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I Fucking Hate You, You Fuckwads

July 11, 2008 6:33 PM

o the guy at the courthouse:
Good god, you're an idiot. Let me see if I understand what you just did. You walked into the Clerk of Courts room, saw the long counter with the windows on it, saw the people standing in the fucking line, saw the fucking signs saying "please wait in line until you are called to a window," and decided that you were somehow above all those fucking rules and just walked right up to a window--one manned by a woman on the phone, no less!--and conducted your business. I fucking hate you.

To the woman at the courthouse:
It's Friday. It's Friday afternoon. No matter what else is going on--me getting rained on, me being frustrated by court--at least I've got the weekend to look forward to. So I'm saying "have a good weekend" to everyone I meet. And everyone's saying it to me. But not you. You responded to my "Hi, how are you?" with a nervous sniff. Fine, whatever. But then when I say "Have a good weekend," give me something. I mean, yeah, I'd like to hear "Thanks, you, too!," but I'd settle for "Thanks," or even some acknowledgment that I had just wished you a good weekend. I'd even be willing to forgive your mind-numbing incompetence if you just sort of nodded your head or smiled or something. What did I get? A nervous sniff. Fuck you.

To the public at large:
I just want you all to know that there is absolutely no way not to look like a giant, unmitigated assjacket while wearing a navy blue sports coat with gold buttons on it. There just isn't. Gold is so unbelievably tacky to begin with, and navy blue somehow only enhances that. You look like you're trying to be a mob boss and the Skipper at the same time. It's a crappy look. Don't wear it.



6 Comments


TheExpat said:

Re Subject #1:

The best way to get over hatred for the whole me first mentality in the US is to come to Taiwan and experience it for real. Here not just douches with no manners do it, but EVERYBODY. Queueing up is only done when some smart government body or shop owner enforces it to keep folks from getting feral on each other. I've heard that the mentality as a whole is worse in Singapore, but I don't believe it. People there have at least been conditioned to stand in friggin' line.


#2:

Yeah, that's really crass. Don't sweat her. She's just intimidated by your friendly public manners and rugged machismo.

#3:

Yeah, that's some ugly shit. Gold buttons are generally for marching band uniforms only.

July 13, 2008 10:13 PM



GQ said:

Style tips from a guy that wears a stove-pipe hat and a neon blue tie. That's rich.

July 14, 2008 1:46 AM



dani said:

Im sure if some hot chick was wearing nothing but that very same jacket with gold buttons you wouldn't complain.

July 14, 2008 7:59 PM



Utah said:

I have to concur on the hatred of navy blue with gold buttons...or gold buttons on anything. Gold has one place where it doesn't look tacky...and that's in a giant pile inside of our homes with the occupants sitting on top wearing monacles, twirling handlebar moustaches and swilling goblets of brandy.

July 14, 2008 9:13 PM



The lady at the courthouse said:

I'm sorry I didn't respond politely to your salutatory comment. I'm sorry I didn't respond at all. But its Friday. Its Friday afternoon. And I've sat at this fuckwit counter all week listening to fuckwit people who can't even wait in line telling me how shit has gone wrong, how everything is fucked up and how the U.S. court system is a piece of shit. And how that's somehow my fault.
So I'm sorry I couldn't muster up a "Thanks!" or a "you too!" for you today. I really am. But by the end of the week, all I want to do is punch you in the face and get the fuck out of what has become my own personal hell. So fuck you too.

Also, gold buttons really are horrible. Please never wear them to my window. I may actually end up punching you in the face.

July 14, 2008 10:04 PM



NT Is All In said:

I could have sworn that you wore a double breasted navy blue jacket with gold buttons to Gabriela's wedding. I didn't think you looked like an unmitigated assjacket. I do remember thinking that you looked like a mini version of the Skipper though.

July 15, 2008 5:47 PM



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