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Grammar for Idiots, Part III

May 26, 2009 11:52 PM

n English, it is often difficult to decide how to indicate that a noun is plural. Sometimes you have to add an S to the word, sometimes you have to drop a Y and add an "-ies," sometimes you have to change the word completely, and sometimes you just have to leave it alone. And that's not even all the options.

So, yeah, the whole thing is pretty easy to mess up--if you're an idiot.

See, the one thing we always know is that we only ever have to apply one transformation to a singular noun to arrive at a plural noun. "Child" becomes "children," not "childrens." So imagine my indignant outrage when I saw this sign on a restroom door:

mens.jpg

What the fuck kind of bullshit is that? "Men" is already plural; why did someone add an S to the word? Was it perhaps an entirely abortive attempt to indicate that this was the "men's room"? But then where's the apostrophe?

This is another situation where a large group of people looked at this sign and thought "Yes, this is correct. This is what I want the door on this convenience-store door to say for ever and ever and ever. This is how I want to be remembered."

Grammar isn't the most important thing in the world, but it's also not the most difficult to master. And this instance doesn't even involve dangling modifiers or fucked-up participles. This is one word that's either spelled incorrectly or missing an apostrophe. Tens of people could have fixed the problem in one of two ways. And yet no one did.



5 Comments


TheExpat said:

I just keep thinking of In Living Color's "Men on Film" skit. I picture Damon Wayans saying, "This is where all the big, strong mens can go and do their 'private business' right next to other mens." Maybe that's what they meant.

May 27, 2009 12:40 AM



Dee said:

finally, an answer to the eternal question: "where the mens at?"

May 27, 2009 6:24 AM



The Reeg said:

Disclaimer: I'm not trying to be an obnoxious bitch. That said, it's funny that in a post about grammar you typed "convenience-store" instead of "convenience store," which is the way it's supposed to be. I think you use dashes for compound adjectives (e.g. well-paid), but not for compound nouns (e.g. convenience store). Then again, you were on Law Review and are thus probably more of a grammar nazi/ninja than I am.

Also, you and Chelsea and David and I should hang out soon.

May 27, 2009 12:19 PM



Ismael Tapia II said:

You're completely correct about the use of hyphens: you use them in compound adjectives but not in compound nouns. I would not advocate for using the hyphen when referring to a convenience store. I would, however, advocate for using the hyphen as I did.


I wasn't using "convenience store" as a noun, I was using it as a compound adjective; I was describing a door found in a convenience store, a convenience-store door.

So you see, my grammar-fu is much stronger than yours.

Also, I agree: let's hang out soon.

May 27, 2009 1:56 PM



The Reeg said:

Aaah, very true--I didn't think of "convenience-store" describing the door, but that makes total sense. Consider me pwned. You are the Grammar Ninja!

May 27, 2009 3:35 PM



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