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I Won't Be Going Mongo, Thank You Very Much

March 10, 2009 11:35 PM

ne of my favorite restaurants in Phoenix was this place called YC's Mongolian Grill. It was the first Mongolian BBQ place I ever went to, and it's still my favorite. There was this whole ritual to the thing. The regulars handed down secret arcane knowledge about how to pack the most food into the bowls.

You had to construct your bowl correctly. First, you start off with the meat. But you had to compact the meat enough to serve as a solid foundation for the rest of your bowl. You could use another bowl for this task, but I preferred using my fists. The next item in line was the noodles, but the experienced customer knew that the right thing to do was take a generous portion of the dry noodles and put them on your tray, not in your bowl. You'd move on to the veggies and sauces, and then stack the noodles on top. A properly executed bowl was a masterwork of structural engineering. I once crammed so much food into a bowl that it was foot high and had to be split into two bowls even after it was cooked.

So, with these fond memories in mind, I decided that chelsadilla and I would try out BD's Mongolian BBQ. To be honest, I won't be going back.

I should have known things were fucked up when I called up to ask about their hours and the woman answered "Thanks for calling BD's. Go Mongo!" Go mongo? Really? That's not even a word. And even as a pseudoword, it seems pretty fucking racist to me. Still, I wasn't discouraged. But I should have been.

When we got there, they served us a menu, which was interesting seeing as how the whole point is to go make your own stir-fry. That's what I did. The meat selections were impressive, but I was put off by the "krab." What really turned me off at first, though, was the noodle selection. Just two things: some twirly spiral noodle and short, fat, round noodles. Neither seemed appropriate, and I couldn't fit any into my bowl. It was lame.

The vegetable choices were uninspired. Onions, mushrooms, bean sprouts. Wow.

But I knew things were completely wrong when I got to the sauces. There were about four of them, and they all sucked. Also, instead of putting your sauce right there in the bowl, they wanted you to use a little ramekin, probably because they wanted to limit the amount of sauce people used. To save money. Which is lame. I bypassed the system and used two ramekins.

The results were pretty meh-tacular. Nothing distinctive or really enjoyable. And I had to pay for white rice, which was pathetic.

Chelsadilla had the unlimited soup and salad bar. The salad bar was pretty unspectacular, and the clam chowder--which she got by accident--was terrible. She liked the chicken dumpling soup better, but it was hardly impressive.

Add to this the fact that the entire thing was overpriced and there's absolutely no reason for anyone to go to BD's instead of Flattop. Flattop is better in literally every single way. Throw in the free rice, better noodle choices, and the free flatbread, an Flattop is hands down better.

There is no reason for BD's to exist, and I hope it goes away soon.


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