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Gay People Strike Again

September 4, 2008 12:00 AM

ne of the things that I hate so much about getting a haircut is the strange social factor. I mean, this stranger's got her hands all up in your hair, and you're sitting there with some stranger's hands in your hair. You have to talk to each other or else it's just way too fucking strange. So you make ridiculous small talk. At some point, maybe you've been going to the same person for so long that you actually have some sort of friendly relationship, but before you're at that point, it's just strange. Like today, for example, I went to a place I had not been to before in an attempt to find a barber that'll just know how to make my hair look awesome. So this girl's hands were playing with my hair for forty-five minutes, and I had to talk to her.

So we started doing the small talk thing. She asked what I did. I told her. Awkward silence. What the hell am I going to do, ask what she does? So then she asked where I was from, and I told her. Awkward silence. I asked where she was from, and she said "Oshkosh." I said "Oh! My partner's from Oshkosh," referring to Mr. Vice who is, indeed, from the Oshkosh area. More awkward silence.

Eventually, though, we got into a fairly good conversational rhythm. And then she said "So, do you and your partner live together?" It took me a second to figure out what the fuck she meant. And then I did figure it out, and I responded as I imagine any heterosexual man would when someone had just implied that he was gay: I freaked out and overcompensated. "Oh, no," I said, "I meant my business partner. Not my sex partner. Or whatever. I'm not gay." Really awkward silence. "Not that there's anything wrong with that," I hastily added.

So here's the thing. "Partner" means someone you're in business with, not someone you're fucking. Can we just keep it that way?



8 Comments


dani said:

Too funny! When I refer to my partner no one thinks I am gay. Then again the wedding ring and kids might give away my heteroness.

September 4, 2008 2:04 AM



tRJ said:

Man, you're going about this all wrong. Find a hot and personable woman to cut your hair and you'll actually enjoy it, like I do.

September 4, 2008 9:50 AM



Frank X. said:

It makes sense that someone would naturally assume you were gay. You give off that vibe. There's nothing wrong with it. It's just who you are. It's ok. We all love you for you, not the non-hetero vibe you that seems to exude from your being.

September 4, 2008 11:40 AM



Valerie said:

Very Very funny! I love that you always have a good story to tell... I wish exciting things like that would happen to me. Instead, All i have are terrible tales about yelling at customer service representatives in India. Who really wants to hear about that?!

September 4, 2008 6:29 PM



morenonesense said:

I agree with Frank. If nothing else, you could give another haircut person a shot. Like a shot in your mouth, you gay bitch.

September 4, 2008 11:06 PM



TheExpat said:

Hehehehe...

September 4, 2008 11:30 PM



Justine Henin said:

Quiz: who is most closely associated with these three words: "rhythmic anal penetration"?

Also, if you ever find yourself saying "not that there's anything wrong with that", you know you're involved in some sort of politically correct abortion.


September 4, 2008 11:31 PM



Dee said:

actually, i had more than one female professor who referred to their male significant other as their partner. like they thought "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" implied a bunch of gender roles that don't actually exist in their personal relationship. pssssh, hippies!

September 5, 2008 9:10 AM



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