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October 12, 2009

I Lived Like This All the TIme?

Chelsadilla was out of town this weekend, so I was left to my own devices. The conclusion: I'm not really certain what I did with myself before I had a girlfriend. One of the things that's strange about going from meeting someone to dating someone to practically living with someone is that there's this progression from that person hardly being there to that person being there all the time. It's like you wake up one day and it's strange when the person's not there. That had never happened to me--my life had always been long stretches of being by myself...

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September 30, 2009

seXterra the White

Yesterday morning, I got ready for work, walked out to my car, got in, turned the key and . . . it started normally. But, as I was backing out of my spot, it seemed that the car was being extremely sluggish. That's when I realized that, although the car had started fine, it had, at some point, stopped running. The radio was still on, so it wasn't immediately clear to me that anything was wrong--I couldn't hear the lack of engine noise or whatever. After my ham-fisted attempts to diagnose and correct the problem failed, I had the thing...

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September 14, 2009

"The Best Laid Plans . . . "

I've officially spent more time, effort, and money trying to make my new apartment look nice than I've spent on every other place I've ever lived combined. Mostly, this means that chelsadilla and I have been painting. A lot. We had thought that we'd be done by Sunday, but that didn't work out. Then I thought that Wednesday would definitely be the last day of painting, but now I'm not so sure that'll work out. Still, we'll be done sometime this week. We have to be since everyone's agreed to help me move on Sunday (thanks, people!) and I have...

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September 11, 2009

Concerning the Passage of Time

One of the important yet tedious things that many lawyers have to do is keep track of their time. For many attorneys, life is measured by the tenth of an hour. There are many ways to keep track of one's billable time, from fancy computer programs to just making it all up. My method isn't technologically advanced, but I think it's fairly accurate: every day, I take a blank page in a legal pad and write the date at the top. I note the client's name, the time I started working, the time I stopped working, and what I was...

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July 23, 2009

So That Was a Sixteen-Hour Day

Someone asked me how I've been today. I responded by saying "busy" in an annoyed and frustrated tone of voice. Between work, other obligations, and band practice, I had almost no time to myself today. In fact, I was running around so much that I didn't eat a bite of food until about 7:30 this evening, not counting some extremely disappointing beef jerky I got from a gas station (there is a brand of beef jerky that's good--what brand is that?). But, anyway, I said that I was busy in an annoyed and frustrated voice. But I wasn't annoyed or...

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April 20, 2009

Despite All His Rage

I've heard a lot about that moment when a son realizes that he's stronger than his father. Or that he's faster or smarter or more successful. The moment when a son surpasses his father, it seems, is a big deal. I didn't have a father, though. I had Billy Corgan. Ok, so that analogy is a little much. Billy Corgan wasn't my role model; I didn't want to be like him. No, I had much better people to look up to. But at a time in my life when even my best friends seemed like cruel strangers, the stuff in...

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December 7, 2008

Turkey Fixes Everything

Some people are very solitary and enjoy spending time alone when they're stressed or anxious or depressed or whatever. I've never been one of those people. Although there are times when I'd definitely rather sleep or read or just be alone than socialize, when I'm in a bad mood, I'd almost always rather be around my friends. By early Friday evening, I was in a pretty bad mood. Nothing specific or really terrible had happened. My week had just been long and I was tired and irritable. And stressed about some things that are completely out of my control. So,...

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November 19, 2008

A Date with a Stranger

After exchanging a few messages and spending some time on the phone with a girl I met on the dating website I signed up for, we decided to meet up tonight. This girl is a doctor, so I'll call her Dr. Lady. In messages and on the phone, Dr. Lady seemed sarcastic, funny, and engaging. I was cautiously excited for our get-together this evening. When the thing was over, I was left thinking "Huh, I wish I had stayed home and played video games." It would have saved me money and I wouldn't have had to go outside in the...

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October 24, 2008

An Answer

On her blog, Butterflyfish posted a meme where people are supposed to comment and one of the things she's supposed to do is ask a question they've always wanted to ask you. I, being the attention whore that I am, posted. And the question she asked me? "What stops you from doing something like Match.com?" So, here's the answer. Actually, three answers, all of which are true. First of all, I keep picturing this conversation where I first tell people that I'm seeing someone. They'll be all "How did you meet?" And in my mind, I cringe when mental-me says...

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October 18, 2008

An Epilogue

Most days start earlier than I'd like. I wake up, groggily shower and shave, get dressed, and go to work. Most days, I spend a lot of time thinking about my clients and our business and about the law. Most days, I get something to eat from one of the restaurants around our office. Or I eat something at home. And then, I go back to work. Or to court. Or to jail. Most days, I wrap things up at around 4 or 5. On most days, I feel like I didn't get as much done as I should have....

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October 16, 2008

A Story in Two Parts (Part II)

When we last left our intrepid adventurer (i.e., me), I was pretty excited about the prospect of having a third date with an extremely attractive girl I met through our mutual friend, The Reeg. We had ended our last date with an agreement to go out again on the following Friday. Let's see how things played out . . . . So, I was fairly excited and not at all discouraged by our last get together. Still, she was at an out-of-town wedding that weekend and at work during the week, so I didn't call her or whatever. I figured...

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September 30, 2008

Thoughts on a Hectic Day

Sometimes things seem to gel really nicely. I'm prepared and on top of things and I walk away from them feeling accomplished and proud of myself. Today was not one of those days. Today I felt like things might fall apart at any given second. There were a million different things happening that each required my attention like, right now. And though I did everything that needed to get done--and did it fairly well, if I do say so myself--I still feel like I was *this close* from having everything fall apart. And that's a scary feeling. And it stressed...

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September 27, 2008

Why I Hate Sports

Stupid Wisinconsin Bager. Stupid, stupid Bager....

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September 5, 2008

A Day, Deconstructed

Melancholic, overwhelmed, anxious, worried. Hopeful, purposeful. Relieved. Busy. Overconfident. Worried, worried, worried. Doubtful. Nervous. Relieved. Focused, pleased, elated. Satisfied. Faithful, excited. Disappointed. Disappointed. Disappointed. Dissatisfied, angry, critical, hurt, lost. Entertained. Disappointed. Infinite sadness....

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August 12, 2008

Of Spotlights and Friendship

One of the rumors I've heard about the upcoming ways in which Hollywood will rape my childhood is that they're planning some sort of movie or something based on Thundercats. I really hope this doesn't happen because, while Thundercats kicked an unmitigated amount of ass when I was a kid, I really don't think it would hold up nowadays. Not without major modifications, anyway, and if you're going to change the whole thing around, then why not just come up with a whole new idea and leave my childhood alone? Having said all that, there was one element of Thundercats...

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August 6, 2008

Stargazing

I remember the first time I really saw stars. It was in college. Nogales is not, by any means, a bustling metropolis, but even it puts out enough light to diminish someone's view of the night sky. And though I had been camping a few times, I think that the moon was always out and, besides, I wasn't really paying attention. But one day, for no real reason, some people and I went on a drive in the woods around Flagstaff. Flagstaff takes its astromony somewhat seriously--they discovered Pluto from Lowell Observatory. There's a "dark sky" policy which means that,...

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August 5, 2008

I Fucking Hate Fucking Internet Fucking Explorer!

Seriously, this isn't so much a browser as a steaming turd that occasionally loads HTML files. Not only does it lack tabbed browsing, it loads pages slower than molasses and it makes my computer run slower than... molasses! Why am I using Internet Explorer and not my beloved Firefox? Because Firefox has decided that the bset possible thing for it to do is crash randomly. It doesn't care if I'm loading a page, playing a youtube video, or just letting it sit there, if it's the exact time I don't want it to crash, that's when it crashes. What the...

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June 20, 2008

Things That Make Me Unspeakably Angry

Twenty-two-year olds. My contempt for people my own age has almost no bounds, but my contempt for twenty-two-year olds is fucking brighter than a thousand fiery suns. It was Co-SME's birthday, so I briefly went to The Plaza. And what I saw there made me furious. What the fuck is wrong with these people? Skinny jeans on fucking everyone. And the girls that weren't wearing skinny jeans were wearing fucking trash bags and tights. What the motherfuck is going on with these people? But even that's not the worst of it. There was one guy there who was just a...

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June 18, 2008

Coming Clean

Someone once made some remark about the level of honesty I display here. It's what the whole thing is about, right? Being honest? I think so. But I haven't been honest lately. It's not that I've been dishonest, either, really. It's just that I haven't come on here and vented about whatever's been going on. Part of it is that, due to events I will touch on in this post, I've been incredibly bored and restless lately. In short, I've been depressed. But I haven't really been talking to anyone around me about what's been on my mind, either. I...

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May 22, 2008

Life, the Universe, and Everything

I don't really believe in fate. I think the idea that certain things are meant to happen is laughable to me. I mean, if some things are meant to happen, then surely all things must be meant to happen--otherwise, how could the things that were meant to happen happen at all? You follow? I'm not sure where I stand on God, but I reject out of hand the idea that if there is a God, he sat down a trillion years ago and decided that I would write this blog post and then misspell the word "blog" just now and...

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May 18, 2008

Follow Your Heart

i think I've mentioned before that I think of myself as somewhat of a hopeless romantic. I believe in the power of love and all that stupid shit. And so I reach this juncture: do I stay true to myself or do I change and be something I've never wanted to be? God knows that being myself has never made things easy for me. In fact, it's almost certainly the case that being who I really am has made things much, much more difficult for me over the years, both professionally and emotionally. But at the same time, there certainly...

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May 17, 2008

There it Is

Yes, I've been gone for a few days. Sorry about that. I'm back now and I won't take that much of an extended absence again. In any event, there's not really anything to report. Just a tired and obvious analogy. It's odd how, even when you see the bus coming at you, it still hurts when it hits you....

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May 5, 2008

In My Line of Work . . .

After we sold that house, we got a bunch of congratulations. One of the people that congratulated us mentioned that we should be happy about the victories we get because those of us in our line of work don't get to win very much. I knew what she meant, but I think I didn't really understand it until today. See, I never expected to end up doing criminal-defense work. In fact, I usually gave this kind of work as a specific example of things I didn't want to do. The whole thing seemed unsavory, you know? I mean, intellectually, I...

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April 22, 2008

Messages to Random People

First message: There are a lot of things you might be, but one of the things you definitely are is a raging bitch. I mean, I know it, you know it, everybody knows it. It's ok--I'm kind of an asshole. It's just the way we are. Or at least that's what I thought. But today, out of fucking nowhere, you decided not to be a bitch and, instead, to be relatively nice. In fact, extremely nice. Why the fuck did you do that? Were you feeling bad for previously being such a huge bitch? Or do you just have some...

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April 17, 2008

Concerning People I Miss and People I Don't

One of the things that I hate about getting older is that, inevitably, people that were once integral parts of your life start to become less so. Inevitably, you find yourself spending what seems like all your free time with someone one minute and barely calling each other a few times a year the next. I hate that. Some people are really comfortable having friends that they talk to really infrequently, but I can't stand it. I hate hearing that someone is having a kid or getting married or graduating or whatever rather than being there to see the whole...

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April 3, 2008

Concerning Hard Things and Guitar Solos

I've always been sort of surprised by the things that some people thing are hard. It was strange to me in elementary school when people thought that fractions were hard. It was just as strange to me when people in college thought that trigonometry was hard. Someone once commented to me that they thought Anthropology was hard--she was getting a D and I was getting an A even though I hadn't ever read or even bought the books. Some people have said to me that they think that college would be hard. But it wasn't, really. Not in an insurmountable...

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March 24, 2008

Goddammit, I Just Want Sleep!

I have these vague memories of some conversation I had, probably in college, possibly with a hippie. Anyway, the hippie or whoever told me that he often meditated and asked if I did. "What the fuck are you fucking talking about, you smelly fucking piece of shit?" was probably my response. And the hippie went on to explain that mediation was awesome or some such. And I asked him what the hell he meant, exactly, by meditation--"Like, sitting there saying 'ohm' over and over again?" And he said that he just tried to clear his mind. And I was like...

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March 19, 2008

I'm Sick

My throat started feeling scratchy and raw last night. When I woke up this morning, I knew I was getting sick. All day at work today, I knew things were going to get worse. By the time I was driving home after my last court appearance, I was feeling full-on terrible. I called my mom tonight because I had forgotten to make my weekly call on Sunday. As soon as she heard my voice, she asked me if I was sick. I told her that I was. And I haven't missed my mommy more in months. Anyway, it's just a...

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March 12, 2008

Concerning Superman and Frodo

A lot of people I know that know comic books complain that Superman isn't a very interesting character because he doesn't have any weaknesses. He's faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. His skin can't be broken even by a nuclear explosion. No poisons can even slow him down. And, if the movies are to be believed, even time is but a mere inconvenience to the Man of Steel. Yeah, yeah, there's kryptonite, but what kind of a fucking contrivance is that? Superman's foes never outsmart him--he...

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February 24, 2008

Law and Order?

I actually have no idea why this popped into my head tonight, but I remembered about Kelly Nolan tonight. I posted about her before here. Although her body was found six months ago, no one's been arrested yet. And that pisses me off. I mean, we have amazing ways to determine who committed a given crime. Between DNA, fingerprints, and witnesses, you'd think it would be impossible for all but the most gifted criminals not to get caught. At least, that's what I'd like to believe. I'd like to believe that it's damn near impossible to get away with murder...

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February 21, 2008

Fuck You, Technology

Now, don't get me wrong, there are few things I love as much as new-fangled gadgets. If there's a needlessly technological way to do something simple, I want it. And if there's some fancy new equipment out there, I want that, too. For example, I don't know how I've lived this long without GPS--how can I go on without knowing my exact location on the surface of the Earth? Still, there are time when technology lets you down in a profound way. Today was one of those times. It all started innocently enough--the "ABS" light in my car came on...

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February 14, 2008

"The Sun Is the Same in a Relative Way but You're Older . . . ."

Some people say that college is the best time of your life. In a lot of ways, I think that's complete bullshit. There are a lot of things about being an adult that I think are going to be awesome, assuming I ever actually grow up. First and foremost on that list is not just financial independence, but full-out financial success. I'm not one of those people that's obsessed with money, but I'd love to be able to live comfortably and afford various luxuries. That was not something I could do in college. It's not something I can do now,...

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January 21, 2008

But There Was No Joy in Mudville . . . .

I can honestly say that I was more excited for the Packers-Giants game today than any other professional sports game ever, mostly due to the fact that this is one of the few such games I've ever been excited about. This after a lifetime of hating all sports. That started changing this year, first with watching the Badgers every week at L-Dawg and X-tina's. And then, when that was all over, Mr. Vice and pH got me excited for the Packers. The three of us ended up in a bowling alley watching the Packers-Cowboys game, and I didn't mind standing...

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December 24, 2007

'Twas the Night Before Christmas . . . .

As I've said, this is the first Christmas I'm spending apart from all members of my family. I can remember one Christmas when I was a teenager that I spent in California with my aunt and cousins rather than my mom and grandma, but I think that was the only time I haven't been with my mom for Christmas. So, I'm sort of bummed. But not super bummed. I mean, it sucks that I'm not there, but it's not the end of the world, and I'll get to see them really soon. And my mom promised that whenever I make...

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December 13, 2007

Christmastime Has Come

It hadn't actually occurred to me how close it is to Christmas until I was at the mall today. I was helping a friend do some Christmas shopping and the store was playing Christmas music. I recognize the song, but it took me a little while to realize that they were playing The Smashing Pumpkins. I had actually completely forgotten that SP had recorded a Christmas song sometime after Siamese Dream but before Mellon Collie. Anyway, the song actually took me from being completely out of the Christmas spirit to being completely in it--I'm really excited about it now. Which...

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November 30, 2007

Damned if You Do, Damned if You Don't

Due to a combination of insomnia, unemployment, and just generally being a night person, I've been going to bed at around 7am every day this week. I had also been getting roughly five hours of sleep a night because I feel extremely worthless if I wake up at 3, especially considering that it literally starts getting dark at around 3:30 now. Fuck Daylight Savings Time. Anyway, pH, Mr. Vice, and I went out to watch the the Packers game. Because of some ridiculous bullshit (discussed here), the game wasn't on Charter cable, which is bullshit. So we had to go...

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November 28, 2007

"I Miss Everything I'll Never Be."

I remember one night when I was fourteen I was lying in bed and just sort of thinking about the future. I remember thinking that I'd be able to drive in two years, and that it seemed both like it was very far away and just around the corner. And I remember that when I was seventeen, driving around in my '65 Mustang, I remembered thinking about driving that night when I was fourteen. And I thought about it, and those years just seemed like they had gone by instantaneously. Now I'm twenty-six, and I can't fucking believe where I...

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November 22, 2007

I Miss My Family

I just got back from Thanksgiving with L-Dawg and X-tina, who were nice enough to invite me over to have a meal with them. The food was awesome, but the company was better. Before we sat down to eat, I called up my mom, knowing that the rest of my family was getting together today at my cousin's place. My mom didn't answer. So I called my aunt. She did answer, but she was all distracted and hurried. I guess that she was in the middle of cooking at her house. They were going to go to my cousin's later....

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Thanks

Some times it's easier to find something to be thankful for than others. I'm having a hard time coming up with things to be thankful for right now. I mean, I'm thankful for my family. I owe them everything. They've always been there for me and supported me. And forgiven me. Even when I really, really didn't deserve it. So if you're reading this and you're someone I'm related to, thank you very much for everything. I probably don't say it often enough, but I love you. And I'm thankful for my friends. Sometimes, it takes realizing that someone wasn't...

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October 18, 2007

I've Got Nothing

The fact that my days currently consist of applying for jobs, watching TV, and playing video games means that I've got a whole lot of nothing to write about. There's not really that much I have to say about the news, either, so I'm not really getting any topics there. So I'll do what I generally do when I'm in this situation: I'll write a disjointed post with a few subheadings. Colbert for President You know, I love Stephen Colbert. But what the hell is he doing? Our electoral system and government in general are at a really discouraging point...

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September 18, 2007

My Fucked-Up Sleeping Schedule

My sleeping schedule tends to get all fucked up anytime that I have a period of over a week where I don't have a consistent wake-up time. As I haven't had a consistent wake-up time for months, my sleep schedule is seriously fucked up. And I think I may be an insomniac now. For example, I got about eight hours of sleep total this weekend. Then I stayed up from about 11:30 Sunday morning until about 6:30 Monday morning. But I couldn't sleep, so I got back out of bed and didn't actually get to sleep until about 8:30 or...

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September 17, 2007

"I Will Let You Down . . . ."

One of the worst feelings I can think of is the feeling that I've let someone down. I hate doing that. I hate it when people count on me and I can't--or just don't--come through. Some conversations are hard. It's hard enough to listen to people criticize you. It's even harder when you know they're right. And it's probably hardest when it's someone you love--someone you hate letting down more than anyone. Sometimes, when I look out at the accumulated accomplishments of my life, I'm really happy with what I see. Sometimes, though, I only see wasted potential and unkept...

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September 13, 2007

I May Have Overestimated My Chances

That girl I went on that date with is back in the States, as it turns out. Not that that does me any good. While she was away, there was very minimal Facebook messaging contact. I didn't really get a good feeling about it. Then, I knew that she'd be back sometime this week, so I waited to see if she'd call. She didn't. So I messaged her on Facebook. She finally responded today, saying that she had a good time but that, right now, she's "involved" with someone, which struck me as rather odd. The way I see it,...

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August 21, 2007

Embracing My Destiny

Because I don't currently have a job, go to school, or have other responsibilities, I've settled into a pretty ridiculous sedentary lifestyle. Because all of my friends are gone, on extended vacations, or gainfully employed, I haven't really been seeing very many people lately--I only saw four people other than myself today. At first, the transition from being super busy and extremely social to having absolutely nothing to do and no one to do it with was difficult. But I settled into it today--I've accepted my fate. And, goddamnit, if I'm going to be an unemployed bum, I'm going to...

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August 2, 2007

"Everything In Its Right Place."

I want to write something here that will be honest, touching, and incredibly obscure all at the same time. I want to write something that will make you understand exactly how I feel without making me seem pathetic and without giving anything away about myself. I want to write something true but made up. I want to write something that makes it so that only a few people know what I'm talking about but that everyone will be able to understand. But I can't do that. So fuck it. My friend Mr. X called me up the other night. I...

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July 23, 2007

"The Quest Stands Upon the Edge of a Knife."

I'm done studying. Fuck that shit. I can't handle a single second more of it. I think my mind is now so full of crap about invitees, grantors, defeasible fees, perfection, specific performance, and false pretenses that I've forgotten how to count. Seriously, how the hell am I supposed to hold all this crap in my head for any period of time? Oh, right, I'm not--I'm going to forget every single thing I've "learned" over the past few weeks the second I walk out of the exam on Wednesday. And let me tell you, I fully expect for that second...

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July 21, 2007

Why the Fuck Am I Up Right Now?

Seriously, I should be in bed. But I don't want to go to bed. Because the sooner I go to bed, the sooner I'll wake up and have to study for the fucking bar. I hate the bar. Did you know that tomorrow's Saturday? I did not know that. I had no idea today was Friday. I looked at the little calendar on my desktop and thought "It's Friday? Why the fuck aren't I hanging out with my friends? Oh, right, because God has forsaken me." Why can't this thing just be over?...

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July 19, 2007

I Don't Want to Study and You Can't Make Me!

Ugh. The absolute last thing I want to do right now is open up my fucking Bar/Bri books and read some more stupid outlines or do more practice essays or multiple-choice questions. I'd much rather read for fun, watch TV, play my guitar, play some video games, hang out with my friends, play with the cats, sleep, go for a drive, or light myself on fire. Any of those things would be extremely preferable to studying about holders in due course, temporary restraining orders, libel, or any of that other bullshit. I wish the bar was today so that it...

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July 17, 2007

Concerning Time and the Lack Thereof

A friend of mine that I haven't talked to in almost a year called me on Friday. Twice. But I haven't called her back yet. Not because I don't want to, not because I don't miss her, not because I don't want to see how she's doing, but because I don't have time. I fucking hate studying for the bar exam. I don't usually stress out too much, and I've been entirely too nonstressed about the bar. Although it's certainly possible that I will fail, Illinois has upwards of an 80 percent passage rate, so I just don't have any...

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July 7, 2007

Closure.

You destroyed me. Literally--nothing about me was the same after you left. I had been sad before. I had hurt and hated myself. But I had a hard time leaving my room for two weeks after you. And even when I could rouse myself from that slumber, I hated every single moment of it. Nothing about my life was the same. Nothing. Yes, the people around me were a constant. But, without you, I couldn't understand anything that happened. Do you remember that time I played at that open mic night? We climbed that mountain together and we talked, and...

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June 28, 2007

I Can See the Future

Now, before anyone starts talking about how I'm crazy or I have delusions of grandeur, let me explain that I don't actually think I can see the future. I guess after a first sentence like that, I should probably explain why I think that sort of disclaimer is necessary. See, I want to write about how I can sort of see the future. But it's not really that I can see the future, it's that I can predict the future. And it's not really that I can predict the future, it's that I can weigh probabilities pretty well. And, most...

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June 21, 2007

"They Look Like Big, Good, Strong Hands, Don't They?"

One of my favorite movies when I was a kid was The Neverending Story. Anyway, remember at the end, when Atreyu meets with the Rock-Biter, who tells him that the Nothing has taken all his friends and that it will soon consume all of Fantasia? And the Rock-Biter sits there and he's looking at his hands, and he's saying that, even though he's big and strong, he couldn't stop the Nothing? That scene always resonated with me. And it did so especially today, which ended up being one of the worst days I've had in a long time. For various...

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June 17, 2007

Patterns

It's often said that the clinical definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I'm actually fairly certain that that is not the clinical definition of anything, but I guess the point is still valid. I'm pretty quick to point out the things other people are doing wrong--they're really obvious most of the time. Of course, they're not obvious to the person who's doing them. So I had an interesting thought the other day: what if I'm doing things wrong, but I don't know it because, like everyone else, I can't recognize...

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June 12, 2007

I'm Like a Piece of Trash

When I woke up this morning, I was filled with this sense of complete and utter dread. And I know exactly why. As I've mentioned before, I used to work at this TV station. I really liked the job, and I thought for a long time that i wanted to work in television production. It was interesting and fun, and I've always liked being behind the scenes in some capacity. I changed my major in school accordingly, and I started taking all the required classes. And I was really psyched for the whole thing. Then I got fired. Granted, getting...

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May 31, 2007

Up, Up, and Away!

You know what I really, really liked about Superman? His ability to fly. I mean, obviously, it would be awesome to be able to fly around between buildings and above the clouds and stuff. But there's something even cooler about it. Sometimes, when I need to clear my head, I like to go for a drive. And if I really need to get away from things, a road trip is the only way to go. There's just something about driving your car away and leaving everything behind that's always appealed to me. Now imagine that you could fly. Instead of...

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May 6, 2007

Of Odd Numbers and the Undying Lands

In the mythology of Tolkien, Valinor--the Undying Land--was an island off the West coast of Middle-Earth that was inhabited by the Valar, essentially the gods that ruled over all of Arda (that is, the world). To give some sense of the power of the Valar, Gandalf, Saruman, and Sauron--probably the three most powerful beings we ever encounter in the Lord of the Rings trilogy--were all Maiar, a race of inferior spirits created to serve the Valar. Long before Frodo and the War of the Ring, the Elves awoke on Middle-Earth. The Valar, seeking to protect the newly born race from...

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May 4, 2007

Name That Tune

There's either way too much stuff on my mind or not enough. Either way, I can't come up with a good topic, so I'll come up with a lame one. After recent events, I made what I think is a pretty awesome mix CD. The songs on it reflect my extant state of mind. Anyway, I thought it would be fun to do one of those things where I quote the song and you guys name the song. Maybe it'll be lame, who knows. Anyway, here goes: 1. "Now from his pocket quickly flashes, the crayon on the wall it...

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May 3, 2007

That's That

Today was the last day of classes for the semester. I didn't go to any classes today, meaning that I went to my last class ever Tuesday. It was Negotiations, and it was an abbreviated class. Not counting the bar exam course, I will never take another class again, at least not as part of a structured degree program. I can't really believe it. As shitty as my memory is, I remember some snippets of my life in almost startling detail. One such moment is the last day of what I think was fourth grade. The fourth grade and fifth...

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May 1, 2007

"Five Years Gone" or "Just Once I Want to See a Future that Doesn't Suck"

Now we know what's going to happen should our heroes fail. And it's not pretty. Unfortunately, the episode raised a lot more questions than it answered. I think it's important to differentiate between questions that are really interesting (for example, how the fuck did Peter and Niki end up together?) and those that are helpful for figuring out what's going to happen in the last three episodes (like how Hiro and Peter are going to get together to stop Sylar?). And we have to remember that the future we saw hopefully isn't going to happen--so all the wacky shit might...

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April 28, 2007

"Things Are Gonna to Change . . . I Can Feel It"

I started playing poker towards the end of my college career. I never took it very seriously, really, and my friends and I played very low stakes--we considered losing $10 in a night a very big deal. When I came to Wisconsin, one of the main things I wanted to do was get a good group of people together to play poker every week. Mr. Utah was the first person I met in this state. I was in line at Union South, waiting to get my ID picture taken when he came up to me and asked me if I,...

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April 18, 2007

Let's Not Rush to Judgment

This may seem like a strange sentiment coming from me; I'm not exactly regarded as someone who waits until all the information is in before making a carefuly, deliberate judgment. Still, the tragic events at Virginia Tech have forced me to conclude that we have to wait before we make the various judgments we're going to make. First, I think it's important that we remember that not every lonely, depressed, isolated, or shy person is going to become a murderer. From what I've read, Cho Seung-Hui's behavior was bizarre, dramatic, and perhaps calculated. Unfortunately, in his case, this behavior indicated...

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April 17, 2007

Mental Clearing House

I wanna write about something or other tonight, but I don't really know what I should write about. There's a bunch of stuff on my mind, but I don't know how important any of it is. I don't know. I guess I'll write one of those random posts where I try to touch on a bunch of different topics. The Virginia Tech Shooting I don't really have much to say. It's kind of hard for me to believe that it happened, honestly. I'm sorry for the loss the friends and families of the victims suffered. Impending Graduation As the counter...

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March 21, 2007

Shut My Mouth and Strike the Demons

Like I said a few days ago, I've felt like I was on some kind of strange vacation for the past few days. Now, unfortunately, I have to get to actual work. And that's been really hard for me to do. Because of the various distractions, both school related and personal, that have been cropping up lately, I haven't had time to sit down and do the things that, you know, I have to do. There's been so much stuff on my mind lately, it's just hard concentrating on any one of the many uninteresting things I have to do....

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March 18, 2007

The State of Affairs in the Real World

The past few days have been pretty ridiculous. I feel like I've been on vacation, actually. But a very tiring, stressful, short vacation. That's not to say it's bad, just that the past few days have been a significant departure from the status quo. There's been so much going on, and there's so much on my mind, in fact, that I don't think I can weave it all in and out in one coherent narrative. So, I'm going to break this post up into sections. Law Revue The annual Stuart's Law Revue show was last night. I have to admit...

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March 13, 2007

Of Flaws and Family (and My Favorite YouTube Video)

I've been feeling pretty good about myself the past few days. Although there's still a hell of a lot I've gotta do between now and the end of the semester, I've been making progress, and that's a great feeling. Further, getting ready to finally actually be a real person has forced me to realize just how far I've come. I used to be anxious about getting out of school, getting a job, and actually just being an adult. Then, a while ago, I started to fear it and I started to wonder if I'd be able to make it. Now,...

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March 11, 2007

Drinking Is Bad, M'kay?

Seriously, I feel dead inside. I don't even think I was that drunk last night, but I feel like my soul has been taken from me. I'm running on no soul today. I've managed to accomplish exactly nothing in the six or so hours I've been awake. Every now and then, I get flashbacks to that shot of horrible, horrible tequila, and I throw up in my mouth a little....

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March 3, 2007

Two Chicks at Once

You know, all in all, today was a back and forth day. I have another thing to love about Madison to post, but I'll save it for another time. I started off the day in a pretty shitty mood, as my previous post suggests. Then, I got some work done, which actually made me feel a lot better. Although the process was long and tedious, I'm proud of the final product. Then, I went to dinner with my friends, and the day hit its high point. I love hanging out with that group of people, and a fish fry is...

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March 2, 2007

Bleak Outlook

It's pretty fucking depressing to look out at the landscape of your life and see only things you hate and regret. It's even more depressing to look ahead and see only a bleak continuation of the same. And my finger is bleeding. I fucking hate having bad days, and multiple bad days in a row is just not cool....

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February 16, 2007

Of Bars and Friends

The first one of my good friends to turn twenty-one was Frank. He loved the bars more than anything in the world. It didn't matter what was going on at The House, he wouldn't be hanging out there until after the bars closed. Frank loved the bars so much that he did something I would never even consider doing: he would go to the bars by himself. It's not that he wanted to drink by himself, or that he wanted to be by himself, it's just that he knew he could always find someone to hang out with at the...

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January 26, 2007

"I Find It Kinda Funny, I Find It Kinda Sad . . ."

I just wish things would be different sometimes, you know?...

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January 23, 2007

Concerning Television and the Many Measures of My Worth

The recent lack of amazing serialized television in my life has been disturbing. But, today, the powers that be deigned it appropriate to treat me to two hours of great television. Spoilers follow, so don't read on if you didn't see tonight's episodes of Heroes and Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. First up, Heroes returned tonight after having left several weeks ago. I was left a bitter, empty shell. There were so many unanswered questions: What happened to Sylar? What was the Haitian going to do with Claire? Nikki turned herself in? Hiro fights a what now?? And, in...

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January 19, 2007

"Every Year Is Getting Shorter, Never Seem to Find the Time"

You know, I have a lot of goals. And the thing that sucks about having goals is that, sometimes, you're not going to accomplish your goals. Most of my goals aren't all that important or big. For example, I wanted to learn how to play the outro solo from "November Rain" by the end of this past summer. And, while I was able to make some progress, it's really, really hard. So, I failed at that goal. I set goals like that for myself all the time, and I'm rarely able to do what I set out to. No matter...

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December 18, 2006

Another Reason Why I'm a Huge Asshole

There are so many people I've lost track of over the years that I wish I hadn't lost track of over the years. I don't really know what it is--sometimes, you just lose touch with people even though you didn't want to. I hate it when that happens. I had this friend in elementary school named Zarina. When we were in second grade, we had to do this amazingly stupid assignment. We had to write a paper about our favorite person at school. Why we had to do that, I don't know. Anyway, shortly after we handed these things in,...

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December 16, 2006

Well, Fuck

As I was walking into school this morning, I saw that someone had written a message in pink sidewalk chalk right in front of the door I usually come in through. The message read "Abandon all hope ye who enter here." What a wonderful omen. I'm ready to be done with finals but, even though most of you have been taking finals for some time now, I just had my first one, Remedies, yesterday. I liked the class throughout the semester and kept up fairly well in the reading. I had something like 7 days to study for it, so...

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December 1, 2006

The Most Horrible TIme of the Year*

It's the most horrible time of the year With the 1Ls a-crying And frantically asking you "What's a voir dire?" It's the most horrible time of the year It's the shit-shittiest two weeks of all With those stressed-out study groups and no more class meetings For the rest of the fall It's the shit-shittiest two weeks of all They'll be checking your ID, making sure you're not nineteen, Ne'er mind the kids on the third flo' There'll be outlines for classes that everyone passes For exams from long, long ago It's the most horrible time of the year There'll be...

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November 19, 2006

"It's a Trap!"

By Return of the Jedi, Luke Skywalker had come to terms with the fact that Darth Vader was his father, but also believed that the Sith Lord still had some good left in him. Luke willingly turned himself in to the Empire and his father. Meanwhile, Han Solo, Leia, and Chewie, together with the Ewoks, stormed the forest moon of Endor in an attempt to destroy the shield generator for the Emperor's second Death Star. The hope was that the Rebel Fleet, lead by Admiral Ackbar (with Lando Calrissian behind the wheel of the Millenium Falcon) could exploit a weakness...

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November 15, 2006

Sweet Fancy Crap, I'm Busy!

Going into the school year, I knew that it was going to be the busiest of my life. Between school, Law Review, the job hunt, and, oh yeah, a life, I knew that I'd be pretty pressed for time. But it's like MTV show: You think you know, but you have no idea. It's been so long since I've been caught up in classes, I have almost no idea what's going on. I've missed turning in two writing assignments. Fortunately, in both cases, I think the teachers like me and weren't at all bummed that I turned the things in...

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November 12, 2006

Fulfilled a Promise Made of Tin

I was feeling up. Hopeful, even. But, like I should have known, my hope was fleeting and now, in it's place, there is just a familiar and unwelcome sense of despair. Perhaps it's a self-fulfilling prophecy: After so many years of failure, how would I even deal with success? Probably really well, actually. But I don't know for sure, and I don't know when I'll know. There are known knowns and known unknowns and unknown unknowns and all of that. There are some days you feel invincible -- infallible, even. As if everything is going your way and will continue...

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October 27, 2006

Sunlight Comes and Goes

When I was about 14, I decided that I was going to grow my hair out. This mostly came about because both of my best friends at the time were growing their hair out, so I didn't really have any choice. I needed to be a rebel, and if conforming was the way to do that, then, by god, I was going to conform (and thereby rebel). I did not look good with long hair. I shaved the sides and back of my head, so that my hair was only long on top. It was something like a mohawk of...

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October 20, 2006

Because It's Who I Am

It seems that I'm both too much of an asshole and too much of a nice guy at the same time. I'm too much of an asshole in the sense that I come off as way too much of an asshole. I'm really not an asshole. I'm just honest. I don't go out of my way to hurt peoples' feelings or whatever. But, at the same time, I have very strong, and often negative, opinions about people. I don't see what's wrong with that. If you add me as a friend on facebook.com and I fucking hate you, you're getting...

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October 6, 2006

They Don't Write to Say They Want You . . .

I've been working my ass off lately, which explains the lack of posts in recent days. I've been working on stuff for Law Review. It's been a lot of work, but I like it for some reason. The feeling of accomplishment is something I haven't gotten to feel very often. The last time I felt this way was when I worked at the TV station. There's something about knowing that you're doing something that a lot of people are going to see that's deeply satisfying for me, even if I'm working on only a small part of the production. As...

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September 24, 2006

My Foolish Ship

First and foremost, a hearty congratulations to Mr. Zachar who, in a stunning display of his trigger pulling abilities, beat 50 other competitors today and took home the Dean's Cup Texas Hold'em championship. His prize? Pride. And, together with the second-place finisher, the knowledge that he helped bring 9 additional points to the law school, increasing our lead to over 20. We're gonna fucking win this year, I can feel it. After poker, Zachar and I went over to Laurence and Cristina's, where we watched Dodgeball, which is awesome, walked to State Street, I ordered way too much Taco Bell,...

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September 12, 2006

Horribly Inappropriate Things I've (Almost) Said

Second and third-year students at the University of Wisconsin Law School are alowed to pick one class per semester to "pass/fail." What this means is that, for whatever class they pick, they take the class normally, are graded normally, and then are assigned either an "S," for satisfactory, or a "U," for unsatisfactory in lieu of a number grade. Last semester, I pass/failed Insurance Law because it was my most boring class, it was my earliest class, and because, due to the previous two points, I thought I'd probably do absolutely no work. When I took the exam, I was...

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September 10, 2006

Orange

I want to take some time here to talk about She Who Must Not Be Named. Her name was Alison. The first time I met Alison was at The House, on or around Mark's birthday. She was friends with a friend of one of the roommates. Mark was drunk. I don't think I was very drunk, if I was at all, because I didn't drink very much yet. In any event, Alison was there, and Mark and I got into an argument with her. I'm vehemently anti-affirmative action, and I was then, too. Mark agreed with me, and Alison vehemently...

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September 1, 2006

Sink or Swim or Die

I hated musical chairs when I was younger. What kind of a cruel fucking game is that, anyway? I mean, what's the point of having there be fewer chairs than kids except to say "All but one of you is good enough"? I sucked at the game. I was a fat kid, and fat kids just don't have the motivation or ability to get to a chair quick enough. Not to mention that my classmates' hatred of me made them conspire, more often than not, to have me lose pretty quickly. So imagine how much I hate feeling like I'm...

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August 17, 2006

"The Woods Are Lovely, Dark and Deep, But I Have Promises to Keep and Miles to go Before I Sleep"

Just as a sidenote, I hate Robert Frost. I think he's horrible. All his poems fucking suck. Especially that one about the fucking pile of wood. He did, however, manage to string together, surely by complete chance, the lines I've quoted in the title of this post. Anyway, school is quickly approaching. My anxiety level is quickly increasing. It undoubtedly has to do with the fact that I've got a shit-load of stuff to do and a very limited amount of time in which to get it done. And the fact that I haven't done nearly enough as far as...

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August 13, 2006

My Only Weakness: Prime Rib

I'm writing this now instead of later because I sort of want to get this down, mostly for myself. I'll post about my weekend generally, which was awesome, tomorrow. I went to dinner tonight at Outback with Cristina, laurence, Kristin and Cole. I ordered a gigantic prime rib. It came out, and it was fucking awesome. I got really excited about it. Maybe a little bit too excited. I don't know how or why, but I didn't chew one of the pieces of meat enough before I swallowed. It immediately hurt like shit. I swallowed a few more times, or...

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August 9, 2006

Ugh

I hate mornings. I love lunch and afternoons. But mornings suck. I hate them. I want more sleep....

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August 6, 2006

I Don't Like This Trend . . .

Alright. Up until last weekend, I had gone my whole life - roughly 24 11/12 years - without getting spat upon a single time. Now, in the course of about a week, I've been spat on twice. What the fuck is going on here? The most recent one happened Friday night. I had been out with some people, but decided that I was tired and I wanted to go home. We were up on the square, but my car was parked at the State Street ramp, so I had to walk around the square and down State Street. No big...

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August 5, 2006

Not the Best Day

First and foremost, I want to congratulate someone on something. The person who is being congratulated knows who they are. My happiness for my friend notwithstanding, I'm feeling kinda shitty tonight. The worst part about it is that I can't really put my finger on why. Or maybe I can and I'm scared to admit it. The fact of the matter is that I don't know where I'm going. No, that's not true. I know exactly where I want to go, I just don't know if I can get there. The "where I want to be" part is simple: a...

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July 4, 2006

As Far as The Eye Can See . . .

It seems that everyone I know is part of a couple. I just spent the night being a fifth wheel to two very awesome couples. This after spending the weekend being a fifth wheel to two other very awesome couples. And, of course, attending the wedding of one of my very best friends. Not fun, man. Not fun. For years, for as far back as I can remember, my only real unfulfilled desire has been evidenced by the complete and utter lack of a significant other. And this feeling has never been more pronounced than this Fourth of July weekend....

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June 10, 2006

Of Alternative Means of Expression and the Limitation of Thought

Everything I've written on guitar lately sucks. I can't come up with a cool sounding riff or chord progression, much less an actual coherent song. And I won't even talk about the lyrics. I just can't fid a way of saying what I want to say without actually saying it. Maybe the problem is that I don't even know what I want to say. I've always thought it was strange when people said things like "I don't know how I feel." How could that be, I thought: you have direct access to all the relevant information. How could you not...

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June 9, 2006

Random Crap and a Crappy Sushi Restaurant

I want to write something right now, but I don't know what I want to write, so I'm just going to start writing and see what happens. I'm listening to "Ava Adore" by the Smashing Pumpkins right now. That's a decent song. I heard tonight that one of my most hated people at the Law School, let's call him "The Lord of All That Is Douche-ie," has a "really hot" girlfriend. Not surprising, really, since that's what this guy's all about. It's also not surprising that this guy turned in all his potential mate capital for a girl who's physically...

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June 4, 2006

Try, Try, Try

I have to admit that I've been really down lately. Not a big deal, it'll pass. Still, it sucks. Especially on days like today, which was a pretty good day. It didn't start out like it would be, though. First of all, I had to be up just as early as on a weekday because of the Law Review "Strategic Planning Meeting." I won't comment too much on that because it won't be interesting to anyone who wasn't there or who hasn't already heard about it. In any event, that wrapped up at about 3. The we dispersed momentarily. S.Admin.E....

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June 1, 2006

I Think It's Gonna Rain . . .

You know . . . I bought this coffee table at IKEA. And I expected it to be black, like the display model. But I got it home and it was a very light wood color. That's ok, I guess, but I really like black, and I really wanted a black coffee table. I thought about putting the coffee table, unassembled, back in the box. But I said "fuck it," and I put it all together. Maybe I'd come to love my cream-colored table. I spent a few hours putting it together. It was kinda fun. Smash was confused, and...

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April 12, 2006

Another Rejection

"Dear Ismael: Thank you for interviewing for the summer law clerk position at our firm. It was a pleasure meeting you. Unfortunately, we have decided to fill the position with another candidate. Best of luck in your future endeavors." And so ends my dream of working at a firm this summer. Fuck. I guess I knew it was a shitty interview as soon as it was over but still. I guess being Senior Managing Editor doens't pull a lot of weight. No big deal, i guess. If i do the Consumer Law Litigation Clinic, i'll only have 19 credits to...

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April 1, 2006

Man . . .

You know, i thought that i was sort of over September 11th. I thought that i could deal with it and stuff. But, it turns out i can't bring myself to read about the transcripts of the 911 calls that have just been released, let alone listen to the actual calls....

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March 31, 2006

Blown

Just had my interview with Simpson & Deardorff. I totally blew it. I went and got my haircut earlier today. I went to this trendy place called Cha-Cha. The girl was good, the haircut was decent, but not really what i envisioned, although ok. I don't know. It's hard to judge the final product when i have no idea what i wanted to begin with. After the haircut i went home and took a shower. Then i put on my suit and got ready to rock and roll. I looked super-awesome, if i do say so myself. And i remain...

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March 7, 2006

Strange Happenings At the Jiffy Lube

Ok, i was at the Jiffy Lube yesterday getting an oil change in preparation for our road trip down to Florida. I was in the little waiting room when one of the strangest things i've ever seen happened. I'm going to try really hard to describe this in the most politically correct terms possible. Uncharacteristic, you say? Probably, but this involves a group which i genuinely am hesitant to make fun of. Ok, here's the story. I'm in the waiting room. Two guys come in. One of the guys is wearing an Oregon Fire Department shit. For those of you...

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February 26, 2006

FIRE! and Potluck

So, yesterday was the day of the big potluck which, for the record, was my idea. I had been hounding my mom all day for an idea for a good, easy, Mexican recipe. Finally, we settled on enchiladas. I went and bought all the necessary ingredients and went home with about two hours before the potluck and started getting ready to make these things. I turned on the stove, started heating up the oil and sauce, etc. Well, about five minutes after i turned on the stove, the fire alarm starts going off. And it's fucking loud. This had never...

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February 24, 2006

Why in the Hell Did I Ever Want to Grow Up?

I'll tell you why. It's because when you're 12 years old, you think that when you're an adult, you're able to do whatever the fuck you want, whenever the fuck you want. When i was 12, i was sure that being an adult consisted primarily of having sex on an almost constant basis, staying up as late as i fucking wanted, eating all the fucking McDonald's i could handle, watching tv to my heart's content and driving. Didn't matter where the fuck i was driving to, i would just drive. Oh, it would be sweet indeed to be an adult....

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February 16, 2006

Unfairness

Ok, so i was over at the Formidable Law Blogger's blog, reading some of the comments on her post about potentially canceling class because of the snow. Ms. Althouse considered cancelling class because students who live further away or have children that are in school (and, therefore, home today because of the snow day) would be unable to make it to class while the normal law student would be able to make it. Therefore, having class, argued Ms. Althouse, would have a disparate and unfair impact on those student who, through no fault of their own, simply are not able...

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February 14, 2006

What a Stupid Fucking Day

As a preliminary matter, i want to state that i will be saying nothing original at all in this post. Valentine's day is, of course, the stupidest of all holidays since it is most obviously a construct of the fucking greeting card companies. It doesn't even have the pretextual justifications that something like, say, thanksgiving has. While the whole story with the fucking pilgrims and the indians is mostly crap, at least there's a story. Valentine's day doesn't even get that. All it does is force us to be in love or be second class citizens. There's not even a...

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February 11, 2006

The Beetle in the Box

Famed philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein had this hypothetical in his Philosophical Investigations. One of my philosophy profs., Dr. Malone, was very intrigued by it. I never understood it. It involved people carrying bettles in boxes. It was, as near as i can tell, an attempt to demonstrate that the idea of private language (a language known only to you and spoken only to yourself) is nonsensical. I wrote a paper about the idea of private language once, arguing that private languages were possible. Now, i'm starting to wonder if i have developed my own private language. I haven't developed my own...

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February 2, 2006

Horribly Inappropriate Things I've Said, Part I(a)

Ok, this is an update to this post. I felt really bad about my horribly inappropriate (though, i still think, funny) comment. So, i found the 1L's email address and sent her an email in which i apologized profusely. I then saw her in the atrium, and she seemed to indicate that things were cool. Today, Jody and Tony and i were sitting in the atrium, talking about the incident. To my surprise, someone next to me said "yeah, i've heard about this." Turns out, this person is in the 1L's class, and the 1L was talking about the incident...

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January 31, 2006

Come On Baby, In Our Dreams We Can Live Our Misbehavior

I'm really sad tonight. Part of this stems from the fact that i got two compliments on my hair today, which is a new thing. Entirely unprecedented in the history of my life, in fact. So i decided to take pictures of myself to post here, but i looked bad in all of them, so i decided against that. Other contributing factors include: People seem to be getting married a lot lately. I am not getting married. Bush is an idiot, but the motherfuckers in Congress still stood and clapped for him on demand. Why can't any of them call...

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January 17, 2006

Another Semester . . .

So, i have my first class of the semester, insurance law, in about 7 hours. Why am i still awake, you ask? Well, because that's just what i do. Smash (one of my cats, the other being Buttercup) is freaking out for some reason. usually he sleeps when i do, but lately i haven't been sleeping before 4am. Oh well. he'll get tired eventually. As for me, i'm going to pay the price tomorrow. It's class till about 3, then cite checking till midnight in an attempt to get done with that thing by Wednesday sometime. We'll see how that...

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