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August 4, 2010

Perry v. Schwarzenegger

The case is available in .pdf form here. I just finished reading this case, and I have two observations. First, I will never, ever be able to spell "Schwarzenegger" from memory, and I think it's hilarious that the Terminator's name will be on what will almost certainly be a hugely important Supreme Court case for years and years. Second, this is one of the most interesting District Court decisions I've read in a long time. Even setting aside the highly controversial nature of the case, there are so many strange and interesting things about it. The procedural history is worthy...

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September 28, 2009

Guilty Men Should Be Sentenced

I'm having a hard time understanding the attitude that most people seem to be taking towards the whole Roman Polanski thing. I just want to make sure I understand this: the guy admitted that he had nonconsensual sex with a thirteen-year-old girl, right? The guy raped a little girl, yeah? And it's not even like he just raped a little girl--which is bad enough. No! The guy admits that he did it, and then he decides that he doesn't want to live with the consequences of his actions, so he exploits his wealth and runs off to a different country...

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August 19, 2009

Let's Talk About What Matters

The biggest topic of discussion on the national stage recently seems to be this whole health-care thing. I say it that way because it seems that very little of the discussion has anything to do with actually making sure that more people get health coverage. I mean, there's all this nonsense about "death panels," and then everyone trips all over themselves to point out that no one's proposing death panels. Then some other people get all worked up about how having the government run the entirety of health care is ridiculous overreaching--more needless government growth. Then, just as some people...

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July 28, 2009

Just Go the Fuck Away

When I first came to Wisconsin, many things shocked me. Fried cheese? How had I never thought of that before! Forty below? You've got to be fucking kidding me! But one of the things that struck me the most was the degree to which people were devoted to the Packers. Coming from Arizona, a state with only mediocre sports teams (yeah, the Diamondbacks won the World Series that one year, but I still don't think they had any die-hard fans) it was strange to see such universal, abiding love for one sports team. But if people loved the Packers, then...

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June 23, 2009

Have You Seen This Governor? (Updated) (Updated Again)

Perhaps I should have included South Carolina on my poll of ridiculous state governments. I woke up this morning to a headline telling me that their governor was missing. "Missing," I thought, "Like some stranger offered him candy and now police are combing the neighborhood looking for clues?" How the fuck does a governor go missing, exactly? The real story is much lamer than you might think. It turns out Mark Sanford wasn't abducted by aliens or terrorists or anything. No, instead he went for a long walk after getting his ass handed to him by his state's legislature. And...

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May 12, 2009

The Smoking Ban Is Fascist and Wrong

I have railed against Madison's smoking ban since the beginning, and I am saddened to see that it will most likely go statewide. I'm not a smoker, and I never have been. Nor do I plan on ever becoming one. And I do agree that it's "nice" to go out and not come home smelling like smoke. But here's the thing: none of that undoes the fact that the smoking ban needlessly infringes on the rights of business owners to run their businesses as they see fit. As a small-business owner myself, I cringe at the thought of the government...

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April 20, 2009

Despite All His Rage

I've heard a lot about that moment when a son realizes that he's stronger than his father. Or that he's faster or smarter or more successful. The moment when a son surpasses his father, it seems, is a big deal. I didn't have a father, though. I had Billy Corgan. Ok, so that analogy is a little much. Billy Corgan wasn't my role model; I didn't want to be like him. No, I had much better people to look up to. But at a time in my life when even my best friends seemed like cruel strangers, the stuff in...

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April 16, 2009

I'm from a Country that Tortures People

I've been busy lately and haven't had time to blog. That's gonna change and I'll be back to blogging normally. I'll blog about something inane and dumb later tonight. But what prompted me to blog just now was the release of some Bush-era memos concerning the torture of various terrorist suspects. You can read all of the memos here, and you can see several outtakes along with some commentary here. I have to admit that I've only read the excerpts at the second link; I have not read any memo in its entirety. I honestly don't know if I'm going...

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March 9, 2009

The Choices Some Women Make (Updated)

What in the fuck is going on with Rhianna? I mean, fucking seriously? Let me see if I understand this. Some dude repeatedly punches you in the face on the night before the Grammys leaving you bruised and swollen and you think, "Hey, well, whatever, now I'll just get back together with him. I'm sure he was just stressed." I don't fucking get it. There's a lot to be said for forgiving someone. Holding a grudge isn't good for anyone, and at some point being continually angry at someone else is just giving that person power over you. So, fine,...

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January 20, 2009

The Change I'm Hoping for

There's no way that Barack Obama won't disappoint me. I mean, there just isn't. Let's put it this way: I'm sorta disappointed that he didn't reveal himself as the Messiah immediately after taking the oath. But, while I definitely expect more from the man than any human being can possibly deliver, I also recognize that my expectations are ridiculous. If I step back and think about it, I think that President Obama will probably be a very good president, but that he'll make some mistakes. His approval rating will fall from where it is right now, obviously. But I think--I...

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December 12, 2008

Campbell Brown Is a Fucking Idiot

Up until a few months ago, I had no clue who Campbell Brown was. Now that I do, I wish she'd shut the fuck up. As far as I'm concerned, she's the worst that mainstream news has to offer (note that I'm not counting people like Bill O'Reilly as members of the "mainstream news" because, well, what they do isn't news). She's sensationalistic and panders to the "common" folk and all that other shit. But the positions she chooses to take are retarded. In a video posted on CNN.com today, for example, Ms. Brown discusses the fact that Governor Rod...

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December 4, 2008

Are the Grammys Completely Out of Touch, or Am I?

I love the first Coldplay album. I think the second one is good. X&Y is pretty bad And this new thing they put out, Viva La Vida, is fucking unlistenable. It's fucking crap. It's some of the worst "music" I've ever heard. "Roman Catholic choirs are singing"? How does that count as a lyric! Compared to "Don't Panic" or even "Yellow," this new shit is appallingly bad. And who the fuck is Lil' Wayne? I honestly have no idea. Have I heard something by him? I mean, what the fuck is going on in the world of music? Anyway, all...

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December 3, 2008

Looking for an Opinion

So, the Big Three car companies showed up in Washington again to beg for money. This time, they jetpooled or something. They didn't each fly their own private jets, anyway. And the CEOs of each of the companies have apparently promised both to work for $1 a year and drive hybrid cars to DC for the next meetings. Because that makes sense somehow. All of this was some sort of good-faith demonstration which, I assume, was meant to soften the blow of the fact that they're no longer asking for $25 billion, they're asking for $34 billion. Huh That seems...

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November 19, 2008

The Upside to the Housing Crisis

So, yeah, I was sort of busy there for a bit. But I'm back now--one of my trials is over and the other one is being rescheduled. Now, yeah, the housing and lending crisis or whatever really sucks. It's fucking over lots of Americans, and I fully acknowledge that, and it sucks, and I'm sorry--not that I played any part in it. But even in the worst situations, it's important to find the good news, the silver lining. With that in mind, I have to tell you guys that I was filled with vengeful glee when I saw this story....

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November 4, 2008

"I Promise You: We as a People Will Get There."

I guess I have to admit that I was wrong. In fact, I wasn't just wrong: I was very, very wrong. But I'm happy that I was. I have always been proud to be an American. I have always appreciated the sacrifices that other people made to make sure that I grew up here. And, while I have become increasingly aware of the many flaws our country has, I have always firmly believed that the fundamental principles upon which this nation is built are sound, true, and beautiful. In recent years, however, it's been harder to defend my almost blind...

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June 26, 2008

Why I Oppose the Death Penalty

This is an old story now, but the U.S. Supreme Court decided that child rapists cannot be subjected to the death penalty. I view this as an extremely good thing, not because I support child rape (I don't) but because after considering the issue for a long time, I am fundamentally opposed to the death penalty. Let me give you some reasons why. The empirical stuff. I've heard that it costs more to execute a criminal than it does to house him for life. I've also heard about various studies that prove that the death penalty has no deterrent effect....

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June 16, 2008

And Yet, the World Keeps Turning . . . .

Certain counties in California kept their offices open late tonight for the express purpose of granting marriage licenses to same-sex couples. While I'm happy that all couples in the nation's most populous state finally get to enjoy the benefits of marriage--whether they be emotional, financial, or whatever--I'm still more pissed by the fact that it's 2008 and only two states in our Nation recognize the right of two people that love each other but happen to have the same reproductive organs to express that love in what has become a very important way. I think that I am a fairly...

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June 4, 2008

I Fucking Hate You, Hillary Fucking Clinton

I'm going to draw an analogy between what Hillary Fucking Clinton has been up to and a not entirely hypothetical from my own life. First I'll present what Hillary Fucking Clinton actually did, then I'll make a plausible analogy about myself. For context, I'll be using a hypothetical about the one time I've run for an elected position in my life: Law Review elections. What Hillary Fucking Clinton did: Acknowledge that the delegates from Florida and Michigan wouldn't count but then campaign there, anyway. Hypothetical analogy from my own life: Proxy voting is allowed at Law Review elections, but only...

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May 28, 2008

Weezer! Now With 98 Percent More Lightsaber!

I have to admit two things. First, I really liked "Beverly Hills," the lead single off of Weezer's last album, Make Believe. Second, I fucking hated the rest of the album. I was pretty much done with the whole band. I mean, I guess I've already talked about what I think of each of Weezer's albums, so I won't rehash that. But the point is that I was somewhat sad but mostly relieved when I read that Weezer had broken up. And then I was cautiously excited but mostly apprehensive when I heard that they were actually releasing a new...

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May 8, 2008

Concerning Rules and Metablogging

I assume that most bloggers are like me in exactly one respect: they all have unspoken rules for how they run their blog. This blog is a highly personal thing, so I try to maintain some sort of consistency, even though I doubt that anyone realizes that I do or don't do certain things, mostly because they're such strange things. One of these things, for example, is that I generally try to refer to people by the proper honorific and their last name. Sometimes--like when I get tired of writing "Mr." or determine that a certain combination ("Mr. Obama") just...

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April 30, 2008

What the Fuck Are We Paying Attention To?

For fuck's sake, people. Can someone sit me down and explain to me, using really short words, why there is a controversy over what Barack Obama's jackass of a pastor said? Seriously. I just want to make sure I understand what's happening here, so let's recap. Obama went to a church. The guy that delivered the sermons at that church made completely ridiculous remarks after Obama stopped going to the church. And that's the whole thing, right? I mean, I didn't miss something, like the part where Obama told the guy to say those wacky things? That didn't happen, right?...

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April 22, 2008

Messages to Random People

First message: There are a lot of things you might be, but one of the things you definitely are is a raging bitch. I mean, I know it, you know it, everybody knows it. It's ok--I'm kind of an asshole. It's just the way we are. Or at least that's what I thought. But today, out of fucking nowhere, you decided not to be a bitch and, instead, to be relatively nice. In fact, extremely nice. Why the fuck did you do that? Were you feeling bad for previously being such a huge bitch? Or do you just have some...

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April 18, 2008

Yay Obama!

A while ago, I was having this conversation with a friend of mine about how I hated Hillary Clinton. My friend then accused me of not supporting her candidacy because she's a woman. That was fucking preposterous and, given my relationship with that friend, kind of hurtful because, as is now a well-established principle, I am not a sexist. I told my friend this, and then she asked me a question I couldn't answer: which of her policies do you disagree with? It's not that I agreed with all her policies, it's that I didn't know which of her ideas...

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April 12, 2008

Another Reason Why I Should Be in Charge of the Major Networks

I've made no secret of my love for the show Heroes. Well, let me rephrase. Approximately seven-eighths of the first season of Hearos was pretty much some of the best TV ever. Then that season ended and it was, well, not the best ending. In fact, it was one of the worst season finales I can think of. Then I got all geared up for the second season... and it kinda sucked. It was missing all the things that made the first season cool--you know, stuff like character development and a coherent story. Oh, and Hiro was in fucking feudal...

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April 1, 2008

They Deserve the Curse

I don't really like baseball. In fact, I actively dislike it. I think it's a boring, tedious sport, and I think that far too many of the people involved with it are unscrupulous pseudo-athletes, not to mention generally bad people. Still, one of my favorite memories from a few summers ago was watching the Cubs play at Wrigley Field with Mr. Vice, pH, and Emily-in-Chief. That was a just a good time at the ballpark, even though I hardly remember the game. One thing I do remember, though, was thinking how cool it was that there were all these bars...

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March 25, 2008

Judicial Elections Are Stupid

Even before I went to law school, it seemed to me that electing judges--the people in our system that are most supposed to make decisions based on something other than what they happen to believe personally--is stupid. The federal system, at least as it was explained to me in sixth grade, made a hell of a lot of sense: in a representative democracy, you have to strike a balance between giving the majority what it wants and protecting the rights of the minority. Electing the legislature makes sense, then, because it means that the people that write the laws are,...

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March 7, 2008

Fascists Come in All Shapes and Sizes

As some of you may or may not have noticed, I love curse words. Although I have lately attempted to cultivate the ability to curb my use of swearing in certain circumstances, I nonetheless talk like a sailor in normal circumstances. It should come as no surprise, then, that I find South Pasadena's attempt to ban cursing to be, well, fucktarded. South Pasadena's City Council passed a proclamation making the first week in March "No Cussing Week." It's a largely symbolic gesture aimed at increasing civility and "elevat[ing] the level of discourse." Because there's no better way to elevate discourse...

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March 5, 2008

More Proof that Texans Are Idiots

So, Hilary Clinton won the primaries in Texas, Ohio, and Rhode Island. Barack Obama won Vermont and is still ahead by about ninety delegates, according to CNN. I did not see this coming and, frankly, it angers me. Not only have I never been as excited about a candidate as I am about Mr. Obama, but it's been my feeling in the past several weeks that many others feel the same way. And it's not just people who comment here, either. I've heard many commentators on TV compare Mr. Obama to JFK. And he definitely had the momentum--he had won...

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March 1, 2008

The Whole Fucking World Is a Fraud

It seems like lately everyone is lying about everything. First, there was the whole A Million Little Pieces thing. Then, there was Kaavya Viswanathan, the "prodigy" novelist and Harvard student whose novel was discovered to be riddled with blatantly plagiarized passages. Then Marilee Jones, Dean of Admissions at MIT, admitted that she had completely made up several degrees she listed on her resume. And, perhaps most damaging to Mr. Utah, it was revealed that Bear Grylls is a fraud. And just today, these stories are on CNN's front page: Misha Defonseca, the author of a book called Misha: A Memoire...

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February 26, 2008

If You Were My Daughters, I'd Disown You

Through the years, I've known a lot of people that were completely full of themselves. But none of the people I've ever met have been as completely and egregiously diluted as the two eighteen-year-old girls who are accusing Southwest Airlines of discriminating against them because they're too pretty. These girls sound like some of the most worthless human beings on the fucking planet. Let's take a look at some of the unbelievable treatment they were subjected to because of their unbelievable looks.As soon as they boarded, [Nisreen] Swedberg says she asked for a bottle of water and was told she...

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February 24, 2008

Law and Order?

I actually have no idea why this popped into my head tonight, but I remembered about Kelly Nolan tonight. I posted about her before here. Although her body was found six months ago, no one's been arrested yet. And that pisses me off. I mean, we have amazing ways to determine who committed a given crime. Between DNA, fingerprints, and witnesses, you'd think it would be impossible for all but the most gifted criminals not to get caught. At least, that's what I'd like to believe. I'd like to believe that it's damn near impossible to get away with murder...

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February 15, 2008

Concerning Death Threats and Shootings

When I was a senior in high school, I was expelled because a girl in one of my classes accused me--falsely--of threatening to kill her, several other students, and a teacher. This girl and I did not get along. I thought she was arrogant and obnoxious. I'm sure she thought that and much worse things about me. On this particular morning, we were in homeroom, and the class was watching Channel One. I think that they were airing something about the shootings at Columbine High School. I remember being annoyed at the coverage and saying that I thought that various...

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January 28, 2008

The State of the Union

I generally don't watch the State of the Union address, mostly because it's boring and dumb. It's not that I don't think politics and policy are interesting, it's that I think that the State of the Union, especially in the hands of untalented orators, is an extremely tedious exercise. The idea of our country's chief executive going to the headquarters of the Congress--the only branch of our government that is elected directly by the people--and telling them what's up is a very good, profound idea. But presidents tend to use the State of the Union not as a platform to...

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January 27, 2008

Of Repression and Butt Babies

Apparently, the FCC, those minions of repression and near fascism, have decided to fine ABC almost $1.5 million after it showed a naked female butt during prime time. There are a couple of things I'd like to say here. First of all, our society really needs to get its head out of its ass. Everyone has butts, just like some people have tits and vaginas and other people have cocks. It's not the fucking end of the world, and it's a stupid attitude to decide that all nudity is inherently offensive or sexual or whatever. I mean, seriously. Why do...

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January 26, 2008

Me and 9,999,999 of My Closest Friends

I have a deep, dark secret. One that only some of my closest friends know about. But it's time I come clean. I feel that, by hiding this secret from the world, I've erected a barrier between myself and the world at large that prevents me from finding real intimacy. So here goes. I play World of Warcraft. There. Now you know. Please don't judge me too harshly. It's a natural progression, really, seeing as how I played a hell of a lot of Magic: The Gathering in high school. Yeah, the girls loved me. For those of you who...

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January 17, 2008

Tom Cruise Is the Bat-Shit Craziest

Most of you have probably seen this already, but I just think it's too funny in the creepiest possible way not to post. It's apparently a video produced by the "Church" of Scientology for internal purposes. They're apparently pissed that it got out. And with good reason, because I don't see how anyone could take them seriously after this. Not that there were any reasons to think they were legitimate before. Anyway, without further ado, I give you perhaps the craziest, creepiest person in Hollywood, which is saying a lot (incidentally, Mr. Cruise uses some jargon that I wasn't familiar...

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January 14, 2008

Where No Untalented Black Man Has Gone Before . . . . (Updated)

I'm just going to go ahead and admit this for anyone that hasn't already picked up on this: I love Star Trek. I never really liked the original series. I think it's cheesy, predictable, and boring. I can see past the amazingly crappy special effects, but most of the stories are transparent morality plays and, as a result, all the characters are either completely flat or absolutely overdone. No, my love of Star Trek started with The Next Generation. That show was awesome. I still remember being relatively young and getting really excited whenever Jean-Luc Picard would start doing his...

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December 16, 2007

Kill 'Em All

I probably know as little about baseball as it is possible to know while still being able to correctly identify a baseball game in progress. There are bats involved, I think. And something about grand slams, although baseball grand slams apparently have nothing to do with breakfast items at Denny's. In any event, I don't know anything about baseball and I think it's a boring fucking sport and I'd rather gouge my eyes out with a baseball glove than watch baseball. While watching the Packers game today, the issue of the Mitchell Report came up. But I've read about the...

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December 14, 2007

Knight Industries Three Thousand?

So, Knight Rider, perhaps the best show of the 1980s, is, like everything else that was once good, bad, terrible, excellent, or mediocre, getting remade. That may or may not be cool, I'm going to wait and see. But the show's already got one strike against it: KITT will not be a 1982 Trans Am. Instead, it'll be a 2008 Ford Shelby Mustang: Now, I love Mustangs, and I think that the late-model ones, this one included, look really fucking awesome. I really like the pseudoretro design. But they're just not KITT. This is what KITT's supposed to look like:...

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December 12, 2007

NoooOOOOOooooOOOoo!

This is bad news on so many different levels. At least the other, hotter Jessica isn't knocked up yet:...

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December 9, 2007

Of Keggers and Sex Parties

In college, a lot of my friends moved in to this six-bedroom house just off campus. I didn't live there, but I might as well have moved into their living room. I don't know if this happens everywhere else, but there was this trend in Flagstaff where houses would have names. For example, my friends lived in The Mothership for a while. And there was also the Pryor House. And a few others that I never went to or that I went to so few times that I can't remember their names. Still, there were a lot of discussions about...

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December 6, 2007

Why the Fuck Is Amy Winehouse Famous?

Seriously? How the hell does someone like her end up not only famous but nominated for six Grammys, including four nominations in the top categories? That's fucking fucked up. Granted, I've never actually heard one of her songs, but just look at her: She actually looks frightening. And what is with that fucking beehive hairdo? What the hell is going on here? I guess I lied earlier when I said that I hadn't heard any of her songs. I have heard this: But, seeing as how she's just mumbling in a vaguely rhythmic fashion, I don't think it counts as...

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November 29, 2007

That's Cool--I Don't Know How to Raise Kids, Anyway

A Massachusetts state legislator has introduced a bill that would make it illegal for parents to spank or otherwise physically discipline their children. This, frankly, is astounding--I can't believe that someone would actually think that it is an appropriate use of the State's power to tell parents how to raise their children. I can think of few things that are more personal and private than the decisions a parent makes about how to raise children. I can't imagine that any parent would claim that anyone other than their children are more important or that any relationship is more important. If...

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November 5, 2007

Logic Should Bring Us Together

Although my opinions might sometimes suggest otherwise, our world is not black and white. I cannot accept that two political parties perfectly represent the views of the 300 million individual Americans. In fact, I'm not even sure that the Republicans and the Democrats do a good enough job of representing the views of the majority of the citizens. I know that neither perfectly represents my views, at the very least. So why is our country divided so clearly and bitterly? I'm not really sure, but I do know this: regardless of who's to blame, it's up to individuals to fix...

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November 2, 2007

Concerning Freedom of Speech and Homophobes

The father of a veteran who's funeral was protested at by Fred Phelps's crazy church won a $10 million verdict the other day. The church defended on First Amendment grounds but it was a civil case, so I'm not really sure what the First Amendment has to do with anything--the First Amendment doesn't preclude suits for intentional infliction of emotional distress, for example. Still, I think the underlying question--whether the First Amendment protects hateful protesting at a funeral--is interesting. As a preliminary matter, I think I should say that I don't think this kind of protest is justified, desirable, or...

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October 31, 2007

Bigfoot?

What do you think this is a picture of: According to the accompanying article, it's a picture a hunter's automatic forest camera took. The hunter, one Rick Jacobs, having never seen anything like the pictured object, immediately reported the pictures to--who else--the Bigfoot Research Organization. And the BRO, in an entirely unexpected move, concluded that the picture is, indeed, of a bigfoot or, more accurately, "a juvenile Sasquatch." The Pennsylvania Game Commission, however, believes that the picture is of nothing more than "a bear with a severe case of mange." Let's carefully parse each part of what's going on here....

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October 20, 2007

Dumbledore Did Seem a Little too Flamboyant . . .

Did you ever wonder why Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, the most powerful wizard in the world, didn't have a wife or children? I mean, there was never any hint about any sort of romantic relationship. I always thought it was because he was a man who was too devoted to his work to make time for a family, so he never allowed himself to get tangled up in the whole thing. It turns out, though, that it's because he was gay. Moreover, he was in love with the man he would later have to defeat--the dark wizard Grindelwald. Personally,...

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October 18, 2007

I've Got Nothing

The fact that my days currently consist of applying for jobs, watching TV, and playing video games means that I've got a whole lot of nothing to write about. There's not really that much I have to say about the news, either, so I'm not really getting any topics there. So I'll do what I generally do when I'm in this situation: I'll write a disjointed post with a few subheadings. Colbert for President You know, I love Stephen Colbert. But what the hell is he doing? Our electoral system and government in general are at a really discouraging point...

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September 27, 2007

Fuck Animal-Rights Activists

You know that stereotype about how all high-school kids dissect frogs in biology class? That's one high-school stereotype I definitely did not experience. My biology class dissected fetal pigs. And it was awesome. My teacher even helped me pry the pig's brain out of its skull for extra credit. How that warrants extra credit, I don't know. But I did it, I got extra credit, and it was awesome. Anyway, as I was looking around for interesting things to read, I found this article. Apparently, Japanese scientists have found a way to create frogs with transparent skin, which allows the...

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September 8, 2007

Plans for Next Weekend?

If you guys aren't doing anything, some frenchmen, Mrs. Bennison's first grade class, some actual ducks, and I are going to play the Michigan Wolverines. One of the little kids knows how to fold ninja stars out of paper, so I think we've got a pretty good chance. Anyone wanna come?...

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September 5, 2007

Psych!

Senator Larry Craig is one hell of a practical joker. In the past few months, he's successfully punk'd America no fewer than three times. First, according to the police report, Senator Craig--obviously seeking to bring some entertainment into the life of an undercover agent relegated to airport toilet duty (what the fuck do you have to do to end up assigned to sit in an airport toilet stall waiting for someone to proposition you for anal sex, anyway?)--decided to humor the poor schmuck and, through the use of Bond-like signals such as "tapping your right foot" and "sticking your fingers...

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August 30, 2007

Alright!

According to CNN, an Iowa discrict court ruled that the state's prohibition on gay marriage violates the state constitution's due process and equal protection guarantees. Although this is a decision by a lower court that is subject to review by the state's supreme court, it's still good news, and I'm glad to hear it. I haven't tried very hard, but I haven't been able to find a copy of the decision. Anyone have any idea how to get ahold of it?...

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July 31, 2007

Madison, Wisconsin: Land of the Terrible Writers

There is apparently something called the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, the purpose of which is to find the worst opening sentence to a fake novel each year. The contest was inspired by the line "It was a dark and stormy night," which apparently actually is the first line of a really bad novel. In any event, would-be authors submit their horrible sentences each year, and the winner gets the grand prize--$250--and some well-deserved notoriety. If you go to the site, you can read some really, really awful sentences. My personal favorite is this one:She wasn't really my type, a hard-looking but...

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July 11, 2007

Wanna Know What I Think?

I have exactly nothing to say right now. I've scoured the internet looking for something interesting to talk about, but there's nothing. I've noticed that my posts have been relatively introspective or narrow lately. This is probably due to the fact that I'm so busy right now that I don't really have time to take note of interesting things to talk about on here. So let's try this. Is there anything you guys would like to have me rant about? I promise to throw in a bunch of "fuck"s. Let me know. Dee, I know you wanted my opinion on...

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July 10, 2007

Kelly Nolan

One of the biggest local news stories here in Madison, Wisconsin over the past few weeks has been the disappearance of Kelly Nolan. Apparently, she vanished from downtown a few weeks ago. It was nighttime, she was out barhopping with her friends. She was last seen on State Street, the street that connects the UW campus to the State Capital, and the center of Madison's nightlife. Last seen, that is, until today. Police found what they're pretty sure is her body in a field not too far from my apartment. Last week, while getting lunch with Bluebunny and RPM, we...

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June 19, 2007

Stupid School Policies

There was a lot of talk when I was in middle and high school about school uniforms. Personally, I hate the idea. There are a few basic arguments in support of school uniforms, none of which resonate to me to any degree. First, there's the argument that, by making everyone dress the same, social stratification is reduced. Well, that's just stupid. Seeing as how I was an outcast for many reasons in addition to my cheap clothes, I can't really gauge how much of the high-school social-stratification problem (if it's a problem at all) is due to the brand of...

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June 15, 2007

Here's Something . . .

Good fancy crap, I've been busy. That, together with the laziness that's left over after I finish the stuff I have to do everyday, leaves me with very little time to write out a semi-intelligible thought on here. More importantly, however, absolutely nothing of great import has happened lately, leaving me without things to share. My lack of time has been so complete, in fact, that I haven't even really had time to keep up with any news, so I don't even have anything unrelated to me to rant about. I plan on fixing that right now. First of all,...

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June 8, 2007

Fuck You, Bono. No, Seriously.

If you go to CNN.com right now, one of their top stories is a video about how Bono, who's at the G8 summit, got so angry that he took his glasses off. The man takes off his fucking sunglasses, and it's fucking headline news. Am I in some bizzaro universe right now? If I push something off of my desk, will it fall ip to the ceiling? If I throw a ceramic plate against the wall, will it bounce like a rubber ball? Seriously, what kind of a universe am I living in? First of all, what the fuck is...

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June 5, 2007

Things I Cannot Live Without and Are You British or Retarded?

When I first saw that Apple was releasing a phone, I was underwhelmed. Then I saw the TV ads. And, although the last thing I wanted to do was join the legions of mindless iPodophiles out there, I don't see how I can continue living without one. I mean, seriously--it's a fucking touchscreen phone that does pretty much every cool technological thing you could ask a small, portable device to do. I don't care what anyone says--touchscreens are awesome. Sure, they've generally sucked on phones, but that's mostly because they were designed to be used with those lame stylus things...

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May 29, 2007

But Who Will Protest the War?

Cindy Sheehan's going home. I thought she had gone home a long time ago, but I guess not. Ms. Sheehan's always annoyed me. It's not that I'm not sorry that her son died--I am. I clearly have no idea what losing a child would be like, but I imagine it would be very, very terrible. So I'm certainly sympathetic for her loss. But I guess that's one of my issues with her: I feel terrible for every parent that's lost a son or daughter in the war. Ms. Sheehan's loss, while terrible, is not unique. That hasn't stopped her, however,...

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May 14, 2007

Goddamnit, NBC!

Having worked at an NBC affiliate, I have to say that it's been sorta disappointing for me to see NBC's ratings go down the shitter in recent years, alhough it hasn't been exactly surprising. I mean, with the loss of Seinfeld (one of the greatest shows ever) and Friends (not one of the greatest shows ever, but I guess people liked it), NBC took a huge hit. And it hasn't helped itself with the new stuff it's been offering, either: I mean, as much as I love them, how man Law & Orders can people take? NBC has also apparently...

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April 29, 2007

I Fucking Knew It!

Prosecutors in McHenry County, Illinois have charged Allen Lee, an eighteen-year-old high-school senior, with two counts of disorderly conduct after Mr. Lee wrote an essay which contained some violent images. You can read the full text of the essay, along with an explanation from Mr. Lee about its content, here. Two passages in particular lead to Mr. Lee's arrest. In the first, Mr. Lee says the following:"So I had this dream last night where I went into a building, pulled out two P90s and started shooting everyone…, then had sex with the dead bodies. Well, not really, but it would...

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April 23, 2007

Charlton Heston's Hands Are Neither Dead nor Cold

One of my favorite things to do is read the opinion section in student newspapers. This has never been more enjoyable than in college, where the Lumberjack provided some of the worst-written, most incoherent student opinions ever. Good times, good times. Here at the UW, I usually read the Badger Herald opinions because, well, the Daily Cardinal sucks. Yesterday, I picked up the Friday issue of the Badger Herald and flipped to the opinion section. What I saw was shocking only because of its predictability: a student wrote a piece arguing that the Second Amendment is out of date. In...

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April 18, 2007

Let's Not Rush to Judgment

This may seem like a strange sentiment coming from me; I'm not exactly regarded as someone who waits until all the information is in before making a carefuly, deliberate judgment. Still, the tragic events at Virginia Tech have forced me to conclude that we have to wait before we make the various judgments we're going to make. First, I think it's important that we remember that not every lonely, depressed, isolated, or shy person is going to become a murderer. From what I've read, Cho Seung-Hui's behavior was bizarre, dramatic, and perhaps calculated. Unfortunately, in his case, this behavior indicated...

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April 12, 2007

There Is No Right Not to Be Offended (Updated)

The Don Imus controversy is ridiculous in almost every way. I must admit that I had never heard or heard of Don Imus before this whole thing started, but a friend has described him as a conservative Howard Stern. Fine, so he's a shock jock. No big deal. Given that that's his job--he gets paid to be shocking and outlandish--I wouldn't have thought that his stupid comment about the Rutgers basketball team would be a big deal, either. But I'd've been wrong. The fact that the comment started such a huge controversy proves not that Don Imus is a racist...

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March 22, 2007

Great--Now Everyone Thinks Mexicans Are Idiots

I'm sure many of you have been keeping up to date with the U.S. Attorney scandal centering on Attorney General Alberto Gonzales. To recap briefly, certain members of Congress (mostly, but not exclusively, Democrats), are upset at the firing of several U.S. Attorneys throughout the country. Although the attorneys serve at the pleasure of the president and, theoretically, can be hired and fired completely on the president's whim, the Attorney General has been accused of firing certain employees solely because they were not sufficiently loyal to the Bush Administration. Mr. Gonzales, for his part, has admitted that he made misrepresentations...

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March 15, 2007

More Nonsense from Little Green Footballs?

I was bored the other day, so I decided to go check in on Little Green Footballs to see if they were still up to their racist crap. Turns out, they definitely are. But what I found most interesting was this post. The story the post refers to is about observant Muslim employees at Target that, due to their religious beliefs, refuse to so much as scan products that contain pork, such as pepperoni pizzas or packages of bacon. The post then rants about this, and the comments are pretty much just variations on the theme. But it got me...

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March 5, 2007

The Kaplan Thing (Updated)

As you may or may not know, several students at the University of Wisconsin Law School have accused professor Leonard Kaplan of making incredibly racist remarks about the Hmong in class. Obviously, the controversy brings up a lot of questions about academic freedom, freedom of speech, and the proper atmosphere to create at an institution of higher learning. But I believe that we cannot address those issues, although they are important, until we have the facts straight. Sadly, no one involved with the issue has made a concerted effort to clarify what actually happened, and the media has utterly failed...

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March 1, 2007

"If You Have a Word Like 'Good,' What Need Is There for a Word Like 'Bad'?"

As a general rule, I am hard to offend. That's not to say that I'm hard to upset or hurt--those are entirely different things. But I am very, very hard to offend. In fact, I can think of only one time in my life that I would consider myself to have been "very offended." It's not clear to me whether this is because I have thick skin or because I've been lucky. Hell, it might even be that I just haven't been paying attention. But, yes, I can think of only one time when I've been extremely offended. And when...

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February 19, 2007

America Is a Bunch of Idiots, but New Jersey Apparently Is Not

Ghost Rider is the number-one movie in America? What the fuck is wrong with you people? What is it about those commercials that made you want to go watch it? Were you all drunk and laughing? I hope so, because that's how I want to enjoy the movie. But, seriously, you people flocked to this thing? That's inconceivable! I'm incredulous. To make matters worse, Ghost Rider took over the top spot from Norbit, a movie so bad one critic said "[f]rom start to finish, Norbit is dismally unfunny, inspiring this Sign of the Apocalypse observation: Big Momma's House 2 was...

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February 17, 2007

Welcome to Rock Bottom

I know this isn't my usual schtick, but I just think this is so funny I have to comment. Britney Spears has apparently shaved her head and checked into rehab. Here's the picture from the Superficial: Man. Remember when she used to look like this? At this point, she might as well just give up. There's no comeback on the horizon for her. And speaking of comebacks, how the fuck does Nicolas Cage plan to rebound from Ghost Rider, which is currently rocking a 24 percent freshness rating at Rotten Tomatoes? God, I hate it when Hollywood puts out shitty...

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February 12, 2007

He Inhaled

Barack Obama has admitted that he smoked pot--and inhaled. He even admitted that he did cocaine "when he could afford it." And he even admitted that he considered using heroine. You can see the 60 Minutes video by going here and clicking on the "He Inhaled" link. My immediate reaction is that I respect his candor and honesty. I especially respect the fact that he made the disclosures some time ago in one of his books. Thus, although he was almost certainly aware that he might one day run for the presidency, the move doesn't seem as purely political as...

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February 8, 2007

Are You Fucking Serious?

As a general rule, I hate having the government tell me what I can and cannot do. In an ideal world, I think that a consenting adult, or a group of consenting adults, should be able to do anything as long as there are no direct negative consequences to anyone outside the consenting adult or group of adults. Regardless of what idealogy this idea is normally associated with, I'm not antiregulation per se; to the contrary, I think most laws are good, even where they violate the principle I've just laid out. In certain instances, the right of the group...

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January 25, 2007

Random Thoughts on a Boring Day

Un-fucking-believable! I seriously don't plan on blogging only about this class from now on, but this is fucking ridiculous. We just had to "register our clickers." Well, other people did--I don't have a clicker. Anyway, this was the most absurd thing I've ever been involved with in law school. Basically, people's names scrolled down the screen and, at the right moment, people had to push one button, then another. It was the stupidest thing ever. And, to top it all off, we're going to have to do it again on Monday because it didn't work this time. Fucking amazing. I...

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January 20, 2007

And Then That Happened

Hillary Clinton announced that she is, officially, forming an exploratory committee. That's not very surprising, obviously. But check out the video on her webpage. I think there are some pretty interesting things going on there. I tried to find a transcript of her announcement, but was unsuccessful. Therefore, all quotes from her announcement were transcribed by me. Sorry for if I get anything wrong. The first thing I noticed was that the camera movements are incredibly annoying. I know it's not anything substantive, but I found that pretty annoying. Moving on. "I'm not just starting a campaign, though, I'm beginning...

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January 16, 2007

Barack Obama Cannot Run For President!

I really think that Mr. Obama should not run for president in 2008. That's not to say that I don't think he should run eventually, or that I don't think he'd make a good president. And it has nothing to do with the fact that he's black. Ok, it has something to do with the fact that he's black. But let me explain. In general, I see two problems with Mr. Obama running in 2008. The first is that he's unlikely to win the nomination. The second is that, win or lose the nomination, he's in great danger of losing...

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December 20, 2006

Sam Brownback is a Fucking Moron

Janet Neff, a federal judge nominee, went to her friend's wedding. That's not very remarkable. It turns out, though, that the judge's friend is a lesbian and she married a woman. Still, not all that remarkable in my opinion. What makes it even less remarkable, of course, is that the ceremony took place in Massachusetts in 2002, the year before Goodridge v. Department of Public Health, 798 N.E.2d 941 (Mass. 2003), required that same-sex marriage be legal in the state. That means that the wedding Ms. Neff attended had no legal effect. It was merely a formal, although not legally...

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December 11, 2006

This is Entirely Unacceptable!

Look. Wisconsin does a few things, but it does them well. First, we make beer. The beer here is better than the beer anywhere else. Fuck you if you don't agree. Second, we have brats. We have an annual bratfest, for fuck's sake, and we try to set a world record for the most brats eaten in a single weekend every time. Almost 200,000 brats in three days is nothing to sneeze at. Third, we drive drunk. Let me rephrase. I don't drive drunk, but a hell of a lot of people do. My 1L criminal law professor told us...

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December 6, 2006

From My Cold, Dead, Overweight Hands

New York City has banned trans fat. I have to say that this is one of the most ridiculous exercises of legislative power I've ever heard of. I honestly can't express how fucking angry I am because of this law. Let me explain. It's my fucking body. I'm overweight, but I'm not an idiot. I don't eat healthy and I don't exercise enough. That's my fault. You know what, it would be great if I ate healthier food. I would lose weight as a result, and I would probably live longer. I wouldn't be winded after going up a flight...

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November 8, 2006

A Dark Day for the Land of Brats, Beer, and Cheese

Well, I have to say that I'm very sad right now. I'm disgusted that this state, a state I've come to love, is apparently full of homophobes. Listen to me. Letting two people who love each other, regardless of which reproductive organs those people happen to have, marry each other can't possibly hurt you. It's just incredible that people don't see that. I don't care what religion you are or what you believe or who you're married to or who you want to marry. That doesn't give you the right to tell anyone else that they don't deserve the same...

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November 2, 2006

Six Days . . .

The elections are in six days. That means that, in six days, we get to see if Wisconsin will be the first state in the country with voters intelligent enough to reject a constitutional ban on gay marriage. While I'd love to believe that the people of my state are not ridiculously homophobic, I doubt that we'll be able to pull it off. I don't understand why people support this thing. No one, not a single person, has been able to explain to me how allowing gay people to marry would hurt anyone, let alone straight people who are married...

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October 18, 2006

Stuff That's on My Mind

I noticed something yesterday as I was walking to school. Or, rather, I didn't notice something. That's right, those fucking cows are finally gone! Happy days are here again. I honestly can't believe that they kept them out that long. That's fucking bullshit. Two days of those ugly things was way too much, in my opinion. Apparently, a Massachusetts school has banned playing tag. That's one of the stupidest fucking things I've ever heard. Tag is what kids are supposed to play - that's just what you do. The game's got everything - running, screaming, chasing, tagging! And there are...

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October 11, 2006

Mr. Barrett, You Are an Idiot, Sir

Kevin Barrett's back in the news. For those of you who are unaware, Kevin Barrett is a part-time UW-Madison professor who made headlines over the summer because he was planning to teach a course which, in part, explored the question of whether the Bush Administration was actually responsible for the September 11th attacks. Althouse discusses that controversy here, and you can read about Barrett generally here (although that article may not be neutral, as Wikipedia announces at the top). Well, now Mr. Barrett is back in the news. Now, say what you will about whether this semi-qualified loser should be...

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October 10, 2006

Why Would Anyone Complain About Seeing Breasts?

I meant to write about this topic some time ago, but never got around to it. Now, because of this post over at LawNut and this article, I've been reminded of my idea. Originally, I was inspired to write about public breast feeding because of some controversy over the cover of a woman's magazine that featured what I considered to be a beautiful picture of an infant breast feeding. I can't find a link to that cover or article now, so if anyone knows what I'm talking about, please let me know if you have a link. In any event,...

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September 28, 2006

Of Evil and Reparations

Now, I have always maintained that, in the world, good and evil are real, objective things. Sometimes, it's hard to defend that position because the real world makes it hard to apply the categories "good" and "bad" sometimes. However, there are several instances in which those categories can be applied fairly easily. The clearest available examples fall into the category of "evil." For example, the Holocaust was evil. I was recently reminded of that fact when two siblings were reunited after being separated by the Holocaust 65 years ago. I'm an only child, but I see the bond that exists...

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September 22, 2006

The Most Fucked up Thing I've Ever Heard

Kristin told me about this just before Con Law II this afternoon. It literally made me want to throw up. I can't believe how fucked up that is. Here's what happened. An 11-year-old girl apparently had a crush on a 16-year-old girl. The 11-year-old went over to the 16-year-old's house, where the older girl "convinced" the younger girl that she should have sex with several boys who were there. The younger girl proceeded to be assaulted by those boys. Afterwards, the younger girl went downstairs, where several other men, including the 40-year-old uncle of the older girl, gang-banged the younger...

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September 20, 2006

It's Even Worse Than I Thought

As I discussed here, Spanish television is bad. And not just bad in terms of quality or whatever, but bad in terms of being exploitative and pandering. If the American values and decency people think they have something to complain about on Fox, they should take a look at Univision every now and then. As it turns out, the whole thing is even worse than I thought. I found this article on CNN.com today. The show is called Sin Tetas no hay Paraiso, or "Without Breasts, There's no Paradise." Let me quote the synopsis: [The show] revolves around a 17-year...

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September 7, 2006

Sometimes, It's Too Easy

"There are some people, and I'm one of them, that believe George Bush was placed where he is by the Lord. . . . I don't care how he governs, I will support him. I'm a Republican through and through." That's what Clydeen Tomanio had to say about the President in a CNN article about how Southern women are moving away from Bush. I'd like to sit here and parse out the logic - or lack thereof - of the statement. But it's just too sad. Instead, I'll ask some questions: How is it that Ms. Tomanio knows that God...

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August 17, 2006

Fuck Yeah!

So, in the Star Wars movies, the Emporer uses a classic ploy to gain power. First, as Darth Sidious, he arranges a blockade and then attack of the planet Naboo. As Senator Palpatine, he then convinces the ruler of that planet, the naive Queen Amidala, then only 14 years old, to call for a vote of no confidence in the current Supreme Chancellor, Vallorum. With the leader thus deposed, Palpatine plays on the sympathies of the Senate and is elected to the post of Supreme Chancellor. Then, he secretly orders a clone army that will be unquestioningly loyal to him....

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August 10, 2006

Little Green Bigots?

So, Little Green Footballs is a blog that's been getting a lot of attention lately. It's one of the blogs that helped break the story that the Killian Documents, which were offered as proof that George W. Bush's service in the Texas Army National Guard was less than exemplary on 60 Minutes, were forgeries. More recently, it helped break the story that a picture taken by a Reuters freelance photographer was altered using Photoshop. Given all the attention that blog's been getting, I decided to check it out myself, just to see what was going on over there. What I...

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August 3, 2006

Is Donald Rumsfeld an Idiot? You bet! Also, Bellatrix LeStrange and a New Family Member

Does he ask a bunch of rhetorical questions? Yes. Is it annoying as all get out? Gosh, yeah. Does he deserve to be shot? I think so. Do I have a link to some sort of corroboration about what I'm talking about? No, not right now. Would I appreciate one? Yeah, I think I would. In other news . . . Bellatrix LeStrange will be played by Helena Bonham Carter in the Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix movie and, hopefully, in the last two movies. I gotta admit that I don't know how I feel about it....

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July 27, 2006

Corporate America Can Suck My Ass!

Oh man. I fucking love seeing those I hate fail. And there's literally nothing I hate more than UPS. Fucking nothing. So, when I heard that their stock price tumbled, I was gleeful. My glee was mitigated somewhat by the fact that they still eared a shitload of money, but, you know, whatever. So, why do I hate UPS so much? I'll fucking tell you. It all started when I placed an order on Amazon.com. The fastest delivery option was UPS. Being impatient as I am, I decided to have my order shipped via UPS. A few days later, I...

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July 15, 2006

"I Thought You Were Going to Ask About the Pig"

So, the President got really fired up about a fucking pig roast in Germany. How fired up? So fired up that even when a reporter politely implied that he should shut the fuck up about the goddamned pig, George Bush responded that he hadn't yet seen the pig, but would be happy to talk about the pig the next day. I'm all for talking about food. Especially exciting, awesome food like a whole roast pig. But when you're the leader of the free world and you're getting asked questions about Hezbollah, Israel, and a growing conflict where thousands of innocent...

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July 13, 2006

The American People Are Not in Control Here, Man

You know, for all the talk about how the will of the American people is what steers this country, that's not a realistic portrayal of how the Founders wanted things to be run. For example, Senators were originally appointed by state legislatures rather than elected directly by the people. When you vote for president, of course, you're not voting directly for the president but, rather, for electors who then go and cast their votes for president. And the members of the Supreme Court are appointed, not elected. This means that, according to the way this country was set up at...

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March 29, 2006

Two Things on Which I Must Comment

Ok, first, at Althouse's blog, she gives a link to this article. It discusses a conference during which Christians got together and talked about how they're persecuted. I want to take a moment to point out how stupid these people are. (I want it to be understood that it is not my position that all Christians are stupid - just that these particular ones are.) White evangelicals make up about one-quarter of the U.S. population, and 85 percent of Americans identify themselves as Christians. But three-quarters of evangelicals believe they are a minority under siege and nearly half believe they...

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March 4, 2006

Penguins, Gays, and Stupid Fucking People

Apparently, there is a book called And Tango Makes Three. It is a children's book that retells the true story of a penguin egg that was "adopted" by two adult male penguins. According to the reviews at Amazon, it's for kids in pre-school through the third grade. It's illustrated and features cute drawings of a fuzzy little baby penguin and his two adoptive parents. It's cute and heartwarming and wholesome, right? Not according to this article. Apparently, at least two incredibly stupid, idiotic and just plain myopic parents have complained about the book being in the children's section because of...

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February 12, 2006

Cheney = Homicidal Maniac?

So, Dick Cheney shot someone. I guess it was only a matter of time. Here's my favorite part: “Fortunately, the vice president has got a lot of medical people around him and so they were right there and probably more cautious than we would have been,� she said. “The vice president has got an ambulance on call, so the ambulance came.� I guess if you're constantly on the verge of your 17th massive heart attack, you'd better be prepared. Wonder what Cheney would do if he was poor?...

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February 1, 2006

A Few Comments and Pumping Up

Alito's First Case . . . According to this article, Alito voted with the liberal justices to allow a man to challenge his impending execution by lethal injection as a violation of the Constitution's (i believe it's the 8th amendment) proibition of cruel and unusual punishment. An intersting first vote for Mr. Alito. I wonder if this will set a precedent that he'll actually do what he said he'd do (interpret the Constitution rather than be an idealogue) of if it's just an aberration. Time will tell. I know i promised never to link to Yahoo articles again, but the...

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January 30, 2006

Stranger Than Fiction . . .

Man, there are so many things wrong with this story, i don't even know where to begin. I mean . . . the primary issue, of course, is that the woman was 56. If you've reached the point in your fetishistic fantasies that you're paying someone to do this stuff to you, why not pay for an attractive younger lady. Unless age is part of the fetish, i suppose, but that just makes things strange. Aside from that, though, there are so many systemic failures and idiots involved in this story (i count at least four individual idiots and one...

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