Here is No Why

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"Tapestry"

August 14, 2008 1:15 AM

just watched this episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation called "Tapestry." You can read the whole plot synopsis here, but basically it involves Captain Picard almost dying. Q gives him a chance to go back and undo one of his biggest mistakes. See, when Picard was an ensign, he got in a fight because he was sort of an arrogant jackass. And during the fight, he got stabbed through the heart. Well, Picard took that back. And then he saw that the arrogance of his youth made him the confident, badass leader he would become. Had he not been the man that got into that fight and got stabbed, he would never have become the officer he was. Instead, he would have been a passionless, boring man. The whole thing lead Q to say:

The Jean-Luc Picard you wanted to be, the one who did not fight the Nausicaan, had quite a different career from the one you remember. That Picard never had a brush with death. Never came face to face with his own mortality. Never realized how fragile life is or how important each moment must be. So his life never came into focus. He drifted through much of his career, with no plan or agenda, going from one assignment to the next, never seizing the opportunities that presented themselves. He never led the away-team on Milika III to save the ambassador, or take charge of the Stargazer's bridge, when its captain was killed. And no one ever offered him a command. He learned to play it safe--and he never, ever, got noticed by anyone!

I'm not really a risk-averse person. I love to gamble. I never minded doing things that might get me in trouble. I regularly do things that people with better judgment or common sense would never do. But when I look back my life, I really only remember two instances when I decided to take any sort of real risk. The first was when I decided to go to law school, which is a moment that's sort of etched in my mind forever. The second time was when I told Mr. Vice that I was definitely "in" as far as the whole law-firm thing was concerned. I remember that moment perfectly, also. And I guess I've done various "risky" things when faced with women that I liked, to varied measures of success.

And even though none of those decisions were really all that risky in the grand scheme of things--I could always find a job in some gray office building, after all--I sort of feel like I still learned from them. I spoke to someone yesterday who, when discussing her job, was very upfront about the fact that it was a "right now" sort of thing, that it was boring, that it was tedious, and that it wasn't her dream job at all. I think a lot of people find themselves in that position. And that's too fucking bad. I mean, the security of a guaranteed paycheck is great. But not if you're miserable.

And I'm not miserable. In fact, I'm fucking happy. As much as I bitch about being on Law Review, I really liked it. I liked the sense of responsibility and accomplishment. Running a business is like that but times a thousand. And the sense of accomplishment that goes along with getting a good result for a client is unmatched by anything else in my life. I mean, it's not all victories and days off, but it's well worth it.

So that's what's on my mind, and it makes me think that I should take more risks in other areas of my life. And it also makes me wonder what risks you guys have taken or wish you had taken. So there!

4 Comments

dani said:

I moved to Philly (to go to TJU) when I was 20. I went without having a job or an apartment lined up and without knowing a single soul there. I packed only what fit in my little Jetta and just drove.
When I arrived, I stayed in a hotel for a week and befriended a homeless man. I bought him lunch and we walked around together so he could show me what neighborhoods were safe and what areas to avoid.
Eventually I found a cute apartment and a job (some friends too) but I only stayed in PA 6 months before I decided to pack up and drive back to AZ.

I also think deciding to have kids and get married were huge risks that I have taken. One never knows how things will turn out. I have taken many, many risks in life and fortunately I have yet to regret any.

August 15, 2008 10:55 AM

TheExpat said:

I think the biggest risk I took was quitting music and coming to Taiwan. Music is something I'm good at, something that I could do at almost an intuitive level after college. In the states, I could have made my music degree work for me. Here, there are not many opportunities for musicians and the average music student is little more than a hobbyist/micro-biologist who only wants to play Kenny G's greatest hits at his family get-togethers; these facts alone make playing or teaching sax a bigger risk than in the US.

So why did I come here, if not for music? I came to learn a foriegn language, one with very little in common at all with Western languages. To be honest I had a lot to lose; friends, family, money, and (potentially) my marriage. Still I did it, and instead what I've lost is every idea about myself that I ever had. I'm a grown-up now.

Thanks to providence and some good decision making, we're still alive and actually thriving here. Sometimes I wish I had made more out of my music career, but I realize that there's still plenty of life to live, and that I'm glad for what I have now.

August 17, 2008 9:38 AM

Jane said:

hey ismael, what's up with the pseudonym? nice blog.

August 17, 2008 4:52 PM

Ismael Tapia II said:

dani,
And I thought I was reckless. It's a good thing I didn't know this was happening at the time and it's also a good thing that you are not my daughter. If either of those was not the case, I would have been worried out of my mind. I mean, seriously, man!

TheExpat,
You and your marriage do seem to be flourishing out there in Taiwan, and that's awesome. But I have a question: you haven't given up music completely, have you? I mean, you still play some instruments or something, even if it's not for money? I mean, you giving up music would make me sort of sad for some reason.

Jane,
Thanks. I changed your comment so that it refers to me by my pseudonym--I hope you don't mind. The reasons for the fake name (although it's not really a fake name since I, like your brother, am merely using my middle name rather than my first) have sort of changed. This blog wouldn't be worth anything at all to me if I couldn't be myself and say whatever I want to say. Often, what I want to say is outrageous, extremely personal, or outright offensive. When I was in law school and I was out looking for a job, I didn't want employers to be able to find this blog--and then decide not to hire me--through a simple Google search. So I took on the pseudonym so that a search for my real name wouldn't turn up a link to this blog.

That concern is somewhat mitigated now that I'm my own boss, but I'd still rather be semi-anonymous because, well, I don't want anything I say here to reflect negatively on my law firm or my partners. Or my clients, for that matter.

So there you go. I'm only attempting to be Google-proof. I'm fairly certain that almost everyone here knows my real name, as you do.

August 18, 2008 12:52 AM