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How Lecherous Am I?

December 11, 2008 12:39 AM

've been thinking lately about how old a girl would have to be in order for me to consider dating her. I mean, I'm twenty-seven. That's fucking old in terms of the whole dating scene, right? I mean, I'm not in college anymore. Fuck, I'm not even in grad school anymore. So would it be strange--either for me or for other people--if I dated someone in, say, law school? Or college? I mean, people in college are, like, twenty-three at the most. What are those people like? I envision this scenario in which I show up with my twenty-two-year-old girlfriend to some college party and try to hold my own at beer pong only to get embarrassed by the twenty-year-olds there and then have them all talk about me as being some random old dude that totally crashed their party.

But on the other hand, what if there's some girl that's generally more mature than the average person her age? Or something. One friend of mine suggested that it's cool to date someone as long as their in the same stage of life as I am. So if her parents are still paying her bills, then that's bad. That seems to make some sense. But then another friend of mine suggested that, should the right nineteen-year-old girl come along, I would be all over that. And part of me probably would. But wouldn't that just be really gross and lecherous? Plus, how could I introduce her to my colleagues? What if I went to some Christmas party with people I see in court and go around introducing my girlfriend and explaining that she just graduated from high school? That's clearly ridiculous. But would it be any better if I said that she just graduated from college?

This is all moot, of course, if the person in question is pH's sister.



12 Comments


butterflyfish said:

Standard creepiness rule, half your age +7 and round up. Meaning at 27, the youngest you could go is 21. Sorry, no 19 year olds for you :-)

December 11, 2008 9:55 AM



tRJ said:

No way. 21 is way too young. I don't think you should consider anyone under 25, unless they are out of school and working a real job.

Whichever friend of yours made the "same stage of life" argument is dead on.

December 11, 2008 12:37 PM



pH said:

I also think the "same stage of life" argument controls, with Vice and I being the exception that proves the rule.

P.S. It's moot because my sister has already surpassed you in maturity (see your borderline-illegal foot-fetish-explaining fetish) and beer-pong skills.

December 11, 2008 5:30 PM



The Reeg said:

I'm biased, of course, but I have to disagree with all of you. I'm 23 and have a year of undergrad left to go and my parents pay my tuition and part of my rent; D. graduated from law school two years ago and will be the big three-oh in June, aaaaand...everything is peachy. Yeah, I'm under 25. Yes, I was still in the bouncer-induced paranoia recovery process the very first time we met for drinks. No, I don't have a "real" university degree (just a cello BFA that I finished when I was 19--but to me it doesn't count, as it's absolutely worthless in the job market and not what I want to do).

Those caveats aside: yes, we love each other; yes, he has fun at my silly undergrad parties; yes, my silly undergrad friends love him; yes, I'm helping him raise his kid and in everyone's opinion--including that of my child psychologist mother--doing a bomb-ass job of it; yes, we have great conversations and a great friendship and relate to each other very well both intellectually and emotionally; and finally, no, it's not awkward when his grown-up friends and colleagues find out that I'm still a student (although I say I'm in school for economics, talk about my research interests, and let them assume I'm a grad student, which is disingenuous but fuck it).

"What are those people like?" You know me. You know (I hope) that I don't spend my weekends playing beer pong and listening to Bob Marley and doing jello shots off the ass-cracks of guys with popped collars. Many people my age and in my life stage do, but not everyone does, and if you can find someone you relate to well and enjoy being around, go for it. Of course, "relate to well" means not being irritated when the lady bitches about exams or a shitty professor. If hearing about any of that is a deal-breaker for you, then obviously it's not gonna work. But you wouldn't, I assume, spend all of your time together talking about your job or her school, so it's not like that's all you'll be hearing about. And if it is, that just means she's boring and you should dump her anyway.

All that said, two things re: age. First, no dating anyone under 21. You do not want to limit yourselves, and vicariously any friends with whom you want to hang out as well, to bars and restaurants that don't card, and you sure the fuck do not want to get caught serving booze to an underage girl and her underage friends. THAT'S creepy. Also, "still in school" is not equal to "in a different life stage." Most of my friends in grad school pay their own bills and essentially work full-time because they get paid for their research and teaching; researching and writing a dissertation, and sometimes teaching classes, is much more like a job and much less like law school, which seems structure-wise the same as undergrad; and finally, most of them range in age from mid twenties to early thirties, (with one in her early forties), so no worries about age stuff.

That's all. As someone who is in a relationship with both a seven year age gap and a fairly substantial life stage gap, I thought you'd like some voice of reason to tell you that it's not that bad, and for us at least is fan-goddamn-tastic. I realized that we're an exception to the rule; I'm just asking you not to rule out those exceptions for yourself by setting rules about age or life phase.

Thanks for reading that big ol' post. And sorry again about the length.

December 11, 2008 10:35 PM



Dee said:

dude, you worry way too much about what everybody else thinks about your relationships. i think dating someone still in undergrad, especially if they are under 21, would limit your choices about places to go on dates, but that's it. turns out not where but who you're with that really matters. yeah, i just dropped some DMB on this post, and i've been out of university for five years now. but it's true. i think the likelihood of relating to a girl goes down as the age difference grows, but you don't need to stick to some guidelines. especially if what you are really worried about is other people's opinions--be it that of your friends or total strangers. just meet whoever you can and keep an open mind.

December 14, 2008 5:32 AM



Justine said:

I'm only an ex-tennis star, and so not an expert at math, but the "half your age +7" 'rule' always seemed about as good as anything.

'The same stage of life'? I don't understand that. Suppose some hot 30-year-old heiress wants you to be her 'intimate friend' starting tomorrow. Is she automatically disqualified if she doesn't have a real job? That seems absurd. Suppose someone started a business, and is now rich, doesn't have to work, and wants to date you. Are they disqualified? I guess I don't even understand what 'same stage of life' means. Does it mean (roughly) 'half your age +7 years'? If so, then I agree.

December 16, 2008 2:34 AM



Ismael Tapia II said:

I just wanted to say that this point is largely moot now. I asked out the girl that prompted me to start thinking about this in the first place and got shot down cold. Because I rock.

December 17, 2008 12:56 AM



Valerie said:

Since when is listening to Bob Marley equivalent to playing beer pong and doing jello shots off the ass-cracks of guys with popped collars?

I spend a lot of time listening to Bob Marley. That said, I don't (and never have)play beer pong, I hate jello shots, and I certainly would never come near some retarded undergrad with a popped collar, never mind his ass crack.

December 17, 2008 3:40 PM



dmc said:

Uhm...I guess my husband is creepy. He is 47, I'm 27. We still don't fit into the half +7 rule and we've been together for 10 years. Sure, it limited where we could go when I was under 21...and sure, he lied to his friends saying I was 24 for like 7 years but it just goes to show age doesn't matter.

If you meet someone you like my suggestion is make sure she is 18 and after that who gives a fuck.

December 20, 2008 8:02 PM



Jalene said:

In awe of that aneswr! Really cool!

July 10, 2011 12:58 AM









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