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July 18, 2008

How I Spent My Friday Morning

My friends and I are going to see The Dark Knight tonight. There had been some discussion about going to a midnight showing, but we never did anything about it and then assumed that all the screenings were going to be sold out. And, besides, we've all got responsibilities and jobs and stuff. Well, as it turns out, I don't have to be in court tomorrow and I'm not meeting any clients. I've got stuff I have to do, sure, but I don't have to be up at any specific time. That left me wondering what I was going to...

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July 17, 2008

I'd Totally Still Do Her, Though

Hayden Panettiere, the cheerleader from Heroes, is totally hot. She also apparently risks her life to save dolphins. And although she's a rich teenager in Hollywood, I haven't seen anything about how she's spending her nights doing blow off of guys' cocks in skeazy West Hollywood clubs. And, as near as I can tell, she hasn't nearly killed anyone with her car. Oh, and she's not the worst actress I've ever seen. So, you know, she's got some things going for her. What she does not have going for her is musical talent. Check out her music video: Now, unlike...

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July 11, 2008

I Fucking Hate You, You Fuckwads

To the guy at the courthouse: Good god, you're an idiot. Let me see if I understand what you just did. You walked into the Clerk of Courts room, saw the long counter with the windows on it, saw the people standing in the fucking line, saw the fucking signs saying "please wait in line until you are called to a window," and decided that you were somehow above all those fucking rules and just walked right up to a window--one manned by a woman on the phone, no less!--and conducted your business. I fucking hate you. To the woman...

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June 8, 2008

Fuck It All, I'm Growing a Goatee

After about three seconds of thought and consideration--and against the advice of some of my most trusted advisers--I have decided to grow a goatee. Yes, I'm following in the footsteps of Evil Spock and Garthe Knight. This is gonna be totally awesome. Or not. After not shaving since Wednesday, I decided that the time was right to carve a goatee out of my facial hair. So that's what I just did. It's still rather thin, but it doesn't look entirely terrible. Although I have to say that I'm having a hard time taking my reflection seriously. That bodes ill for...

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June 5, 2008

Grammar for Idiots, Part II

In English, we use the apostrophe for several purposes. Two of these uses are most common: we use the apostrophe to indicate that some noun possesses something ("This is John's book" or "That is my cat's favorite toy") and to indicate contractions ("I'll be back" or "He's more machine, now, than man"). We do not use the apostrophe to indicate plurality--ever. So all those fucking signs out there that advertise "CD's" are not only wrong, they are offensive. That's all fairly simple, I think, but now it's going to get complicated--if you're an idiot. See, people seem to have trouble...

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June 4, 2008

I Fucking Hate You, Hillary Fucking Clinton

I'm going to draw an analogy between what Hillary Fucking Clinton has been up to and a not entirely hypothetical from my own life. First I'll present what Hillary Fucking Clinton actually did, then I'll make a plausible analogy about myself. For context, I'll be using a hypothetical about the one time I've run for an elected position in my life: Law Review elections. What Hillary Fucking Clinton did: Acknowledge that the delegates from Florida and Michigan wouldn't count but then campaign there, anyway. Hypothetical analogy from my own life: Proxy voting is allowed at Law Review elections, but only...

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May 27, 2008

The Secrets of Flipping

Flipping houses can be a lucrative endeavor. Unfortunately, it can also be extremely risky. The novice house-flipper should, therefore, be wary and keep several general things in mind. Remember, for example, not to get personally involved in your investment: you're not going to live there, don't design the house for yourself. Beyond that, there are a few specific and time-tested secrets a new flipper should keep in mind. Here's a short list. it is not exhaustive. When in doubt, use travertine. Travertine offers the strength and versatility of marble and granite without the great expense. And it doesn't look too...

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May 25, 2008

Three-Day What Now?

Apparently this is a three-day weekend. I had no idea that was the case until I was in court Friday and saw a little sign saying the courthouse would be closed on Monday. That's cool. Anyway, because I had absolutely no idea that this was one of those weekends where we were supposed to do something fun and three-day long, I didn't have any real plans. But that hasn't seemed to stop me from having a great time, anyway. On Friday, Bluebunny and a man I'll refer to as Peterr came up from Chicago and, despite my dire warnings earlier...

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May 20, 2008

I Like it in Flyover Country, Thank You Very Much

As you all probably know, I grew up in Arizona. Whether that constitutes the "West Coast" is open to debate, and I really don't care. But, in any event, I spent lots of time in Los Angeles when I was a kid, so I feel qualified to comment on various things about the region. For example, it fucking sucks. But, aside from that, it is clear to me that, at least compared to people from Los Angeles, people from Wisconsin are almost unbelievably nice. Some of the people I love most are from L.A., but that doesn't change the fact...

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May 12, 2008

I Love My Mom

Yes, today was Mother's Day. I called my mom at about 7pm local time, and the first thing she said was "Son, I thought you had forgotten about me!" Of course, I hadn't forgotten about my mom. I don't see how I ever could. I think I've written before about how when I was a little kid I saved up for a long time--well, what seemed like a long time, anyway--to have enough money to buy this giant Lego pirate ship. I couldn't wait to get it, so when I finally had the roughly $100 that it was going to...

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May 8, 2008

Concerning Rules and Metablogging

I assume that most bloggers are like me in exactly one respect: they all have unspoken rules for how they run their blog. This blog is a highly personal thing, so I try to maintain some sort of consistency, even though I doubt that anyone realizes that I do or don't do certain things, mostly because they're such strange things. One of these things, for example, is that I generally try to refer to people by the proper honorific and their last name. Sometimes--like when I get tired of writing "Mr." or determine that a certain combination ("Mr. Obama") just...

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April 29, 2008

What's the Point, Really?

I was walking to the courthouse here in Madison yesterday when I found that I was surrounded by people with signs and shit. There were about seven people, each holding antiwar signs. Some of them had slogans on them like "Honk to end the war." And a few passing drivers would honk. But I just thought to myself "What the fuck do you hope to accomplish here?" I mean, certainly you're not hoping to raise awareness. Everyone knows we're at war, right? I mean, most people do. And the people that don't probably can't even read your signs, so they...

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That Was a Fucked-Up Dream

I've mentioned before that I don't usually have or remember my dreams. Well, last night's bizarre series of dreams makes me sort of sad about that cause I was damn entertained. I may have forgotten some of the details or the order her, but I think you'll get the gist. Ok, it started with Mr. Vice and I being at a park or somewhere, potentially with other people. We were walking around sort of at dusk. I know that it was a work night, so we were both thinking that it was time to get home pretty soon. Then I...

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March 10, 2008

Harbingers of Doom

We are fucked. Oil prices are breaking new records every day. We are mired in an endless war. Our President doesn't seem to mind torture. Our leaders are more corrupt than ever. Or perhaps they're not, which is even scarier. Yes, it seems that at almost every turn, we are confronted by evidence that our entire civilization is heading for the shit can. But the most compelling evidence that our culture is (rightfully) doomed comes from Hollywood. Yes, at a time when the entire entertainment industry seems to be completely out of original ideas and left with no option but...

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February 28, 2008

Ridiculous Shit that Happened Today

First, remember that special Best Buy was offering on Blackberrys? The one that jackass told me would be over last Friday? Well, I was at the Best Buy looking at something we need for the office today--something that was incredibly overpriced--and, just out of curiosity, I went and saw what the normal, nonsale price on the Blackberry was. To my shock, the price tag still said $79. Well, what the fuck is that, I thought. This sale was supposed to be over almost a week ago. So I asked the woman who was there if that was some sort of...

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February 26, 2008

If You Were My Daughters, I'd Disown You

Through the years, I've known a lot of people that were completely full of themselves. But none of the people I've ever met have been as completely and egregiously diluted as the two eighteen-year-old girls who are accusing Southwest Airlines of discriminating against them because they're too pretty. These girls sound like some of the most worthless human beings on the fucking planet. Let's take a look at some of the unbelievable treatment they were subjected to because of their unbelievable looks.As soon as they boarded, [Nisreen] Swedberg says she asked for a bottle of water and was told she...

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February 24, 2008

I'm Kicking Ass and Taking Names

I'm not sure if people would describe me as a pushover, but there have been a lot of times in the past when I haven't stood up for myself to the extent that I probably should have. I'm not talking about interpersonal situations so much, but rather about my dealings with institutions. For some reason, there have been many situations in which I take someone's word for something or just let something go without fighting as hard as I could or should. Regardless of my personality with my peers, I've always been less than assertive with respect to authority figures....

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February 21, 2008

Apology to the Guy at the Best Buy (This Time, the One in the Cell Phone Department)

I acknowledge that I owe you an apology, Guy at the Best Buy, but let me explain my side of the story first. My phone contract with my current company is about to run out. That means I get to buy a new phone, which, for someone as obsessed with technology as me, is just way too fun. I was extremely excited to see, then, that Best Buy has the Blackberry Curve on sale for $80. That's a fucking bargain. But here's the rub, Guy at the Best Buy: my contract with Alltel, my current cell-phone people, doesn't expire until...

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Fuck You, Technology

Now, don't get me wrong, there are few things I love as much as new-fangled gadgets. If there's a needlessly technological way to do something simple, I want it. And if there's some fancy new equipment out there, I want that, too. For example, I don't know how I've lived this long without GPS--how can I go on without knowing my exact location on the surface of the Earth? Still, there are time when technology lets you down in a profound way. Today was one of those times. It all started innocently enough--the "ABS" light in my car came on...

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February 6, 2008

Vignettes

Scene One: Finally! We find our protagonist shoveling the sidewalk for the second time that day. Being from a state with a warm climate, this whole "shoveling snow" thing is new to him. And he doesn't like it. Not one bit. His mind is focused on one thought: if it wasn't for the phone company, he'd be at home right now. And he'd be warm and dry. Instead he's cold and wet because of the snow. But then, after seven hours of waiting, the phone rings and, yes, it is the phone company. They are on their way. The ordeal...

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January 28, 2008

It Makes Me So Angry . . . . (Updated)

I am not an ad executive. I have never been to business school or even taken a marketing class. I have never written copy or tried to sell anything. I am completely naive as to what it takes to brand and sell a product. I want you all to keep this in mind for what follows. You see, although I am completely ignorant as to what it takes to market a product, I would assume--based on nothing other than common sense (which apparently tells some people that the ass is a reproductive organ)--that an advertising campaign that makes anyone that...

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January 27, 2008

Of Repression and Butt Babies

Apparently, the FCC, those minions of repression and near fascism, have decided to fine ABC almost $1.5 million after it showed a naked female butt during prime time. There are a couple of things I'd like to say here. First of all, our society really needs to get its head out of its ass. Everyone has butts, just like some people have tits and vaginas and other people have cocks. It's not the fucking end of the world, and it's a stupid attitude to decide that all nudity is inherently offensive or sexual or whatever. I mean, seriously. Why do...

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January 19, 2008

With Apologies to Dee . . .

I watched the movie Gone Baby Gone last night. It was really, really good, which is hard for me to admit seeing as how there were two Afflecks involved in its production. But the movie was very well written and surprisingly unafflecky. And the younger Affleck did a very good job. Except in one crucial aspect of his performance: his infuriating Boston accent. Now, I've only been to Boston once--on a school trip when I was a little kid. I remember liking it a lot because we got to see a bunch of really cool American history-related things. I do...

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January 17, 2008

Tom Cruise Is the Bat-Shit Craziest

Most of you have probably seen this already, but I just think it's too funny in the creepiest possible way not to post. It's apparently a video produced by the "Church" of Scientology for internal purposes. They're apparently pissed that it got out. And with good reason, because I don't see how anyone could take them seriously after this. Not that there were any reasons to think they were legitimate before. Anyway, without further ado, I give you perhaps the craziest, creepiest person in Hollywood, which is saying a lot (incidentally, Mr. Cruise uses some jargon that I wasn't familiar...

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January 16, 2008

Advice!

I fucking love Savage Love. There's something infinitely entertaining about reading letters in which people reveal how fucked up their lives are. It's also sort of interesting to see how stupid people are. I mean, how much sense does it take to know you've gotta leave someone even if they're really nice to you between the beatings? Unfortunately, Dan's latest columns have been kind of lame. I mean, why did he decide to field the question by the girl who felt strange about wearing panties with Disney princesses on them? Not only is that hot in itself, most of the...

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January 15, 2008

Concerning Philosophy and Los Pitufos

For various reasons, not the least of which is that I didn't really do a lot of interesting things today, I don't have anything interesting to write about concerning what's currently going on. I did, however, see an interesting story on CNN.com that reminded me of an interesting character I met in college, and I thought it might make for an interesting post. As I've said, I was a philosophy major in college, and, as such, I took a hell of a lot of philosophy classes. As it turns out, there was a small group of people that took a...

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January 12, 2008

Allez Zombies!

Attention Iron Chef America fans! What this trailer for a movie called I Am Omega, which is apparently a horrible, low-budget I Am Legend rip off. Notice anything--or anyone--familiar? It sort of blows my mind to see him in a different context. As long as there's no Mario Batali or Alton Brown sex tape, though, I'm fine with it....

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January 9, 2008

My Political Strategy

Here's what I would do if I was Hillary Clinton. I'd call up Barack Obama and this is what I'd say:Look, dude, let's do this. You drop out of the race. Then, when I win the nomination--and I will. I mean, c'mon, Richardson is a joke. And did you even know that Kucinich was still running? I know, isn't that crazy? Anyway, I mean, there's Edwards, but he's just such a huge tool... Anyway, you drop out of the race. Then, when I win the nomination, I promise to make you my running mate. That way, look, we save literally...

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January 3, 2008

Germophobes Are Stupid

One time in college, I was at a movie theater with some friends. One of my friends and I were in the restroom just before the show. We washed our hands, and headed for the exit. I noticed that my friend took his long shirt sleeve and wrapped his hand in it before touching the door handle. "What the fuck are you doing?" I asked him. "Can you imagine all the people who come in here every day and don't wash their hands and then touch this handle? I don't want other people's shit on my hand." "You're a fucking...

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December 13, 2007

Christmastime Has Come

It hadn't actually occurred to me how close it is to Christmas until I was at the mall today. I was helping a friend do some Christmas shopping and the store was playing Christmas music. I recognize the song, but it took me a little while to realize that they were playing The Smashing Pumpkins. I had actually completely forgotten that SP had recorded a Christmas song sometime after Siamese Dream but before Mellon Collie. Anyway, the song actually took me from being completely out of the Christmas spirit to being completely in it--I'm really excited about it now. Which...

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December 12, 2007

NoooOOOOOooooOOOoo!

This is bad news on so many different levels. At least the other, hotter Jessica isn't knocked up yet:...

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December 11, 2007

"I Can't Promise I'll Try, but I'll Try to Try."

I hate a lot of people. I don't want them to die or really to suffer or anything, but I don't want to be in the same room as them and, if pushed, will be a huge asshole to them. And sometimes I'll do that even when I'm not pushed. I was thinking recently that maybe I should try to stop hating people so much or so easily. Then I started thinking about some of the reasons that I hate certain people. For example, I hate people for all of the following reasons: Because the person is a date rapist....

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December 10, 2007

"My Father's Gonna Hurt Me"?

In college, my friend--let's call her Valentine--was notorious for misunderstanding song lyrics. The title of this post is a reference to one of her most endearing blunders: she thought that, in "Why Bother," Rivers Cuomo sings "My father's gonna hurt me" instead of "Why bother, it's gonna hurt me." I referenced another of her misunderstandings here: she thought that the chorus to The Pixies' "Hey" is "We're shoot to aim," rather than "We're chained." In any event, her interpretation of song lyrics was always good for a laugh. But now I fear that I might have significantly misunderstood some song...

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November 19, 2007

Apology to the Guy at the Best Buy

For various reasons, it was imperative that Mr. Utah replace his dead laptop this weekend. Partially to that end, he drove down to Madison from his home in the North. L-Dawg and I took him to Best Buy to check out the selection. That was our first mistake. See, the Best Buy rarely has the best buys. In fact, I hate the Best Buy. If it wasn't for the fact that they're the largest electronics store in the city, I'd never go there. Fuck them. Their computer selection was underwhelming, to say the least. That, combined with Mr. Utah's frugal--almost...

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November 17, 2007

You Probably Don't Measure Up

Although I have no evidence to support this conclusion, I'm fairly certain that there are a large number of female readers of this blog that want me. Like, sexually. While I'd love nothing more than to satisfy you all in some sort of huge orgy scenario, I'm really pretty much into monagamy. So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to post some of the things I must and must not have in a woman. If this is you, then you win. If not, then please try to move on with your life and know that someday, somewhere, you'll...

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November 15, 2007

Pictures

I've been pretty bad about taking and sharing pictures lately, so here are some. These first few are from my recent trip to Chicago. Here's a nice one of RPM and Bluebunny: Next up is a few we took on our tour of haunted Chicago. See if you can spot any "orbs." If you can, you're seeing photographic evidence of a ghost. Not as convincing as the historical evidence for vampires, but still pretty compelling: Then, here are some from later that night when we were all hanging out at a bar. These are all examples of Bluebunny's "pictures taken...

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November 1, 2007

Apology to the Guy With the Scooter

Seeing as how I generally offend the vast majority of the people around me and, in some cases--as we're about to see--people who have never had any direct interaction with me, I've decided that I need to start apologizing to people. Seeing as how I rarely know the people I piss off, I think this is an appropriate forum. Now, here's the thing. L-Dawg and X-tina live downtown. There's not a lot of parking around there. Sometimes, I have to drive around their neighborhood for a good twenty minutes before I can find somewhere to park. And even when I...

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October 31, 2007

Bigfoot?

What do you think this is a picture of: According to the accompanying article, it's a picture a hunter's automatic forest camera took. The hunter, one Rick Jacobs, having never seen anything like the pictured object, immediately reported the pictures to--who else--the Bigfoot Research Organization. And the BRO, in an entirely unexpected move, concluded that the picture is, indeed, of a bigfoot or, more accurately, "a juvenile Sasquatch." The Pennsylvania Game Commission, however, believes that the picture is of nothing more than "a bear with a severe case of mange." Let's carefully parse each part of what's going on here....

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October 22, 2007

How Not to Write a Movie Review

I think I've mentioned before that I love reading good reviews for bad movies. A good bad-movie review can be really funny and entertaining. Like everything else, though, there are bad bad-movie reviews. And, of course, there are stupid bad-movie reviews. I found this example of a stupid bad-movie review, written by Armond White, the other day while looking on Rotten Tomatoes at the reviews of Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married?. Mr. White's review would border on offensive if it wasn't so stupid. So it promopted me to come up with a few general guidelines for writing a...

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October 13, 2007

Lord of the Earth

I was just watching the episode of Scrubs where Laverne dies. It got me started thinking about what I'd like to have done to my remains if I ever die. Some of you have already heard this idea, but i just want to get it down in writing so that you guys will actually do it. First, I want to be dressed in my top hat, a tuxedo, and that kick-ass pocket watch that co-SME gave me. Second, I want to be encased in a big, transparent lucite cube. Third, I want the words "Ismael Tapia II, Lord of the...

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September 28, 2007

Shenanigans at the Bank or I Fucking Hate the State of Arizona

Even though I graduated several months ago, I have yet to actually get licensed to practice law. The reason for this is that I put off the character and fitness application until pretty much the last day and, since then, Wisconsin has sent me on a scavenger hunt for various documents that would make even that guy from The Da Vinci Code dizzy. Still, after narrowly avoiding committing a felony, I'm finally at the point where I only need to collect one more document before I've given them everything they want. I only need to get a copy of my...

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September 26, 2007

Technology Makes My Neuroses Easier to Live With

I have absolutely no idea why, but I hate going to a store and knowing that the clerk knows exactly what's going on in my life or what I'm about to do based on what I'm buying. I hate going into a grocery store and buying just the ingredients for lasagna because the clerk knows that I'm going to make lasagna that night (and yes, I do know how to make lasagna). I hate going into a hardware store and buying just lightbulbs because the clerk knows that, somewhere in my apartment, a lightbulb is out. I don't know why...

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September 18, 2007

My Fucked-Up Sleeping Schedule

My sleeping schedule tends to get all fucked up anytime that I have a period of over a week where I don't have a consistent wake-up time. As I haven't had a consistent wake-up time for months, my sleep schedule is seriously fucked up. And I think I may be an insomniac now. For example, I got about eight hours of sleep total this weekend. Then I stayed up from about 11:30 Sunday morning until about 6:30 Monday morning. But I couldn't sleep, so I got back out of bed and didn't actually get to sleep until about 8:30 or...

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September 8, 2007

Plans for Next Weekend?

If you guys aren't doing anything, some frenchmen, Mrs. Bennison's first grade class, some actual ducks, and I are going to play the Michigan Wolverines. One of the little kids knows how to fold ninja stars out of paper, so I think we've got a pretty good chance. Anyone wanna come?...

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September 5, 2007

Psych!

Senator Larry Craig is one hell of a practical joker. In the past few months, he's successfully punk'd America no fewer than three times. First, according to the police report, Senator Craig--obviously seeking to bring some entertainment into the life of an undercover agent relegated to airport toilet duty (what the fuck do you have to do to end up assigned to sit in an airport toilet stall waiting for someone to proposition you for anal sex, anyway?)--decided to humor the poor schmuck and, through the use of Bond-like signals such as "tapping your right foot" and "sticking your fingers...

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August 31, 2007

I Hate Best Buy

Sending out resumes requires printing resumes. Since my printer was out of ink, it was therefore time to get more ink. That's simple enough, but it was still frustrating as all hell to get it done. The first problem was that I have a photo printer. Although my resume, cover letter, and writing sample are all completely in black, my printer refused to print anything at all because it said that it was out of several shades of color ink. I didn't see how that mattered, but the fucking thing refused to print. I had several extra cartridges of ink...

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August 30, 2007

New Poll!

It's finally time for a new poll. First, however, the results from the last poll. It turns out that the politician you'd most like to see hit by a sea bass is Hillary Clinton. That's not too much of a surprise. Strangely, however, Bill Richardson came in second. I didn't expect that at all. Why does everyone have to hate on the Mexican? Second, I have to give the new poll some context. After being gone for several weeks, L-dawg came back this weekend. Mr. Utah was also in town so, needless to say, we drank. At around five o'clock...

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August 29, 2007

Honor Shakespeare, Dishonor Nirvana

I went to see an outdoor performance of Much Ado About Nothing tonight. Although I have read several Shakespeare plays, this was the first time I actually got to see one performed. I thought it was pretty good, although I still think that Shakespeare is pretty ridiculous and the dialogue is sometimes impenetrable, especially when it's mumbled in an outdoor venue. Still, the outdoor stage made the whole thing much cooler, except for the part where it started raining really, really hard. But that only lasted for about ten mintues and, after a brief break, the play resumed. The second...

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August 27, 2007

I Win

Alright! I believe that all of the issues with the blog have been fixed, including the comment issue. I believe it's now possible to comment smoothly. I've just tested the comment thing, and it seems to work fine, so leave comments, people! There are still some problems with the templates not being applied evenly all around, but I'm working on that and it's only an aesthetic issue. So, I guess I'll tell you the story of why the blog's been more fucked up than normal lately. It all started a long time ago when my commenting system got fucked up....

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August 21, 2007

Embracing My Destiny

Because I don't currently have a job, go to school, or have other responsibilities, I've settled into a pretty ridiculous sedentary lifestyle. Because all of my friends are gone, on extended vacations, or gainfully employed, I haven't really been seeing very many people lately--I only saw four people other than myself today. At first, the transition from being super busy and extremely social to having absolutely nothing to do and no one to do it with was difficult. But I settled into it today--I've accepted my fate. And, goddamnit, if I'm going to be an unemployed bum, I'm going to...

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August 18, 2007

Superawesome

Mr. Vice, pH, and I went and watched Superbad tonight. The movie surpassed all of my expectations, even though I was expecting a lot. It was definitely funnier--though not necessarily better--than Knocked Up, and both Mr. Vice and pH thought it was funnier than Forty Year-Old Virgin, although the jury's still out on that for me. What this movie definitely was, though, was all-out hilarious, and it didn't spend a lot of time on sentimental or romantic stuff. That might be a negative for some people, but I liked it. Although I generally don't mind a love story in my...

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August 17, 2007

Here's a Question . . .

Why is my computer calling me a "loser" at seemingly random intervals. There is absolutely nothing at work right now that should be making any sound, let alone insulting me. What the fuck?...

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August 13, 2007

Getting the Hook Up or Stealing?

A few days ago, I was annoyed to find that, although I thought I had finally broken my cats of their habit of chewing through cables, they had chewed through my guitar cable, meaning that I couldn't play my electric guitars. So, the next day, I went down to the music store and bought a new cable. When I came home and plugged it in, everything seemed to be ok for a few minutes. Then, something strange happened: music was coming out of my amp, but I wasn't playing it. In fact, there was singing. And it was in Spanish....

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August 11, 2007

Tequila Night

As it turns out, I like Mexican food. Who would have thought? In any event, I ate so much ridiculous Mexican food tonight that I was neraly out of commission for tequila night. I swear, after chips and salsa, fajitas, water, and about sixteen margaritas, I was about to explode. And not at all buzzed. After some meandering, we ended up at the Silver Dollar, one of Madison's best dive bars. Co-SME showed up with his girlfriend, adding to the crowd consisting of me, pH, Mr. Vice, Mr. Utah, Emily-in-Chief, and New SAE. One of the night's main attractions, apparently,...

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August 5, 2007

Why the Fuck Is There a Song Called "Radar Love"?

I was driving around this afternoon listening to the local classic-rock station, The Lake. They usually stick to the pretty standard classic-rock stuff: the Beatles, the Stones, Hendrix, Led Zeppelin--that kind of stuff. It's usually pretty good, although they sometimes play some unmitigated crap--seriously, who the fuck likes progressive rock bullshit? Anyway, "Radar Love" came on. And I thought to myself "why the fuck does this sone exist?" It's such a terrible song! First of all, I hate call-and-response arrangements. If you can't come up with a better idea than to constantly switch back and forth between stupid lyrics and...

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The Old Man Is Snoring . . .

It's raining like a motherfucker. No, I don't mean, as Mr. Utah might think, that people are throwing money around. Instead, I mean that water is falling form the sky--a lot. Last night was pretty fun--it was Bluebunny's going away party, which was, of course, bittersweet. But I think everyone had a good time. Except for L-Dawg, who was far too drunk to even be aware of where he was. His extreme level of intoxication was due, surprisingly enough, to a new drink he invented. It's tentatively called an "Australian Tea," and involves peach-flavored crystal light, lots of rum, and...

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