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The Olympics Kick Ass

August 10, 2008 11:50 PM

ith most of my friends out of town this weekend, a wicked hangover to deal with on Saturday, and generally low motivation all around, I did a lot of sitting around watching TV this weekend. And I watched the Olympics almost exclusively. Here are some observations:

I would do almost any of the female gymnasts on the U.S. team. The ones that are legal, that is.
I would not do any of the female Chinese gymnasts because none of them are anywhere near legal, regardless of what they claim. I'm sorry, gymnasts might generally be small and young looking, but the girls on the Chinese team are clearly nine.
I will never make fun of male gymnasts again. Their sport may or may not be inherently gay, but I would not want to fight any of those guys. Their arms are thicker than my legs.
I'm through with swimming. Is it over soon?
Why the fuck aren't we getting more coverage of awesome sports based on ancient marshal skills? I want prime-time coverage of archery and fencing, goddammit!
The Chinese people are apparently awesome. Their government, on the other hand, is really, really scary.

I'm way more into the gymnastics than I have been in previous years. I don't know what it is, but the shit they do is pretty fucking crazy. Still, I can't wait for the track and field events. Those people, also, are crazy.

Oh, and also, what's the name of that old swimmer lady? She's awesome. She's going above and beyond to prove that she's not taking any performance-enhancing drugs, including donating specimens so that they can be tested later when better testing methods are developed. I think that's fucking great. If you're a clean athlete that's excelled in some remarkable way like she has, I think it would be really easy to be insulted that people would even suggest that you took steroids. The fact that she's not only taking it in stride but doing more than what's asked of her to prove she's on the up and up sets a fucking great example. I just wish more athletes had that kind of attitude.

3 Comments

Dee said:

i'm skipping the olymipcs this year, but i'm glad you're enjoying the gymanstics. if you get really bored, or are just into awesome shit, go to youtube and take another look at the 96 olympics, when the US women's team won the gold. especially rad: dominique moceanu on bars and dominique dawes' floor routine. also, the chinese gymnast mo huilan's vault was sublime.

August 11, 2008 9:59 PM

Anonymouse said:

I'm loving the swimming. Gymnastics, enh. I could take it or leave it. Having said that, I do not want to see any archery, air rifle (whatever the fuck that is--bb guns?), fencing (except in condensed highlight format), judo, weight lifting, or synchronized swimming. I am looking forward to track. I like the events that are not the least bit subjective. Person A is faster than Person B. Awesome. Person C's inverted cross wasn't absolutely symmetrical and the position was only maintained for 1.8 seconds, so a 2/10ths deduction. Stupid. (Getting into an inverted cross, crazy hard.) Also, while there are many great sports at the Olympics, there are some glaring omissions. Where is the kickball, dodge ball, red rover, etc.? If they just replaced soccer they could have more real sports. Oh, also, what's up with "sports" on horses? Stupid.

August 11, 2008 10:06 PM

Dee said:

blar, i'm on drugs. dominque moceanu on beam. definitely check out amy chow's bar routine. she looks like she is playing, but everything is SICK!

August 11, 2008 10:12 PM