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My Dream Home

March 12, 2009 11:49 PM

ome day, I will own a home. And when I do, I want it to be super badass. To that end, here are some things I really, really want in a home.

Stone
I want this thing built like an ancient fortress. I want ramparts and a tower. It would be so awesome to have a round tower a story taller than the rest of the house from which you could lord over the neighborhood. So awesome.

And, of course, the whole thing would have to be made out of stone. Like, by stonemasons. That would be so fucking badass.

Technology
I've heard about how when you go into Bill Gates's house, you put on these badges that follow your location and adjust the area around you to your liking. So, for example, if you move from the bedroom down the hall to the family room, the house will take your light settings with you. That's cool, but I don't like the badges idea. I do like the idea of voice-activated lights and overly complex touchscreen control panels on the walls. Those things would control lighting, the remote-controlled fireplaces, blinds, climate controls, and all the other super-fancy shit I'd have.

I'm thinking of the Enterprise-D here, people. Tell me that wouldn't be awesome? In a house made to look like an ancient castle?

A library
A massive library like at fucking Harvard or Oxford or something. There'd be super-comfy chairs for reading as well as display stands for, I don't know, a Gutenberg Bible or something.

A recording studio
I'm not talking about anything ridiculous here, just something in the basement, maybe consisting of two or three small rooms. Basically, I just want a place where I can turn my amp up to eleven without incurring the wrath of the neighbors.

A massive, state-of-the-art kitchen
I'm talking about something with a huge gas range with, like, a thousand burners. One of those double ovens. A refrigerator the size of a school bus. Dark granite countertops. Beautiful, dark wood cabinets. Badass fixtures. A breakfast bar. A dishwasher (I've never had a dishwasher, I think it would be cool to have one).

A huge garden with tons of trees and flowers
I want something like what my parents have. Lots of trees and shade and cozy place to lie in the grass. Water features and a little stream. Woodland creatures. That sort of shit.

A workshop
I just decided this today, but I want a workshop. I want a place where I can have a lot of tools and make shit. Like, out of wood or metal or something. Ever seen the New Yankee Workshop? I want something like that, and I want to learn to make shit that's just as badass.

In general, I'd want my home to be extremely cozy, warm, inviting, but most of all unique. I've had the privilege of being inside a bunch of houses of varying worth and size. The family of a friend of a friend owns a giant house outside of Chicago. Each kid has a wing. The grounds are ginormous, and there's a heart-shaped pond. But I didn't like that house very much because while it was clearly very expensive, it was also a very by-the-numbers affair. On the other hand, my favorite house is one owned by a law professor at the UW. The professor's wife is an artist, and the house shows. Every room has at least one extremely unique feature that both fits with the overall motif and stands out on its own. One of the bathrooms has a shower that feels like it's in a jungle. One of the walls in the kitchen is obscured by curving pieces of wood that wrap around into the living room. It's just an awesome house, even though it's not very big.

So, yeah. I'm looking forward to building a house sometime in the next, I don't know, forty years.



2 Comments


laurie said:

i hope you're making mad money to support that dream home!!

March 13, 2009 7:18 PM



TheExpat said:

I'm extremely disappointed that you seem to have lost your taste for roast beef curtains, but the New Yankee Workshop is a kick-ass idea. PBS represent!

March 14, 2009 7:10 AM



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