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The Upside to the Housing Crisis

November 19, 2008 1:21 AM

o, yeah, I was sort of busy there for a bit. But I'm back now--one of my trials is over and the other one is being rescheduled.

Now, yeah, the housing and lending crisis or whatever really sucks. It's fucking over lots of Americans, and I fully acknowledge that, and it sucks, and I'm sorry--not that I played any part in it. But even in the worst situations, it's important to find the good news, the silver lining.

With that in mind, I have to tell you guys that I was filled with vengeful glee when I saw this story.

For those of you not in the know, Jeff Lewis is some asshole who's got a house-flipping show called "Flipping Out." In fact, to say that the man is an asshole is an understatement. The man is the most self-centered, narcissistic, manipulative, obnoxious, insecure, self-important, arrogant, terrible person I've ever seen. He owns this business where he flips houses, but that hardly matters. What matters is that he has, like, a thousand assistants. And they're ranked: first assistant, second assistant, first assistant to the second assistant, assistant in charge of assisting with all the shit removal. It's fucking stupid. This one man has created a more complicated office structure than most major corporations.

He does ridiculous shit like scream at his employees for not having all of the bottled water in his fridge have the label facing the same way. He goes around acting like these people aren't even worthy to pick up his cats' shit--and then he grudgingly allows them the privilege of picking up his cats' shit. And it's not like they have anything to do--they sit around and eat lunch for this fucker.

I can't decide what pisses me off more about the situation. On the one hand, people who are so ridiculously not self-sufficient make fill me with blinding rage. I'm not saying that I've never depended on other people, but the degree to which Lewis relies on other people to do simple tasks for him--getting his lunch (and making sure that they remember every one of his favorite things at various restaurants), cleaning up after his pets (and making sure that they give each the appropriate amount of affection), or whatever--is simply pathetic. I honestly would like nothing more than to see this fucker lose his fortune and have to live in a one-bedroom apartment with no one but himself to do this shit for him. I bet he can't even wipe his own ass. I bet he's not even aware that people wipe their asses because he's got an assistant who handles all of that unclean stuff for him.

On the other hand, though, all of these fucking people that he surrounds himself with are pathetic. They are the very definition of spineless nitwits. If I found myself working for this guy and he started berating me for forgetting that he doesn't like onions in his pico de gallo salsa, I'd go to the kitchen, get a whole onion, shove it down his throat, and then scream at him that I don't like any asshole in my onion. But all of his employees are like "I'm so sorry that I messed up, it's completely my fault. Even though you never told me that and this was the first time I've ever gotten you food from this place, I absolutely should have assumed that based on the fact that you don't like chives on your baked potato. Please forgive me, I'm so sorry." And on the rare occasion that someone does quit, they're wusses about it then, too. They're like "Thank you so much for this wonderful opportunity, but I just don't think I can do as good a job for you as you deserve, so I really think it would be unfair to continue working for you. I'm sorry." And of course he eats that shit up!

The point is, I fucking hate this guy and I'm glad to see that his business is suffering. God, I hope he finds himself giving handjobs for mountain spring water someday soon.



4 Comments


Lauren said:

A resounding HEAR HEAR! I never understood how anyone could stand to watch a full hour of that show. The commercials were enough to convince me that that guy was a monument of douchebaggery.

November 19, 2008 12:39 PM



Who? said:

Yes. Asshats like this helped walk us all into this mess

November 19, 2008 8:37 PM



TheExpat said:

Sorry, but he's not suffering enough for my liking. What really needs to happen are a few localized 10.0 earthquakes that wipe out his core business investments and his insurance companies main offices at the same time, and the only casualties are his cats.

November 20, 2008 1:24 AM



Valerie said:

please leave the cats out of it...

November 20, 2008 1:23 PM



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