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May 18, 2009

Spring Cleaning!

Chelsadilla and I went on a walk in Maple Bluff today. I discovered my new favorite house in Madison. It was fucking gorgeous. But we had to cut our walk short because about halfway through, we both developed an inescapable need to urinate. There were no public restrooms in sight, so I speed walked over to the Tenney Locks, hoping that their restrooms were still open. No dice. We managed to get to the seXterra and drive to a nearby convenience store before having what were undoubtedly the best excrementory moments ever. Then we came back to my place and,...

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April 29, 2009

In Defense of Criminal Defense

People sometimes react strangely when they learn that I'm a criminal-defense attorney. On the one hand, some people are sort of predisposed to respect people who happen to be attorneys. I get the benefit of that sometimes, although not as often as I would have previously imagined. On the other hand, though, people are confused by the idea of defending criminals. A friend once asked me if I was revolted by the idea of having to say that guilty people are innocent. But that's not what criminal defense is all about. First of all, criminal defense is not about defending...

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February 13, 2009

A Step in the Right Direction

If I'm Superman, then UPS is Lex Luthor and Charter is General Zod who, I now admit, is a first-rate Superman villain. Anyway, yeah, UPS and General Zod. Today I was pleased to learn that Charter Communications has filed for bankruptcy. Yeah, sure, the article makes it sound like it's a friendly bankruptcy or whatever, and Charter's not gonna start liquidating its assets or anything, but it's something. I mean, yeah, it's not as awesome as tricking General Zod and making him think that I've lost my powers when in fact it's him that was exposed to the anti-power energy,...

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March 12, 2008

Concerning Superman and Frodo

A lot of people I know that know comic books complain that Superman isn't a very interesting character because he doesn't have any weaknesses. He's faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. His skin can't be broken even by a nuclear explosion. No poisons can even slow him down. And, if the movies are to be believed, even time is but a mere inconvenience to the Man of Steel. Yeah, yeah, there's kryptonite, but what kind of a fucking contrivance is that? Superman's foes never outsmart him--he...

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November 17, 2007

You Probably Don't Measure Up

Although I have no evidence to support this conclusion, I'm fairly certain that there are a large number of female readers of this blog that want me. Like, sexually. While I'd love nothing more than to satisfy you all in some sort of huge orgy scenario, I'm really pretty much into monagamy. So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to post some of the things I must and must not have in a woman. If this is you, then you win. If not, then please try to move on with your life and know that someday, somewhere, you'll...

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October 20, 2007

Dumbledore Did Seem a Little too Flamboyant . . .

Did you ever wonder why Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, the most powerful wizard in the world, didn't have a wife or children? I mean, there was never any hint about any sort of romantic relationship. I always thought it was because he was a man who was too devoted to his work to make time for a family, so he never allowed himself to get tangled up in the whole thing. It turns out, though, that it's because he was gay. Moreover, he was in love with the man he would later have to defeat--the dark wizard Grindelwald. Personally,...

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September 24, 2007

"Four Months Later . . . " or "Well, that Didn't Suck"

Needless to say, I was a little apprehensive as tonight's Heroes episode started. But--perhaps because my expecations were extremely low--I liked the episode. It wasn't groundbreaking or excellent, but it was a decent way of showing where the characters have gone since the debacle at Kirby Plaza, and I think that most of the characters are set up to have really interesting story arcs this season. We start with Mohinder giving a lecture about a plague that's killing only those that have special abilities. Again, Heroes is ripping off storylines from the X-Men comics. The first time they did this--when...

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August 11, 2007

Tequila Night

As it turns out, I like Mexican food. Who would have thought? In any event, I ate so much ridiculous Mexican food tonight that I was neraly out of commission for tequila night. I swear, after chips and salsa, fajitas, water, and about sixteen margaritas, I was about to explode. And not at all buzzed. After some meandering, we ended up at the Silver Dollar, one of Madison's best dive bars. Co-SME showed up with his girlfriend, adding to the crowd consisting of me, pH, Mr. Vice, Mr. Utah, Emily-in-Chief, and New SAE. One of the night's main attractions, apparently,...

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July 24, 2007

At Least I Wasn't Wearing My Superman Ones

So, here's what I did on the night before the second day of my bar exam. I had come back to the hotel pretty early. I decided I was hungry, so I decided that I was going to order room service bercause--fuck it, why not? So, I ordered up a club sandwhich and they said it'd be here in a few minutes. They asked me if I wanted anything to drink, and I said "no thanks." But I did want something to drink. I wanted water, which is what I drink almost exclusively. Unless I'm drinking booze. But that's a...

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May 31, 2007

Up, Up, and Away!

You know what I really, really liked about Superman? His ability to fly. I mean, obviously, it would be awesome to be able to fly around between buildings and above the clouds and stuff. But there's something even cooler about it. Sometimes, when I need to clear my head, I like to go for a drive. And if I really need to get away from things, a road trip is the only way to go. There's just something about driving your car away and leaving everything behind that's always appealed to me. Now imagine that you could fly. Instead of...

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May 5, 2007

With Great Power . . .

Mr. Vice, Ms. PH, and I went to see Spider-Man 3 tonight. It was decent, but I think we all agreed that it fell far short of matching its predecessors. The first Spider-Man movie was pretty good. It took the characters seriously, gave them real human motivations and emotions, and was action packed. As good as the first movie was, the second set a high-water mark for movies based on comic-book characters that was not surpassed, in my opinion, until Superman Returns. For most, though, I think Spider-Man 2, together with Batman Begins, represents the best adventure for any costumed...

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February 17, 2007

Welcome to Rock Bottom

I know this isn't my usual schtick, but I just think this is so funny I have to comment. Britney Spears has apparently shaved her head and checked into rehab. Here's the picture from the Superficial: Man. Remember when she used to look like this? At this point, she might as well just give up. There's no comeback on the horizon for her. And speaking of comebacks, how the fuck does Nicolas Cage plan to rebound from Ghost Rider, which is currently rocking a 24 percent freshness rating at Rotten Tomatoes? God, I hate it when Hollywood puts out shitty...

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September 20, 2006

Why Can't I be a Kid Now?

I was looking around the internet, completely at random, when I saw the new version of Tickle Me Elmo, the T.M.X. Elmo. Now, I don't know how much I would have liked this toy as a kid, but it got me thinking: toys nowadays are so much more awesome than the toys that were available when I was a kid - and nevermind the toys I actually had as a kid. I mean, look at the multitude of new Transformers toys that are available. These are scale models of real-world cars that turn into foot-tall robots! That's fucking awesome. The...

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August 20, 2006

Hope and the Laws of Physics

I didn't fly a lot when I was a kid - my family didn't travel a lot. Now that I live half-way across the country from my family, I fly at least twice a year, once at the end of the summer and once over Christmas. Like so many other things that I didn't get to do when I was a kid, e.g., watch movies, eat out, I love flying. There's something that I find really thrilling about the fact that, once the plane takes off, there's nothing keeping you up except hope and the laws of physics. While I...

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June 28, 2006

He's Back!

Wow. I stand before you, a puddle of fanboy joy. My mind, honestly, cannot comprehend the awesomeness that was Superman Returns. I'm going to go spoiler free here, so please read on. I just got back from watching Superman Returns with Cole and Kristin. They didn't like it as much as I did. So please take everything I'm about to say with a grain of salt. Having thus disclaimed . . . I really, honestly, truly, have never been so blown away by a first-time movie watching experience. I've been excited about movies before. Star Wars. Lord of the Rings....

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April 9, 2006

I Guess I Still Have Further to go to Achieve My Life-Long Goal of Being Superman

Your results: You are Spider-Man Spider-Man 75% Superman 70% Iron Man 70% Batman 60% Green Lantern 60% Hulk 55% Robin 50% Supergirl 43% The Flash 35% Catwoman 35% Wonder Woman 28% I was jealous that Katherine found this first, and i'm pissed i wasn't Superman. Still, i'll take Spider-Man. After all, as far as i'm concerned, he still has the best superhero movie of all time. Still, that could all change in June. You are intelligent, witty, a bit geeky and have great power and responsibility. Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test...

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March 20, 2006

Spring Break: Day One: Skunks and Antiques

I had never been through southern Illinois, really. Maybe the time I went to Cuba, Il. I don’t really remember. In any event, we went through Southern Illinois today and let me tell you: it fucking sucks. First, a review of the events to this point: The pick ups were all smoothly executed. After a triumphant farewell meal at Burger King (after which a suitcase attacked Zachar) we departed. We drove through Rockford and then around Chicago. Eventually, we found ourselves driving through southern Illinois. We made the following observations: There is a city called “Dix, IL�There is a city...

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January 4, 2006

"They Can Be a Great People, Kal-El, They Wish to Be. They Only Lack the Light to Show the Way . . ."

So, on June 30th, 2006, Superman Returns will hit theatres. I, as a lifelong Superman fan, am incredibly excited. You should check out the trailer at the official Superman Returns webpage. The trailer really does kick ass. You can also see a bunch of pictures and read lots about the movie here. Now, personally, Christopher Reeve will always be Superman. So, i had mixed feelings about this new guy, Brandon Routh, wearing the cape and tights. However, the first time i saw this picture, i was highly encouraged. That's Superman, i thought. I was so encouraged, in fact, that i...

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