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And That's How You Pick up a Stripper

November 1, 2008 3:57 AM

o, Co-SME, The Reeg, RPM, and I went to some undergrad Halloween party hosted by The Reeg's friend tonight. I spent the early portion of the evening doing what I normally do at large parties: stand around and looked pissed.

I also went outside and criticized their beer pong rules. The proper way to play beer pong is with two teams of two people, with each person having six cups arranged in a triangle in front of them for a total of six cups per person and twelve cups per side. Here in Wisconsin, people are too afraid to drink that much, apparently, because everyone does it with one pyramid of ten cups per side. It's lame.

Anyway, their table was homemade but not up to The House standards and their rules were strange. But at least they called it beer pong. Beirut is a city, not a fucking drinking game.

As I was standing around in the kitchen looking for a plastic cup to put some beer in, an amazingly hot girl walked in. I mean, she was pretty hot, but what made her even hotter was the outfit she was wearing. She had black latex high-heeled boots that went to about mid thigh. Then she had a skirt that was about seven inches long and consisted of two latex squares held together with laces. Then there was some sort of corset-like latex top--lots of cleavage. And bright red hair. She immediately caught my eye because I love that whole latex goth thing. And, also, she was walking around half-naked and was pretty cute.

The goth girl had a friend with her. The friend was this Asian girl dressed in a rainbow tubetop and some leopard-print pants with a fake rubber cock coming out of the fly on her pants. Some people dress up as Batman for Halloween, some dress up like a tranny. Whatever.

At some point, not much was going on and these two cute girls were standing there talking amongst themselves. So I went up and talked to them. And the goth girl and I actually kind of hit it off. She's a crazy geek girl and can talk fluently about computers, video games, and a bunch of other cool shit. But the whole thing is stupid, I think, because she's so fucking hot and, well, I'm so fucking not.

We keep talking and I find out that she's a computer programmer, a student working towards some sort of biology degree, and a stripper. Yup, a stripper. A fucking stripper. So now I'm at a party talking to a really hot girl wearing an outfit that hardly covers anything but nonetheless makes her way hotter and she's a stripper. I've stepped into someone else's life.

Eventually, she makes some comment to her friend, who's now talking to RPM, Co-SME, and The Reeg, and walks away. Maybe she was talking about how lame I was, I don't know. Later, I see her sitting on the couch on the phone. And, after standing outside with the tranny while Co-SME and others smoked, we came back inside, I sat down next to the stripper, and told her to give me her number. And she did.

So now I have a stripper's phone number. And here's my question: what the fuck am I supposed to do with it?

6 Comments

butterflyfish said:

You call her, silly.

Best case: you get a date with an interesting hot computer geek chick. Maybe it will even go well and you'll get more than one date.

Worst case: you get shot down and get to refer to her as 'that whore you met at that party' for the rest of time. It seems like win-win to me.

November 1, 2008 5:40 AM

morenonesense. said:

Actually, worst case is you go out with her and she gives you VD.

Also, it really is called "beruit", but but the lazy name is beer pong. I admit that.

November 1, 2008 1:58 PM

Lauren said:

You're an idiot if you don't know what to do with a hot girl's number.

Here's another reason for you to hate Tucson: They also play the improper one ten-cup configuration here.

Also: I fucking hate undergrad parties. Maybe I've lost the thin veneer of cool that you and the rest of the House gave me, but I know I don't really have any interest in trying to shout over loud music to someone that I've never met and has the intelligence of a newt. Call me lame. I'm ready.

November 1, 2008 4:39 PM

Who? said:

Sell her number to telemarketers or one of the presidential campaigns?

November 2, 2008 5:40 PM

Anonymous said:

First off, tell her that you are so very wrong about beer pong. Beer pong is a game played with one full cup of beer on each side, two paddels (or pieces of 2x4, if you've lost the paddles), and one ping pong ball. The person who hits the ball in the other persons cup wins, the loser chugs both cups.

The game, of which you refer, IS called Beirut (alternatively, with full cups of beer it is Panama). It does not feature a measly six cups per person, but rather ten per person. Teams consist of two people. You can play one of two ways. As cups get hit, you can remold the cups in individual groups until ten remain, and then regroup the ten into one pyramid and regroup from there, or you can leave the gaps until ten, regroup into one pyramid, and leave the gaps. Regrouping is much more conducive to enjoyable play. When a player misses a shot and the ball goes off the table, it is a free for all. Whoever gets the ball, keeps it. If both balls are with one team, and the first shooter makes a shot, the second player must make a shot before the first cup of beer is finished in order to get both balls back. Obviously, there is no requirement to wait to drink for the second shooter to take his/her shot--if you drink quickly you can avoid having to give the balls back. There is no blowing the ball out of the cup--that is retarded. These are the true rules to Beirut (or, as foolish heathens mistakenly call it, beer pong (see above)).

November 2, 2008 11:23 PM

Mystery Poster said:

You should call her, tell her about her blog, and then wait for her to call back and ask you out. Just kidding, don't do that. If she sees this blog, she will never call you back. Just call her, but don't mention the blog.

November 4, 2008 1:38 PM