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Tea Sucks

November 7, 2008 12:16 AM

drink lots and lots of water. At restaurants, I usually go through at least a glass before I even order. And I go through several glasses during the meal. This is apparently not the norm, since most of my friends don't touch their water at all during a meal. And this leads to frustration because most waiters think that most people don't need refills during a meal. Which in my case is simply not the case.

But I digress. There is nothing more refreshing or good than a nice, tall glass of ice-cold water. It's just so fucking satisfying and pure. And it's even more so if it's cold.

So let's start with that--an ice-cold glass of pure water--as the perfect beverage. And now let's make it progressively worse. First, you make it warmer. The hotter water gets, the less enjoyable it is. So the worst thing you could do to water is serve it hot. Then let's add shit to it. Instead of having pure, clear water, let's murk it up with nonsense.

You know what you get if you do all that? You get fucking tea. Tea is a disgrace. Tea is to water as the orcs were to elves--a cheapened, corrupted version of something that was pure and beautiful.

My point here is that if you want to make a good drink, you need to do more than pour hot water through shit. Because when you do that, all you get is something that taste like a swamp.

And that goes for coffee, too.



8 Comments


tRJ said:

This is why you add big piles of sugar and ice.

November 7, 2008 6:33 AM



Who? said:

I agree about the water thing. I try to stay constantly hydrated and my basic measure of how much of a tip the waiter is going to get is how well the staff keep my water glass filled.

November 7, 2008 11:23 AM



WTF? said:

Good to see that the blog is hitting the hard-hitting issues of the day. Maybe you could paint a wall and post minute by minute results as to how quickly it is drying. Now, if you'll pardon me, I am going to go watch grass grow.

November 7, 2008 1:23 PM



Valerie said:

Sorry to subject you to such an awful experience. In my defense, the place was cool, no?

November 9, 2008 4:42 PM



TheExpat said:

Fie! Blasphemer! Fie on you!!!

November 14, 2008 2:51 AM



Dee said:

you just need to come to a place with good tea. beer is water with a bunch of shit you don't even want to THINK about added to it, yet it is so lovely. but not if you drink bud light. drinking tea in the US and judging it likewise is like having a bud light and saying you hate beer.

November 16, 2008 12:38 AM



Aneisha said:

Frankly I think that's aboslutley good stuff.

July 10, 2011 8:08 AM






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