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April 11, 2009

Concerning Dreams, Babies, and Bathwater

I'm not one of those people that thinks that dreams mean something. In fact, I'm the opposite: I'm of the opinion that people who think that dreams mean something are dumb. As far as I'm concerned, dreams are a random collection of nonsense, devoid of any deeper significance. The idea that dreams are made up of representations of things that are going on in our waking lives is ridiculous to me. So that's why i was sort of shocked to have a dream last night that I found sort of relevant. In this dream, I was a lawyer. I had...

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February 25, 2009

This Is Crossing the Fucking Line

I've grudgingly accepted the fact that, in our society, you can now be famous and admired for absolutely no reason. There are young girls in America that look up to Paris Hilton. That, right there, should be enough to let you know that something is seriously wrong with everything. But I think there's someone who's actually worse than Hilton. That person is Heidi Montag. I can't even come up with a good way of expressing exactly how worthless this thing is, so I'm going to resort to analogies. If Paris Hilton is a hangnail, Heidi Montag is inoperable brain cancer....

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September 5, 2008

A Day, Deconstructed

Melancholic, overwhelmed, anxious, worried. Hopeful, purposeful. Relieved. Busy. Overconfident. Worried, worried, worried. Doubtful. Nervous. Relieved. Focused, pleased, elated. Satisfied. Faithful, excited. Disappointed. Disappointed. Disappointed. Dissatisfied, angry, critical, hurt, lost. Entertained. Disappointed. Infinite sadness....

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August 12, 2008

Of Spotlights and Friendship

One of the rumors I've heard about the upcoming ways in which Hollywood will rape my childhood is that they're planning some sort of movie or something based on Thundercats. I really hope this doesn't happen because, while Thundercats kicked an unmitigated amount of ass when I was a kid, I really don't think it would hold up nowadays. Not without major modifications, anyway, and if you're going to change the whole thing around, then why not just come up with a whole new idea and leave my childhood alone? Having said all that, there was one element of Thundercats...

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July 21, 2008

More Houses to Sell . . . .

Good luck, Mr. Vice....

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July 10, 2008

If You Want a Fight, You've Come to the Right Place

You know, for all of my deeply held beliefs, and in spite of my legendary stubbornness, I have fought for very few things in my life. I mean, I guess there are things I would theoretically fight for--specific examples elude me at the moment--but there's never really been an issue that I've been actually involved in. This is due partly to the fact that I haven't really felt like there was anything I could do about most things I've been opposed to or in favor of. How was I, for example, going to have any measurable influence on how the...

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April 24, 2008

Apparently, I Can Sell Houses Like a Motherfucker (Updated)

Yeah, I sold that house. Fuck yes I did. And let me tell you: it feels great. Update: When I graduated from law school, my mom said to me "we did it!" And I remember thinking "What are you talking about? I'm the one that's graduating!" And then my cousin pointed out to me that I was being an asshole because, you know, my mom had stood by me for my whole life and had never faltered in her belief that I was not a complete fuck up. And then I thought "Yeah, mom, I guess we did do it."...

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April 23, 2008

"I Will Sell This House Today!"

Am I good at my job? I don't know, but I'll know by this time tomorrow. Wish me luck....

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April 3, 2008

Concerning Hard Things and Guitar Solos

I've always been sort of surprised by the things that some people thing are hard. It was strange to me in elementary school when people thought that fractions were hard. It was just as strange to me when people in college thought that trigonometry was hard. Someone once commented to me that they thought Anthropology was hard--she was getting a D and I was getting an A even though I hadn't ever read or even bought the books. Some people have said to me that they think that college would be hard. But it wasn't, really. Not in an insurmountable...

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March 12, 2008

Concerning Superman and Frodo

A lot of people I know that know comic books complain that Superman isn't a very interesting character because he doesn't have any weaknesses. He's faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. His skin can't be broken even by a nuclear explosion. No poisons can even slow him down. And, if the movies are to be believed, even time is but a mere inconvenience to the Man of Steel. Yeah, yeah, there's kryptonite, but what kind of a fucking contrivance is that? Superman's foes never outsmart him--he...

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January 16, 2008

Advice!

I fucking love Savage Love. There's something infinitely entertaining about reading letters in which people reveal how fucked up their lives are. It's also sort of interesting to see how stupid people are. I mean, how much sense does it take to know you've gotta leave someone even if they're really nice to you between the beatings? Unfortunately, Dan's latest columns have been kind of lame. I mean, why did he decide to field the question by the girl who felt strange about wearing panties with Disney princesses on them? Not only is that hot in itself, most of the...

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September 17, 2007

"I Will Let You Down . . . ."

One of the worst feelings I can think of is the feeling that I've let someone down. I hate doing that. I hate it when people count on me and I can't--or just don't--come through. Some conversations are hard. It's hard enough to listen to people criticize you. It's even harder when you know they're right. And it's probably hardest when it's someone you love--someone you hate letting down more than anyone. Sometimes, when I look out at the accumulated accomplishments of my life, I'm really happy with what I see. Sometimes, though, I only see wasted potential and unkept...

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August 14, 2007

I'd Like to Hear . . .

the solo from "Cherub Rock." I'm just saying....

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June 28, 2007

I Can See the Future

Now, before anyone starts talking about how I'm crazy or I have delusions of grandeur, let me explain that I don't actually think I can see the future. I guess after a first sentence like that, I should probably explain why I think that sort of disclaimer is necessary. See, I want to write about how I can sort of see the future. But it's not really that I can see the future, it's that I can predict the future. And it's not really that I can predict the future, it's that I can weigh probabilities pretty well. And, most...

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May 6, 2007

Of Odd Numbers and the Undying Lands

In the mythology of Tolkien, Valinor--the Undying Land--was an island off the West coast of Middle-Earth that was inhabited by the Valar, essentially the gods that ruled over all of Arda (that is, the world). To give some sense of the power of the Valar, Gandalf, Saruman, and Sauron--probably the three most powerful beings we ever encounter in the Lord of the Rings trilogy--were all Maiar, a race of inferior spirits created to serve the Valar. Long before Frodo and the War of the Ring, the Elves awoke on Middle-Earth. The Valar, seeking to protect the newly born race from...

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April 29, 2007

On The List of Things I Didn't Deserve . . .

That ranked pretty damn near the top. Update I won't say what happened. I'll tell you face-to-face, but I can't do it here. Hiro Nakamura is a man with a lot on his shoulders. Although he has the ability to manipulate space and time, he was powerless to intervene when Sylar killed Charlie Ismaels, the love of HIro's life. Although Hiro went back in time to before Sylar killed her, he couldn't save her--it was as though the universe intervened and prevented Hiro from changing the past in such a way that would negate his reason for traveling into the...

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April 16, 2007

Of Chess and Happiness

I was on my high school's chess team. I started playing chess in middle school, really enjoyed it, and kept playing in high school. Why? I don't know, it was fun. And that's why I wasn't very good at it. Chess requires that you anticipate your opponent's moves, sometimes several moves into the future. I've heard that Grand Masters like Kasparov can see something like forty moves into the future of a game. That's ridiculous. And it's something I was never able to do. I enjoyed a lot of things about chess, and I enjoyed a lot of things about...

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April 5, 2007

I'm Not Usually Like This

I've been thinking a lot lately about what the hell's been going on with me. And I think I finally came up with an explanation. I've been in Florida for several days now. Usually, when I leave Madison, I leave Smash and Lily in the apartment and someone agrees to come feed them every day. As a result, I usually worry: what if something happened during the night, like with Buttercup; what if there's not enough water; what if the cats are just really, really bored? This time, however, they're in someone else's apartment and, while that means I've got...

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March 29, 2007

"Try Not. Do or Do Not. There Is No Try."

I've failed for two consecutive days. This shit is really hard. But it's ok--today is a new day. Even Luke failed to lift the X-Wing....

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December 16, 2006

Well, Fuck

As I was walking into school this morning, I saw that someone had written a message in pink sidewalk chalk right in front of the door I usually come in through. The message read "Abandon all hope ye who enter here." What a wonderful omen. I'm ready to be done with finals but, even though most of you have been taking finals for some time now, I just had my first one, Remedies, yesterday. I liked the class throughout the semester and kept up fairly well in the reading. I had something like 7 days to study for it, so...

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November 19, 2006

"It's a Trap!"

By Return of the Jedi, Luke Skywalker had come to terms with the fact that Darth Vader was his father, but also believed that the Sith Lord still had some good left in him. Luke willingly turned himself in to the Empire and his father. Meanwhile, Han Solo, Leia, and Chewie, together with the Ewoks, stormed the forest moon of Endor in an attempt to destroy the shield generator for the Emperor's second Death Star. The hope was that the Rebel Fleet, lead by Admiral Ackbar (with Lando Calrissian behind the wheel of the Millenium Falcon) could exploit a weakness...

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November 12, 2006

Fulfilled a Promise Made of Tin

I was feeling up. Hopeful, even. But, like I should have known, my hope was fleeting and now, in it's place, there is just a familiar and unwelcome sense of despair. Perhaps it's a self-fulfilling prophecy: After so many years of failure, how would I even deal with success? Probably really well, actually. But I don't know for sure, and I don't know when I'll know. There are known knowns and known unknowns and unknown unknowns and all of that. There are some days you feel invincible -- infallible, even. As if everything is going your way and will continue...

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June 1, 2006

I Think It's Gonna Rain . . .

You know . . . I bought this coffee table at IKEA. And I expected it to be black, like the display model. But I got it home and it was a very light wood color. That's ok, I guess, but I really like black, and I really wanted a black coffee table. I thought about putting the coffee table, unassembled, back in the box. But I said "fuck it," and I put it all together. Maybe I'd come to love my cream-colored table. I spent a few hours putting it together. It was kinda fun. Smash was confused, and...

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January 5, 2006

Potentially Entirely Unhelpful Analogies, Part II

What i meant to say: I don't mind if people touch food i'm going to eat with their bare hands. What i said: Something to the effect of: "Look, it's not like people are sitting their with their hands up their asses fondling their own shit." Did the point come across? The above comment was, itself, an attempt to explain a previous comment in which i asked whether anyone had recently handled shit with their bare hands. In addition, there had previously been a discussion about the untouchable caste having to deal with sewers without protective equipment. So, basically, my...

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January 2, 2006

Potentially Entirely Unhelpful Analogies, Part I.

What i was trying to say: Novelty does not, in and of itself, make something good. What i said: "There's never been a book written about me jerking off into a tin can and then swallowing it." Did the point come across?: No. Not at all....

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