this point of grammar just the other day.

Most important is the effect this will have on the ESL community. Thanks to your picture, Dee can now show pictures of this to her most stressed-out, over-worked over-achiever students and say, "Look, you're not alone. The person who made this sign was in all liklihood a fluent speaker of English. He wouldn't last two minutes at your school, now would he?" I imagine the poor little kid would wipe his eyes and say something like, "Teacher, he is stupid!" And then they'd laugh. You've just made this touching moment all that more possible, Ismael. Bravo.

June 6, 2008 12:42 PM



Vice said:

May I ask - was that sign posted at the Crappy County Jail? Because that would be just perfect.

June 6, 2008 1:31 PM



Ismael Tapia II said:

Lauren,
That's pretty funny. Except that, you know, I'm not white. Also, that blog is far too overinclusive. For example, white people hardly have the market cornered when it comes to being offended.

tRJ,
That is a frighteningly plausible scenario.

Dee,
This just goes to show what I've always said: Taiwanese children who've never seen the English alphabet probably still know English better than native speakers.

TheExpat,
If there's anything I'm good at, it's creating touching moments. I think we'd all agree.

Mr. Vice,
I edited your comment so that it describes the county in question rather than actually name it, just in case the whole world explodes.

In any event, no, it wasn't in their jail. It was in their police station. Does that make it better or worse?

June 6, 2008 3:13 PM



Anonymouse said:

That's fantastic. All I get to enjoy is the white board outside a restaurant in my office building that proclaims "Gyro's is here." Three words and two grammar/punctuation errors. Awesome!

June 9, 2008 11:12 PM



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