I've written before about my beliefs on God. Recent happenings have got me thinking not only about those beliefs--which, upon re-examination, I still believe are valid--but also about something else: spirituality. By spirituality, I mean the notion that a human being can have a relationship with God. Maybe I'm using that word incorrectly and perhaps there's a better word, but that's the meaning I'm assigning to it, so let's just work with that.
Anyway, like I said, I hold to my previous assertion about the nature of God: God may exist or he may not, but I don't know, I can't know, and neither can you. Logically, that position seems to require that relationships with God be impossible. But there's sort of a way out of that, I think. See, my idea of God is based on the notion that the world can clearly work with or without God. God might be pulling all the strings, but the method by which we learn about the Universe--science--hasn't found any strings yet. So science can prove that atoms are held together by certain forces and that solar systems are held together by certain other sources, but there will always be room for some further explanation, and some people will always put God in the position of Ultimate Explanation. What I mean is that God might be behind everything, but if he is, he's being sort of coy about it.
But here's the thing: if God is real, and he wanted us to know that he was real, it seems like he could easily convince us of that. I mean, all he'd have to do is show up and say something along the lines of "I'm God, check this out" and then do something only God could do. Maybe that's a stupid example, but the point is that if God wanted us all to know he was around, it seems like an easy thing for him to do.
And now some people will say that God did leave us some indication of his existence. The specific thing that indicates God's existence probably varies from person to person. For some it's the Bible, for others it's the perfect balance of natural ecosystems, for others maybe it's subatomic physics. But whatever the proposed indicia, they all seem--to me, anyway--to be woefully inadequate. But there's a probem with that.
There are a lot of people I trust when it comes to important matters in my life. I consult with many people over things ranging in importance from where I should take some girl to dinner to whether I should start my own business. I'm extremely fortunate in that I am surrounded by intelligent, thoughtful, kind people that I trust and that would not deceive me. If they support some course of action, I will not easily dismiss it. If they are opposed to some action, I will not easily adopt it.
It's easy, I think, to dismiss someone who claims to have a personal relationship with God. Such a belief seems so out of step with the sorts of mundane, physical lifestyles many of us lead. But I know and trust many intelligent, thoughtful, kind people that believe that they have a real relationship with God. So it seems wrong to dismiss that notion out of hand.
At the same time, however, I've been to church, I've read the Bible (parts of it, anyway), and I've prayed. And I've never felt anything that I would describe as even remotely God-inspired. I was never moved by a sermon or a reading. I was never swept away by the Word of God. I was never lost in hours of prayer. God has never spoken to me.
Looking back at my life, there has been exactly one moment that I think was even remotely close to being religious, and it didn't involve God at all. It involved a great live performance by an amazing band of one of my favorite songs, a girl I was in love with, and a feeling of well-being I don't think I've felt since that moment. But I'd never say it was divine. It was special, it was rare, it was beautiful, but it was entirely human.
Ultimately, it seems to me that even the people who think that God speaks to them don't mean that he speaks to them in the same way you and I might speak to each other. I've never heard anyone describe literally having a conversation with God. That doesn't mean that people don't get something very real out of thought and reflection and meditation. But is it God? Again, I don't know. But I don't think it is.