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What in the Fuck Kind of Person Likes John Mayer?

October 30, 2008 12:03 AM

have never been a fan of John Mayer. I don't particularly like being whispered to by another dude. But then I saw this cover he did of Tom Petty's "Free Fallin'" and now I pretty much think he's the worst thing that ever happened to the concept of music. Check it out:

Seriously, what the fuck? Since when does stripping all the actual energy out of a song and replacing it with supersmooth, adult-contemporary-inspired, generic, repetitive bullshit count as "good"? His vocal delivery on this song suggests that he has about as much soul as a prostitute. He sounds like a fucking whispering duck that's about to die under the weight of his own earnestness. He's a fucking failure.

Then someone leaves this comment on the video: "To me it seems like he "means" and "feels" this song WAY more than the original, sorry to say :)" Is this person being sarcastic? Is he in some hospital after having suffered severe head trauma in a parachuting accident or something? Because otherwise, what the fuck?

God!

And also, bonus rant, why the fuck does everyone fucking love Jack White so much?

Music sucks.



12 Comments


tRJ said:

1. I love John Mayer. Seriously.
2. I never liked this song very much, but this version is pretty cool. It has a more detached and desperate quality to it, which is an interesting interpretation of the story.
3. You are so out of the band.

October 30, 2008 9:34 AM



Santi said:

Continuum > you

October 30, 2008 9:53 AM



RPM said:

Sorry, Mayer lovers. Here is a rebuttal. I do not like John Mayer. I'm just not down with lazy lyrics and affected vocals.

Mayer again shows that he can play guitar well. This could have been awesome had he been detached during the verses but then actually emotional for the chorus. Also, the facial expressions need to die.

I enjoy Tom Petty because of his emotional delivery. I understand the need to make a cover song one's own, but Mayer throws the baby out with the bath water here. It gets a little better at the end, but how I managed to keep watching for the minor payoff at the four minute mark is a testament to my patience.

There is little desperation in this performance. Well, maybe there's a misguided need to appear sensitive for purposes of procuring access to another wonderland.

My research indicates that Continuum is a John Mayer album that kicks things off with "Waiting on the World to Change." If you start a rock record by waiting, you fail. I long for the days when albums began with songs like "Search and Destroy."

Jack White is alright. I think the critical praise may have gone to his head a little bit, making his current stuff a little uninspiring to me. Focus the hate on John Mayer, Ismael.

October 30, 2008 10:58 AM



Frank X. said:

Ishmael, you are quickly becoming a bitter old man. Also, Jack White is awesome, John Mayer is boring, and this cover sounds like a poor man's Dave Mathews at a frat party playing in front of a group of girls he is trying to lay. I guess it's cheaper than rufies.

October 30, 2008 11:09 AM



Anonymous said:

What?!? You used to love the whites stripes. My God, you've lost touch musically. Go back to your butt-rock.

October 30, 2008 3:08 PM



Intergalactic, Planetary, Planetary, Intergalactic said:

I'm not a fan of Mayer's music. But I appreciate him for three tough-to-refute reasons. One, he's really, really hilarious. Two, he doesn't take his fame too seriously. Three, he seems to be systematically banging every hot piece of famous ass there is, which is exactly what I would do if I was John Mayer.

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/611387370c/makin-music-with-john-mayer-from-john-mayer-judd-apatow-kristen-bell-gerrybednob-ian-roberts-and-cohenobrien

October 30, 2008 6:29 PM



Sour Grapes said:

Tom Petty did it better, but Tom Petty is one of a kind. Didn't the Smashing Pumpkins cover "Cinnamon Girl"? Neil Young did it better. To say "he is a fucking failure" is petty. That guy gets more ass than a toilet seat, he's making some serious coin, and has legions of fans (of which, I am not one.) Judging from your blog posts of late, I take it that you aren't having the same kind of success. He's doing something right. Let's put it this way, if he's wrong, I don't want to be right. Surely a man of your intellect realizes that there's more to music than just music. That's just the way it works. Ask anyone that has a garage band that "should" be making it big. When the Lovers of Sight and Sound hit the big time, they'll say the same things about you. If your gripe is that he isn't talented, then you should take it up with, oh, say, every record exec post the early 90s. Good luck with that and Godspeed.

October 31, 2008 2:40 AM



Lauren said:

There are bunch of musical no-accounts out there making lots of money for no better reason than their pretty vapid face. At least John Mayer has some guitar skills (granted, his songwriting skills, while catching, are not the most profound [although I'm a bit of a sucker for simple pretty melodies like "Daughters," but I'll eat candy until I get sick, so maybe that's not surprising] and his voice is not the prettiest) and he's not some poseur who can't do a damn thing without a producer in the studio making them sound amazing.

And I fail to see what a problem you have with Jack White. He's is an amazing musician. Seeing him live was a revelation and his music with the Raconteurs makes me want to fuck things when I hear it (see My Blue Vein). How dare you pair that with no account confections that John Mayer comes up with.

Music does not suck. Take a break from all of this modern shit and listen to some Beethoven for fuck's sake and get your head out of your ass.

October 31, 2008 10:40 AM



sadielady said:

I actually like John Mayer, at least some of his songs anyway. But I have to agree with you on this particular one; Free Fallin' is a song that I love (I love most of Tom Petty's songs, and that one's near the top of the list), and hearing Mayer sing it this way makes it sound like just an ok little song for just anyone to sing, but it sucks the life out of the Petty version for sure, big time.

October 31, 2008 12:43 PM



Katty said:

Just do me a favor and keep writing such trencahnt analyses, OK?

November 23, 2011 8:37 AM









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