Some Simple Rules to Follow if You Want to Be More Like Me

April 9, 2009 12:09 AM

eople have told me that I have a unique personality. I've always been baffled by this because I think my personality is fairly obvious and boring. Still, I'm putting together a list of the basic principles I follow, just in case you decide to impersonate me or something.

1. The perceived funniness of something is directly proportional to how many times your audience has heard it. If something was mildly amusing once, it'll be fucking hilarious the fourteenth time. If people tell you that something you're doing is obnoxious, you just haven't done it enough.
2. Whoever is louder is righter.
3. The purpose of youth is to accumulate good stories to tell your grandchildren. The purpose of old age is to tell your grandchildren good stories.
4. It's only rude if it's done to me.
5. When in doubt, reference semen.

So there you go. I think that pretty much sums me up. Feel free to add others, or guiding principles for yourselves.

2 Comments

tRJ said:

6. Harbor all-consuming love for band that even Soundgarden couldn't stand.

April 9, 2009 7:25 AM

Vice said:

7. If you need a perfect analogy, you can't go wrong with the Holocaust

April 9, 2009 12:41 PM

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