Here is No Why

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Things That Make Me Unspeakably Angry

June 20, 2008 12:11 AM

wenty-two-year olds.
My contempt for people my own age has almost no bounds, but my contempt for twenty-two-year olds is fucking brighter than a thousand fiery suns.

It was Co-SME's birthday, so I briefly went to The Plaza. And what I saw there made me furious. What the fuck is wrong with these people? Skinny jeans on fucking everyone. And the girls that weren't wearing skinny jeans were wearing fucking trash bags and tights. What the motherfuck is going on with these people? But even that's not the worst of it. There was one guy there who was just a fucking unbelievable walking cliche, and the degree to which he didn't fucking realize it was pathetic. He was wearing black skinny jeans, and two--two!--studded belts, one of which had a fucking skull on it. A fucking skull. Then he was wearing a black Orioles t-shirt with a white undershirt. And it just got worse as you went up. His hair was a perfectly coifed emover. It was fucking too hideous for words. But that's not the best part. Here's the best part. He had a pack of cigarettes rolled up in his t-shirt sleeve. Like he was fucking Snake or something. I actually went up to him and asked him if he was actually carrying a pack of cigarettes rolled up in his t-shirt sleeve, and he was all incredulous, like that's something that's perfectly cool to do even for people that aren't The Fonz or some shit.

And there was a girl wearing a fucking fanny pack. And described it as "camp." I don't even know that means, and I almost punched her.

Yahoo.com
One of the headlines on Yahoo.com today read "Hats by top designers steel show at English racing event." I did a double take. Then decided that it must be some sort of pun--surely, these hats were made of metal or something, right? So I clicked on the headline. Nope--just a story about how the hats stole the show. Because the present-tense form of "stole" is "steel" according to the assjackets* at Yahoo.

Myself
Walking around downtown Madison today, I saw a very sad thing. An elderly and very overweight woman was apparently trying to cross the street on her little scooter thing when the scooter tipped over and her scooter fell over. And she fell onto the street in front of a car. Some people were trying to help her and make sure cars didn't hit her and stuff.

Well, you know how I always talk about how awesome I think Superman is and about how much I want to be a good person? My first instinct wasn't to go help the woman, but to avoid the whole situation and to laugh. Eventually, I did go help the woman and me and another guy lifted her back into her scooter and made sure she crossed the street. But I felt fucking terrible about that first fleeting instinct. I should be fucking better than that. It's one thing to laugh at the concept of something like that happening, but the fact that I actually found humor in this poor woman's pain and humiliation disgusts me.

So there you go.

4 Comments

NT Is All In said:

Way to go Superman!! I'm sitting here laughing as I write. You should walk around downtown Madison with a Superman outfit underneath your suit just in case you're ever needed in one of those situations again. Who knows, maybe Superman would have laughed as he witnessed an elderly woman tip over in her scooter falling in harms way, but that thought never would have made it on the big screen or in comic books because then Superman wouldn't be Superhuman. I must go back to work now. Up, up and away!!!

June 24, 2008 4:28 PM

Ismael Tapia II said:

NT,
Like I said, I'm disgusted at the way I reacted. It certainly is not how Superman would have reacted, and I'm ashamed at the way I behaved. It was stupid and selfish and far below the standard I'd like to think I can theoretically live up to. I don't have a problem admitting that.

June 24, 2008 10:58 PM

NT Is All In said:

Relax kid. Striving to be Superman is a high bar to meet. He is Superman after all for cying out loud. You would be a real jerk had you continued to walk away and not help the poor lady. You should judge yourself on what you did and not some split second reaction that no one but you witnessed...well now the 39,321 people that visit your blog may know, but you know what I mean. Keep in mind that Superman is weak too. I think he hates green goo or something like that.

June 25, 2008 2:05 PM

Aqua Man said:

You are pathetic. My friends and I here at the Hall of Justice agree. Even the Wonder Twins think you suck.

June 25, 2008 3:28 PM