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November 23, 2009

Inglourious Basterds

Several of us went and watched Inglourious Basters a few weekends ago. While the thing wasn't completely unwatchable, it was still pretty fucking bad. This thing currently has an 88 percent on Rotten Tomatoes, which only makes me think that Rotten Tomatoes is completely worthless. My biggest problem with Basterds--aside from the completely pointless bad spelling--was the fact that literally about 80 percent of the movie consists of conversations around tables. The movie starts with a Nazi Jew hunter and a French farmer sitting at a table. Then a junior Nazi war hero imposes his presence on a Jew-in-hiding at...

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September 14, 2009

"The Best Laid Plans . . . "

I've officially spent more time, effort, and money trying to make my new apartment look nice than I've spent on every other place I've ever lived combined. Mostly, this means that chelsadilla and I have been painting. A lot. We had thought that we'd be done by Sunday, but that didn't work out. Then I thought that Wednesday would definitely be the last day of painting, but now I'm not so sure that'll work out. Still, we'll be done sometime this week. We have to be since everyone's agreed to help me move on Sunday (thanks, people!) and I have...

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August 31, 2009

Two Rants

First Rant I had to talk to someone at Alliant Energy. As I was leaving the office, I looked up their number and called, figuring that I could get something done on the drive home. Over half an hour later, I was still on hold and I gave up. I got home and figured I'd give it another shot. I called, turned on the speakerphone, and waited. And waited. And waited. For nearly an hour. No one ever answered. Throughout both of these calls, they kept mentioning this call-back program where, if you didn't want to wait on hold, you...

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August 17, 2009

Charlie Keeps Getting Worse

I've ranted about Charlie, the local "we play everything" random radio station before. In fact, things have gotten so ridiculous over there that I haven't really been listening too much at all anymore. I started getting turned off to the whole thing when they started doing more and more talking and less playing of occasionally awful, seldom amazing, but almost always entertaining songs. Then they started broadcasting a morning show. My mind warped when they did that. I mean, wasn't the whole point of these no-DJ radio stations that it was just random music and, well, no DJ? The entire...

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May 14, 2009

More Parking-Lot Shenanigans

Strangely enough, this story involves something that happened at my office, not at my apartment. Mr. Vice and I have an office in an old three-story building. The ground floor has three offices--ours, our landlord's, and a CPA. The second and third floors are residential apartments. The building has a parking lot in the back, and we rent one of the spaces. The others belong to the landlord, the CPA, and some of the tenants in the apartments. Mr. Vice and I arrived this morning to find a giant white van parked in our space. But here's the thing: it...

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April 16, 2009

I'm from a Country that Tortures People

I've been busy lately and haven't had time to blog. That's gonna change and I'll be back to blogging normally. I'll blog about something inane and dumb later tonight. But what prompted me to blog just now was the release of some Bush-era memos concerning the torture of various terrorist suspects. You can read all of the memos here, and you can see several outtakes along with some commentary here. I have to admit that I've only read the excerpts at the second link; I have not read any memo in its entirety. I honestly don't know if I'm going...

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January 8, 2009

Two Thoughts on the English Language

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday were fairly busy days. At the beginning of the week, Wednesday in particular looked like it was going to be a bitch. You see, Wednesday was the day of a motion hearing that's been months in the making. And I really wanted to win. On top of that, I had to drive to the middle of nowhere for another fairly big hearing. Oh, and I knew that I was going to have to spend Wednesday night prepping for my trial on Thursday. Oh, and I still had to find some way to cram four client visits...

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November 7, 2008

Tea Sucks

I drink lots and lots of water. At restaurants, I usually go through at least a glass before I even order. And I go through several glasses during the meal. This is apparently not the norm, since most of my friends don't touch their water at all during a meal. And this leads to frustration because most waiters think that most people don't need refills during a meal. Which in my case is simply not the case. But I digress. There is nothing more refreshing or good than a nice, tall glass of ice-cold water. It's just so fucking satisfying...

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October 30, 2008

What in the Fuck Kind of Person Likes John Mayer?

I have never been a fan of John Mayer. I don't particularly like being whispered to by another dude. But then I saw this cover he did of Tom Petty's "Free Fallin'" and now I pretty much think he's the worst thing that ever happened to the concept of music. Check it out: Seriously, what the fuck? Since when does stripping all the actual energy out of a song and replacing it with supersmooth, adult-contemporary-inspired, generic, repetitive bullshit count as "good"? His vocal delivery on this song suggests that he has about as much soul as a prostitute. He sounds...

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October 25, 2008

The Things I'd Change

The ten-year anniversary of my graduation from high school is quickly approaching. This is making me feel old. Very much so, in fact. But more than that, it started making me feel nostalgic. I mean, high school wasn't the best time of my life or anything, but it also wasn't the worst. (The worst, incidentally, was the one-and-a-half-year period immediately following high school.) I had some fun during those four years, and I actually knew some cool people. And I dropped out of touch with the vast majority of them in the intervening years. But, with the advent of Facebook...

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August 6, 2008

Concerning Fairness and Power

I'm sure that any of my relatives would be able to tell you about how I reacted to things that I thought were unfair when I was a kid. I would cry. But I would also tremble with anger. My fists would be clenched as tight as possible. My face would turn into a hideous scowl. I would be inconsolable. Yeah, I was a terrible child to deal with, but here's what was going on in my head. I hated being treated unfairly. Or, rather, I hated being treated in a way that seemed unfair at the time. Looking back...

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July 18, 2008

How I Spent My Friday Morning

My friends and I are going to see The Dark Knight tonight. There had been some discussion about going to a midnight showing, but we never did anything about it and then assumed that all the screenings were going to be sold out. And, besides, we've all got responsibilities and jobs and stuff. Well, as it turns out, I don't have to be in court tomorrow and I'm not meeting any clients. I've got stuff I have to do, sure, but I don't have to be up at any specific time. That left me wondering what I was going to...

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July 11, 2008

I Fucking Hate You, You Fuckwads

To the guy at the courthouse: Good god, you're an idiot. Let me see if I understand what you just did. You walked into the Clerk of Courts room, saw the long counter with the windows on it, saw the people standing in the fucking line, saw the fucking signs saying "please wait in line until you are called to a window," and decided that you were somehow above all those fucking rules and just walked right up to a window--one manned by a woman on the phone, no less!--and conducted your business. I fucking hate you. To the woman...

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May 20, 2008

I Like it in Flyover Country, Thank You Very Much

As you all probably know, I grew up in Arizona. Whether that constitutes the "West Coast" is open to debate, and I really don't care. But, in any event, I spent lots of time in Los Angeles when I was a kid, so I feel qualified to comment on various things about the region. For example, it fucking sucks. But, aside from that, it is clear to me that, at least compared to people from Los Angeles, people from Wisconsin are almost unbelievably nice. Some of the people I love most are from L.A., but that doesn't change the fact...

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March 9, 2008

There Will Be Blood, but it's OK--I'm Going to Graceland

My friends and I watched There Will Be Blood tonight. I'm going to discuss the plot, so if you haven't seen it and don't want it ruined, skip down. Actually, nothing I could tell you about the movie could ruin it. See, the entire concept of ruining a movie stems from the assumption that there's, well, a plot. Like, if you hadn't seen The Sixth Sense or The Empire Strikes Back and I told you that Bruce Willis was a ghost all along or that Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's father, then you could say that I ruined the movie...

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December 11, 2007

"I Can't Promise I'll Try, but I'll Try to Try."

I hate a lot of people. I don't want them to die or really to suffer or anything, but I don't want to be in the same room as them and, if pushed, will be a huge asshole to them. And sometimes I'll do that even when I'm not pushed. I was thinking recently that maybe I should try to stop hating people so much or so easily. Then I started thinking about some of the reasons that I hate certain people. For example, I hate people for all of the following reasons: Because the person is a date rapist....

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December 5, 2007

"A Freshly Fallen, Silent Shroud of Snow"

I was vaguely bored and not at all sleepy about an hour or so when I noticed, through my window blinds, that the outside world is that distinct shade of orange that means it is snowing outside. I hadn't left the apartment since earlier today when I went to the grocery store. It was snowing then, too, but I didn't know that it had been snowing the whole day. By the time I looked outside, there were a good six inches of new, fresh snow. Having nothing better to do, I decided to dig the seXterra out of it's snowy...

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December 4, 2007

"Powerless" or "A Good End to A Subpar Story"

Tonight was the finale of Heroes's second volume, titled "Generations." Even after the completely underwhelming finale to the first volume, I was really pumped for the second one because the writers kept talking about how much we'd get to learn about all of the different characters' backgrounds and stuff. Can you say "backstory"? But, in the end, we didn't really get a lot of worthwhile information. We know who founded the Company, but they're all mostly dead. Except for Parkman's dad, who's disappeared, Angela Petrelli, who's a supercrazybitch, and Bob, who's just a bad father. And Adam, of course--let's hope...

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November 17, 2007

You Probably Don't Measure Up

Although I have no evidence to support this conclusion, I'm fairly certain that there are a large number of female readers of this blog that want me. Like, sexually. While I'd love nothing more than to satisfy you all in some sort of huge orgy scenario, I'm really pretty much into monagamy. So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to post some of the things I must and must not have in a woman. If this is you, then you win. If not, then please try to move on with your life and know that someday, somewhere, you'll...

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September 23, 2007

An Open Letter to Tim Kring, Creator and Executive Producer of Heroes

Mr. Kring, I have to say that I am extremely frustrated and disappointed. Before the last TV season started, Heroes was one of the few new series I was excited for. In fact, I was extremely excited about it, but I feared that it would get cancelled relatively on. While the show's premise--ordinary people learning that they have extraordinary abilities--appealed to me, an old-school comic-book geek. Still, I was afraid that the public at large wouldn't understand or, more likely, that the creative staff would fail to take their characters seriously. Needless to say that I was pleasantly surprised. In...

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September 19, 2007

"The Hypocrites of Homosexuality"

One of my favorite books is Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card. Although it's ostensively a science-fiction book, it's one of the few pieces of writing that I think truly transcends that genre. Anyone--sci-fi geek or otherwise--would enjoy that book. Although I've known that Mr. Card is a member of the Chuch of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints for some time, I hadn't really cared too much. Then today, for some reason, I wandered over to his Wikipedia page, and found a link to an article he wrote called "The Hypocrites of Homosexuality." In it, Mr. Card discusses his--and the...

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August 20, 2007

My Weekend and Myspace

So, as I expected, I did pretty much nothing this weekend. In fact, I forced myself to go for a drive tonight just so that I could say that I actually left the apartment this weekend. I did some reading--I finished Over Sea, Under Stone, the first book in the Dark is Rising series, which is apparently about to be made into a movie or something. It was decent, although really short. I think I'm going to read the rest. Man, I love young-adult literature. I rule! I also watched some TV. There's this show on GSN called "Without Prejudice?"....

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August 17, 2007

Here's a Question . . .

Why is my computer calling me a "loser" at seemingly random intervals. There is absolutely nothing at work right now that should be making any sound, let alone insulting me. What the fuck?...

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August 13, 2007

Moving

No, I'm not moving--yet. My landlord has allowed me to extend my lease until the end of September, at which time I will--hopefully--have some idea what the fuck I'm doing with my life. Still, I've been helping a lot of my friends move because, as students, this is the time of the year when all of our leases end. And, while I'm always more than happy to help my friends move, the whole thing has got me thinking about how much I fucking hate moving. Packing up my life into a few boxes and dragging it somewhere is just about...

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July 21, 2007

Why the Fuck Am I Up Right Now?

Seriously, I should be in bed. But I don't want to go to bed. Because the sooner I go to bed, the sooner I'll wake up and have to study for the fucking bar. I hate the bar. Did you know that tomorrow's Saturday? I did not know that. I had no idea today was Friday. I looked at the little calendar on my desktop and thought "It's Friday? Why the fuck aren't I hanging out with my friends? Oh, right, because God has forsaken me." Why can't this thing just be over?...

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July 19, 2007

I Don't Want to Study and You Can't Make Me!

Ugh. The absolute last thing I want to do right now is open up my fucking Bar/Bri books and read some more stupid outlines or do more practice essays or multiple-choice questions. I'd much rather read for fun, watch TV, play my guitar, play some video games, hang out with my friends, play with the cats, sleep, go for a drive, or light myself on fire. Any of those things would be extremely preferable to studying about holders in due course, temporary restraining orders, libel, or any of that other bullshit. I wish the bar was today so that it...

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July 7, 2007

Closure.

You destroyed me. Literally--nothing about me was the same after you left. I had been sad before. I had hurt and hated myself. But I had a hard time leaving my room for two weeks after you. And even when I could rouse myself from that slumber, I hated every single moment of it. Nothing about my life was the same. Nothing. Yes, the people around me were a constant. But, without you, I couldn't understand anything that happened. Do you remember that time I played at that open mic night? We climbed that mountain together and we talked, and...

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July 5, 2007

Of Thee I Sing . . .

My mother and her family grew up on a ranch in rural Mexico outside of a city called Arteaga in the state of Michoacán. They didn't have running water or electricity, and their house consisted of a few rooms and a dirt floor. After my grandfather died, my mother and her sister came to America to try to find jobs that would allow them to support themselves and the rest of their family. My mother didn't speak English, had never been outside of her little town, and--I'm sure--was scared out of her mind. I've heard some of the stories about...

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June 15, 2007

Here's Something . . .

Good fancy crap, I've been busy. That, together with the laziness that's left over after I finish the stuff I have to do everyday, leaves me with very little time to write out a semi-intelligible thought on here. More importantly, however, absolutely nothing of great import has happened lately, leaving me without things to share. My lack of time has been so complete, in fact, that I haven't even really had time to keep up with any news, so I don't even have anything unrelated to me to rant about. I plan on fixing that right now. First of all,...

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June 8, 2007

Fuck You, Bono. No, Seriously.

If you go to CNN.com right now, one of their top stories is a video about how Bono, who's at the G8 summit, got so angry that he took his glasses off. The man takes off his fucking sunglasses, and it's fucking headline news. Am I in some bizzaro universe right now? If I push something off of my desk, will it fall ip to the ceiling? If I throw a ceramic plate against the wall, will it bounce like a rubber ball? Seriously, what kind of a universe am I living in? First of all, what the fuck is...

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June 7, 2007

Optimus Prime Does Not Have Flames, Goddamnit!

As you may or may not be aware, a Transformers movie is coming out this summer. Like most boys of my generation, I loved the Transformers--they were cars and robots! That's just awesome. So, when I first heard about this movie, I was really excited. But now that I've seen some previews, I'm not excited. In fact, I'm actively unexcited. Here's one of the trailers: Here's a still of what Optimus Prime will look like in the movie: First of all, Optimus Prime really looks like this: Note the complete lack of hotrod flames. Why doesn't Optimus Prime have flames?...

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May 31, 2007

Up, Up, and Away!

You know what I really, really liked about Superman? His ability to fly. I mean, obviously, it would be awesome to be able to fly around between buildings and above the clouds and stuff. But there's something even cooler about it. Sometimes, when I need to clear my head, I like to go for a drive. And if I really need to get away from things, a road trip is the only way to go. There's just something about driving your car away and leaving everything behind that's always appealed to me. Now imagine that you could fly. Instead of...

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May 23, 2007

"How to Stop an Exploding Man" or "How to Stop a Season from Kicking Ass"

Due to my tardiness with this entry, my esteemed colleague Mr. Vice has already posted his thoughts on Monday night's Heroes season finale. I'll offer my own thoughts here, but I have to say that I agree with almost every single one of Mr. Vice's criticisms and, overall, I was extremely disappointed by the finale. First, I think that the Sylar-Peter fight was so lame I can't believe the writers, editors, directors, actors, and producers actually offered that worthless attempt at a confrontation. After literally a whole season of building up the confrontation between the two most powerful people in...

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May 13, 2007

To Biglaw or Not to Biglaw

For those of you who are not eye deep in law and lawyers and shit, "Biglaw" is a term people use to describe law firms that are, well, big. Huge, really. These are firms that have offices in New York, L.A., Chicago, Boston, Tokyo, Brussels, Sydney, and a hell of a lot of places. These are firms that have 3,000 attorneys working for them. These are the firms where first-year associates, having graduated from law school three months before starting, are making $160,000 a year. These are the law firms I generally don't want to have anything to do with....

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April 27, 2007

At Least There Were Eggrolls

Although I would never contend that the administration at the University of Wisconsin Law School is excellent, good, or even competent, I have generally refrained from ranting against their often ridiculous actions. However, since the death of Legal Badger, I kind of feel like someone's gotta fill the void, even if it's just for a second or two. I have a negotiations class that meets Tuesdays and Thursdays between 3:30 and 5 in one of the big lecture halls on the fifth floor. Last Tuesday, we had to have class in one of the rooms on the second floor and,...

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March 15, 2007

More Nonsense from Little Green Footballs?

I was bored the other day, so I decided to go check in on Little Green Footballs to see if they were still up to their racist crap. Turns out, they definitely are. But what I found most interesting was this post. The story the post refers to is about observant Muslim employees at Target that, due to their religious beliefs, refuse to so much as scan products that contain pork, such as pepperoni pizzas or packages of bacon. The post then rants about this, and the comments are pretty much just variations on the theme. But it got me...

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February 26, 2007

I Just Don't Get It

I know I'm probably in the unbelievable minority on this, but I just don't think Beyonce Knowles is attractive. I don't know what it is that people find attractive about her. I mean--seriously? I mean, I guess she looked decent as Foxxy Cleopatra, but she was the least attractive Austin Powers girl by far: Her Sports Illustrated cover does nothing for me: I guess it looks like she's got smooth skin, which is a plus. But, really, I just don't see it. And, finally, her appearance at the Oscars leaves me cold: Maybe I'm crazy, but I always thought that...

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February 19, 2007

America Is a Bunch of Idiots, but New Jersey Apparently Is Not

Ghost Rider is the number-one movie in America? What the fuck is wrong with you people? What is it about those commercials that made you want to go watch it? Were you all drunk and laughing? I hope so, because that's how I want to enjoy the movie. But, seriously, you people flocked to this thing? That's inconceivable! I'm incredulous. To make matters worse, Ghost Rider took over the top spot from Norbit, a movie so bad one critic said "[f]rom start to finish, Norbit is dismally unfunny, inspiring this Sign of the Apocalypse observation: Big Momma's House 2 was...

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February 17, 2007

Welcome to Rock Bottom

I know this isn't my usual schtick, but I just think this is so funny I have to comment. Britney Spears has apparently shaved her head and checked into rehab. Here's the picture from the Superficial: Man. Remember when she used to look like this? At this point, she might as well just give up. There's no comeback on the horizon for her. And speaking of comebacks, how the fuck does Nicolas Cage plan to rebound from Ghost Rider, which is currently rocking a 24 percent freshness rating at Rotten Tomatoes? God, I hate it when Hollywood puts out shitty...

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February 16, 2007

Of Bars and Friends

The first one of my good friends to turn twenty-one was Frank. He loved the bars more than anything in the world. It didn't matter what was going on at The House, he wouldn't be hanging out there until after the bars closed. Frank loved the bars so much that he did something I would never even consider doing: he would go to the bars by himself. It's not that he wanted to drink by himself, or that he wanted to be by himself, it's just that he knew he could always find someone to hang out with at the...

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February 5, 2007

What a Disappointment

Football doesn't interest me in th least. However, I usually enjoy the Super Bowl because of--what else?--the commercials. But this year's commercials were pitiful. There weren't any so-cool-you've-gotta-talk-about-them-the-next-day commercials. And, strangly, there were a lot of really depressing commercials. For example, that commercial with the car-building robot that fucking kills itself? That was just . . . wrong! Why would the ad company spend all this time humanizing a robot, making me identify with it, only to have it jump off a bridge. And then, oh, it's ok--it was all a dream. No, that one sucked. And so did the...

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February 4, 2007

Sweet Fucking Shit, It's Cold Outside

It's currently 1:54am. The air temperature outside is -11. If you factor in wind chill, it feels like -24. I can honestly say that this is the coldest temperature I've ever personally experienced. My car was ridiculously cold when I got into it. I drove home, so I was in it for about ten minutes. I don't own gloves. That means my hands were exposed to the ridiculous cold for about ten minutes. I've been inside my beautifully heated (three cheers for free heat!) apartment for about ten minutes now. I still don't have the full feeling back in my...

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January 23, 2007

Concerning Television and the Many Measures of My Worth

The recent lack of amazing serialized television in my life has been disturbing. But, today, the powers that be deigned it appropriate to treat me to two hours of great television. Spoilers follow, so don't read on if you didn't see tonight's episodes of Heroes and Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. First up, Heroes returned tonight after having left several weeks ago. I was left a bitter, empty shell. There were so many unanswered questions: What happened to Sylar? What was the Haitian going to do with Claire? Nikki turned herself in? Hiro fights a what now?? And, in...

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December 6, 2006

Don't Do It, Claire!

You know how they used to say that marijuana was a "gateway drug" and that, if you smoked so much as one puff of pot, it was only a matter of months before you would find yourself making shit porn on the internet so that you could buy black-tar heroine? Well, I think that Paris Hilton is pretty much a "gateway trainwreck." If you start hanging out with Ms. HIlton, I think it's only a matter of days before your vagina makes its world debut. Put another way, there's no faster way to know that your life is a trainwreck...

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From My Cold, Dead, Overweight Hands

New York City has banned trans fat. I have to say that this is one of the most ridiculous exercises of legislative power I've ever heard of. I honestly can't express how fucking angry I am because of this law. Let me explain. It's my fucking body. I'm overweight, but I'm not an idiot. I don't eat healthy and I don't exercise enough. That's my fault. You know what, it would be great if I ate healthier food. I would lose weight as a result, and I would probably live longer. I wouldn't be winded after going up a flight...

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November 26, 2006

"The Wii-gle Has Landed!"

First of all, the horrible pun that is this post's title is not mine. It's David's. Just so you know. Anyway, yes, I now have the Wii, thanks to David's heroic all-night Best Buy stake out. I got it home, set it up, and started playing right away. It's really, really awesome to be able to affect things on the screen simply by moving your hand. The Wii Sports game that came with the Wii is pretty cool, although it's also pretty simplistic. But it gives you a pretty good grasp on how the cotrols and stuff work. Tennis is...

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November 12, 2006

Fulfilled a Promise Made of Tin

I was feeling up. Hopeful, even. But, like I should have known, my hope was fleeting and now, in it's place, there is just a familiar and unwelcome sense of despair. Perhaps it's a self-fulfilling prophecy: After so many years of failure, how would I even deal with success? Probably really well, actually. But I don't know for sure, and I don't know when I'll know. There are known knowns and known unknowns and unknown unknowns and all of that. There are some days you feel invincible -- infallible, even. As if everything is going your way and will continue...

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October 24, 2006

Are You Too Stupid to Do Math?

Having been a pizza delivery driver for a few years, I know that there's almost no reason at all to care about doing a good job. The prospects for job advancement in the field are slim to none, promotions generally involve a paycut (drivers have the potential to make a lot more money through tips than salaried managers), and most of the people in those jobs are doing them temporarily while in school or in order to buy more pot. On that note, most of them are high. Still, I think it's fair to expect at least a baseline level...

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October 20, 2006

Because It's Who I Am

It seems that I'm both too much of an asshole and too much of a nice guy at the same time. I'm too much of an asshole in the sense that I come off as way too much of an asshole. I'm really not an asshole. I'm just honest. I don't go out of my way to hurt peoples' feelings or whatever. But, at the same time, I have very strong, and often negative, opinions about people. I don't see what's wrong with that. If you add me as a friend on facebook.com and I fucking hate you, you're getting...

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October 13, 2006

I Just Want to Talk to a Person!

So, I got home just now and checked my mail. I had a thing from Charter, my cable company. In fact, I should say "the cable company." It's not like I had a choice. Anyway, I opened up the letter and found a letter saying that my payment for the month hadn't worked because my card was declined or something. Furthermore, my automatic payment that I had set up was now "suspended." I thought to myself: "Now, how the fuck could that happen? I know I've got more than enough money in my account to cover the cable bill. This...

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October 11, 2006

Mr. Barrett, You Are an Idiot, Sir

Kevin Barrett's back in the news. For those of you who are unaware, Kevin Barrett is a part-time UW-Madison professor who made headlines over the summer because he was planning to teach a course which, in part, explored the question of whether the Bush Administration was actually responsible for the September 11th attacks. Althouse discusses that controversy here, and you can read about Barrett generally here (although that article may not be neutral, as Wikipedia announces at the top). Well, now Mr. Barrett is back in the news. Now, say what you will about whether this semi-qualified loser should be...

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October 10, 2006

Why Would Anyone Complain About Seeing Breasts?

I meant to write about this topic some time ago, but never got around to it. Now, because of this post over at LawNut and this article, I've been reminded of my idea. Originally, I was inspired to write about public breast feeding because of some controversy over the cover of a woman's magazine that featured what I considered to be a beautiful picture of an infant breast feeding. I can't find a link to that cover or article now, so if anyone knows what I'm talking about, please let me know if you have a link. In any event,...

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October 7, 2006

Fuck You, L-Dawg. No, Seriously.

I fucking hate you, L-Dawg. I mean - come on! There I was, playing poker with my friends like I do every Friday night. The only thing that made this Friday night different from other Friday nights was that I had a massive chip stack in front of me - huge. On the hand in question, I got dealt pocket kings. I felt pretty good. I put Zachar all in, and he immediately called. I kew he had aces. Laurence also called for some dumb ass reason. It got to the point where there were three spades on the board....

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October 6, 2006

They Don't Write to Say They Want You . . .

I've been working my ass off lately, which explains the lack of posts in recent days. I've been working on stuff for Law Review. It's been a lot of work, but I like it for some reason. The feeling of accomplishment is something I haven't gotten to feel very often. The last time I felt this way was when I worked at the TV station. There's something about knowing that you're doing something that a lot of people are going to see that's deeply satisfying for me, even if I'm working on only a small part of the production. As...

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October 1, 2006

Fuck You, You Lazy Piece of Shit

You know, I used to have sympathy for panhandlers. Cause, you know what, if you're a parapalegic and you're down on your luck, I'll give you a few bucks if I've got it. But I have no fucking sympathy for able-bodied fucks who are too lazy to fucking get a job so they just sit there on State Street begging for money. For example, I was walking back to school from the Parthenon today. I notice that there are some people, probably around my age or younger, sitting in one of the benches. They've got these worn out duffel bags...

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September 28, 2006

Of Evil and Reparations

Now, I have always maintained that, in the world, good and evil are real, objective things. Sometimes, it's hard to defend that position because the real world makes it hard to apply the categories "good" and "bad" sometimes. However, there are several instances in which those categories can be applied fairly easily. The clearest available examples fall into the category of "evil." For example, the Holocaust was evil. I was recently reminded of that fact when two siblings were reunited after being separated by the Holocaust 65 years ago. I'm an only child, but I see the bond that exists...

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The Twenty-One Point Scale

Physical beauty undeniably exists. Unfortunately, so does phsycial not beauty. That's the way things are, and there's nothing wrong with that. Especially since all beauty is fleeting and meaningless. What's really important, the thing we should really pay attention to, is a person's personality. At times, I may be bewildered by someone's physical accoutrements, but that's a separate thing from thinking someone's a good person. Every time in my life that I've really been attracted to a woman, it was primarily because of their personality rather than because of their looks. Although I've clearly made many mistakes about which women...

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September 25, 2006

Fuck You, Charlie

So, I like listening to the random music station, Charlie, on my way to school in the morning. There's something about Charlie's mix of classic rock and so-bad-it's-good 80's music that I find relaxing and non-offensive. If I listen to pretty much any other station, especially the hard-rock station, I find myself getting angrier and angrier at how much the music fucking sucks. I mean, seriously, have you heard the latest Godsmack song? It's bad. Really fucking bad. In any event, I'm listening to Charlie this morning, when the unthinkable happened. At first, I was sure I had misidentified the...

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September 20, 2006

Why Can't I be a Kid Now?

I was looking around the internet, completely at random, when I saw the new version of Tickle Me Elmo, the T.M.X. Elmo. Now, I don't know how much I would have liked this toy as a kid, but it got me thinking: toys nowadays are so much more awesome than the toys that were available when I was a kid - and nevermind the toys I actually had as a kid. I mean, look at the multitude of new Transformers toys that are available. These are scale models of real-world cars that turn into foot-tall robots! That's fucking awesome. The...

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September 3, 2006

2006 MTV Video Music Awards (Updated!)

For some reason, I woke up yesterday and I was convinced that I was going to have a shitty day. I felt all lonely and shit. But then the universe sort of knocked me around until I realized that I have a large number of extremely high-quality friends. So I'm feeling pretty good today. What that means for you is that you get to read me ranting about something rather than wallowing in self-pity. It has come to my attention that the MTV Video Music Awards were held recently. Now, as far as I'm concerned, the single best VMA performance...

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September 1, 2006

Sink or Swim or Die

I hated musical chairs when I was younger. What kind of a cruel fucking game is that, anyway? I mean, what's the point of having there be fewer chairs than kids except to say "All but one of you is good enough"? I sucked at the game. I was a fat kid, and fat kids just don't have the motivation or ability to get to a chair quick enough. Not to mention that my classmates' hatred of me made them conspire, more often than not, to have me lose pretty quickly. So imagine how much I hate feeling like I'm...

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August 24, 2006

My Family's Crazy and Scarface Sucks

We went out for my birthday yesterday, and it was a bit of a debacle. But I don't really want to talk about that. What I found funny was the way that my family acted. First, a little background. We had originally planned to go to this one restaurant. I drove my grandma in one car. My aunt drove my mom and Mia (my cousin Gloria's daughter) in another car. Gloria met us there in her car. Kaky met us there in her car. When we got to the first place, I decided it sucked and that I wouldn't have...

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August 23, 2006

You Suck, Modern Music

So, as I've mentioned, being at my parents' house allows me to watch TV, something I'm not normally able to do at home. Today, I accidentally stumbled onto the most horrific show I've seen in a while. It was called "Rock Star: Supernova." Let me tell you about the show. Apparently, Tommy Lee, Dave Navarro, Jason Newsted (the former bassist for Metalica and the only person with any credibility), and some other guys have started a "supergroup" called Supernova. I put supergroup in quotes because, while the band meets the technical definition of a supergroup, i.e., it consists of members...

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August 17, 2006

"The Woods Are Lovely, Dark and Deep, But I Have Promises to Keep and Miles to go Before I Sleep"

Just as a sidenote, I hate Robert Frost. I think he's horrible. All his poems fucking suck. Especially that one about the fucking pile of wood. He did, however, manage to string together, surely by complete chance, the lines I've quoted in the title of this post. Anyway, school is quickly approaching. My anxiety level is quickly increasing. It undoubtedly has to do with the fact that I've got a shit-load of stuff to do and a very limited amount of time in which to get it done. And the fact that I haven't done nearly enough as far as...

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June 5, 2006

You Know What There Aren't Enough Of?

Life-sized, painted, fiberglass cows. I know what you're thiking: "what kind of imbecile would want a stupid life-sized, painted, fiberglass cow?" Yeah, I thought that, too. Fortunately, Madison, Wisconsin, has not gotten a life-sized, painted, fiberglass cow. That's good. Unfortunately, it has gotten 7 billion life-sized, painted, fiberglass cows. Why? Who the fuck knows. Who the fuck knows. I'll tell you what, though, it's a great idea. Because if there's something that a town in Wisconsin needs, it's to increase its reputation for having an affinity for cows. Just in case people forget that we're all about cows here, they'll...

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June 4, 2006

Try, Try, Try

I have to admit that I've been really down lately. Not a big deal, it'll pass. Still, it sucks. Especially on days like today, which was a pretty good day. It didn't start out like it would be, though. First of all, I had to be up just as early as on a weekday because of the Law Review "Strategic Planning Meeting." I won't comment too much on that because it won't be interesting to anyone who wasn't there or who hasn't already heard about it. In any event, that wrapped up at about 3. The we dispersed momentarily. S.Admin.E....

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April 3, 2006

Barrister's Ball, Law Review, and Law Revue

First, i feel that i have to comment on the recent happenings at Legal Badger and their consequences. For those of you who don't know, Legal Badger is a blog run by several University of Wisconsin law students. It is a blog devoted to poking fun at the law school, law students, the law, pretty much everything. One of the contributors to that blog posted a semi-serious piece asking for comments on the Wisconsin Law Review's diversity policy. This lead to several comments and then several replies. The converstation became quite heated, as is likely to happen when such an...

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March 21, 2006

Spring Break: Day Seven: Popozao and Pax Americana

DISCLAIMER: I was drunk when I wrote this. I've left all the spelling errors and stuff in for flavor. The first thing we did today was cooking burgers covertyly. The first thing Ryan saw was Russian douchebags in their thongs. Then, we decided that it was time to leave, so we went down to our parking lot. On our way down, we saw those fucking Russian douchebags in their ass-flossy-man-thongs. And the Lord said it was bad. We got down to the seXterra, and we realized that the stupid sluts from North Carolina also drove an Xterra. Ryan came up...

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March 9, 2006

Work and Shit to do Before a Long Fucking Drive

Today is my last full day in Madison before the members of Tapia, Zachar, Ruby and McNamara, LLP, depart on our spring retreat to Florida. And boy, do i have a lot of shit to do. Here's a list: Get my paper done. DONE! The paper has been proofread and i think it's pretty alright.Print out 5 copies of my paper (over 200 pages). DONE!Do laundry, so that i can wear clothes in Florida. DONE!Clean the seXterra, so that we will have room for all of our shit. DONE!Pack. DONE!Get an extra copy of the key to the seXterra made,...

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March 7, 2006

Strange Happenings At the Jiffy Lube

Ok, i was at the Jiffy Lube yesterday getting an oil change in preparation for our road trip down to Florida. I was in the little waiting room when one of the strangest things i've ever seen happened. I'm going to try really hard to describe this in the most politically correct terms possible. Uncharacteristic, you say? Probably, but this involves a group which i genuinely am hesitant to make fun of. Ok, here's the story. I'm in the waiting room. Two guys come in. One of the guys is wearing an Oregon Fire Department shit. For those of you...

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February 26, 2006

Bode Miller is a Douchebag

"Party at an Olympic level," indeed....

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February 25, 2006

Tito's, Poker, Perkins

'Twas a marquee evening tonight. First, Ryan procured bottles of Tito's vodka. It lived up to the hype as well as could be imagined. It's good, but not the best vodka i've ever had. I still think that's Level, by a mile. We played poker. Somehow, i lost $15. Laurence won, get this, $35. That's thirty-five dollars, US. Each buy-in was $5. That means that Laurence single-handedly took 7 buy ins. Un-fucking-believable. This beats the previous record of most money earned by a single person in a single night. The previous record holder was Cole at $31. Laurence had $20...

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February 24, 2006

Random Shit That's On My Mind

1. Why the fuck is Bono nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize again? I'm sorry, but he's a (shitty) rock star. He needs to accept his place in the world and stick to it. If he wants to write a song about forgiving 3rd world contries' debt, that's his business, but, for the love of god, stay out of the international policymaking arena. This is part of a larger trend, already discussed by Katherine, where organizations seem to be falling all over themselves in an attempt to lavish even more undeserved praise on U2 and it's members. Next thing you...

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February 21, 2006

Winter Olympics, 2006

So, i don't have cable and, therefore, have not been actually watching the olympics. However, i am reading about them daily and being generally very excited by the whole thing. I think the idea of the olympics is really fucking cool: mortal men competing in a variety of challenges, for no other reason than to see who is the best at, say, sledding down a hill or throwing a rock on ice. It's fucking awesome. So far, my favorite moments have included: That American snowboarder fucking up. She doesn't feel bad, she says, so i don't feel bad for her....

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February 16, 2006

Well I Will be Goddamned

Punk's getting married. I guess this is what the twilight zone feels like....

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February 14, 2006

What a Stupid Fucking Day

As a preliminary matter, i want to state that i will be saying nothing original at all in this post. Valentine's day is, of course, the stupidest of all holidays since it is most obviously a construct of the fucking greeting card companies. It doesn't even have the pretextual justifications that something like, say, thanksgiving has. While the whole story with the fucking pilgrims and the indians is mostly crap, at least there's a story. Valentine's day doesn't even get that. All it does is force us to be in love or be second class citizens. There's not even a...

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February 5, 2006

White Dust Woman

So, Courtney Love says she's getting better. Again. We'll see how long this lasts. For the sake of Francis Bean Cobain, i hope it really does last. Still, we've seen this before. God, Courtney Love is such a fucking loser. Her band pretty much sucked, and her biggest claim to fame is having tricked a guy who was out of his mind on heroin into marrying her. I don't personally buy into the whole Courtney killed Kurt thing, but i do buy into the whole "Courtney Love can go back to shaking her ass for money" thing. Fuck, even Kurt...

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February 2, 2006

Bullshit . . .

It turns out that Carstensen will, once again, be holding us hostage for 40 minutes after our class is supposed to get out. Why? Because he's an asshole. This is clearly a violation of our civil liberties and it flies in the flace of the Bill of Rights and shit. This is how Harry must have felt during double Potions with Snape and the Slytherins....

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January 29, 2006

Which Came First: Blogging or Life?

Apologies all around for the short period between posts. But, goddamn, i was over at Althouse's blog (see links section) and read her latest entry, Contemplating change. In it, she discusses the possibility of selling her old house and moving to a condo on the square. Now, whether or not she does this is almost completely immaterial to me. However, it's her final statement: What an overwhelming task it would be to deal with all these things! And yet....I could blog about it. That prompts me to post again. In my post about our epic game of risk, i discussed...

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January 5, 2006

Of Polygamy and Procrastination

So, I'm sitting at Barriques' with Katherine and Nidhi in an attempt to get work done because the FUCKING law school library closed at 6. This, my friends, is a travesty. I've got a fucking forty-page paper to write, and they're closing the library at 6. That's bullshit. Especially when you combine it with the fact that i'm waking up at about 1 or 2 every day. So far, i've got about 14 pages done. My paper's probably going to end up being about 50-60 pages long. And it's due Tuesday. I'm fucking screwed. Anyway, the Barriques' thing. Barriques' is...

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January 3, 2006

So Ugly, I Couldn't Stop Staring

Ok. Sorry, i had to put this up. The PopoZao song was on my desktop, and i saw it, clicked on it, and i'm currently listening to it. I just can't believe how bad this song is. This might even be worse than the stupid "this shit is bananas" song by gwen stefani. At least that song has a Queen reference. This PopoZao song is just . . . i don't know how to even express in words how bad it is. And yet, i can't stop listening to it. It's like that fucking Russian girl at the bowling alley...

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January 2, 2006

"State of Fear" and Unsuckable

So, I just finished reading Michael Crichton's book, State of Fear. I bought it at LAX so that I would have something to read on the flight home from visiting the family for Christmas. I bought State of Fear even though I had just started Al Franken's new book, The Truth (With Jokes) because I was in the mood for a light-hearted romp of a book. Having read all of Dan Brown's books on my last two trips home (by the way, he's basically been writing the same book over and over again) I felt it was time to return...

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